Another public service Gift from The Mistress Didi*
June 25, 2017
Fetishists know that whenever unsafe Play occurs, the vibe of the experience is dampened, if not ruined. Unsafe Play creates diminished fun times; folks can get hurt; reputations can be damaged; and gossip-ghouls go on a rampage... (See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip for “management tips.”)
Recent gatherings I’ve been invited to prompt Me to share a 50 Shades of Foolishness Workshop Tip. I’ve been horrified by the lack of knowledge, attention, and the careless disregard for safe and intelligent Play all the way around. I choose to share knowledge so that I am part of the solution instead of being part of the problem by remaining silent.
- If anyone chooses to be offended because they believe that I am referring to their event, that will be your choice. You also have the choice to utilize My Gifts NOW, if you neglected to before. Find a plethora of resources on My Ask Mistress Didi site.
I encourage any and everyone to use My Processes as templates to develop your own intelligent, Play Plans. PLEASE DO so that:
- you are prepared for safety for yourself and others
- you have what you need and can become familiar with it for maximum safety and comfort
- you are responsible for how you Play
- you and all in attendance have a pleasant Play experience, and
- maybe I will have more events other than My own that I can thoroughly enjoy, too!
1) Safety Guide. There are basic, first aid cares that you SHOULD know. For example, what to do for burns, cuts, bruises, and bleeding. PRINT and carry with you a reference sheet to be prepared.
- Here is an excellent, printable guide from the American Red Cross and one from the American Safety & Health Institute.
- Download and print these First Aid Charts.
2) First Aid Kit. Check out what to include in yours from The Mayo Clinic. While you don’t have to carry an entire kit, a few basics such as bandages and antiseptic are a must. Here is an excellent tip sheet for a Dungeon or Toy Bag First Aid Kit from the Central Iowa Power Exchange.
3) Cleaning Supplies. Always disinfect your Play space and keep it sanitary. If you’re Playing publicly, I recommend carrying a small, spray bottle with 70% alcohol to give the area a spray and wipe.
a) ALWAYS ASK FIRST if it’s OK to use alcohol – – or any substances – – on areas because you don’t want to damage property. I can tell you that being sorry after the fact does not make up for ruining My decor and having to go after folks to remedy damages is most annoying and offenders will be punished – in one way or another…
b) Even better, bring a “Play Cloth” and other Play Preparations to cover furniture. See #7 below.
c) You may wish to bring disposable, disinfecting cloths or, even better Make Your Own Natural Disinfectant.
d) Cloths and/or paper towels for spills and to clean after you Play. It doesn’t matter if there is cleaning staff; be a good guest and clean up after yourself.
4) Escape Tools. While you may enjoy making escape-proof, “sub-art,” stuff can happen and it’s always a good idea to have a scissors and/or cutting tools to quickly release a person to ensure maximum well-being.
- True story: During one of My presentations, an idiot dom, who was interested in playing the make-wrong-game, blurted out that if you/I knew how to top My sub, there would be no reason to release them before the session was done. I mentioned fire, earthquake, and a variety of factors make good reasons, to which he guffawed. So, when an attendee to that lecture had to cut the idiot dom’s sub out of bondage when their Play venue caught fire, his same arrogance was addressed by his associates.
- I don’t make it a habit to say, “I told you so,” because (1) I never have to; and (2) I never care enough to – I prefer to spend My time enriching My life rather than sliding down the Evolutionary Scale to remind offenders that they were wrong. If a person desires to learn and evolve, they will do better with positive reinforcement — which I am always happy to give to the worthy. Besides, Karma is a fabulous thing! (See Keeping Cool With Karma)
5) Plastic bags. There are a variety of reasons that everyone should have at least 1 plastic bag on hand but it is essential to have plastic bags in your Play Bag for sanitary reasons. There is nothing better for breeding bacteria than to place used Toys and clothing into a dark, enclosed container – especially if your Play Bag is not washable. It also makes for easier organization to separate used and unused items for faster cleaning and storage.
a) I recommend ziplocking, gallon-sized bags because they are usually large enough to fit clothing and Toys into.
b) For larger Toys, etc., use larger bags. Tall, kitchen trash bags are usually large enough for most Toys.
i) I like to cut-to-size clear, trash bags so that it’s easy to see My Toys through them.
ii) Clear, plastic bags also make it easier to ensure that you have all of your Toys at the end of Play Time.
c) I pack My clean Toys into plastic bags before placing them in My Play Bag to ensure that they remain sterile.
6) Gloves – latex or vinyl that fit your hands. The purpose for wearing gloves is for safety from receiving and/or transmitting communicable diseases and other infections. Gloves that are too big will be uncomfortable and can lead to accidents and injuries. Gloves that are too small will break and make Players vulnerable to exposure.
a) It is wiser and more economical to purchase gloves by the box from a pharmaceutical or (especially if you want colored gloves) beauty supplier to ensure that you stay stocked.
b) Because there is always someone who either doesn’t know better or is just irresponsible, I recommend packing a few pairs of gloves in a ziplock bag for yourself and a pair or 2 for that person. Why? Because sharing is not only a good and kind habit, but it (i) keeps the enjoyable flow of Play Time and (ii) alleviates tacky attitudes and behaviors. This practice is part of “Playing Nice” and adds pleasant energy to the environment.
i) I usually carry a few pairs of latex gloves in different sizes just in case someone needs them.
c) My personal preference is for vinyl gloves because I find them more comfortable and less sticky on My skin; more adaptable to My hand movements; and a bit more durable than latex for the way I Play. While vinyl gloves can be a bit more expensive, My comfort is paramount and I’m worth it. Comfort is a key component for the best Play.
7) Covering for your Play Area. Depending on your situation, good Hosts will have Play Preparations available for guests. However, this is seldom the case in public places. Since too many of these public places are dimly lit, you can’t see or trust their cleanliness. Having your own covering solves all problems.
a) Unless you’re really into having a special Play Cover, disposable coverings make things easier.
i) I provide theme-colored, plastic drop cloths for My Guests which are conveniently placed in a large, trash bag when Play is done.
The sub’s Play Bag
Smart submissives will always have what they (specifically) need on hand – especially if you have allergies and/or medical considerations. I insist that the sub’s Play Bag is placed near Mine where it is easily accessible and where I can keep an eye on it.
1) Most Important: Have a (preferably typed) list of allergies/medications, etc. and instructions in case of emergency. This list should include emergency contact information. If you’re concerned with your privacy, place the list in a sealed envelope and be certain to tell whomever you’re Playing with where to find it before Play begins.
2) Wipes are a must-have because there are no guarantees that the Play Space will have amenities. Freshen up before and after Play. Depending on the wipes you choose, some may be good for cleaning Toys, too.
a) I strongly recommend using a wipe that does not have a strong smell which may be disruptive to participants and onlookers, and even to the scene itself. I was invited to Play with someone and his sub and her perfume made Me (and a few invited voyeurs) gag. There was annoyance all the way around as her dom had to tell her to wash it off. Flow was interrupted and she wasn’t thrilled to wash off what was probably one of those expensive, stinky, celebrity scents – – which made her attitude stink. Not as fun a Play Time as it should and could have been.
3) A Change of Underwear because “stuff” happens.
What’s In My Play Bag
1) My Diva Cloth for My Toys because (i) I like a pretty presentation to set the scene and inspire Me as I choose My Toys and (ii) I know that My Diva Cloth is clean for My Toys to be placed on during Play.
2) A Play Cover because, as I mentioned above, I can’t always rely on hosts to be as prepared as I am with My Events. Bringing My own Play Cover is also inspiration for others who would not normally know to adopt this smart habit.
3) Water. A bottle of water is excellent to have handy for a variety of reasons from using it during Play to hydrating yourself and Playmate. Having to look for water during a scene breaks the continuity and can dampen the vibe. Should it slip your mind to have water available before the scene, a bottle of water in your Play Bag solves the problem.
a) Another consideration for bringing your own, sealed water bottle is if you are in a public space where you cannot watch your cup. It’s sad to say, but there are a lot of creeps out there who slip mickeys.
4) Safety Pins. Wardrobe malfunctions do occur and safety pins can also be used to Play with…
5) Public Play Toys to Play with folks I may not know.
a) These Toys are usually made of a non-porous substance that can be disinfected on the spot. I choose non-porous materials because cleanup is significantly easier (alcohol will do the trick) than with leather and other materials that require special cleaners for proper care to maintain their state.
b) Since one’s skill with the Toys is more important than having flashy Toys, I don’t usually spend a lot of money on these. If I really have a good time, I may gift the participant with the Toy as a momentum of Our time together.
6) Small, healthy snacks to maintain blood sugar levels. Of course, I choose healthy options (like raisins and other dried or fresh fruit) to ensure that My and My Playmate’s energies are not depleted. Many times, even with light Play, and especially due to excitement, people can get so involved with Play that they are do not notice dips in energy. Low blood sugar levels can affect the Top’s judgment and precision and the bottom’s recovery and healing.
7) Antiseptic. Depending on the activities I intend to indulge in, I always carry the most natural form of antiseptic I can find to fit the bill.
8) Essential Oil Disinfecting Spray. I believe that smell is an integral part of the dynamic of your scene – and I intensely dislike stench. So, I bring a small, spray bottle of My favorite concoction:
- Mistress Didi*s “Scentual” Mist. In a 2 oz. bottle, add 2 parts water; 1 part witch hazel; 10 drops of Lavender; and 10 drops of Lemongrass Essential Oils. Shake well before using and use sparingly. NOTE: I always ask if anyone is allergic or sensitive to these ingredients before I spray.
1) Liquid Bandages. This is a great idea if you have a boo-boo! Liquid bandages seal a cut or scrape (see instructions for recommended use), offer better mobility, and are more hygienic and attractive (they create an invisible coating) than regular bandaids.
2) EpiPen. Especially if you are a submissive/bottom and you have allergies, it may be a wise idea to obtain a prescription for epinephrine and carry an EpiPen in your Play Bag in case of Play with substances that are untried and/or with Playmates you have little experience with. According to Consumer Reports, in most states, you can obtain a prescription for an “epinephrine auto-injector” or “generic Adrenaclick.” While an epinephrine injector may be expensive, your life is worth it – and you may be able to find online coupons and deals. Do the research to find reputable merchants for product quality.
Start with these tips and adapt to your desires to ensure that your Play Bag contains essentials for safe, healthy, and dynamic Play!
Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*
I’m a Domme, not your mom.
Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.