Tag Archives: personal responsibility

©The Mistress Didi* ~ ©AskMistressDidi.com

What’s In Your Play Bag?

 

 

Another public service Gift from The Mistress Didi*

June 25, 2017

Fetishists know that whenever unsafe Play occurs, the vibe of the experience is dampened, if not ruined.  Unsafe Play creates diminished fun times; folks can get hurt; reputations can be damaged; and gossip-ghouls go on a rampage...  (See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip for “management tips.”)

Recent gatherings I’ve been invited to prompt Me to share a 50 Shades of Foolishness Workshop Tip.  I’ve been horrified by the lack of knowledge, attention, and the careless disregard for safe and intelligent Play all the way around.  I choose to share knowledge so that I am part of the solution instead of being part of the problem by remaining silent

  • If anyone chooses to be offended because they believe that I am referring to their event, that will be your choice. You also have the choice to utilize My Gifts NOW, if you neglected to before.  Find a plethora of resources on My Ask Mistress Didi site.

I encourage any and everyone to use My Processes as templates to develop your own intelligent, Play Plans.  PLEASE DO so that:

  • you are prepared for safety for yourself and others
  • you have what you need and can become familiar with it for maximum safety and comfort
  • you are responsible for how you Play
  • you and all in attendance have a pleasant Play experience, and
  • maybe I will have more events other than My own that I can thoroughly enjoy, too!

The Basics

1)    Safety GuideThere are basic, first aid cares that you SHOULD know.  For example, what to do for burns, cuts, bruises, and bleeding.  PRINT and carry with you a reference sheet to be prepared.

2)    First Aid Kit.  Check out what to include in yours from The Mayo Clinic.  While you don’t have to carry an entire kit, a few basics such as bandages and antiseptic are a must.  Here is an excellent tip sheet for a Dungeon or Toy Bag First Aid Kit from the Central Iowa Power Exchange.

3)    Cleaning Supplies.  Always disinfect your Play space and keep it sanitary.  If you’re Playing publicly, I recommend carrying a small, spray bottle with 70% alcohol to give the area a spray and wipe.

a)    ALWAYS ASK FIRST if it’s OK to use alcohol – – or any substances – – on areas because you don’t want to damage property.  I can tell you that being sorry after the fact does not make up for ruining My decor and having to go after folks to remedy damages is most annoying and offenders will be punished – in one way or another…

b)    Even better, bring a “Play Cloth” and other Play Preparations to cover furniture.  See #7 below.

c)    You may wish to bring disposable, disinfecting cloths or, even better Make Your Own Natural Disinfectant.

d)    Cloths and/or paper towels for spills and to clean after you Play.  It doesn’t matter if there is cleaning staff; be a good guest and clean up after yourself.

4)    Escape Tools.  While you may enjoy making escape-proof, “sub-art,” stuff can happen and it’s always a good idea to have a scissors and/or cutting tools to quickly release a person to ensure maximum well-being.

  • True story: During one of My presentations, an idiot dom, who was interested in playing the make-wrong-game, blurted out that if you/I knew how to top My sub, there would be no reason to release them before the session was done. I mentioned fire, earthquake, and a variety of factors make good reasons, to which he guffawed.  So, when an attendee to that lecture had to cut the idiot dom’s sub out of bondage when their Play venue caught fire, his same arrogance was addressed by his associates.
  • I don’t make it a habit to say, “I told you so,” because (1) I never have to; and (2) I never care enough to – I prefer to spend My time enriching My life rather than sliding down the Evolutionary Scale to remind offenders that they were wrong. If a person desires to learn and evolve, they will do better with positive reinforcement — which I am always happy to give to the worthy.  Besides, Karma is a fabulous thing!  (See Keeping Cool With Karma)

5)    Plastic bags.  There are a variety of reasons that everyone should have at least 1 plastic bag on hand but it is essential to have plastic bags in your Play Bag for sanitary reasons.  There is nothing better for breeding bacteria than to place used Toys and clothing into a dark, enclosed container – especially if your Play Bag is not washable.  It also makes for easier organization to separate used and unused items for faster cleaning and storage.

a)    I recommend ziplocking, gallon-sized bags because they are usually large enough to fit clothing and Toys into.

b)    For larger Toys, etc., use larger bags.  Tall, kitchen trash bags are usually large enough for most Toys.

i)      I like to cut-to-size clear, trash bags so that it’s easy to see My Toys through them.

ii)     Clear, plastic bags also make it easier to ensure that you have all of your Toys at the end of Play Time.

c)    I pack My clean Toys into plastic bags before placing them in My Play Bag to ensure that they remain sterile.

6)    Gloves – latex or vinyl that fit your hands.  The purpose for wearing gloves is for safety from receiving and/or transmitting communicable diseases and other infections.  Gloves that are too big will be uncomfortable and can lead to accidents and injuries.  Gloves that are too small will break and make Players vulnerable to exposure.

a)    It is wiser and more economical to purchase gloves by the box from a pharmaceutical or (especially if you want colored gloves) beauty supplier to ensure that you stay stocked.

b)    Because there is always someone who either doesn’t know better or is just irresponsible, I recommend packing a few pairs of gloves in a ziplock bag for yourself and a pair or 2 for that person.  Why?  Because sharing is not only a good and kind habit, but it (i) keeps the enjoyable flow of Play Time and (ii) alleviates tacky attitudes and behaviors.  This practice is part of “Playing Nice” and adds pleasant energy to the environment.

i)      I usually carry a few pairs of latex gloves in different sizes just in case someone needs them.

c)    My personal preference is for vinyl gloves because I find them more comfortable and less sticky on My skin; more adaptable to My hand movements; and a bit more durable than latex for the way I Play.  While vinyl gloves can be a bit more expensive, My comfort is paramount and I’m worth it.  Comfort is a key component for the best Play.

7)    Covering for your Play Area.  Depending on your situation, good Hosts will have Play Preparations available for guests.  However, this is seldom the case in public places.  Since too many of these public places are dimly lit, you can’t see or trust their cleanliness.  Having your own covering solves all problems.

a)    Unless you’re really into having a special Play Cover, disposable coverings make things easier.

i)      I provide theme-colored, plastic drop cloths for My Guests which are conveniently placed in a large, trash bag when Play is done.

8)    Hand SanitizerThe FDA continues research to pass new laws about the dangerous ingredients in commercial hand sanitizers, so here are resources to Make Your Own Natural Hand Sanitizer .

The sub’s Play Bag

Smart submissives will always have what they (specifically) need on hand – especially if you have allergies and/or medical considerations.  I insist that the sub’s Play Bag is placed near Mine where it is easily accessible and where I can keep an eye on it.

1)    Most Important: Have a (preferably typed) list of allergies/medications, etc.  and instructions in case of emergency.  This list should include emergency contact information.  If you’re concerned with your privacy, place the list in a sealed envelope and be certain to tell whomever you’re Playing with where to find it before Play begins. 

2)    Wipes are a must-have because there are no guarantees that the Play Space will have amenities.  Freshen up before and after Play.  Depending on the wipes you choose, some may be good for cleaning Toys, too.

a)    I strongly recommend using a wipe that does not have a strong smell which may be disruptive to participants and onlookers, and even to the scene itself.  I was invited to Play with someone and his sub and her perfume made Me (and a few invited voyeurs) gag.  There was annoyance all the way around as her dom had to tell her to wash it off.  Flow was interrupted and she wasn’t thrilled to wash off what was probably one of those expensive, stinky, celebrity scents – – which made her attitude stink.  Not as fun a Play Time as it should and could have been.

3)    A Change of Underwear because “stuff” happens.

What’s In My Play Bag

1)    My Diva Cloth for My Toys because (i) I like a pretty presentation to set the scene and inspire Me as I choose My Toys and (ii) I know that My Diva Cloth is clean for My Toys to be placed on during Play.

2)    A Play Cover because, as I mentioned above, I can’t always rely on hosts to be as prepared as I am with My Events.  Bringing My own Play Cover is also inspiration for others who would not normally know to adopt this smart habit.

3)    Water.  A bottle of water is excellent to have handy for a variety of reasons from using it during Play to hydrating yourself and Playmate.  Having to look for water during a scene breaks the continuity and can dampen the vibe.  Should it slip your mind to have water available before the scene, a bottle of water in your Play Bag solves the problem.

a)    Another consideration for bringing your own, sealed water bottle is if you are in a public space where you cannot watch your cup.  It’s sad to say, but there are a lot of creeps out there who slip mickeys.

4)    Safety Pins.  Wardrobe malfunctions do occur and safety pins can also be used to Play with…

5)    Public Play Toys to Play with folks I may not know.

a)    These Toys are usually made of a non-porous substance that can be disinfected on the spot.  I choose non-porous materials because cleanup is significantly easier (alcohol will do the trick) than with leather and other materials that require special cleaners for proper care to maintain their state.

b)    Since one’s skill with the Toys is more important than having flashy Toys, I don’t usually spend a lot of money on these.  If I really have a good time, I may gift the participant with the Toy as a momentum of Our time together.

6)    Small, healthy snacks to maintain blood sugar levels.  Of course, I choose healthy options (like raisins and other dried or fresh fruit) to ensure that My and My Playmate’s energies are not depleted.  Many times, even with light Play, and especially due to excitement, people can get so involved with Play that they are do not notice dips in energy.  Low blood sugar levels can affect the Top’s judgment and precision and the bottom’s recovery and healing.

7)    Antiseptic.  Depending on the activities I intend to indulge in, I always carry the most natural form of antiseptic I can find to fit the bill.

8)    Essential Oil Disinfecting Spray.  I believe that smell is an integral part of the dynamic of your scene – and I intensely dislike stench.  So, I bring a small, spray bottle of My favorite concoction:

  • Mistress Didi*s “Scentual” Mist.  In a 2 oz.  bottle, add 2 parts water; 1 part witch hazel; 10 drops of Lavender; and 10 drops of Lemongrass Essential Oils.  Shake well before using and use sparingly.  NOTE: I always ask if anyone is allergic or sensitive to these ingredients before I spray.

Other Notes

1)    Liquid Bandages.  This is a great idea if you have a boo-boo!  Liquid bandages seal a cut or scrape (see instructions for recommended use), offer better mobility, and are more hygienic and attractive (they create an invisible coating) than regular bandaids.

2)    EpiPen.  Especially if you are a submissive/bottom and you have allergies, it may be a wise idea to obtain a prescription for epinephrine and carry an EpiPen in your Play Bag in case of Play with substances that are untried and/or with Playmates you have little experience with.  According to Consumer Reports, in most states, you can obtain a prescription for an “epinephrine auto-injector” or “generic Adrenaclick.”  While an epinephrine injector may be expensive, your life is worth it – and you may be able to find online coupons and deals.  Do the research to find reputable merchants for product quality.

Start with these tips and adapt to your desires to ensure that your Play Bag contains essentials for safe, healthy, and dynamic Play!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:
©AskMistressDidi.com

9/11 Evolved

 

 

September 5, 2016

Dear United States of America,

I write this as an offering to reconsider how We remember 9/11.

This wretched, “9/11 tradition” of assaulting Us by rehashing the events that brought Us terrible sadness does NOT allow Us to move forward in pride as a nation, as communities, as neighbors, as families.

It makes no emotionally-intelligent sense to continue to horrifically mourn the deceased for over a decade when We can honor each individual who perished on that day by celebrating their special gifts and contributions to their families and communities.

The attack on Our senses of non-stop, repeated footage of dreadful events is a tactic that keeps people docile with fear and loathing.

  • Instead of tuning into non-stop-replays of The Towers coming down all day long and replayed over and over again on what passes for news TV;
  • Instead of bombarding every channel with reading the names of the deceased for hours;
  • Instead of tuning into h8te-mongers at pulpits inciting anti-love tactics in the name of their all-might-money-gods;
  • Instead of staring at your brown-skinned and Muslim neighbors with suspicion; let Us consider evolving Our consciousness towards being a Better America;
  • Instead of participating in ghoulish practices that bring an entire country’s vibration down, wouldn’t you much prefer to hear:

♥ about the wonderful ways that the victims inspired people?

♥ about the foundations and good works done in their names?

♥ how their memories are now supporting Our Better Lives?

Wouldn’t you feel inspired to be an American by knowing how Our communities have grown stronger and moved forward from tragedy instead of being bombarded by what is actually whining – not remembrance, and certainly not honor for the deceased?

Every “religious” tradition has wisdom that serves for Us to live Better Lives.  Judaism offers the tradition of sitting shiva, which refers to “a seven-day period of formalized mourning by the immediate family of the deceased.”

“The psychological brilliance of Judaism is nowhere more apparent than in its carefully ritualized structure for dealing with grief. The open expression of sorrow is permitted, even encouraged.  Yet, beginning with the family’s arrival at their home after burial, a process is set into motion that leads the bereaved gently but firmly back to life and the world of the living. The first stage in this gradual process of healing is called shiva.” – ReformJudaism.org

Note:  Coincidence? Shiva, “The Auspicious One,” is the Hindu deity who is “the Creator, the Preserver, the Transformer, and the Destroyer.”  In spiritual traditions, Shiva embodies The Cycle of Life.  Interesting…

It’s time to create a New 9/11 Tradition of honor and pride.

We have the opportunity to build Better Communities by Being Better Neighbors.  We have the opportunity to learn about Our differences – like how We pray – to strengthen Our similarities – like how We love Our children.

Let Us start by taking the time to honor and remember what makes this country great and turn the annual 9/11 debacle into a Day of Inspiration.  We don’t need constant reminders of the horror; We need reminders of Our Greatness as a country made up of many different cultures, peoples, beliefs, and ways to love to be encouraged to be an even Better America.  We need these reminders because We are bombarded on a daily basis with the most negative news and awful behaviors of people at their worst and little to no time is spent celebrating Us at Our Best.

We can change this NOW, this 9/11 and every one thereafter, by choosing:

  • NOT to watch TV that day. (The same goes for turning your attention to gruesome news websites.)  You don’t need to see those Towers fall ever again.  If enough people tune out, media companies will feel the loss of advertising profits and attend to Our interests for a change;
  • To organize and/or attend a community building event. How fortunate We are to live in the internet age and have socializing websites like Meetup and even craigslist to find events to commune with like minds and energies;
  • To pay it forward. Do something for the future.  In his wisdom and respect, President Obama declared 9/11 as a Day of Service, which is truly the highest way to honor Our deceased.  Plant a tree; clean up a lot to create a community garden; see where there is a need in your community and show up to be a solution and contribution;
  • Learn something new. The more We know, the more We grow.  Especially if you’re a parent, take the opportunity to learn something new with your children to encourage their love of learning and sharing ideas.  A good thing to learn about would be a high-holy day in a tradition different from your own so that you may enhance tolerance in yourself and your children for a better today and tomorrow.

These are just a few suggestions that work for Me.  Please, do your thing.  The fact that you and I have as much freedom to do what We want to do as We have, already makes Us better off than the majority of the people on this planet.

Let’s not waste any more time festering in horror and being negative; let’s rise up with honor and integrity and be inspired by how We have strengthened as a nation from tragedy.

— This article’s Twin Towers painting: Original artwork by Jim Watts (2002)

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:
AskMistressDidi.com

How to Deal with Piggy Dom/mes

A Domina101™ Tip

December 27, 2014

This post is in response to a few conversations regarding an incident where a Dominant made a few enemies due to her lack of courtesy. Let this be a guideline for You when You’re “Domme-tripping,” and for how to deal with head-trippers.

Never expect anything from a pig except a grunt.
~ #quote My Fabulous Grandmother

AskMistressDidi.comYou know that thing: the oh-so-Dommey-Dom/me who condescends to You right off the bat? Even knowing that You’re a Domme? Not that condescending without a good reason is ever ok…

My recent experience of that thing while celebrating the Holiday Spirit:  I asked a few Dommes I’ve been aware of if they would like for Me to mention them and their works in My Holiday Newsletter. One lovely, Domina said thanks and didn’t give Me drama-not-on-Broadway where drama belongs. The other one is the perfect representation of what I’m writing here and I’ve made her useful for a Domina101™ training. Now:

1)    I am a very gregarious person and a strong supporter of Women Supporting Women;

2)    I am in NO way desperate for content for My Newsletter or for anything that I do; and

3)    I am not asking for anything from YOU other than exactly how you would like Me to present your work in My Newsletter, which is more for-and-about-you than it is for Me.  If one chooses to look at the situation as someone doing something for someone else (which I don’t), I’m doing YOU the favor of free promotion – not the other way around. I am generously sharing My resources with You.

We all know that technology today makes it possible to research the person you’re dealing with before you make a complete turd of yourself. And yet, it is My experience on a regular basis that all these silly creatures do is look at My photos and immediately make up ignorant- fantasies about Me that are extremely limited… The really gruesome just look to pick out specific words in something you and I post online about OUR experiences to play the make-wrong game. And those who believe that they are as ugly as they are, are outright rude in person – as if somehow, everyone observing will not peg their behavior as jealousy. Pity these people; there is something seriously lacking in the quality of their existence that makes them hostile and combative. Pity them, but definitely put them in their places – beneath You.

While I do pity them, I find it helpful to understand the motivations for their rudeness to prevent Me from wanting to completely eviscerate them. I am a Responsible Sadist whose motto is:

Don’t start none, won’t be none – I finish it.

How To Handle The Piggy Dom/me

1)    Recognize that s/he is intimidated by You and needs to convince herself of her false-sense of superiority. People who suffer from inferiority complexes often believe that if they can force their idea of dominance onto you, that they will prove to the world that they are superior to everything and everyone else.

2)    Whatever You do, do not become hostile. That’s exactly what they want You to do! They can only feel alive through negative experiences because that is the punishment of people who focus on lower-level activities and expression. These are the people, after all, who usually don’t exercise, eat well, or read, and who rush to watch judgment-TV with bowls of junk food-stuff on a daily basis. That is the recipe for toxicity and they are toxic in mind, body, and spirit. So, they most certainly can’t feel good about themselves and they want to disrupt the flow of everyone who not only lives well and feels good, but certainly those who look good! These are also the people who are quick to call YOU conceited for having a sense of style – which, in My Opinion, is Our Duty To Society.

3)    Dismiss them. As always, You have the choice in how You wish to respond. I usually treat them with pleasantries and respect right up until the moment they serve their purpose for Me dealing with them in the first place. Then, I immediately change My tone of communication to a clearly-dismissive one. This lets them know that they are no longer of importance and shakes up their comfort zone. The best part is that I always “plant a seed of torture”Domina101™ participants know what I mean! Ahhh, delicious!

A favorite story recanted among My Associates is of a male dominant who had the audacity to think he could bark orders to Us at an event. You know the type: the guy who thinks that every woman – especially Dommes – really want to sub to him.  It was immediately clear to Me that this person would never be someone or something enjoyable or of value to Me or Mine. So, I chose to “nip it in the bud,” as the expression goes. I stood in front of him, pointed My finger at him, laughed genuinely, turned to My submissive and walked away, laughing. For the rest of the event, I specifically let him see Me enjoying Myself with worthy humans and not once did My eyes glance in his direction. I made him disappear. As usual, the gruesome grapevine passed along his attempts to defame Me, but witnesses addressed his rudeness before I ever got wind of their remarks – not that I care about gruesomes have to say anyway. They only serve to add salt to the wounds of My sprouting seeds of torture.

4)    Most importantly, let it be known that You don’t care about them. They have served your purpose and are unworthy of further attention. People who do not care for themselves want you – anyone – to care about them. Because they know that they are bereft of redeeming qualities, the only tool they have to be noticed is gruesome behavior. And that’s where pity can be a most useful tool for You.

As a Responsible Sadist, I find comfort in leading them by the nose into seeing just how ridiculous they are. Because I am a firm believer in Karma, I always find ways to give a reality slap that permits offenders the opportunity for personal growth – which is good for My Karma, which is always My primary motivation. What they choose to do with My Gift is their karma.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

 *****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

 

PartyDomme.com

The Secrets of Happy Fetish

December 10, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I am curious to know if its bad that I keep the BDSM thing strictly to the bedroom. Can you please explain how it works as an everyday lifestyle thing? How does one live the lifestyle without it being an abusive relationship?

Kind Regards, L.

~~~~~~~~~

Hi L,

I am waiting for My morning coffee to kick in, so please read this with a splash of humor, as I intended it.

The answer is NO, I cannot explain the answers to your questions because your questions are like: What is the purpose of Life? and What is the meaning of the Universe! Any answers to such questions will be subjective – just like the concepts of what is right and wrong for your relationship would be.

What I can offer is:

The Secrets of Happy Fetish

  • ALL things originate and end with SELF-Control: What you will and will not do/accept/reject, etc. are up to you to choose for yourself.
  • SELF-Love and Respect are integral parts of Self-Control because all CHOICES We make – whether We acknowledge that they are Our choices or not – are in direct correlation to how much We love and respect Ourselves.
  • Personal Responsibility is the Truth of All Matters.  Everything else is One’s perspective (usually based upon what We avoid facing about Ourselves).

I know, tough concepts. But really think about them and observe the evolution of your perspectives as you consider them in relation to your past and present experiences. Then, you will notice how these concepts apply in your future. This is a continuously evolving process as Our consciousness grows. It is a very powerful tool for creating Happiness.

Now, as for keeping BDSM in the bedroom, that is completely your CHOICE.  If you choose to expand from kink to Lifestyle Experience, that, too, is your CHOICE – which includes how you will DESIGN your relationship(s) with the people you CHOOSE to have in your life.  You are the creator of how BDSM and Dominance/submission – and EVERYTHING ELSE – will be in your life.

When you operate with Self-Love and Respect with Self-Control, you take Personal Responsibility for your Life Choices. This does not excuse the “creepazoid factor” – it means that instead of blaming yourself, everything, and everyone else for your experiences, you choose to learn from them and forgive yourself and others so that you can move on to freely create your Happiness.

Abuse is an agreement.  Yes, that’s also a tough thought to consider, but all effective therapies that actually help people to heal from abusive relationships involve the 3 steps I listed above and usually begin with taking Personal Responsibility for being in the relationship. It is important to note that Personal Responsibility should not be about making yourself or others wrong. Personal Responsibility IS about allowing the experience to be part of your process of evolution. Forgiveness is a huge part of that process because We must give up Our attachments to belief systems that do not support Our Happiness (the could-would-should’s).

Do understand that My Domain is uniquely Mine and that I advocate on a continuous basis that everyone is responsible for designing their Lifestyles on their terms. Having said that, here’s how I work D/s and BDSM in My Life:

1)    One of My tenets is, “From each according to his ability, to each according to My Desires” (a little Play on Marx and Engels).  So, each person who AGREES to My Terms to be allowed the enjoyments of My Domain offers unique qualities for My Happiness – or they are dismissed. End of discussion.

2)    I am a Harmonious Domme, meaning that all that drama-not-on-Broadway is not for Me. I like peace and beauty and lots of joyful amusements! My PleasurePain™ Techniques are rewards for good and proper service. My punishments are withholdings of pleasure (to put it very simply).

3)    While I am open to suggestions, it’s ultimately My way or not at all. If anyone discovers that they do not wish to comply, they are free to go. I will wish them well. Next!

4)    The VAST majority of My submissives and admirers are NOT sexual in nature (and the lucky few have cultivated the magnificence that makes them worthy!). Since most people sleaze around in the kink-mentality and call what they’re doing, “fetish,” they are too limited to comprehend the tremendous value that exists in higher-level living. I offer a LOT of FREE Mentoring; the worthy do the work. I have no concern for the rest.

5)    Which brings Me to: I take excellent care of Myself and I want what I offer. I deserve THE BEST. I do not accept anyone who identifies with being a “lowly” anything; been there, done that, it was boring.  I want people who are interested in BEING the Best they can be on a regular, evolving basis. This makes My Domain difficult for fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers and a True Paradise for the worthy.

How I Implement The Secrets of Happy Fetish

1)    I look at each individual as an adventure and an opportunity to be an amazing chapter in My Life Story. How they show up is their choice.

2)    I stay true to My Self. I know what I want and choose for My Domain. I have learned – and continue to learn (without judging MySelf) – that whenever I think I’m being kind and deviate from what I want and from following My instincts, “turdity” will occur! I have committed to no longer taking pity on people. As I stated, I want what I offer and I deserve The Best. I choose not to accept the pitiful into My Domain because they never want to elevate their consciousness to being their bests; they always, only want to bring you down. Giant yawn…

3)    When people disappoint Me, I FORGIVE Myself first and foremost because in doing so, I give Myself the opportunity to learn about Myself and My Journey to enhance My Happiness.

a)    While I recognize “turditude,” I follow Don Miguel Ruiz’s advice in THE FOUR AGREEMENTS and I don’t take it personally because I understand that people act out against their truths and project that onto you because they are afraid to face their own, ugly realities. This is not an easy practice, but it is always worth the effort!

b)    This practice also keeps Me forever positive and feeling – and looking – fabulous! You know what they say: Looking good is the best revenge… Fortunately for all The Universe, I don’t do revenge; I Trust Karma. Karma never lets you down.

If you’re looking for “how to” do your fetish, I advise you to do a LOT of research and consider the source carefully. As I’m sure you’re aware, the majority of creeple you’ll find on popular websites are just takers-fakers-shakers-noise-makers who mostly blab to convince themselves of their fantasies and offer nothing of value.

You can take advantage of all of My Complimentary Gifts on My Websites and, if what I believe resonates with your Truth, you can choose to indulge in My Webcam Workshops.

Wishing you All The Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Rules For Clear Communication

August 13, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I want You to know that I completely disagree with [NAME WITHHELD] and I did not feel like You were trying to tell me how to be a “real Domme.” I have been thinking about Our conversation and I now see what You pointed out as “possibilities” to be true!  The sub was topping from the bottom and he did hear what he wanted to hear when he wanted to hear it.  It became clear that he was playing me!  I was explaining [what You said] to my Domme friends and request that You please say it again to make sure that we get it right.  Thank You!

Miss ShaR

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Miss ShaR,

First, I thank You for receiving My observations as possibilities and for not feeling threatened by fantasies that My intention is to dictate anything to You or that My way is the “one twue wayyy” of Dominance – like the h8ters accuse. Clearly, h8ters never realize that using that concept is a cop-out for their own feelings of ineptitude and their inability to receive or perceive beyond their limitations.

I offered what I observed as a possibility from My own personal experience; that I could be wrong; and that the possibility could be something to consider. I noticed that You repeated Yourself more than twice to the sub, who was busy being interested in what he wanted to be interested in at the event instead of doing his job, attending to You. Unless a Domme’s fetish is dealing with people with ADHD-type behaviors or repeating Herself, a sub’s lack of attention is:

  • Disrespectful to the Domme. What is a submissive’s purpose in Your Domain? To serve You on Your terms as You decide he will serve. If the sub – and especially in public – is not attentive to You, it appears to The Scene that You are at fault in his training – no matter what the real deal is. And that presents a picture for all kinds of annoying situations to think that they can make a home in Your zone because not only are first impressions lasting, but too many creeple are out here looking for any and everything negative to disrupt Your flow – even if they have to make it up;
  • A sign of a lack of commitment to his service agreement with the Domme. There are whole generations of folks who believe that they can demonstrate the worst behaviors which will inevitably be forgiven and forgotten til the next time – and each and every time. I believe that this is a poor-parenting failure that is perpetrated on a variety of levels. The brat gets away with it at the source of his relationship identity and fully expects the same from You and everyone else on the planet, evidently…; and
  • Stressful to the Domme and, subsequently (no pun intended) to the sub. While there are tons of creeple addicted to chaos, most of Us don’t want to be stressed – especially in Our Fetish Lives.

In defense of a sub, quite often, communication rules are not clearly defined and mishaps can happen. This is why I present to The Domina101™ Collective:

Rules For Clear Communication

Know What You Want

First and foremost, a Domme needs to (i) know what She wants and (ii) choose the best ways to communicate Her wants. All too often, I see people barking orders and the sub as no clue what is really being requested of him because the Dominant doesn’t really know either! Vague commands yield “non-results” and are a setup for failure all the way around. Most submissives will default to what they already know (training from someone and somewhere else) when they do not have clear directives. It is imperative to know exactly what you want to have a starting point to be able to communicate your desires.

I streamline My conversation to the best of My ability – e.g., carefully choosing explicit words for EXACTLY what I want in order to make it easy for people to understand Me. The problem is that everyone is conditioned to believe that they can magically anticipate what someone wants from what we think they should want based upon our fantasies of their lives. I suggest that You research effective communication techniques for project managers because, after all, You are managing Your Domain. You will develop Your own sense of what works for You, of course, but the more You know, the better things go!

I am also consistent. I clearly define and relay My Rules to everyone, including posting them online, for people who want to participate in My Domain to be personally responsible for adhering to them. I actually have a script so that I tell each person the exact same thing and I have them repeat what My instructions mean in their own words to ensure that misunderstandings are not on My end. Each and every time, culprits attempt to insist that their behavior was in My “best interests” while clearly disrespecting My Rules – which is always merely them enacting their own agenda without consideration for the commitment they made. Their typical next step is to attempt to feign being offended and lashing out against you (i) because their behavior is not excused and (ii) for pointing out their wrong-doing with documented facts.

The Hearing Technique:

Most of the time, people speak at each other and not with each other.  To enhance comprehension:

1)  Identify and get clear on what You want to say.

2)  Choose the simplest, most direct words to communicate what You want.

  • Further simplify by expressing it as if You were communicating with a 5-year-old. This is not to be condescending (unless that’s part of the Fetish!); it helps you to be certain that you’re being clear

3)  Ask the person(s) to repeat back to You in their own words so that YOU can be sure You communicated clearly and were heard; revise as necessary

Often, I will tell the submissive about this process so that it is further enhanced by his own awareness of and focus on the technique. How people show up is what makes it worth Your while to continue with their service to You.

I use this technique in all of My communications with Dominants and submissives alike. It takes a bit of practice – and practice cannot always guarantee perfection. Some people are committed to being disruptive (See How To Handle Disruptors). But these tools will enhance your best efforts.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 

Being Superior; My “How To” Process: Part 3 of 3 of “Domain Maintenance”

August 20, 2013

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I see that the idiot-stalker is still trying to harass You.  What’s the deal?  You said You would tell what to do with creeps like this.  What’s taking You so long to say what You’re doing about him so I can know what to do with the [expletive] that’s annoying me?

~ Miss Seamus

* * * * *

Miss Seamus,

A better question is: Why are you following the loser’s activities?  You seriously need to ask yourself:  What are your motives for focusing on such negativity and inferiority?  What does this say about you and what you’re REALLY committed to?

You want something from Me and didn’t bother to ask politely for My assistance; in fact, you barked like a cur to make a demand.  So, now I add you to serve My purposes to demonstrate to those who are worthy of My gracious giving what I do to maintain My Domain, My Wellness, My Happiness, and eliminate idiots and idiocy.

The challenge for anyone who reads this is to notice your resistance as I present the most positive approach to wellness.  The level of constriction that you feel in your body is a direct indication of how much negativity you are committed to maintaining in your life.  Being aware of one’s resistance is a basic tenet of behavioral modification therapy.

This post is Part 3 of 3 of Domain Maintenance With Self-Love and Personal Integrity.  In Part 1: False Friends and Allies In Lies, I offer how to care for yourself when your trust and kindness have been betrayed.  In Part 2: Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?, I offer value to the person who encounters slanderous intentions that are designed to manipulate you.  In this post, I will focus on exactly (1) how I USE offenders to serve Me better than if I paid someone to do My bidding, and (2) how I keep My cool and attend to My Karma, which is My most important concern.

In Part 1: False Friends & Allies In Lies, I wrote: “The best way for sheeple to avoid personal responsibility is to join in negativity against those who are doing/being/creating what they cannot do themselves.”  In your case, you choose to focus on the negative aspects of this situation and operate from lower vibrations and lizard-brain thinking, rather than utilizing the positive resources and techniques I’ve generously presented in My posts — which is exactly what the loser you’ve uselessly attached yourself to chooses to do — and all of the other losers before, and inevitably after him, will choose such laziness in support of continued, cowardice and inferiority, too.  By focusing on the lowest vibrations and choosing to operate at the lowest levels of existence, you refuse opportunities to improve your state of being.  In other words, you neglect who and what you claim to LOVE in your life by obsessing on people who care nothing for or about you.

WARNING: If you don’t change your focus and improve your ways, you will also find yourself in the position where you are the cause for your significant other(s) cheating on you, too!  And it will be YOUR FAULT because you neglected the love that exists in your life to obsess over ridiculous fantasies that you create about people who want nothing to do with you for reasons that you’ve also created.

I made it clear that I pay attention to the signs.  I recognize that all the h8ters who connect to offenders’ inferiority (in whatever ways) will congregate in doing any-and-everything to take the focus off of their own self-h8tred and lack of personal responsibility for how crappy they create their lives to be.  The h8ters serve Positive People by showing Us how We can strengthen Our Self-Love even more.  We learn from adversity while h8ters further devolve into self-loathing and drag their families into hell with them.

I wrote: A loser is someone who only seeks to take from situations and offer nothing – because they don’t believe they have anything of value to offer, and which they will always prove to be true.  It’s easier for the losers and sheeple to choose to focus on negativity because it takes bravery to (1) face and accept one’s insecurities and (2) do work to improve one’s self.  This is why the losers and sheeple are lazy cowards, which is reflected in their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual lives on all levels.”  Part of this “personal avoidance process” is blaming everyone else for your failures and insisting that you are entitled to the fruits of others’ labors.

So, for MY purposes, I write this post and I keep My promise to the worthy folks who appreciate My Gifts and do their own work for their happiness by disclosing what I do to keep My cool, attend to My Karma, and Maintain My Domain.

How To Powerfully Pity The Pathetic

1)    Practice an Attitude of Gratitude.  Each and every day, I give thanks for ALL that I have and all that I AM.  I realize that even though I may not have everything I desire, that I am so much more fortunate than the vast majority of people in the world.  I begin each day before getting out of bed by counting a minimum of 10 things I am grateful for.  This lifts My general attitude to begin My day and generates pleasure chemicals in My body for overall wellness (more and more scientific research proves this as fact)!  For example, I am grateful that I have all of My senses, that I have food to eat, that I can walk (again!), that I have healthcare, and so many other things that people in Our own country don’t have – and the majority of people on the planet have even less.  Of course, like just about every person who is part of a Westernized-culture, there are always things I desire to acquire.  However, Winners know that by keeping Our focus on positivity and prosperity, We attract and create success.

2)    Practice Forgiveness like a mutha@%#*!  I begin by forgiving Myself for whatever “fantasies I imposed upon situations” – like expecting people to be true to their word and to behave in civilized manners.  One of the keys to a peaceful life is to have no expectations – which is something that is extremely difficult to figure out how to do since We project Our desired outcomes onto everything We do.  So, when I recognize that I set Myself up for a disappointment, I:

a)    Forgive Myself and all involved for not living up to My “fantasy” of what coulda-shoulda-woulda been.  I work to accept that “it is what it is” – hey sometimes stuff happens;

 b)    Get Over It And Move On to create My happiness.  Moving on is the key because you cannot change the past, and harping on something that IS OVER AND DONE WITH disrupts your future; and

c)    Recognize That There Is Only NOW.  All of the energy spent on mulling over people who didn’t behave, and things that didn’t go, the way you wanted them to is time wasted from enjoying your life NOW, in the present, the Only Time There IS.  There’s a reason it’s called the “present”: At every given moment, and from moment to moment, you have the ability to change what you don’t like about your life and create and empower what you do like.  The present is the gift of power to create (tap into The Divine Energy), so make the most of it!  I know this to be true and I live it!

3)    LEARN From The Experience With Gratitude that I am smarter for having had it and now I know what NOT to do next time.  Most recently, I learned to:

a)    Follow My First Instincts and NOT Doubt ThemAgain, I had to learn this lesson, but I’ve learned it now!  I hold regular interviews for “club sub” positions for My (and other) events.  I will never again give someone I dislike from the moment I meet them a chance to be in My Domain.  And, when My Fetish Family tells Me they do not care for a person, I will dismiss him immediately without any second thoughts or chances.

b)    NEVER AGAIN Permit Myself To Be Convinced To The Contrary Of My Instincts.  I accept full responsibility for allowing a Domina I’ve known for years to convince Me to give someone I instantly disliked a chance and to share his services with Me.    Had I followed My instincts, I would not have engaged in a cooperative collaboration with Her in the first place – not anything against Her, but because his energies AND BEHAVIOR were inferior and distasteful.  And even after seeing that he was completely wrong for My Domain, as a cooperative courtesy to Her, I went against My instincts to dismiss him sooner.  Here’s the REALITY: I understand that She ALSO wanted to dismiss him sooner, but went against Her instincts as a cooperative courtesy to Me!  I will NEVER go against My instincts and comforts again.

c)    Observe My Thoughts That Led Me Down This Road.  I spent the past 8 years dealing with a debilitating injury that destroyed much of My life.  EVERY day was a battle in pain and depression.  Because I am FABULOUS and a WINNER, I refused to become a loser because of financial and property losses from living in 24/7-non-stop pain.  I believe in My Greatness and I tried everything I could to improve My State of Being.  Though I often felt I wanted to, I refused to give up.  This process has been extremely difficult, but I am worth the effort!  I chose to heal, and I am in the process of becoming better than I’ve ever been before.  So, I have tremendous compassion for people who have to deal with illness of any kind.

However, I have NO CONSIDERATION for people who use their illnesses as weapons against others; in other words, as manipulation tools against your compassion to bully you to excuse their heinous behavior and lack of personal responsibility – especially to disobey orders as a so-called-submissive.  Belligerent insistence on attempting to top-from-the-bottom is NEVER excusable as there is NEVER a reason to break your agreement to serve as I decide for MY Domain.  I am most generous, not unreasonable, and I do not EVER require any activity that would be contrary to anyone’s wellness, especially Mine.  I have made allowances for people who fail(ed) to live up to the opportunities I have given them.  I will not do this again.

People who refuse to improve their diets, exercise, practice physical and mental wellness techniques, and especially, refuse to develop emotional maturity to improve their conditions and lives will ALWAYS BE DISMISSED FROM MY DOMAIN and/or be refused admittance to it.  If you are/are not working on a solution for your life condition, you will NOT be My problem.  My Domain is ONLY for people who brave to be Fabulous Winners, too.  The question for all others is: With Us, the people you desire to associate with, as examples, why are you not inspired to choose to be your best?

4)    Protect My Domain.  Read Safety Tips for Dommes

a)    Take Advantage of The Assistance of Friends In High Places.  Let’s just say that I am most fortunate that I don’t have to do anything; everything is being handled for Me by people with legal authority and power.  While I ignore (muted, blocked, etc.) this loser’s desperate attempts to gain My attention, he’s continued to build irrefutable evidence for legal action that I will take against him if he insists on making it necessary.  In fact, he obviously misunderstands the totality of the Confidentiality Agreement that he signed and which is on file.  If any intelligence exists, he will cease stupidities and handle his home life NOW before he loses everything.

Which brings Me to:

5)    Pity The Fool (see Pity The Self-Loathingnote the date I posted this writing).  While I am a Sadist, and I always make offenders useful to Me in a variety of ways they seldom consider, I have a tremendous amount of compassion – which, like My kindness, is all too often, foolishly mistaken for weakness.  I use this to My advantage should someone insist on receiving retribution – even though, I feel sorry for these offenders because:

a)    While these types somehow convince themselves that what they do is not cheating, lying, etc., they never consider that their significant others are cheating on and lying to them, which is inevitably the outcome when you neglect those you’ve committed to.  This is why in My previous posts I have advised losers to:

i)      Focus on what’s going on in their own lives instead of trying to obsess over their twisted fantasies about Me and Mine;

ii)     Get a clue – they ALL think they are “special” while anyone can see that they are all, boringly alike – as evidenced by My articles, blog posts, tweets, etc., written YEARS ago.  I merely take the opportunity to reiterate at appropriate times if it amuses Me to benefit from their inane stupidity;

iii)    Pay attention to loving the people they claim to care about (e.g., being better parents and spouses) instead of trying to h8te people who care nothing for or about them.  Quite frankly, I’m done caring more about losers’ families than they do; and

iv)   Pay attention to the magnitude of My statement that it’s a privilege to have resourceful friends in High Places setting them up if they don’t back down.  It can never be said that I do not give numerous warnings.

b)    I understand that such people who choose h8tred – whether via politics; religion; making enemies of their neighbors; etc. – need psychiatric and spiritual help.  As I stated in Part 2: Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?:

“… most people operate from lower vibrations and lizard-brain thinking because that’s the typically lazy way to exist, their failures and fears must be the fault of everything and everyone else who IS successful in doing the work in their own lives for their own happiness.”

I feel sorry for these cowards because of how horrible it must be to insist that you are not good enough, smart enough, anything of value to the point that you are too afraid to be better than a loser?  To not love yourself?  And, therefore, failing at loving your wife, your children, or anyone else in truth?

“A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

And, when cowards encounter people who are Winners, their fear is exaggerated to the point of inevitable self-destruction –  which manifests as family troubles, e.g., children who are sex and substance abusers; neighbors who despise and conspire against you, cheating spouses, etc.  Such cowards are so intent on self-loathing that they destroy what goodness Winners could ever see in them because they don’t believe the goodness within them is real.  That is extremely sad and pitiable.

c)    I Always Have Hope and Prayers.  First and foremost, for My Karma, because I Love Myself, I choose to always send positive vibrations to those who seek to make themselves enemies – especially when they go out of their way to offend Me!  I choose NOT to have enemies because that would just add negativity and ugliness to My Domain and take away from The Beauty of Life: the wonderful people who love and care for Me; how I see the world; how much fun I am able to have living My life.  I understand that when you send energy, you must be careful not to be manipulative with your intentions because (1) thoughts are energy and have power and (2) that would be imposing your will upon someone else’s life.  If you believe in any type of God Energy, all religious/spiritual doctrines (except for the popular, “subjugation religions”) say that humans were given free-will and the right to be happy.  I always hope offenders will choose to be better in every way, but better in any way will be an improvement.

d)    I completely DETACH from offenders and their shenanigans.  Seriously, I don’t care for or about them and keep My focus on My Joy, BetterFetish™, and BETTER everything than they could possibly be or have been to Me.

e)    I honor My Sadism.  When these morons get excited by their silly fantasies of power in My Domain, I use them for articles, blog posts, make money off of them, etc.  When I’m done using them, I move onto useful pursuits.  Smarter offenders move on with their lives.  Stupid offenders continue with their desperate need for attention… and pay… in every way…

4)    I Keep My Focus And Energies Evolving Towards Being The Best I Can Be, as is evident in My writings – even when I’m bitchy.  I strongly recommend to EVERYONE to read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  In fact, I give this book as a gift to those whom I mentor and I have recently decided that it will be required reading for those who wish to serve in My Domain, as well.  The Four Agreements are:

  1. Be impeccable with your word;
  2. Don’t take anything personally (because people are operating from their own fantasies about your reality, as well as their own);
  3. Don’t make assumptions; and
  4. Always do your best.

Practicing The Four Agreements is quite the rewarding challenge.  Every day, I benefit from these simple concepts and lead a happier life with each day being better than the day before!

As for the actual steps to completely stop stalkers (and punish them for their offenses), I’m going to conduct a webcam workshop with step-by-step guidelines on how to destroy offenders if they don’t stop harassing youJoin My Mailing List to be notified of dates and fees.

It’s people like you, Miss Seamus, who always serve to remind Me not to cast My Pearls before the lazy who wish to benefit from My work and knowledge while not even being polite enough to ask for – and Goddess-knows, never offer gratitude for – My assistance.  Now, anyone who’s interested can pay for My time and expertise, or do all the research and footwork themselves.

Good luck.

More Resources

Resources for Victims or Witnesses of Hate Crimes | The New York County District Attorney’s Office

Keeping Cool With Karma

How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks

How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

Transcending Malicious Liars

Consider The Source

Pity The Self-Loathing

* * * * *

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

http://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You? Part 2 of 3 “Domain Maintenance”

July 7, 2013

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

… You have some nerve requesting to post Your event in our group when You’ve called some of our sisters, “fat bitches” and …  what people say about You …

(The rest of the rant was omitted to protect the identity of this individual.  I have personally and privately emailed the following to her.  Once again, My practice of observing synchronicity aligns all to serve My purposes!)

* * * * *

Dear Miss P,

This is Part 2 of 3 of Domain Maintenance With Self-Love and Personal Integrity.   In Part 1: False Friends and Allies In Lies, I offer how to care for yourself when your trust and kindness have been betrayed.  In this post, I offer value to the person who encounters slanderous intentions that are designed to manipulate you.  Part 3 will focus on exactly (1) how I USE offenders to serve Me better than if I paid someone to do dirty work, and (2) how I keep My cool and attend to My Karma, which is the most important concern.

I am also in the process of creating a workshop/webinar to teach you how to guide offenders to set themselves up with irrefutable proof of their offenses to be controlled with legal action and the least amount of effort.

Personal Responsibility

Avoidance of Personal Responsibility Tactics.  We have choice in EVERYTHING in Our lives – which makes you both the power and the problem in your life.  How We choose determines the quality of all experiences and lessons that make life a joy or a hell.

Whenever some self-loathing creature attempts to invade and usurp My Domain (or yours), they believe that what I say about Myself is as much of a lie as what they say about themselves.  When they see that I AM Who I say I am:

(1) they recognize that they are LYING about who they want to believe they are and the familiar panic of insecurity comes to the surface,

(2) they are threatened and terrified by their fears of not being good enough in all of the ways they invalidate their own existence, and

(3) being lazy cowards, they choose distraction via any form of negativity for and/or about others in order to avoid how negatively they feel about themselves – hence the success of the numerous “reality” TV shows with revolting people that self-loathers need to denigrate for this personal avoidance process.

Since (sadly) most people operate from lower vibrations and lizard-brain thinking because that’s the typically lazy way to exist, their failures and fears must be the fault of everything and everyone else who IS successful in doing the work in their own lives for their own happiness.  And since We live in a world of sheeple” who follow all kinds of wicked-ridiculousness to feed on negativity to avoid personal responsibility, there are always lots of other sheeple who will choose to jump on the “ugly bandwagon” as part of their own personal avoidance processes.

Losers.  A loser is someone who only seeks to take from situations and offer nothing – because they don’t believe they have anything of value to offer, and which they will always prove to be true.  Since they have no personal value, losers cannot recognize or appreciate value anywhere else and spend their lives unfulfilled and running their personal avoidance processes.

It’s easier for the losers and sheeple to choose to focus on negativity because it takes bravery to (1) face and accept one’s insecurities and (2) do work to improve one’s self.  This is why the losers and sheeple are lazy cowards, which is reflected in their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual lives on all levels.  The problem is that negative energy is a worse addiction than heroin, crack, and crystal meth combined.  As with any addiction, more and more of the toxin is needed until the addicted completely destroys her/himself and the people who try to love her/him.  See the miserable cycle of how they foster their own failures?

Remember, this is their choice from laziness and cowardice.  We know that there are a lot of pathetic nutjobs out here who demonstrate just how much they h8te themselves by just how much work they will put into trying to destroy what you’re doing, instead of taking one-tenth of that time and effort to improve their own lives.

In Our particular experience, losers have taken hours-days-weeks to contact every person in social groups to spread lies about Us – and even created false identities to corroborate their stories!  How pathetic it must be that the fake personas they make up are the only validation they have – which is NO validation!  The sheeple attracted to avarice are also losers, so do the math: 0 + 0 = 0.

Manipulation Tactics

Here’s where Personal Responsibility is key because you have to be brave and practice self-awareness.  Remember, Self-Loving people are not afraid to face themselves.  In fact, for people who have Self-Value, it is a wonderful experience to be with yourself and explore, experience, and enjoy all of Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming.

Remember, losers are desperate and will do any and everything they can to feel something because they are dead inside – which is the result of lacking self-love and an addiction to negativity.  Because losers lack self-value, living is actually painful and distasteful for them and they are jealous of people who enjoy life to the point that they want to destroy Us.  So, instead of doing work to improve and evolve, they spend exorbitant amounts of time on “activities for devolution” and ways to suck everyone down with them.  Remember that losers want and need everyone else to lose, too.  How pathetic.

So, when you encounter malicious conversation about a person, it is an amazing opportunity for you to choose to love or not love yourself.  Observe:

1)    What is your first thought and feeling?  Do you wonder why someone would go to such lengths to malign another person? contact you, a stranger, pretending to be concerned for you, only to complain about something they claim was done to them?  Or do you just go for the gossip?  It takes a strong mind and a self-loving person to disengage from gossip and gossip is the language of losers.  It’s like a farmer yelling, “sooo-eeee” for all the pigs to come and eat slop.

2)    What trigger words are used in the attack?  Trigger words are usually group-specific with the purpose of soliciting agreement based on the group’s dynamic.  My experience has always been that the loser targets Women and females with over-weight slurs he claims I said because since I AM fit and healthy and THIS IS THE KEY AREA OF INSECURITY for Women and females, in particular.  Trigger words often center on claims of a person’s vanity/conceit, possessions/lack of possessions, and anything that can be construed to be against a particular group’s interests.  The process is to incite your insecurity to suck you into the negativity vortex to be manipulated for the loser’s goals.

3)    Do you choose to believe the gossip?  Why or why not?  Here’s where it gets interesting and scary and where laziness, self-worth, and intelligence are exemplified:  Do you have any personal experience or knowledge at all of the people involved?  Without a doubt, the person being maligned usually has LOTS of information available about them and IS actually doing valuable things in the community.  The person spreading the gossip inevitably has a shallow – if any – public presentation and offers NOTHING to the community, of course.  Do you research on your own or just feed on the gossip?  The losers are counting on you being lazy and one of them by giving you slop to feed on.

The bottom line is that you either have the control in your life or you permit yourself to be manipulated by your own insecurities and potential for avarice by someone who represents the worst in the potential of a human being. 

The question is, how much do YOU love yourself to be strong and Self-Determined, or to be weak and led to the slaughter of your own self-esteem and happiness?

There is a Universal Law of Attraction that says you attract to you how you are.  I will discuss in Part 3 not only how to handle making sense of nutjobs popping up when We are doing Our thing, Our way, and trying to do the right thing, but also how to use them for Our personal evolution and success.

In the meantime, understand that The Law of Attraction works for losers in self-defeating ways.  While they believe that they achieve something – which is only a false sense of self-elevation by attempting to destroy what We’ve built – they will quickly fester in the cesspool of their reality once again, feeling and being even more the losers that they really are, and less that there is value to their continued living.  Their lives will continue to exponentially decline and illness is inevitable from not only all of the toxins that build up in the body from practicing intense negativity, but as a result of their Karma.

So, what and who defines you?  Do you love yourself?  Or do you align with self-loathers to avoid personal responsibility?  It’s your choice to choose Quality of Being over quantity of distraction from personal evolution and happiness.

More Resources

Keeping Cool With Karma

How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks

How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

Transcending Malicious Liars

Consider The Source

Pity The Self-Loathing

* * * * *

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com all rights reserved

Surprised That I’m A Giving Goddess?

July 23, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

It was really a pleasure to meet You last night.  After hearing rumors about You and [name omitted], I was very surprised that you are so kind and friendly.  You treated me as if I mattered and I now understand that [name omitted] is jealous for more than the obvious reasons…. Sincerely,  j

*****

I’m always astounded by the ridiculous misconception that to be a Dominant Sadist means to be ill-mannered, ill-tempered, selfish, greedy, and everything that the “hoochies-with-whips” abominate The Scene by being.

As I state on My Websites, I am a Giving Goddess.  I do not wish to ever raise My voice, I prefer to make requests rather than demands, and I prefer to reward rather than to punish.

So, whenever I offer a Gift to The Community, I am saddened by the comments of appreciation including statements such as, “It’s nice to know that there are still kind people out there.”

It’s also disparaging that those who are offenders of The Scene have the ludicrous audacity to be offended when their offenses are not tolerated in My Domain.  they band together with others of their kind to call Me “elitist” and a bitch.  their lack of vocabulary comprehension is only slightly less than their lack of integrity.

First of all, I’m a BITCH = Being In Total Control of Herself (My Domain) and the only reason they’re whining is because they’re used to the “silly bitch syndrome” that their mothers effected by permitting them to believe that they are special without offering value to The Whole.

Second, if desiring to be around people with class, integrity, self-respect, and consideration makes Me elitist, I’m proud to be an elitist *snob* on top of that.  I’m not a hypocrite; if I don’t respect a person, I don’t have anything to do with her/him.

I recognize My value by how I present Myself and My Gifts to The Whole.  I walk My talk.   I am secure enough in Myself to know that I do not lose anything when I share My beauty, talents, etc.  Karma is a magnificent thing; what you offer returns to you multiplied.

Intelligent people know that kindness does not equal weakness.  In fact, kindness gives you a powerful tool of revelation: people show you how they want to be treated.  Being a sadist, I will take the opportunity to torture them with enlightenment, which, in itself, is a win-win for Me because I offer a Karmic good.

I return to My Mission of creating a Domain of honor, intelligence, creativity, beauty, and the opportunities for personal evolution through The Fetish Lifestyle.  I realize that more than ever, My Mission is in place to serve the need of The Greater Good.

And I’m excited and energized by this!

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookhttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work?

 

August 7,  2011

This is an excerpt from My response to a post by the fabulous Jennifer Shelton at FemCentral.  I’ve modified it to speak directly to you.

*****

Semantics.  What one person calls “positive thinking” is called “mindfulness” by another person writing a book to sell.  “Positive thinking” can also be included in chanting, meditation, and so many other modalities designed to gain control over FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.

In My experience, Positive Thinking is actually CHOOSING empowering thoughts and actions over dis-empowering ones.  The same amount of time and energy spent on worrying about something that -could- happen can be spent on focusing on what you -want- to create and “Love Me Time” which allows you to get out of the way of achieving your goals.  The stress that people choose to “think” with determines manifestation.

The bottom line is RESPONSIBILITY and ACTION. There is no one thing that is going to be a cure-all for every person.  We are responsible for trying and adapting new things all the time and evolving along THE PROCESS OF OUR DEVELOPMENT.  This requires commitment.

And cultural perspective is thrown in there, too.  It’s not only what society tells you to want, it’s HOW you choose to want it.  For example, “positive thinking” will only work as far as the whiny-person-who-believes-she-is-entitled-to-everything-without-making-an-effort is willing NOT to whine.  In cultures that expect instant gratification and permanent healing from a pill, the idea that TOOLS such as “positive thinking,” meditation, affirmation (and everything else that is designed to RE-CONDITION your thought processes) actually require continuous exercise immediately makes people insist that the TOOLS do not work.  In reality, people are not “working the tools.”

Such laziness and lack of gratitude for all that IS available to Us to figure out how to work for Our individual needs is why We have a society of fat, lazy, slovenly individuals suing McDonald’s for the fact that they CHOOSE to eat the toxic food rather than do the work to eat healthily.

All of this relates to self-worth; do you believe you are WORTHY of what you desire?

You are not entitled to anything; you have to do the work to DESERVE everything.  You have to Work Your Magick (which IS everything that you choose to design in your life).

The Comfort Zone of “focusing on being the victim” is the perfect way for all these people to get rich writing books, etc., for and against everything that has worked throughout “herstory” to validate people staying in their comfort zones and whining about it.

It’s not that something that has been proven to work for a multitude of others “doesn’t work;” YOU aren’t working it.

Discipline is a good thing and self-discipline is the greatest of your powers.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

MANNERS

March 4, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

i dread the holidays as Master’s sisters come to dinner and completely disrupt His household.  Master has expressed His desire to address their behavior and has commanded this task to me.  Since i would never dare to tell Master’s family what to do, i humbly ask for any advice You can give! With much gratitude, pf

Dear pf,

Here is a blog post I wrote recently that should be exactly what you’re looking for!  I suggest that you offer this to your Master and that the two of you can figure out a way to “adapt” it to suit your needs.  Best of luck!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Throughout this season of … cheer, I permitted a few people into My humble home and was appalled by their complete lack of manners.  I NEVER say, “make yourself at home” for a reason: the right to consider My home your home requires bill payments and TREMENDOUS amounts of feats of worthiness.

Since it appears that parents have completely failed to provide any social-grace education to their offspring over the past 40 or so years, here’s a quick list of How Not To Offend Your Hostess/Host.  By all means, pass this information on to YOUR friends and relatives, especially the younger generations.

1. Sit down and stay seated.  DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF A TOUR OF THE HOSTESS’ DOMAIN.  A person’s home is NOT a museum.  If you wish to see the domicile, ASK for a tour and respect the answer given to you.

Also, DO NOT choose to pick up items to inspect them.  This is offensive to the Hostess’ personal space.  If you are too bored with your own company to be left alone for the few moments it takes for the Hostess to go to the bathroom to urinate, bring a magazine when you visit so that you can amuse yourself.

2. Bathroom Hygiene.  The fact that I have cause to write this disgusts Me, but mothers need slaps right across their faces – and not in a happy-fun way – for not training their children in cleanliness from early childhood.  There is NO reason for anyone to leave urine on the toilet seat or the floor!

Step 1: Lift the toiled seat BEFORE using the toilet.

Step 2: Use toilet tissue to wipe the rim and inspect the floor to ensure that it is waste-free.

Step 3: WASH YOUR HANDS when done.

And WASH YOUR HANDS when you come in from the street.  If you do not physically go to the bathroom to do so, carry hand sanitizer in case the Hostess does not offer it to you.  AND if the Hostess offers, use it.

3. CALL before going to a person’s home.  Don’t think it’s OK to drop by.  I recently left someone in the hallway who foolishly thought I would open the door to My apartment because she was in the neighborhood.  I told her that the same way she thinks to call Me to complain about her stupid husband, she should think to call to ask if she can come to My home.  In this era of instant communication, there is no reason not to offer the courtesy of a text or phone call.

4. NO MEANS NO.  When I say that I do not want you to clear the table, wash My dishes, or help Me, I mean it.  A recent offender received 5 stitches for disrespecting My wishes in My home by deciding to help himself to a glass from My kitchen cabinet and broke a glass bowl with is forehead as it fell onto him.  I honestly expressed My anger that he dared to even enter My kitchen, that his head broke My beautiful bowl (and he owes Me a new one), and that he bled on My kitchen floor.  When I say My home is booby-trapped, I mean it.

5. Use a napkin, plate, utensils, chew quietly with your mouth closed, and don’t speak with your mouth full of food.   Seriously, does no one tell these people that their table manners are atrocious?  Really?  Pigs eat at troughs for a reason.  I do not wish to:

  • hear you smack your lips or slurp your liquids
  • see the food being chewed in your mouth
  • have you drop crumbs all over My apartment
  • have you wipe your hands on My furnishings or your clothing
  • scrape your utensils against your teeth
  • sing, hum, dance at the table

It always amazes Me that all these people who want to be in “control” don’t even have basic control of their own awareness and physicality to eat like civilized human beings… Yet, they will be the first to express disdain about someone else’s civility.

The BEST gift one can give is the gift of respect and good manners.  By all means, take a refresher course and pass this info along – especially to the generations coming behind you.  For more resources on manners, visit the Emily Post Institute where you can also find information on the appropriate amounts to tip for services.

What Prompted This Post

I would like to say that I had a marvelous Christmas, but the rudeness of all of the incredibly, self-absorbed people who chose their excitement over common courtesy, intelligence, and respect for anyone else seriously disrupted My Peace on Earth.  I had an incredibly stressful Christmas Eve dealing with yet another relative being rushed to the hospital in serious condition (relatives in hospitals now up to 6) and I did NOT appreciate someone texting Me at 12:01 AM on December 25th because it was now Christmas.  I also really did NOT appreciate the persons who chose to text Me at 8:30am, 9:00am, 9:02am and 9:15am to wish Me a Merry Christmas – and especially on a Saturday morning.  I have STRICT contact times – which are between 12:00 NOON and 9pm ONLY – for very good reasons – one of them being that I am the emergency contact for all these hospitalized relatives, so I cannot turn off My phone.  The fact that it is Christmas – a holiday that I respect but have no affiliation with – does NOT change anything.  Besides what I wrote above, the decision of people to have their fun at My expense is why I chose to give this gift to assist Us all in remembering to mind Our manners.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles: