Tag Archives: respect

©The Mistress Didi* ~ ©AskMistressDidi.com

What’s In Your Play Bag?

 

 

Another public service Gift from The Mistress Didi*

June 25, 2017

Fetishists know that whenever unsafe Play occurs, the vibe of the experience is dampened, if not ruined.  Unsafe Play creates diminished fun times; folks can get hurt; reputations can be damaged; and gossip-ghouls go on a rampage...  (See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip for “management tips.”)

Recent gatherings I’ve been invited to prompt Me to share a 50 Shades of Foolishness Workshop Tip.  I’ve been horrified by the lack of knowledge, attention, and the careless disregard for safe and intelligent Play all the way around.  I choose to share knowledge so that I am part of the solution instead of being part of the problem by remaining silent

  • If anyone chooses to be offended because they believe that I am referring to their event, that will be your choice. You also have the choice to utilize My Gifts NOW, if you neglected to before.  Find a plethora of resources on My Ask Mistress Didi site.

I encourage any and everyone to use My Processes as templates to develop your own intelligent, Play Plans.  PLEASE DO so that:

  • you are prepared for safety for yourself and others
  • you have what you need and can become familiar with it for maximum safety and comfort
  • you are responsible for how you Play
  • you and all in attendance have a pleasant Play experience, and
  • maybe I will have more events other than My own that I can thoroughly enjoy, too!

The Basics

1)    Safety GuideThere are basic, first aid cares that you SHOULD know.  For example, what to do for burns, cuts, bruises, and bleeding.  PRINT and carry with you a reference sheet to be prepared.

2)    First Aid Kit.  Check out what to include in yours from The Mayo Clinic.  While you don’t have to carry an entire kit, a few basics such as bandages and antiseptic are a must.  Here is an excellent tip sheet for a Dungeon or Toy Bag First Aid Kit from the Central Iowa Power Exchange.

3)    Cleaning Supplies.  Always disinfect your Play space and keep it sanitary.  If you’re Playing publicly, I recommend carrying a small, spray bottle with 70% alcohol to give the area a spray and wipe.

a)    ALWAYS ASK FIRST if it’s OK to use alcohol – – or any substances – – on areas because you don’t want to damage property.  I can tell you that being sorry after the fact does not make up for ruining My decor and having to go after folks to remedy damages is most annoying and offenders will be punished – in one way or another…

b)    Even better, bring a “Play Cloth” and other Play Preparations to cover furniture.  See #7 below.

c)    You may wish to bring disposable, disinfecting cloths or, even better Make Your Own Natural Disinfectant.

d)    Cloths and/or paper towels for spills and to clean after you Play.  It doesn’t matter if there is cleaning staff; be a good guest and clean up after yourself.

4)    Escape Tools.  While you may enjoy making escape-proof, “sub-art,” stuff can happen and it’s always a good idea to have a scissors and/or cutting tools to quickly release a person to ensure maximum well-being.

  • True story: During one of My presentations, an idiot dom, who was interested in playing the make-wrong-game, blurted out that if you/I knew how to top My sub, there would be no reason to release them before the session was done. I mentioned fire, earthquake, and a variety of factors make good reasons, to which he guffawed.  So, when an attendee to that lecture had to cut the idiot dom’s sub out of bondage when their Play venue caught fire, his same arrogance was addressed by his associates.
  • I don’t make it a habit to say, “I told you so,” because (1) I never have to; and (2) I never care enough to – I prefer to spend My time enriching My life rather than sliding down the Evolutionary Scale to remind offenders that they were wrong. If a person desires to learn and evolve, they will do better with positive reinforcement — which I am always happy to give to the worthy.  Besides, Karma is a fabulous thing!  (See Keeping Cool With Karma)

5)    Plastic bags.  There are a variety of reasons that everyone should have at least 1 plastic bag on hand but it is essential to have plastic bags in your Play Bag for sanitary reasons.  There is nothing better for breeding bacteria than to place used Toys and clothing into a dark, enclosed container – especially if your Play Bag is not washable.  It also makes for easier organization to separate used and unused items for faster cleaning and storage.

a)    I recommend ziplocking, gallon-sized bags because they are usually large enough to fit clothing and Toys into.

b)    For larger Toys, etc., use larger bags.  Tall, kitchen trash bags are usually large enough for most Toys.

i)      I like to cut-to-size clear, trash bags so that it’s easy to see My Toys through them.

ii)     Clear, plastic bags also make it easier to ensure that you have all of your Toys at the end of Play Time.

c)    I pack My clean Toys into plastic bags before placing them in My Play Bag to ensure that they remain sterile.

6)    Gloves – latex or vinyl that fit your hands.  The purpose for wearing gloves is for safety from receiving and/or transmitting communicable diseases and other infections.  Gloves that are too big will be uncomfortable and can lead to accidents and injuries.  Gloves that are too small will break and make Players vulnerable to exposure.

a)    It is wiser and more economical to purchase gloves by the box from a pharmaceutical or (especially if you want colored gloves) beauty supplier to ensure that you stay stocked.

b)    Because there is always someone who either doesn’t know better or is just irresponsible, I recommend packing a few pairs of gloves in a ziplock bag for yourself and a pair or 2 for that person.  Why?  Because sharing is not only a good and kind habit, but it (i) keeps the enjoyable flow of Play Time and (ii) alleviates tacky attitudes and behaviors.  This practice is part of “Playing Nice” and adds pleasant energy to the environment.

i)      I usually carry a few pairs of latex gloves in different sizes just in case someone needs them.

c)    My personal preference is for vinyl gloves because I find them more comfortable and less sticky on My skin; more adaptable to My hand movements; and a bit more durable than latex for the way I Play.  While vinyl gloves can be a bit more expensive, My comfort is paramount and I’m worth it.  Comfort is a key component for the best Play.

7)    Covering for your Play Area.  Depending on your situation, good Hosts will have Play Preparations available for guests.  However, this is seldom the case in public places.  Since too many of these public places are dimly lit, you can’t see or trust their cleanliness.  Having your own covering solves all problems.

a)    Unless you’re really into having a special Play Cover, disposable coverings make things easier.

i)      I provide theme-colored, plastic drop cloths for My Guests which are conveniently placed in a large, trash bag when Play is done.

8)    Hand SanitizerThe FDA continues research to pass new laws about the dangerous ingredients in commercial hand sanitizers, so here are resources to Make Your Own Natural Hand Sanitizer .

The sub’s Play Bag

Smart submissives will always have what they (specifically) need on hand – especially if you have allergies and/or medical considerations.  I insist that the sub’s Play Bag is placed near Mine where it is easily accessible and where I can keep an eye on it.

1)    Most Important: Have a (preferably typed) list of allergies/medications, etc.  and instructions in case of emergency.  This list should include emergency contact information.  If you’re concerned with your privacy, place the list in a sealed envelope and be certain to tell whomever you’re Playing with where to find it before Play begins. 

2)    Wipes are a must-have because there are no guarantees that the Play Space will have amenities.  Freshen up before and after Play.  Depending on the wipes you choose, some may be good for cleaning Toys, too.

a)    I strongly recommend using a wipe that does not have a strong smell which may be disruptive to participants and onlookers, and even to the scene itself.  I was invited to Play with someone and his sub and her perfume made Me (and a few invited voyeurs) gag.  There was annoyance all the way around as her dom had to tell her to wash it off.  Flow was interrupted and she wasn’t thrilled to wash off what was probably one of those expensive, stinky, celebrity scents – – which made her attitude stink.  Not as fun a Play Time as it should and could have been.

3)    A Change of Underwear because “stuff” happens.

What’s In My Play Bag

1)    My Diva Cloth for My Toys because (i) I like a pretty presentation to set the scene and inspire Me as I choose My Toys and (ii) I know that My Diva Cloth is clean for My Toys to be placed on during Play.

2)    A Play Cover because, as I mentioned above, I can’t always rely on hosts to be as prepared as I am with My Events.  Bringing My own Play Cover is also inspiration for others who would not normally know to adopt this smart habit.

3)    Water.  A bottle of water is excellent to have handy for a variety of reasons from using it during Play to hydrating yourself and Playmate.  Having to look for water during a scene breaks the continuity and can dampen the vibe.  Should it slip your mind to have water available before the scene, a bottle of water in your Play Bag solves the problem.

a)    Another consideration for bringing your own, sealed water bottle is if you are in a public space where you cannot watch your cup.  It’s sad to say, but there are a lot of creeps out there who slip mickeys.

4)    Safety Pins.  Wardrobe malfunctions do occur and safety pins can also be used to Play with…

5)    Public Play Toys to Play with folks I may not know.

a)    These Toys are usually made of a non-porous substance that can be disinfected on the spot.  I choose non-porous materials because cleanup is significantly easier (alcohol will do the trick) than with leather and other materials that require special cleaners for proper care to maintain their state.

b)    Since one’s skill with the Toys is more important than having flashy Toys, I don’t usually spend a lot of money on these.  If I really have a good time, I may gift the participant with the Toy as a momentum of Our time together.

6)    Small, healthy snacks to maintain blood sugar levels.  Of course, I choose healthy options (like raisins and other dried or fresh fruit) to ensure that My and My Playmate’s energies are not depleted.  Many times, even with light Play, and especially due to excitement, people can get so involved with Play that they are do not notice dips in energy.  Low blood sugar levels can affect the Top’s judgment and precision and the bottom’s recovery and healing.

7)    Antiseptic.  Depending on the activities I intend to indulge in, I always carry the most natural form of antiseptic I can find to fit the bill.

8)    Essential Oil Disinfecting Spray.  I believe that smell is an integral part of the dynamic of your scene – and I intensely dislike stench.  So, I bring a small, spray bottle of My favorite concoction:

  • Mistress Didi*s “Scentual” Mist.  In a 2 oz.  bottle, add 2 parts water; 1 part witch hazel; 10 drops of Lavender; and 10 drops of Lemongrass Essential Oils.  Shake well before using and use sparingly.  NOTE: I always ask if anyone is allergic or sensitive to these ingredients before I spray.

Other Notes

1)    Liquid Bandages.  This is a great idea if you have a boo-boo!  Liquid bandages seal a cut or scrape (see instructions for recommended use), offer better mobility, and are more hygienic and attractive (they create an invisible coating) than regular bandaids.

2)    EpiPen.  Especially if you are a submissive/bottom and you have allergies, it may be a wise idea to obtain a prescription for epinephrine and carry an EpiPen in your Play Bag in case of Play with substances that are untried and/or with Playmates you have little experience with.  According to Consumer Reports, in most states, you can obtain a prescription for an “epinephrine auto-injector” or “generic Adrenaclick.”  While an epinephrine injector may be expensive, your life is worth it – and you may be able to find online coupons and deals.  Do the research to find reputable merchants for product quality.

Start with these tips and adapt to your desires to ensure that your Play Bag contains essentials for safe, healthy, and dynamic Play!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:
©AskMistressDidi.com

9/11 Evolved

 

 

September 5, 2016

Dear United States of America,

I write this as an offering to reconsider how We remember 9/11.

This wretched, “9/11 tradition” of assaulting Us by rehashing the events that brought Us terrible sadness does NOT allow Us to move forward in pride as a nation, as communities, as neighbors, as families.

It makes no emotionally-intelligent sense to continue to horrifically mourn the deceased for over a decade when We can honor each individual who perished on that day by celebrating their special gifts and contributions to their families and communities.

The attack on Our senses of non-stop, repeated footage of dreadful events is a tactic that keeps people docile with fear and loathing.

  • Instead of tuning into non-stop-replays of The Towers coming down all day long and replayed over and over again on what passes for news TV;
  • Instead of bombarding every channel with reading the names of the deceased for hours;
  • Instead of tuning into h8te-mongers at pulpits inciting anti-love tactics in the name of their all-might-money-gods;
  • Instead of staring at your brown-skinned and Muslim neighbors with suspicion; let Us consider evolving Our consciousness towards being a Better America;
  • Instead of participating in ghoulish practices that bring an entire country’s vibration down, wouldn’t you much prefer to hear:

♥ about the wonderful ways that the victims inspired people?

♥ about the foundations and good works done in their names?

♥ how their memories are now supporting Our Better Lives?

Wouldn’t you feel inspired to be an American by knowing how Our communities have grown stronger and moved forward from tragedy instead of being bombarded by what is actually whining – not remembrance, and certainly not honor for the deceased?

Every “religious” tradition has wisdom that serves for Us to live Better Lives.  Judaism offers the tradition of sitting shiva, which refers to “a seven-day period of formalized mourning by the immediate family of the deceased.”

“The psychological brilliance of Judaism is nowhere more apparent than in its carefully ritualized structure for dealing with grief. The open expression of sorrow is permitted, even encouraged.  Yet, beginning with the family’s arrival at their home after burial, a process is set into motion that leads the bereaved gently but firmly back to life and the world of the living. The first stage in this gradual process of healing is called shiva.” – ReformJudaism.org

Note:  Coincidence? Shiva, “The Auspicious One,” is the Hindu deity who is “the Creator, the Preserver, the Transformer, and the Destroyer.”  In spiritual traditions, Shiva embodies The Cycle of Life.  Interesting…

It’s time to create a New 9/11 Tradition of honor and pride.

We have the opportunity to build Better Communities by Being Better Neighbors.  We have the opportunity to learn about Our differences – like how We pray – to strengthen Our similarities – like how We love Our children.

Let Us start by taking the time to honor and remember what makes this country great and turn the annual 9/11 debacle into a Day of Inspiration.  We don’t need constant reminders of the horror; We need reminders of Our Greatness as a country made up of many different cultures, peoples, beliefs, and ways to love to be encouraged to be an even Better America.  We need these reminders because We are bombarded on a daily basis with the most negative news and awful behaviors of people at their worst and little to no time is spent celebrating Us at Our Best.

We can change this NOW, this 9/11 and every one thereafter, by choosing:

  • NOT to watch TV that day. (The same goes for turning your attention to gruesome news websites.)  You don’t need to see those Towers fall ever again.  If enough people tune out, media companies will feel the loss of advertising profits and attend to Our interests for a change;
  • To organize and/or attend a community building event. How fortunate We are to live in the internet age and have socializing websites like Meetup and even craigslist to find events to commune with like minds and energies;
  • To pay it forward. Do something for the future.  In his wisdom and respect, President Obama declared 9/11 as a Day of Service, which is truly the highest way to honor Our deceased.  Plant a tree; clean up a lot to create a community garden; see where there is a need in your community and show up to be a solution and contribution;
  • Learn something new. The more We know, the more We grow.  Especially if you’re a parent, take the opportunity to learn something new with your children to encourage their love of learning and sharing ideas.  A good thing to learn about would be a high-holy day in a tradition different from your own so that you may enhance tolerance in yourself and your children for a better today and tomorrow.

These are just a few suggestions that work for Me.  Please, do your thing.  The fact that you and I have as much freedom to do what We want to do as We have, already makes Us better off than the majority of the people on this planet.

Let’s not waste any more time festering in horror and being negative; let’s rise up with honor and integrity and be inspired by how We have strengthened as a nation from tragedy.

— This article’s Twin Towers painting: Original artwork by Jim Watts (2002)

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:
©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

PAY ATTENTION! submissive Tip

July 31, 2016

This is another entry for submissives AND Dominants to utilize for BetterFetish™ in your life. I cannot stress enough how important it is to take the time to carefully read and follow  instructions to avoid ruining great opportunities for yourself and others.

With all of the resources and tips that I generously give, there are always folks who (1) are their own, worst enemies; and (2) choose to be insulted because they failed to PAY ATTENTION AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

Most folks are busy people who are juggling the important things in life to have time for Fetish Enjoyments. One of the worst things a potential submissive can do is to waste Our time.  A Smart Domme will prepare written materials to:

  • prevent repeating Herself unnecessarily;
  • ensure that Her Rules and Requirements can be understood; and
  • provide an easy resource for those who are seeking to serve.

Smart Dommes know that how a submissive complies with written instructions will demonstrate how s/he will show up in Your Domain.

A smart and worthy submissive will pay attention and follow instructions carefully. Really smart submissives read and re-read instructions before making further connections with the Domme.

The person who inspired this Ask Mistress Didi* post:

  1. Has been on My Mailing List for years, so he is familiar with how I do things;
  2. Has attended one of My Events, so he has had first-hand experience with how I do things; and
  3. Is a perfect demonstration of a desperate substandard — which is NOT attractive or desirable — it is a form of psychic/emotional vampirism.

Now, I usually-always give people a second chance, but I do have a 3-strikes-you’re-out Rule. This guy demonstrates that his ONLY concern is what he wants and he’s not even aware enough to realize that he was given a second chance and is looking to be coddled and catered to.  Had he bothered to follow instructions, he would have seen that I’m in the be-served business, not the service industry.

In My previous post, How-To Tips for submissives: First Contact  (links to which are all over My websites and in My emails that this person responded to), I emphasize:

4)     Whatever you do, don’t approach Us with desperation! Do not beg! We will tell you when We want you to beg. Desperation is a warning sign of emotional immaturity, of whiners, energy vampires, incompetence, and selfish kinksters. While that may be a desire for some Dominants, I don’t know any of those types – and don’t want to know them because their attraction to people with “baggage” will bring drama-not-on-Broadway with them wherever they go. Neediness is NOT attractive and is a setup for disaster.

Here is the exchange that demonstrates that this person is lazy, inconsiderate, a faker-taker who will offer nothing of value to be worthy of My Domain.


Mistress Didi:

Is there any chance that a competent male might help with the move, in the hope of catching the eye of a domme who deems that male useful?
You have been most hospitable to this one in the past. Seeking a new FLR, not just play.

submissively
jun

My reply:

How lovely to offer and thank you, but the move is out of the country and I have trained staff.

I will be in NYC for the month of August (so far) and perhaps discussions about FLR may ensue. Do contact Me after 7/25 and read My Requirements.

Have a lovely day!

NoteMy Requirements have a form to be submitted for consideration to serve Me — something I encourage Dominas to do to weed out the wankers. jun did NOT submit the required form and is only focused on his agenda.

Mistress Didi:

As You instructed, contacting You (nearly) after 7/25.  Read Your requirements, fully compliant.

Await Your pleasure pertaining to FLR.

submissively

jun

My 2nd Chance reply:

Clearly, you need to read My instructions again and pay attention this time.

his reply

Mistress Didi:

Apologies if i overstepped.  Did read and understand Your instructions.
Presumed, incorrectly, that You recalled me from past visits.
Once waited several hours at Your event for a Mistress who never arrived.  Served at another event.
Were we not thus previously acquainted, would never have dared to offer the services that began this thread, below.
How might one start over, at Your pleasure?

submissively
jun

Note: I have no recollection of this guy serving at any of My Events, which means that either he was not worth remembering or that he’s one of those people (there are many) who made up a story about serving Me and actually believes his lie!

Also note: jun’s apology has NOTHING to do with My response to follow instructions and he continues to make his request!

My 3rd Strike Reply:

There are always 3 things I consider when someone requests to serve Me:

1) how well they follow My instructions – which are the same for everyone and those who are worthy of My time and attentions follow them properly. I intensely dislike repeating Myself which is why I have what needs to be known written on My websites;

2) if they have bothered to read any of the gracious gifts I offer so that selfish-time-wasters don’t annoy Me; and

3) if someone has ever met Me in person and/or attended any of My events, how considerate to My ventures they have/have not been.

No, you did not properly pay attention, even after I gave you a chance to review My instructions, or you would have followed them.

I respectfully took the time to not only review My correspondence history with you, but also the instructions on My webpages and ensured that the links work.  Obviously, you did not take the time to follow My instructions – as those who are serving Me did and do.

you attended ONE of My events to meet a person who stood you up and I have not received anything from you since – not a hello or Happy Birthday email and definitely not a donation to My Charities. All you have offered is a desperate plea to “serve” – which in your case, means to serve yourself.

Had you paid attention to the links at the bottom of My email or the sidebar of My websites, you would have seen My recent Ask Mistress Didi* post for submissives that addresses desperation and other faux pas that you continue to make.

If you don’t bother to invest the proper time in the preliminary steps to have what you want, you will not take the time to be of useful and proper service.  And you show that you do not invest even the minimal amount of time to appreciate Me and My Domain, which would make you a liability and annoyance.

And I have no use for someone who must be led-by-the-nose to even begin a connection with Me.

Good luck.

Now, jun can choose to be offended or he can learn from this experience. My Karma is positive as I have outlined his transgressions for review. On top of being efficient and gracious by making My Requirements easily available, I have gifted him with the chance to make improvements. What he chooses to do is his Karma.

I encourage submissives to take a look at your presentation because it shows your intentions whether you are aware of this or not. There are many people who don’t pay attention and just get excited that someone wants to serve them, but the Quality Fetishists pay close attention! When you are clear on your motivations, you can better refine your search for Dominas Who match your desires.

Domina101™ Lesson

One of My Domina101™  Collective Participants did what females who coddle their annoying male relatives do: she rushed to defend jun by saying that, perhaps, he didn’t understand My instructions or, perhaps, he didn’t have time to “read all that!” I relayed that if he did not have time to make a good start, he would definitely make a poor finish! And since I am not a desperate Domme, I do not bother to waste time on people who, for whatever their reasons, don’t give Me the time to properly begin a relationship with Me and What Is Mine. I have what he wants, not the other way around, and the submissive must be worthy of the attention he craves.

Her focus was on accommodating this stranger, which is something that people confuse with “being considerate of others’ needs.” As the Domme, Your needs are the primary consideration and Your attentions should be given to the useful and worthy. This conversation gave her the opportunity to see a reason that the subs who have shown up in her life did not fulfill her requirements and were not attentive to her desires. Making excuses for failures is a certain path to discontent.

I strongly recommend that you appreciate the many other Gifts I offer on My Ask Mistress Didi* site to improve your chances for creating the D/s relationship of your dreams and avoid nightmares.  Pay particular attention to the following:

My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide

Domme vs. “dumme”

submissive vs. substandard

The Importance of Rituals and Protocols

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:
AskMistressDidi.com

How-To Tips for submissives: First Contact

February 26, 2016

This entry is for submissives AND Dominants to utilize for BetterFetish™ in your life.

The following are tips for the serious submissive to make successful connections with Dominants by making a good impression to be taken seriously.   Since there are so many wanna-subs and kinksters polluting the Fetish Scene, it is difficult for the truly submissive (especially those who are new to the Scene) with a sincere desire to serve to be seen and heard. If you are not aware of what entices Dominants to notice you with interest, you will be discarded before you even have a chance to connect.

I strongly recommend that you appreciate the other Gifts I also offer on My Ask Mistress Didi* site to improve your chances for finding the Dominant of your dreams and being a quality submissive.  Pay particular attention to the following:

My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide

submissive vs. substandard

The Importance of Rituals and Protocols


Presentation is everything. First impressions are lasting.

Contacting a Dominant can be very scary! I feel for you, I really do! However, it must be done if you are ever going to fulfill your destiny. Now, you have the choice to contact Us intelligently or repeat the stupid mistakes that make Us all wonder if We’re ever going to find what We’re looking for.

Understand that there are a lot of folks who are either confused or want to believe that the definition of a submissive is a sexual bottom and end their experiences there. These creatures annoy Quality Dominants by contacting Us with what they want and without any class, charm, or respect whatsoever. Approach Us correctly and We will want to know you!

Contacting Us

1)     READ AND PAY ATTENTION to Our information (websites, profiles, etc.), especially Our requirements for service. Don’t just get excited by Our photos. We have taken the time and care to clearly present Our requirements in writing so that there are no misunderstandings about what We want and do not want, etc. Be realistic to yourself about whether you fit what We’re interested in BEFORE contacting Us with your desire to serve.

2)     ALWAYS address a person (Dominant, submissive, whatever) with a polite salutation and by their name AND title. For example, “Hello, Mistress Didi,” is acceptable and shows that (1) you have manners and were not raised by complete barbarians; (2) you offer respect for how a person chooses to express Her/himself in The Scene; and (3) you gain Our intention by addressing Us directly. “Hey,” or to just begin your contact with a copy and pasted, impersonal writing is unacceptable because (1) you show that you are only interested in what you want; (2) you don’t care who accommodates you as long as you can get someone to; and (3) shows a lack of manners, social grace, and basic consideration for the person you’re addressing. IF I bother to respond at all to such an intrusion into My special, crafted, and cultivated Domain, I reply with only this link: How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

3)     Attractively state what you offer before mentioning what you’re looking for. There are far too many selfish twits who believe that “submissive” is code for lay-down-and-get-done. They always and only talk about what they want – and that’s all they talk about. These substandards must think that (a) they’re so special (because their mommies told them so) that the world is going to do back-flips in excitement to cater to them and/or (b) that We’re desperate (there are a lot of desperate “dominants,” but they are not in the mindset of Quality Dominance that I am referring to). Dominants are interested in what you offer to improve and/or compliment Our Domains. Some do’s and don’ts are:

  • Do NOT write graphically explicit details about what you’re into, willing to do, fantasizing about, etc. Such personal details should be reserved for an already-established relationship and upon request.
  • Do NOT send non-requested, naked photos – and especially photos of your genitals. I guarantee that how sexy you think your body parts are will not be appreciated by most Dominants who are interested in a true D/s relationship dynamic and not just kink. In fact, it’s rude to “flash” people! We will tell you if and when We want to see you naked.
  • Do list your talents, skills, and what you’re comfortably able to provide to Us. BE USEFUL. No one wants dead weight hanging around, taking up space. And NO, your idea of your sexual prowess is not considered a talent or skill.
  • Keep it short and to the point. I know that some of you are saying, “Really, Mistress Didi? That from You of all people?” It is true that I often choose to be loquacious, but as I teach in Domina101™, My time is valuable. I carefully and clearly make My Requirements available so that everyone can handle their own business and not waste My or their time. Making people read quickly weeds out the lazy and other wannasubs who are not what I want in My Domain. Most of Us are busy people and you are not the only person requesting to serve Us.
  • Use full sentences and proper phrasing – and definitely do NOT use texting abbreviations. Here’s one of the gems I teach in My Superior submissive™ Workshop: Always phrase your sentences as requests and be careful not to sound as if you are making demands. Dominants really dislike being told what to do. For example, “Call me,” or any type of command is NOT for you to say to Us; it’ for Us to say to you.
  • Say please, thank you, and may I. Aside from being polite and having manners, you are speaking from your proper place and into how We can be most receptive to you.
  • Be honest about your situation(s). For example, if you’re a starving artist and someone decides to give you a chance, truthfully relay what is comfortable for you in terms of time and finances.

I know, the alarms just went off in your head: I said, “finances.” PAY ATTENTION:

  • Anything that is worthwhile will cost you time and/or money. While there are a lot of Dominants who don’t like to use the word, “tribute” because most people don’t know what a tribute is and are too lazy to look it up along with its historical connotations, even those Dominants want an investment from you in appreciation for Their time and attention – which IS what you want from Us.

4)     Whatever you do, don’t approach Us with desperation! Do not beg! We will tell you when We want you to beg. Desperation is a warning sign of emotional immaturity, of whiners, energy vampires, incompetence, and selfish kinksters. While that may be a desire for some Dominants, I don’t know any of those types – and don’t want to know them because their attraction to people with “baggage” will bring drama-not-on-Broadway with them wherever they go. Neediness is NOT attractive and is a setup for disaster.

5)     Don’t ask questions that you can look up to handle your own business. In the time it takes you to ask Us something like, “What’s shibari?” you can Google it. Do that. Otherwise, you’re showing Us that you’re lazy. Use the internet for more than just looking up porn!

6)     Be pleasant and sincere. Tell the truth. I never understand why people lie; the truth will inevitably be revealed sooner than later. If you’re in a relationship, DEFINITELY say so. Smart Dominants know that “my partner doesn’t understand me” crap is exactly that: crap.  It’s also code for a lot of things to look out for that I disclose in My Webcam Workshops.

7)     The stupidest thing you can do is supply a photograph that is not current. Not everyone is going to be polite when you’ve sent a photo of someone who’s fit and coiffed and you show up flabby, frumpy, and 20 years older – I most certainly am not!  If We’ve taken an interest in you, We want the real you from the start! I will never understand how people think that the bait-and-switch is going to work. We do NOT like being lied to and set up for disappointment. Starting out with a gigantic LIE is completely disrespectful to Us and is a wasteful form of masochism because you cut yourself off from authentic experiences by being disingenuous. Such idiocy robs Us both of the thrilling dynamics of Sadism and masochism and irritates Dominants. It is not smart to irritate Dominants… And definitely foolish to irritate Sadists…

Of course, I have MANY more tips, tools, and gems for your comfort and ease in making an excellent first impression. The easiest way to learn them is to treat yourself to My Webcam Workshops, the proceeds of which assist in My Charity fundraising! The other option is to read through all of the many, many Gifts I offer for FREE on My Ask Mistress Didi* site and work it all out for yourself. Aren’t you lucky that I am such a Giving Goddess!

Whatever option you choose, get started NOW. No one is guaranteed your next breath…

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

 

Check In & Center of Attention

September 5, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I thought it was beyond rude that [name omitted] kept interrupting You and tried to take over while You were giving Your presentation.  I wanted to slap her face off and am amazed how You kept Your cool and took control.  PLEASE tell me how You do it!  — J.T.

*****

Well, J.T.,

Here’s what I do:

1)  I consider the source of aggravation before I take action, which makes everything else a lot easier.

2)  I Check In Before I Check Out.  I take a moment to see what’s going on with Me before I choose to put someone else in check.  Perception IS everything.  We all have moments when perhaps, We woke up on the wrong side of the bed and something simple can be THE most annoying thing at the moment.  I take a moment to acknowledge My feelings so that I can choose to respond rather than react.

As for [name omitted], I pity her for needing to be the center of attention without doing anything on her own merits to deserve it.  This latest outburst has finally made it unavoidably clear that she thrives to ride on My coattails with bad behavior in order to be noticed.  This is just sad.

It’s only good to be the center of attention when you know how to give back: your duty is to make those whose attention you have feel good about giving you their energy.

I don’t have to like a person to hope that she evolves to understand this lesson.  Here’s to hoping!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

My Contributions, your purpose

February 21, 2016

Note:  I choose to publish this entry to assist confused individuals who misunderstand the definition of Dominance and how it IS in real-life.

Whenever you offer something of value, people who contribute nothing and do nothing of their own, will often have the audacity to take offense and even threaten you.

Domina101™ Tip:  ALWAYS clarify their value to Your REALITY.  In this way, You give them an opportunity to evolve from ignorance — Good Karma for You!  What they choose to do with Your Gifts is their karma.


Dear Mistress Didi*,

You’re not having fun parties any more and what’s with all this self-help crap? If You’re not going to get back to business, i’m leaving your mailing list.

‑ mama-told-me-i’m-special (the name I dubbed this creature)

* * * * *

Attention:

I’m in the be-served business; NOT the service industry.

I create Events that please ME. While I know that My generosity and altruism will be unappreciated by those who are lacking any of their own, I have no interest in accommodating the whims of whiners.

Value Reality Check:

1)  I’m a REAL Domme.  I maintain My Domain My Way on My Terms.  Anyone who has anything to do with Me and My Domain are invited GUESTS.

2)  I have created, and continue to create, public and private events on a grand scale for guests with refined taste, skill, and integrity — something seriously lacking in the majority of what has become The Scene today.

3)  I have conducted, and continue to conduct, numerous classes and workshops in a wide variety of techniques and topics in the realm of My Expertise.

4)  Along with My Ask Mistress Didi* Offerings, I create various opportunities for personal evolution via Fetish Appreciation with My Domina101™ and Superior submissive™ mentoring programs, contributing to The DommeSalon™, and a plethora of other training opportunities.

5)  I wrote My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress as a primer for both Dominants and submissives to improve the abysmal lack of manners that contributes to the deterioration of the elegance of The Scene.  you need to read it.

I improve The Scene with My Contributions that many have benefited, and continue to benefit from.

And who are you, really?

1) you have offered nothing to or for Me and/or Mine.

2) you have not donated to any of My Charitable Works.

3) you have not attended any of My Events, though I was gracious enough to comp you and a guest since you complained about a lack of finances.

4) you are not pleasant personally nor visually.  you make no effort to offer any beauty, talent, and certainly, not charm.  So, you are not a consideration in the creation of any of My Events.

5)  The only thing you have done in My Reality is ask Me to offer My Expertise — which I graciously gave more than once — for your “community” organization for NO compensation, collaboration, nor support of anything that I’ve done or do.  you have, however,  served to prove this truth:

Do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they be trampled under foot.
— Matthew 7:6, KJV

I wasn’t aware that you were on My Mailing List.  So, in truth, you removing yourself from it will have the same use for Me as you have always had in My Domain — none whatsoever.

you may take solace in the fact that NONE of what I do is for or about you or anyone else who offers NOTHING, and whines about what I DO.

For further clarification on the situation, read Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,

The Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshops

http://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

 

Releasing The Flying Monkeys: Balancing Karma & Retribution

This post is a letter I wrote to a very special friend who, though I’ve not yet met in person, I have a very special place in My heart for.  She is one of the Shining Stars who pops up in your life just when you need them, whether you know it or not.  Because of Her beautiful spirit and Her inspiring gifts, I shared one of My most joyous Life Lessons with Her.  In keeping with the what I am creating with Ask Mistress Didi*, I share this post to encourage the brave people who are doing the work to BE Better.  I appreciate all of you!  And remember to remind your friends that you appreciate them, too!

 *****

Dear Ms. Star,

Thank you, as always, for the lovely smiles you send!  Other than the disappointing news You wrote about, I hope that life is treating You very well.  It is quite the challenge to get past the nefarious actions of people who prove unworthy of Our considerations.  So, here’s what I’d like to offer:

I am having an amazing journey!  I would like to share this with You because, whether you know it or not, You have been a precious gift to Me in so many, many ways!  I respect Your intelligence, integrity, and the beauty You share with The Whole.  I believe that souls travel in groups to learn and that We have a special connection.  If this is just My fantasy, well, I hope You enjoy reading about My Journey and that You are able to appreciate My revelations in My Truth!  However, from Our interactions, I’m sure that what I share will be right on time for You.

My Solar New Year’s Commitment is to BEing true to Myself, Honoring how well I handle My “stuff” (which includes My Sadism, quelling My desires for retribution, and the enjoyments of watching offenders suffer), and to BEING Better.  I knew from birth that sometimes what I can think and how I can feel are so intense that they even scare Me!  So, I choose to work on that to be a positive contributor to Life on Our planet and in The Universe!

Unlike the vast majority of people, I don’t try to pretend that We don’t all have a duplexity [Genetics – a double-stranded region of DNA] of Sadist and masochist in Our natures.  So, because I take responsibility for My nature, My heart, and My Spirit, I have committed My life to balancing My Karma.  As a Libra, the duality of My Nature has always been challenging when I’ve based it on society’s rules – which are designed to imprison Us in disenfranchisement.

So, after 2 most recent years of thievery; heartbreak; deaths; sabotage from loved & trusted ones; loss of property, income, business, etc., I recognized how I need to be “able to sleep at night” to attend to My Karma — per My understanding of guidance I received from My audience with His Holiness The Dalai Lama.  His Holiness told Me, when I asked about Karma — and referred to Jesus saying to turn the other cheek — that Jesus didn’t say to get beat up; that Karma is whether you can sleep at night – did you take care of yourself?  If something in the past tortures you in the present (shoulda-woulda-coulda), it affects/creates your future as moment leads to moment.  So, if someone slaps you and you didn’t take care of your needs in the moment for whatever reasons, it is your karma to learn and choose what to do to take care of your well-being from NOW (present) on (future) – even if that is slapping them back (My words; not The Dalai Lama’s!).

I realized that experiencing and expressing My Joy was impeded by My attachments to “other people’s interpretations of right/wrong.”  And while I was treating people the way I want to be treated, their lack of self-love and awareness made them comfortable to treat Me like poo-on-a-shoe – down to finding fault with ME for stealing from ME (including betrayal, theft, abusing My kindness, etc.).

So, I wrestled with feeling sorry for them because of the stresses in their lives and all of the other crap that was taught to Me via the sociology-religious slavery doctrines (“conditioning”) that have nothing to do with The Golden Rule, and I found Myself regressing into a major case of “the grumpies.”  Because I meditated on My Commitment to BEing Better, it became clear to Me that I was not Living My Truth! And I had that magnificent epiphany of FULLY Accepting MySelf! (Meanwhile, I thought I had accepted Myself a long time ago already…)  Life is truly a Journey of Learning About Yourself.

Side Note:  Talk about synchronicity: I’m listening to a new mix from one of My DJs and Teddy Pendergrass is singing, “You Can’t Hide From Yourself!”

I KNOW that I am a loving, giving, Goddess Healer (which The Universe has just confirmed with a position as Director of a special, medical-science, research project of My dreams!) and that one of My Purposes on the planet at this time is to be a guide to Happy Wellness. In order for Me to BE in My Purpose, I deserve to “BE Happy & Well in Truth.”  And that looks like this:

  • I am clear on My intentions.  Intentions are the root of all creations and define the value of all actions and, Karma itself.  Somewhere along My Life, I picked up the belief that I am not to BE “human” with all of My emotions, desires, and thoughts BEing “valid.”  I attribute this to My upbringing and special circumstances that defined My childhood and determined My approach to Life (“conditioning,” again). After all the “drama,” I am affirmed that My intentions come from a place of Love – even if others want to believe that when I do something FOR Me that it is against them.  I am committed to loving Myself first in order to best love others and contribute to The Whole.  This is the basis for “My Religion: SpiritualHedonism™” and how I WANT to BE and live My Life.
  • I forgive the offenders out loud.  I RESPECTFULLY tell them to their faces, write them letters, make videos for them,  write public blog posts, whatever works for ME to (1) have completion and (2) make sure that there is absolutely NO way that they do not have the opportunity to accept responsibility for their offenses.  I ALWAYS apologize if I have wronged someone who has made Me aware of how they feel offended by My actions that have truly caused them any harm.  And I make it a point to make amends (if warranted) and to be more careful in the future.  It is the choice of offenders to do what they will do, but the knowledge of what they’ve done cannot be ignored or distorted to avoid their responsibilities for their actions.
  • I have released My Flying Monkeys!  Coming from a Magickal Family, I’ve lived My entire life watching inexplicable things happen to people who offend Us and judging this to be wrongful uses of Our Energies (which may have been true in some cases, but Karma was always in play).  I used to do a LOT of work to contain My Energies from directing “accelerated Karma” for all involved — which includes Me.  My concern with MY Karma is the sole reason that so many people have not “spontaneously combusted” in one way or another!  Now, I’ve removed all interests that I had in place for their protection, etc.  No more of My “guardians” and “watchdogs” to safeguard them from the ramifications of their stupidities; they shall suffer their consequences without My generous interventions (which I believe were actually interfering with Karma where My conditioning made Me believe I was “being good” to have such care for those who offend Me).

Now, instead of mistakenly believing that I was enhancing My Good Karma, I’ve come to believe that I was retarding both My and the offenders’ Karmic travels.  So, without wishing malice, I wish “accelerated Karma” for all of Us. Knowing My true intentions, I have no fear.  I’ve released The Flying Monkeys and Karma is forever in My favor!

  • I have created I Win-I Win situations.  Since I AM accepting My Truth, whatever offenders do, the seeds for Personal Growth have been planted.  If they choose to be honorable, they will thrive and continue to have Me for the inspiration, motivation, feel-good-about-themselves-musings that they have taken Me for granted for in the past.  However, each and every time they come to Me, I “water the Seeds of Awareness” that I’ve planted.  If they choose to be despicable, their behavior is fertilizer for their deserved suffering to exponentially grow as constant reminders of how they’ve offended Me (and others).  The offenders will (i) not be able to sleep peacefully, (ii) will actually look haggard to themselves and to others, and (iii) have all of the things that would normally happen via Karma, but which they WILL be aware of the connections to Me no matter how hard they try to ignore My seeds.  And I get to watch them suffer from their own devices — provided I care enough to know about them at all! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I am clear that I do not delight in suffering; I delight in pleasure however one enjoys it without harming another.  This is the tenet of My Fetish Lifestyle.  And I delight in seeing Karma at work.  To better deal with the disappointments of offenders, I consider their actions to be a balance of Karmic Debt so that I am free from past lifetime stuff that brought Us together in this lifetime, and that I will not “suffer” them in subsequent lifetimes.  This thinking helps Me to accept a lot of crapazoola that has occurred in My Life and to move forward with Joy!

Best of all, I am free from that wretched feeling of needing retribution.  I can BE and am BETTER than that!  Karma has My back ~ and My front!

You know how epiphanies work: they can “take a long time coming,” but they are recognized instantaneously!  Well, POOF!  Puff of Practical Magick and [personal success info omitted to maintain privacy].  THIS is what makes Me KNOW and understand that, although some folks may not be able to understand My Epiphany as I described to You, it is definitely the right thing for Me to do to BE Happy & Well.

And this is why I have shared with You: I hope that My journey of Self-Judgment to an Epiphany of My Truth affirms You in remembering to Honor Your Truth.  Our concepts of right and wrong, et al., are based upon the Grand Illusion that enslaves the populace in darkness.  We are The Beacons of The Light and We MUST SHINE in Our Unique and Varied Ways.  It does not serve Us to judge Our ways based on other people’s agendas; it is Our duty to accept Ourselves in totality to discover Our Truths to choose how We will work powerfully for Ourselves and The Whole.

Thank You for letting Me share My Joy with You, who are always a giver of Joy to Me!

Namaste.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

http://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles:
AskMistressDidi.com

Permission or Forgiveness?

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

August 9, 2015

Domina101™ Tip”

“It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” – Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper

That depends on the type of person you are and who you’re dealing with. Ask yourself:

Do you prefer to TRUST someone to ask your permission to do something you may say no to, or do you prefer to TRUST that someone will apologize (or make amends) for doing something you didn’t want them to do?

Trust, after all, is the main dynamic in the D/s relationship and in all relationships of all kinds.

Before I go further, I offer this for your consideration: When you search that quote and the multitude of egocentric variations that you’ll find, be aware that:

(1) This quote is used for THE most selfish, turd-tards to excuse their offenses; and

(2) It’s stupid to adopt this philosophy because there are scary people out here…

Read on…

One of the most important things a Domme (or anyone) can know to improve Domain Maintenance is whether you are a Forgiveness person or a Permission person. The difference between these two personality characteristics is truly like night and day.

A Permission person, like Me, requires you to ask before doing. While I’ve been accused of being a Type A personality, control-freak (usually by the idiots who thought they were smarter than they are and failed to manipulate Me), I am a thinker and a planner. I intensely dislike wastes of My time. As anyone knows who takes even a glimpse at My Websites can see, I carefully, clearly, and thoroughly detail exactly what I wish to convey. I make things easy for people who are not lazy and careless to succeed with Me.

I really do know what I want and am very specific about exactly how I am and how I want things in My Domain. If an error is made, I accept My responsibility for it. If you make the error without asking My permission, you diminish your value to Me because it takes too much unnecessary work for Me to forgive you for disrespecting My Process. While I make it a point to “do forgiveness,” (you should read this) I don’t guarantee that offenders will not suffer. Just saying.

It’s a mistake when someone decides that they:

(1) are going to do what they want and that I’ll get over it. No, I get over you and dismiss you from My Domain – never to return. Understand that I have banished blood relatives for offending Me, so no one is exempt from this choice.;

(2) know better than I do about what I really want. No, I carefully think, research, and plan accordingly before I express My wishes. I’ll add that, unlike most people, I take into consideration the well-being of others involved in the scenarios and ask them appropriately. So, I intensely dislike people making (usually half-azzed) decisions for Me when they can easily ask Me; and/or

(3) try to play the victim to avoid their responsibility for offending Me. That’s a stupid move that never works – never “play victim” with a Sadist! You won’t like the torture.

A Forgiveness person is usually someone who says, “make it happen,” or “you handle it.” Sometimes, these people have specific rules for you, but if they don’t, they prefer to deal with situations after the fact. Forgiveness people are more easily satisfied with apologies where Permission people may need a lot more convincing that you’re sorry – you will have to prove yourself. Forgiveness people are apt to give you more chances where Permission people, like Me, have very strict limits and We tell you what they are at the beginning of Our relationships. Permission people feel disrespected by your audacity to take matters in Their Domains into your own hands on your terms. It’s never good to offend Us.

It is My experience that Forgiveness people often find themselves feeling taken advantage of because, sadly in this day and age, selfishness and self-absorption are the modus operandi for the majority. Most of the letters I receive for Ask Mistress Didi* advice are from Dommes whose trust and kindness have been betrayed.

Equally important, is knowing what type of person you’re dealing with. The Forgiveness submissive may actually be a “brat” who gets off on causing you distress just to gain excusal for his behavior – until the next time, and to see how much further he can go. I find these creatures contemptible. The Permission sub can go overboard by needing your permission for everything, which can be annoying. Permission subs can also struggle with topping from the bottom because they have their own issues with giving permission to others.

While every Domme has Her own way of managing Her Domain, knowing which type of person YOU are will assist your training processes so that you are not drained and disappointed. While We all encounter the “usual suspects” of fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers, knowing how you operate is a strong tool for maintaining your sanity as well as your Domain. It is easier to design appropriate strategies for peaceful Domain maintenance.

ADDENDUM AUGUST 12, 2015

A Personal Tip

One of My Training Tools — for submissives as well as for My own success — is to regularly review PURPOSE:

  1. What My Purpose for the person is in My Domain;
  2. How the person’s desires fit in with Mine; and
  3. Does the person warrant the amount of training effort I extend.

I often see Dominants “working the whining” game — coddling, fighting, etc., less than compliant behaviors from people claiming to serve Them and, in essence, enabling excuses rather than excellence.  This is why (1) establishing clear rules and methods for communication are paramount BEFORE beginning any type of relationship, Fetish or otherwise, and (2) setting boundaries and limits for continuation or dismissal are paramount.  While there are many horrors in the world, desperate Dominants are high on My list of what is pathetic.  Food for thought…

Which are you: A Permission or Forgiveness Domme? (person?)

Thoughtful Resources:

Respect – How To’s

5 Golden Keys to Assertiveness and Setting Boundaries

How To Accept An Apology – especially #7

Respecting Other People’s Wishes

How to Maintain a Relationship with a Loved One Who’s Hurt You

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

AskMistressDidi.com

The Martyr Syndrome

May, 2015

This post is in response to a letter about a situation that may “out” the parties involved, which is why I choose to omit it. They know who they are and, hopefully, this article will help them evolve to their true greatness – beyond the limitations of stories they tell.


There is a philosophy that souls are born to learn lessons and that your duty to the Gift of Life is to evolve into being the best you can be on all levels. I subscribe to this philosophy and by practicing Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Checking In With Myself to respond to situations rather than react to them. My ultimate concern is always My Karma.

We live in a world that is contrary to logic and Natural Energy: everything is set up to make you wrong so that someone can be less than their best and exert power over you. From the time that We’re born, society, religious structures, family, and educational institutions teach Us that it’s better to damage people, places, and things than it is to admit that We are wrong. This twisted habit yields selfish creeple who do not apologize, who engage in sabotage, who cast suspicions of their own emotional immaturity and nefarious intentions on others with the insistence that everyone is as treacherous as they are – because if that were not true, they could not be right while doing wrongful things.

People will always look to make others wrong to avoid (1) facing their feelings about themselves, (2) facing their bad behavior and taking personal responsibility for it, (3) making changes, and (4) apologizing for anything — especially for offending you. Many go so far as to offend you and then insist on being offended that you dare to be upset and/or call them on it! Some people become screaming accusers, attempting to defame your character to every- and anyone they can wrangle to listen. This is an epidemic on antisocial sites where trolls and gossips gather to be ugly. Others pick specific people in your circles to plant seeds of their victimhood and the more sympathy they get from the greedy gossips they carefully choose, the more they can be seen as martyrs.

The Martyr Syndrome is a setup to avoid facing one’s true feelings about who you know you really are whenever faced with a discrepancy in who you want to believe you are. Martyrs want to believe that they are generous, kind, and caring and that everyone else is out to take advantage of them. Martyrs appear to be popular because they always create audiences to tell their tales of woe. In truth, they have few friends because they don’t know how to receive the kindness and care that they want to believe they are capable of giving. They suspect everyone else of the avarice within them so they must accuse others before they’re found out and accused.

You can always catch a martyr in high form when they make a mistake. In the panic that they will be perceived as negligent, unprofessional, devious, [insert appropriate adjective here], they invent offenses done to them by the very people their actions have offended. This is a sign of extreme emotional immaturity and, usually, poor upbringing to believe that as long as they can create a feeling of being offended by those whom they have actually offended, they are “pardoned” for their own wrong-doings. Martyrs will go so far as to repeat their “offended stories” so many times that they even suppress all memories of their true behaviors that sparked them to work the syndrome in the first place.  Even in the face of proof that they are liars, martyrs will ignore it in this moment, and repeat their lies at the next opportunity they have a captive audience.

The Martyr Syndrome is a sure sign of low self-esteem. Even people who are very accomplished have feelings of failure and martyrs attempt to mask their feelings of unworthiness with the illusion of doing good deeds. This is not to say that amazing people like Mother Theresa was not sincere in her work, but how many Mother Theresa’s do you know compared to people who work the Martyr Syndrome?

Signs of The Martyr Syndrome

The conversations of people with The Martyr Syndrome:

1)    Allude to how they generously take care of family, friends, associates – as if these people should be indebted to them, but they would never look for anything in return. This is a setup in martyrs’ minds that they are capable of giving without expecting something in return – the opposite is usually true. In fact, martyrs are usually unable to receive in one way or another;

2)    Always regale how they do favors for people who abuse their kindness somehow – especially when money is involved. 2 considerations: (i) While they love money, they don’t want to be seen as greedy and (ii) they believe that “business” associates will be hooked to believe in their integrity by the stories of how their profits and opportunities for prosperity have been thwarted. Martyrs count on the dynamics of their tales of woe so that they will not be questioned or asked for proof of their story’s validity; and

3)    Give “martyr performances” in groups and to people they believe will contribute to damaging the reputation of the person they have offended. Not only do they gain pity-party attention, but they can achieve their true goal: to belittle the character of the person they offended to insist to themselves that (i) the person they wronged is not a good person; (ii) they are not at fault for any wrong-doing (real or imagined) and/or they are justified for the wrong-doing and character maligning; and (iii) they “sucker people in” to fortify their false persona of being a “good person.”

How To Handle The Martyr Syndrome

1)    Pay attention to the conversation for the elements mentioned above. This is not to say that heinous creeple have not offended folks – anyone reading this has been a victim, even if you are the creep. Once you hear the patterns, be on the lookout for being their next pity-party subject. Martyrs also have a victim-story every time you speak to or about them – whether they’re telling the story or someone else tells a tale when their name comes up in conversation.

2)    Put everything – yes, everything – in writing when making arrangements with everyone.   This is a good practice to back up what is understood, clarify what is not understood, and prove negligence. Sadly, very few people honor their word.

3)    Attempt to communicate (in writing) when they begin their “martyr performance” setup – which is “being offended” by you. Most martyrs prefer to talk about you than to communicate with you. When you have things in writing, you have proof of who is actually the creep should you need it.

4)    Forgiveness, Gratitude, Pity & Karma. Utilize these tools because they will save and improve your life on all fronts!

a)    Forgiveness is not for the offender; it is for your peace of mind. Being offended is a form of h8tred and like acid, it destroys the vessel that contains it. (For those smart-alec friends, you are not glass!)

b)   Make the best use of pity and compassion. Having compassion and pity alleviates your own disappointment and annoyance of having to deal with The Martyr Syndrome.   When you consider how sad it must be for a person to be so trapped in a lack of self-love that they have to create a psychotic episode in order to avoid facing their truth, you can also be grateful that you are not suffering with the same affliction.

c)    Be grateful that this person showed you who-what-how they are so that you do not make a bigger investment in dealing with them. I usually set up a little “test run” situation to see how people behave when given opportunities and to see if they are worthy of doing important “business” with them.

d)    The Law of Karma can (sort-of) be trimmed down to a quick definition of what you do comes back to you multiplied along with The Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do to you). I have also been advised that Karma is how you care for yourself (how your actions in your past affect-your present-affects your future – can you sleep at night?). I always do My best to act in accordance with the highest for My Karma. So, knowing that My actions with someone working The Martyr Syndrome is not about Me at all – it is their reaction and dedication to avoiding facing the truth about their own self-worth – I can forgive, have gratitude for the lesson I’ve learned, and move forward to better choices, better people, and BetterFetish™!

Another note: give yourself plenty of time to “get over yourself” because for all of the awareness you may have about the situation, unresolved anger will most likely surface should the martyr do what-they-do in your future. I’ve found that My best cure for the problem is to avoid dealing with the martyr until I have not only released My anger, but I can completely let the person out of My life with no emotional attachment whatsoever should their commitment to their martyrdom be more important to them than My friendship. I deserve better friends.

If you’re suffering from The Martyr Syndrome, you may find, “How To Overcome The Martyr Syndrome” valuable.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

How Fetish Saved My Life

Dear Mistress Didi,

I’ve often heard You say that Fetish saved Your life. Please tell!

Domina D.


Dear Domina D.,

The short answer is that when I accepted My True Nature as a Fetishist, I became well, whole, and happy to BE ME. Whenever I say that, people ask Me how I achieved this state of Grace. I will attempt to answer that question here.

I recently conducted a workshop in My vanilla life where participants were asked, “As a child, what type of literary/movie/etc. character did you most want to be (most identified with)?” I always identified with Magickal folks, fairies, sorceresses, and the like. I wanted to flutter around, sprinkling glitter and joy with My Magick Wand, making the land a beautiful, happy place. I also wanted to turn horrible people into toads and slimy creatures that fit their wretched personalities, to be preyed upon for sport by powerful beings – MUAHahahahaha! My Nature has a Divine Duality: I am a Divine Sadist-Giving Goddess and The Agent of Karma.

I was born a Domina. I’ve always had “attendants” whose pleasure it was to please Me and do My bidding. This IS the Natural Order Of Things, My Natural State Of Being, and it always has been. I was the kid on the playground who created a game so that everyone could play. I understood the nature of males was to be empowered to be the builder-protectors and the females are to be revered and attended to – which is also the Natural Order Of Things. This has worked for Me every time I’ve flowed with it. As a toddler, I always led the group and in kindergarten, I not only had submissive boys who did My bidding, but even brought Me My cookies and milk on a daily basis with pomp and proper circumstance. I made them My guards of My Palace and charged them with the duty of protecting and pleasing their Queen. Those boys attended to Me until the 2nd Grade when I moved away – and got new submissives within the first week of attending My new school. That’s just the way it was and, after many trials and tribulations against My Nature, this is the way it IS by My Choice.

I have always been “different” and never “fit in.” As an adult, I realize that is because I choose to be My Best and to excel to the best of My ability in whatever I do. This could largely be because I was a frail child who spent an average of 3 months a year being ill and in and out of hospitals during My formative years. I know now that while everyone thought they were doing the right things for Me, I was forced to “be against My True Nature” – which I steadfastly believe contributed to My chronic illnesses. On top of that, I am highly sensitive and allergic to many foods and chemical medications, so one can imagine how stressful much of My childhood was for Me and My family. Now, top that crap-cake off with a chemical imbalance in My brain that results in severe depression and not being able to tolerate anti-depressants, and any intelligent person can understand My position and opinions as I Walk My Talk and am an expert in health, wellness, and Behavioral Modification – which is quite useful for training in My Domain (see My Bio).

As a child, I didn’t understand that petty jealousies and sabotage are the result of people lacking self-love. So, while I was going through life sprinkling glitter and joy with My Magick Wand, turd-tards attempted – and continue to try – to disrupt My Flow. Even people I’ve trusted and accepted as Family have had jealousy-fits and not only caused damage to My Domain, but even to My physical body. I was taught to “be the better person,” and chastised for standing up for My needs because crazy beliefs were instilled in Me that to be the better person meant to ignore the horrible behaviors of offenders – you know, that misunderstanding of the “turn the other cheek” concept (By the way, Jesus didn’t say to get beat up!).

Because We live in a world where:

  • sheeple are slaves to religions that they’ve never even thought to investigate the histories of or how the doctrines came to be (which is exactly how I discovered that being a reverend was not for Me);
  • creeple and sheeple use their religions (among other things) to play the “make-wrong game” for every expression that is connected to Nature and even use religion to justify heinous crimes such as genocide, the destruction of the planet, and cruelty to animals to name a few; and
  • big corporations control the media, Our food and healthcare, and access to information,

I, like everyone else, was brainwashed to conform to “society’s standards” – which made Me physically, mentally, and emotionally ill for the vast majority of My life. In my quest to conform, I allowed “older people,” whom I thought must be wiser from life experience to make Me wrong about everything that was true to My Nature. At the age of 17, I knew everything about human nature and how I needed to fit into the world that I know now at a considerably older age… I’ve come full circle to My Truth: I am a Fetishist – not to be confused with a kinkster (see The Difference Between Fetish & kink). The people I trusted for guidance berated Me for My feelings and observations, and some even literally told Me that I would go to hell if I continued with that line of thinking. I didn’t want to go to hell! So, I entered college to become a reverend and have My own church for all the other seekers to gain an understanding of and be closer to this foreign concept of GOD and how “right and wrong” made no sense to Me.  (I subsequently started My own religion, SpiritualHedonism™ — if L. Ron Hubbard could do it, so can I!)

I turned away from My Fetish Reality and began adapting the limiting, pseudo-religious-and-completely-misogynistic doctrines that taint society’s morals. I dated a multitude of morons – and married a few, too. Some people can fit in and believe that they are happy with conformity and sit on the couch, watching “judgment TV shows,” stuffing their faces with junk food, and blaming their poor health and miserable lives on everything and everyone else as they repeat their toxic behaviors daily. I am not one of those people. I have always wanted to be better than I was the day before and my quest for knowledge led Me to study Behavioral Therapy along with a variety of health and wellness modalities that I became a Certified Practitioner of. In My quest to Be Better, I achieved a few degrees and multiple Certifications; travelled the world with a few businesses I started; enjoyed a short career as a professional dancer and went on tour; joined scientific think-tanks; and did many exciting things I’ll keep private but which most people would kill to be able to experience. But I was not happy; I was empty inside. I had no passion for living and I felt like an alien banished to this planet because I did not relate to My contemporaries. Something great was missing.

Between constant battles with depression, feeling that life wasn’t worth the effort, and the vampires who attached to feed on Me like sharks in the ocean that can smell a drop of blood from ½-mile away, more than once, I came to a point where suicide made sense… After My children died, I spiraled into what I termed, “The Deep Blue” depression that was so horrific that I was unable to leave My bed. I felt worthless and that if I did not exist, the world would be a better place.

By the grace of The Universe, I had the loving pleasure of two, little dogs I rescued who were the reason I was able to force Myself out of bed to take them for daily walks. One day, while sitting in the dog run, a stranger began a conversation with Me that I will never forget. However, here’s the strange part: I do not recall ever meeting him, but he remembered Me from a Fetish event years before – in The Good Old Days when class, integrity, skill, and honor defined The Scene – or at least The Scene that I indulged in. The outcome of his conversation was that not only did I need something to thrill Me, but I needed to Live My Truth. When he handed Me his card which read, “submissive” with his tastefully naked photo, hands cuffed, and a collar around his neck with a chain held by a black, lady’s leather glove, he requested to be of service to Me.

What happened next is freaky enough to be a ghost story and perhaps, it is. I called and, he being a hardcore masochist, was exactly perfect to reignite My Passion with one of the most memorable Play dates I’ve ever had. I’d forgotten how intensely amazing the electricity feels as it flows through My body when I Play – and especially when I indulge in heavy, hardcore S&M. Fetish is the only expression that connects all of My senses and aligns My mind, body, and spirit in transcendent ecstasy! ALL is right in My World and The Universe when I am indulging My Fetish Expressions! What was supposed to last an evening, lasted a weekend where I was reminded of and treated like the Goddess I Am. This beloved submissive wore My marks like badges of honor as We walked through the streets and dined in fabulous restaurants. When it was time for him to leave Me, he said, “Please remember to pay it forward and help someone else to rekindle their Passion.” That was exactly something I would have said. He kissed My hand and said, “Until next lifetime.”

I had no idea what he’d meant by that until I called the following day to thank him for being so fabulous. An elderly man answered the phone, told Me that this had been his number for seven years, and that he’d never heard of the submissive… (OK, maybe this isn’t a ghost story and just an honorable release, but the ghost story is much more exciting and that’s the story I’m sticking with!)

And so, I ventured back into The New York City Scene to discover that it had significantly declined in quality during My absence and, sadly, My former associates were no longer in town. The events were loud, obnoxious, meat-market, “kink stinks” that forced Me to create My own events (much against My desire) in order to (1) have at least one Fetish event that I would enjoy and (2) attract the quality of Fetishsts that I desire to associate with. These are the reasons I continue to produce events today. I believe that if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem.

My Passion was in full force as I returned to honoring My Nature, so nothing would stand in My way. Through trial and horror, I attempted to “play nice” with the barbarians, but as the pimp-mentality males took over the dungeons and the parties – and dared to attempt to invade My Domain to dicktate their desires for My Events, I remain a lone warrior – and happily so. Money is not My god and My Events are ways to raise funds for My Charities. Every little bit helps charity so My Events range from small and intimate to larger and still intimate! (Sadly, Fetish discrimination abounds and I cannot publicize My Events in association with specific charities to prevent negative backlash to them from the ignorant “public” – which is even more ignorant due to what I call “50 Shades of Foolishness” — Protect yourself!)

Along the way, I’ve endured back-stabbing bitches; sabotage; stalkers; takers-shakers-fakers-noise-makers; psycho subs; an earthquake, a flood, 2 hurricanes – and I’ve lost all of My possessions each time; the deaths of a few, good subs (and We know how hard they are to find!); and much more that shall also remain private. Each and every time, Fetish saves Me from despair and worse because:

  • I am a Domme by Nature, not for fashion. I believe that True Dominance begins with Self-Control and I maintain My Domain (and My integrity) by remaining committed to being Who I Truly Am with no excuses or apologies;
  • I am a Giving Goddess and in My desire to give back to The Whole, I offer free advice and complimentary lessons in technique and Domain maintenance on My Website and My Ask Mistress Didi* Blog;
  • I am a spiritual person and in order to balance My Sadistic Self with My Benevolent Self, I am a Responsible Sadist with the motto: Don’t start none, won’t be none; I finish it. When I am prompted to whiplash folks into the proper, respectful perspective, I always do so by planting a seed for their evolution. Like any seed, when the garden is cultivated, the seed blossoms into something beautifully beneficial. If the garden is untended and poisoned with weeds, the seed putrefies and withers into a slow and painful death. The choice always belongs to the owner of the garden where I plant the seed. As Antonio Porchia said, “I know what I have given you, I do not know what you have received;” and
  • Perhaps, most importantly, Fetish has allowed Me to know, love, and like Myself more with each passing day through Self-Acceptance, Self-Respect, Self-Control, and Self-Determination. I Am A Domme.

Over the past decade, I’ve created unique events that have attracted My New Fetish Family to Me and I founded EpicuresNYC Private Members Fetish Club which has grown to a new location and permanent home. I’ve kept My promise to pay it forward and be a beacon for those who are searching for BetterFetish™ to explore, enhance, and evolve their lives. I have helped, and continue to help, many people find their place in The Scene and find comfortable, self-respecting ways to develop along their own, unique paths to healthily integrate Fetish into their lives.

On both good and not-so-good days, knowing that I Walk My Talk and Live My Fetish in Real Time keeps Me going with Joy and a zest for Life!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.