Tag Archives: Domina101™

© The Mistress Didi* ~ www.PartyDomme.com

My Photo Shoot Preparation Techniques

 

 

Originally Written March 11, 2014; Revised December 3, 2016

This gift is what I offer to participants of My Photo Soirees to prepare and create an excellent experience and for the benefit of more usable photos from photo  shoots.

I designed My Photo Soirees to counter the annoyance of dealing with the many aggravations of taking photos which, in My experience, have included dealing with the egos of photographers who believe that they are far more talented than they will probably ever be; improper setup for what was discussed for the shoot; and the commercial use of My photos without My permission or signed model releases (one creep attempted to forge My signature on a release form when I sued him in court and won).

I screen and choose the photographers for My Photo Soirees so that models, who are often non-professionals, have no worries. I also ensure that models and photographers are legally protected by a carefully constructed, Model & Photographer’s Release that outlines the rules and conditions for the use of photographs and which everyone who participates signs in agreement.

Mistress Didi*s Photo Shoot Preparation Techniques

1) When choosing a photographer, make sure that her/his portfolio includes people who look like you. Photographers put their best work in their portfolios and online so if you don’t see anyone who looks like you, that photographer may have no idea how to shoot you. Considerations to include are the races, ages, shapes, and the models’ expressions that you see presented. (If most of the models in the portfolio have that vacant-duh-look, that is probably not what you want for your holiday card photos!)  If you see that the photographer’s specialty is children and weddings, engaging their services for a Boudoir shoot may not be the right move.

2) Determine the details of the shoot with the photographer in advance. Be specific about what the shoot will involve including price, number of wardrobe changes, make-up and stylist options, type of shoot (e.g., glamour, artistic, boudoir, etc.), session duration; etc.

a) Don’t take anything for granted: it is always best to ask specific questions and have the details agreed to in writing by all parties involved.

i) Determine the conditions for your receipt of your photos. I insist on receiving ALL of My photos in digital format (but I have special deals with photographers with whom I shoot). I recommend that you do not use photographers who offer x amount of “free photos” and a contact sheet and who hold the rest of your shots “hostage for ransom.” Especially if you are new to modeling, find photographers who are willing to shoot in a Time For Prints capacity. Many amateur photographers are building their portfolios and testing techniques. Use these opportunities to get to know how you look best in photos.

ii) I strongly suggest you familiarize yourself with the terms of a standard model’s release (notice that most releases are written completely for the benefit of the photographer to own your images in whole or in part) to determine if and/or what may be changed.

iii) This is an excellent article about model releases for the model’s protection: Model releases: When you should sign one and what it should include.

iv) See Model Releases: What You Need to Know (With Samples) for more detailed information and options to consider.

v) I also suggest searching online (or, even better, ask an attorney friend) for specific clauses that may be included in a model’s release to suit your needs (e.g., duration of use; nature of use; likeness; consent of use; rights of publicity; etc.). See Model Citizens: Protecting Images with a Model Release; All About Model Releases; and Adding restrictive clauses in model release forms: as a model, what rights do I have in doing so?

NOTE: For all of the above reasons and more, I created My Photo Soirees so that models can enjoy a “preview” of a photographer’s work before paying for photos. Many people would like to have some professional and/or good amateur shots without being put through the ringer of legalities, paying high fees, and without having the fear of being exploited by “shutter-trolls.”

b) I recommend bringing your own music to the shoot for comfort and flow. Ask the photographer about the studio’s sound system to ensure that your device can be accommodated.

i) Make sure to discuss the type of music you’re bringing in case it is something that the photographer can’t stand – which will affect the vibe and, quite probably, your photos..  For example, not everyone finds offensive lyrics necessary or enjoyable in what’s being called music these days…

ii) I have a small speaker with great sound just in case the location is not set up with a sound system (e.g., outdoor shoots). I also recommend playing the music at comfortable (not blaring) levels so that you and the photographer can easily hear each other.

iii) Personally, I will NOT participate with a photographer who has issues with music playing while I model – unless I am being paid well for the shoot.

3) Determine what type(s) of photos you want. Looking for ideas in magazines may be helpful, but it’s very important to be realistic about your strong points and not get caught up in fantasies portrayed by professional models. For example, a pose with a model arching back on horseback may not look good on you, arching back in a chair.

4) At least 7 days in advance, begin thinking about your shoot wardrobe. What look(s) do you wish to portray? For example, if you’re doing a Boudoir shoot, do you want a long, flowing negligee or a short and sassy baby doll? Both? Neither?

a) It’s smart to discuss your wardrobe color choices with the photographer in advance so that lighting and backdrop considerations can be made.

5) Play Dress Up and try on your shoot wardrobe with full make-up and accessories. Unless you are engaging a professional make-up artist and a stylist who will provide wardrobe for you, organize your looks to ensure that you have everything you need way before your shoot date. Consider make-up, color choices; jewelry; shoes; underwear; hosiery; and other accessories to give you the look you want.

a) I suggest you take selfies in your outfits and make-up to see how you look “on camera” – even though your cell phone’s camera is not going to give the same effect as the professional’s. Quite often, We don’t really know what We look like (We’re on the inside looking out, after all) and seeing your poses on camera will help you to make adjustments for better poses and empowering “Key Word triggers” (see below).

i) Cool Tip: Invest in a small tripod to take full-length photos. (Hint: check the discount stores – you never know what you’ll find on sale!  I purchased a tabletop tripod for $10 that works wonderfully!)

b) If you don’t engage a professional, make-up artist, remember to wear extra translucent powder and use smoothing techniques to apply a little extra foundation – especially for glamour shots. Be sure to apply foundation to neck and ears for an all-over, even tone. And it is imperative that you use a foundation that is actually your color and a primer (if necessary) for your skin tone(s). If not sure, I recommend a visit to a MAC counter for a consultation because MAC generally employs professional, makeup artists to represent their brand.

6) Practice Poses in The Mirror and “Key Word. What fun! Put on some good music, dance/move and pose in front of a full-length, mirror. Knowing what you look like in your shoot wardrobe will make you infinitely more comfortable for the shoot. For best results:

a) Choose music you know well and tunes that are your favorite jams! The movements you feel to the music that moves you will help you to ease into some of your best poses and let your personality come through in your photos. And you know those key moments in the music where you emphasize your groove? Use those to “Key Word.” Use this music for your shoot.

i) Imagine any dancer and/or drag queen in the world grooving to “Vogue” by Madonna for a good example of how well this technique works.

b) As you pose, “Key Word,” which is to use a specific word to set a trigger to recall the feeling of the pose in your body. A trigger allows you to control your automatic response system via your awareness and conscious choice by conditioning a physical action to achieve the desired state. See also The Tapping Solution to assist with “anchoring” desired states – and especially if you find yourself with a case of pre-shoot jitters!

i)       Key Word Technique 1: When striking a specific pose that you like, recall an experience that reminds you of how you feel.  One of My most, joyous experiences – just thinking about it gives Me a warm-fuzzy-thrill-smile – was My first, weekend trip to Cancun that turned into a 6 week adventure…  Whenever I think of lying topless on the peer in the glorious sun and having admirers send champagne and lunch to Me daily, I feel beautiful, appreciated, and like the Goddess that I am!  I feel the same electricity in My body now as I recall what I felt while I was actually lying on the peer, just by thinking of it!  I have “anchored” this feeling into My body and consciousness to be triggered at will.  So, whenever I want to recall that feeling, I Key Word, “Cancun” – see Key Word Technique 2.

ii) Key Word Technique 2: “Flow” your expressions as you think of specific words that you have very, particular associations to. For example, I love chocolate and I am fully aware that I Key Word, “chocolate” to conjure the feeling of intense sensuality because of Ann Margret and the chocolate-and-baked-beans scene in Tommy that I saw when I was a Little Diva! Watch and you’ll totally understand! (Note: I strongly suggest you lower your volume to watch this video. You may also need to disable ad-blocking.)

 

7) Prep your wardrobe with all items for each outfit packed together, and make a list of all “ingredients.” This is an invaluable technique that saves time, diminishes stress, and adds a sense of calm with intelligent flow. Having complete outfits organized with everything together and a written back-up list allows for seamless transitions and ease.

a) I list everything that makes an “outfit” on index cards. This way, when I change from one outfit to another, I don’t have to think about what goes with what, or waste time looking for anything.

b) Even if you do have travel sets, make it easy on yourself and pack items in clear, zip-locking, plastic bags so that things are easy to see, pack, and keep together.

c) Pack the components of complete outfits in large bags (preferably of different colors) so that you can select the whole bag with everything for an outfit in it and easily place everything back to stay organized. Then, at the end of your shoot, you can quickly review your index cards to ensure that you have re-packed everything you brought with you.

d) I advise you to carry the majority of items you bring in a bag on wheels because lugging bags drains energy and you can look a little tired on camera (the camera shows everything).

8) Have a “dress rehearsal” a day before the shoot. The idea is to anchor your vision of how you look and feel with your Key Words as close to your shoot as possible. Make your dress rehearsal fun and part of Love-You-Time so that you feel good and prepared.

9) Get plenty of rest and make sure you eat before your photo shoot. Not enough rest and low blood sugar will make you look tired and/or cranky – even if you’re smiling. You need fuel to perform at your best, so eat a healthy meal before your shoot to maintain your energy throughout its duration. Of course, don’t stuff your face with high sugar and/or salt edibles because they are “puffy foods” that can cause swelling around the eyes and cheeks. And while it may be a myth that “the camera adds 10 pounds,” it’s true that you can look heavier on camera depending upon your poses, make-up, and wardrobe.

a) Be sure to bring a bottle of water to your shoot. It’s always best to have your own supplies.

10) Be certain to contact the photographer the day before to confirm your appointment and request a reply. I believe that an email AND text (or phone call) work best.

11) Be on time for your shoot. A hurried and harried model is a nightmare for all involved. The point is to take the best photos and have a good time while shooting. So, check traffic, map your route and an alternate, and have back-up-travel plans ready the day before your shoot.

a) If you are doing your own make-up, add an additional 20-30 minutes to your prep time. Sometimes, nerves can make the straight line that you draw every day go crooked and across your face for no reason at all! A little extra time will allow you to ease through your process and have time for corrections, if needed.

i) Consider what you actually need for touch-ups so that you don’t carry the entire make-up bag. You’ll have enough stuff to carry, so don’t bring the giant, suitcase of lipsticks when you’re only wearing Red No. 1.

12) When you arrive for your shoot, take a deep breath, say hi to the photographer (don’t just rush into the space in a frenzy), and share a good-clean-joke. Laughter is the best way to ease tension, make a connection, and relax your facial muscles!

Professional results start with you. See you in the pictures!

Quick Online Photo Tips

1) Check out Irfanview for a free and easy, image editor or use Lunapic online to resize your photos.

2) NEVER put your photos online without watermarks. If I had a nickel for every time someone has attempted to steal My photos to use for promotional purposes and some have even put their heads on My body... Yes, that is true and one creature even had the nerve to send ME “a photo of her” which was an adulterated picture exactly like that.

3) NEVER put your best photos online for 2 reasons: (i) deter the theft of your images and (ii) always look better in person!

If you find that My techniques work for you, feel free to let Me know and send Me a few of your photos! I PROMISE not to use your photos in any way, shape, or form without your written permission.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:
©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

PAY ATTENTION! submissive Tip

July 31, 2016

This is another entry for submissives AND Dominants to utilize for BetterFetish™ in your life. I cannot stress enough how important it is to take the time to carefully read and follow  instructions to avoid ruining great opportunities for yourself and others.

With all of the resources and tips that I generously give, there are always folks who (1) are their own, worst enemies; and (2) choose to be insulted because they failed to PAY ATTENTION AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

Most folks are busy people who are juggling the important things in life to have time for Fetish Enjoyments. One of the worst things a potential submissive can do is to waste Our time.  A Smart Domme will prepare written materials to:

  • prevent repeating Herself unnecessarily;
  • ensure that Her Rules and Requirements can be understood; and
  • provide an easy resource for those who are seeking to serve.

Smart Dommes know that how a submissive complies with written instructions will demonstrate how s/he will show up in Your Domain.

A smart and worthy submissive will pay attention and follow instructions carefully. Really smart submissives read and re-read instructions before making further connections with the Domme.

The person who inspired this Ask Mistress Didi* post:

  1. Has been on My Mailing List for years, so he is familiar with how I do things;
  2. Has attended one of My Events, so he has had first-hand experience with how I do things; and
  3. Is a perfect demonstration of a desperate substandard — which is NOT attractive or desirable — it is a form of psychic/emotional vampirism.

Now, I usually-always give people a second chance, but I do have a 3-strikes-you’re-out Rule. This guy demonstrates that his ONLY concern is what he wants and he’s not even aware enough to realize that he was given a second chance and is looking to be coddled and catered to.  Had he bothered to follow instructions, he would have seen that I’m in the be-served business, not the service industry.

In My previous post, How-To Tips for submissives: First Contact  (links to which are all over My websites and in My emails that this person responded to), I emphasize:

4)     Whatever you do, don’t approach Us with desperation! Do not beg! We will tell you when We want you to beg. Desperation is a warning sign of emotional immaturity, of whiners, energy vampires, incompetence, and selfish kinksters. While that may be a desire for some Dominants, I don’t know any of those types – and don’t want to know them because their attraction to people with “baggage” will bring drama-not-on-Broadway with them wherever they go. Neediness is NOT attractive and is a setup for disaster.

Here is the exchange that demonstrates that this person is lazy, inconsiderate, a faker-taker who will offer nothing of value to be worthy of My Domain.


Mistress Didi:

Is there any chance that a competent male might help with the move, in the hope of catching the eye of a domme who deems that male useful?
You have been most hospitable to this one in the past. Seeking a new FLR, not just play.

submissively
jun

My reply:

How lovely to offer and thank you, but the move is out of the country and I have trained staff.

I will be in NYC for the month of August (so far) and perhaps discussions about FLR may ensue. Do contact Me after 7/25 and read My Requirements.

Have a lovely day!

NoteMy Requirements have a form to be submitted for consideration to serve Me — something I encourage Dominas to do to weed out the wankers. jun did NOT submit the required form and is only focused on his agenda.

Mistress Didi:

As You instructed, contacting You (nearly) after 7/25.  Read Your requirements, fully compliant.

Await Your pleasure pertaining to FLR.

submissively

jun

My 2nd Chance reply:

Clearly, you need to read My instructions again and pay attention this time.

his reply

Mistress Didi:

Apologies if i overstepped.  Did read and understand Your instructions.
Presumed, incorrectly, that You recalled me from past visits.
Once waited several hours at Your event for a Mistress who never arrived.  Served at another event.
Were we not thus previously acquainted, would never have dared to offer the services that began this thread, below.
How might one start over, at Your pleasure?

submissively
jun

Note: I have no recollection of this guy serving at any of My Events, which means that either he was not worth remembering or that he’s one of those people (there are many) who made up a story about serving Me and actually believes his lie!

Also note: jun’s apology has NOTHING to do with My response to follow instructions and he continues to make his request!

My 3rd Strike Reply:

There are always 3 things I consider when someone requests to serve Me:

1) how well they follow My instructions – which are the same for everyone and those who are worthy of My time and attentions follow them properly. I intensely dislike repeating Myself which is why I have what needs to be known written on My websites;

2) if they have bothered to read any of the gracious gifts I offer so that selfish-time-wasters don’t annoy Me; and

3) if someone has ever met Me in person and/or attended any of My events, how considerate to My ventures they have/have not been.

No, you did not properly pay attention, even after I gave you a chance to review My instructions, or you would have followed them.

I respectfully took the time to not only review My correspondence history with you, but also the instructions on My webpages and ensured that the links work.  Obviously, you did not take the time to follow My instructions – as those who are serving Me did and do.

you attended ONE of My events to meet a person who stood you up and I have not received anything from you since – not a hello or Happy Birthday email and definitely not a donation to My Charities. All you have offered is a desperate plea to “serve” – which in your case, means to serve yourself.

Had you paid attention to the links at the bottom of My email or the sidebar of My websites, you would have seen My recent Ask Mistress Didi* post for submissives that addresses desperation and other faux pas that you continue to make.

If you don’t bother to invest the proper time in the preliminary steps to have what you want, you will not take the time to be of useful and proper service.  And you show that you do not invest even the minimal amount of time to appreciate Me and My Domain, which would make you a liability and annoyance.

And I have no use for someone who must be led-by-the-nose to even begin a connection with Me.

Good luck.

Now, jun can choose to be offended or he can learn from this experience. My Karma is positive as I have outlined his transgressions for review. On top of being efficient and gracious by making My Requirements easily available, I have gifted him with the chance to make improvements. What he chooses to do is his Karma.

I encourage submissives to take a look at your presentation because it shows your intentions whether you are aware of this or not. There are many people who don’t pay attention and just get excited that someone wants to serve them, but the Quality Fetishists pay close attention! When you are clear on your motivations, you can better refine your search for Dominas Who match your desires.

Domina101™ Lesson

One of My Domina101™  Collective Participants did what females who coddle their annoying male relatives do: she rushed to defend jun by saying that, perhaps, he didn’t understand My instructions or, perhaps, he didn’t have time to “read all that!” I relayed that if he did not have time to make a good start, he would definitely make a poor finish! And since I am not a desperate Domme, I do not bother to waste time on people who, for whatever their reasons, don’t give Me the time to properly begin a relationship with Me and What Is Mine. I have what he wants, not the other way around, and the submissive must be worthy of the attention he craves.

Her focus was on accommodating this stranger, which is something that people confuse with “being considerate of others’ needs.” As the Domme, Your needs are the primary consideration and Your attentions should be given to the useful and worthy. This conversation gave her the opportunity to see a reason that the subs who have shown up in her life did not fulfill her requirements and were not attentive to her desires. Making excuses for failures is a certain path to discontent.

I strongly recommend that you appreciate the many other Gifts I offer on My Ask Mistress Didi* site to improve your chances for creating the D/s relationship of your dreams and avoid nightmares.  Pay particular attention to the following:

My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide

Domme vs. “dumme”

submissive vs. substandard

The Importance of Rituals and Protocols

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:
AskMistressDidi.com

How-To Tips for submissives: First Contact

February 26, 2016

This entry is for submissives AND Dominants to utilize for BetterFetish™ in your life.

The following are tips for the serious submissive to make successful connections with Dominants by making a good impression to be taken seriously.   Since there are so many wanna-subs and kinksters polluting the Fetish Scene, it is difficult for the truly submissive (especially those who are new to the Scene) with a sincere desire to serve to be seen and heard. If you are not aware of what entices Dominants to notice you with interest, you will be discarded before you even have a chance to connect.

I strongly recommend that you appreciate the other Gifts I also offer on My Ask Mistress Didi* site to improve your chances for finding the Dominant of your dreams and being a quality submissive.  Pay particular attention to the following:

My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide

submissive vs. substandard

The Importance of Rituals and Protocols


Presentation is everything. First impressions are lasting.

Contacting a Dominant can be very scary! I feel for you, I really do! However, it must be done if you are ever going to fulfill your destiny. Now, you have the choice to contact Us intelligently or repeat the stupid mistakes that make Us all wonder if We’re ever going to find what We’re looking for.

Understand that there are a lot of folks who are either confused or want to believe that the definition of a submissive is a sexual bottom and end their experiences there. These creatures annoy Quality Dominants by contacting Us with what they want and without any class, charm, or respect whatsoever. Approach Us correctly and We will want to know you!

Contacting Us

1)     READ AND PAY ATTENTION to Our information (websites, profiles, etc.), especially Our requirements for service. Don’t just get excited by Our photos. We have taken the time and care to clearly present Our requirements in writing so that there are no misunderstandings about what We want and do not want, etc. Be realistic to yourself about whether you fit what We’re interested in BEFORE contacting Us with your desire to serve.

2)     ALWAYS address a person (Dominant, submissive, whatever) with a polite salutation and by their name AND title. For example, “Hello, Mistress Didi,” is acceptable and shows that (1) you have manners and were not raised by complete barbarians; (2) you offer respect for how a person chooses to express Her/himself in The Scene; and (3) you gain Our intention by addressing Us directly. “Hey,” or to just begin your contact with a copy and pasted, impersonal writing is unacceptable because (1) you show that you are only interested in what you want; (2) you don’t care who accommodates you as long as you can get someone to; and (3) shows a lack of manners, social grace, and basic consideration for the person you’re addressing. IF I bother to respond at all to such an intrusion into My special, crafted, and cultivated Domain, I reply with only this link: How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

3)     Attractively state what you offer before mentioning what you’re looking for. There are far too many selfish twits who believe that “submissive” is code for lay-down-and-get-done. They always and only talk about what they want – and that’s all they talk about. These substandards must think that (a) they’re so special (because their mommies told them so) that the world is going to do back-flips in excitement to cater to them and/or (b) that We’re desperate (there are a lot of desperate “dominants,” but they are not in the mindset of Quality Dominance that I am referring to). Dominants are interested in what you offer to improve and/or compliment Our Domains. Some do’s and don’ts are:

  • Do NOT write graphically explicit details about what you’re into, willing to do, fantasizing about, etc. Such personal details should be reserved for an already-established relationship and upon request.
  • Do NOT send non-requested, naked photos – and especially photos of your genitals. I guarantee that how sexy you think your body parts are will not be appreciated by most Dominants who are interested in a true D/s relationship dynamic and not just kink. In fact, it’s rude to “flash” people! We will tell you if and when We want to see you naked.
  • Do list your talents, skills, and what you’re comfortably able to provide to Us. BE USEFUL. No one wants dead weight hanging around, taking up space. And NO, your idea of your sexual prowess is not considered a talent or skill.
  • Keep it short and to the point. I know that some of you are saying, “Really, Mistress Didi? That from You of all people?” It is true that I often choose to be loquacious, but as I teach in Domina101™, My time is valuable. I carefully and clearly make My Requirements available so that everyone can handle their own business and not waste My or their time. Making people read quickly weeds out the lazy and other wannasubs who are not what I want in My Domain. Most of Us are busy people and you are not the only person requesting to serve Us.
  • Use full sentences and proper phrasing – and definitely do NOT use texting abbreviations. Here’s one of the gems I teach in My Superior submissive™ Workshop: Always phrase your sentences as requests and be careful not to sound as if you are making demands. Dominants really dislike being told what to do. For example, “Call me,” or any type of command is NOT for you to say to Us; it’ for Us to say to you.
  • Say please, thank you, and may I. Aside from being polite and having manners, you are speaking from your proper place and into how We can be most receptive to you.
  • Be honest about your situation(s). For example, if you’re a starving artist and someone decides to give you a chance, truthfully relay what is comfortable for you in terms of time and finances.

I know, the alarms just went off in your head: I said, “finances.” PAY ATTENTION:

  • Anything that is worthwhile will cost you time and/or money. While there are a lot of Dominants who don’t like to use the word, “tribute” because most people don’t know what a tribute is and are too lazy to look it up along with its historical connotations, even those Dominants want an investment from you in appreciation for Their time and attention – which IS what you want from Us.

4)     Whatever you do, don’t approach Us with desperation! Do not beg! We will tell you when We want you to beg. Desperation is a warning sign of emotional immaturity, of whiners, energy vampires, incompetence, and selfish kinksters. While that may be a desire for some Dominants, I don’t know any of those types – and don’t want to know them because their attraction to people with “baggage” will bring drama-not-on-Broadway with them wherever they go. Neediness is NOT attractive and is a setup for disaster.

5)     Don’t ask questions that you can look up to handle your own business. In the time it takes you to ask Us something like, “What’s shibari?” you can Google it. Do that. Otherwise, you’re showing Us that you’re lazy. Use the internet for more than just looking up porn!

6)     Be pleasant and sincere. Tell the truth. I never understand why people lie; the truth will inevitably be revealed sooner than later. If you’re in a relationship, DEFINITELY say so. Smart Dominants know that “my partner doesn’t understand me” crap is exactly that: crap.  It’s also code for a lot of things to look out for that I disclose in My Webcam Workshops.

7)     The stupidest thing you can do is supply a photograph that is not current. Not everyone is going to be polite when you’ve sent a photo of someone who’s fit and coiffed and you show up flabby, frumpy, and 20 years older – I most certainly am not!  If We’ve taken an interest in you, We want the real you from the start! I will never understand how people think that the bait-and-switch is going to work. We do NOT like being lied to and set up for disappointment. Starting out with a gigantic LIE is completely disrespectful to Us and is a wasteful form of masochism because you cut yourself off from authentic experiences by being disingenuous. Such idiocy robs Us both of the thrilling dynamics of Sadism and masochism and irritates Dominants. It is not smart to irritate Dominants… And definitely foolish to irritate Sadists…

Of course, I have MANY more tips, tools, and gems for your comfort and ease in making an excellent first impression. The easiest way to learn them is to treat yourself to My Webcam Workshops, the proceeds of which assist in My Charity fundraising! The other option is to read through all of the many, many Gifts I offer for FREE on My Ask Mistress Didi* site and work it all out for yourself. Aren’t you lucky that I am such a Giving Goddess!

Whatever option you choose, get started NOW. No one is guaranteed your next breath…

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

 

My Contributions, your purpose

February 21, 2016

Note:  I choose to publish this entry to assist confused individuals who misunderstand the definition of Dominance and how it IS in real-life.

Whenever you offer something of value, people who contribute nothing and do nothing of their own, will often have the audacity to take offense and even threaten you.

Domina101™ Tip:  ALWAYS clarify their value to Your REALITY.  In this way, You give them an opportunity to evolve from ignorance — Good Karma for You!  What they choose to do with Your Gifts is their karma.


Dear Mistress Didi*,

You’re not having fun parties any more and what’s with all this self-help crap? If You’re not going to get back to business, i’m leaving your mailing list.

‑ mama-told-me-i’m-special (the name I dubbed this creature)

* * * * *

Attention:

I’m in the be-served business; NOT the service industry.

I create Events that please ME. While I know that My generosity and altruism will be unappreciated by those who are lacking any of their own, I have no interest in accommodating the whims of whiners.

Value Reality Check:

1)  I’m a REAL Domme.  I maintain My Domain My Way on My Terms.  Anyone who has anything to do with Me and My Domain are invited GUESTS.

2)  I have created, and continue to create, public and private events on a grand scale for guests with refined taste, skill, and integrity — something seriously lacking in the majority of what has become The Scene today.

3)  I have conducted, and continue to conduct, numerous classes and workshops in a wide variety of techniques and topics in the realm of My Expertise.

4)  Along with My Ask Mistress Didi* Offerings, I create various opportunities for personal evolution via Fetish Appreciation with My Domina101™ and Superior submissive™ mentoring programs, contributing to The DommeSalon™, and a plethora of other training opportunities.

5)  I wrote My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress as a primer for both Dominants and submissives to improve the abysmal lack of manners that contributes to the deterioration of the elegance of The Scene.  you need to read it.

I improve The Scene with My Contributions that many have benefited, and continue to benefit from.

And who are you, really?

1) you have offered nothing to or for Me and/or Mine.

2) you have not donated to any of My Charitable Works.

3) you have not attended any of My Events, though I was gracious enough to comp you and a guest since you complained about a lack of finances.

4) you are not pleasant personally nor visually.  you make no effort to offer any beauty, talent, and certainly, not charm.  So, you are not a consideration in the creation of any of My Events.

5)  The only thing you have done in My Reality is ask Me to offer My Expertise — which I graciously gave more than once — for your “community” organization for NO compensation, collaboration, nor support of anything that I’ve done or do.  you have, however,  served to prove this truth:

Do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they be trampled under foot.
— Matthew 7:6, KJV

I wasn’t aware that you were on My Mailing List.  So, in truth, you removing yourself from it will have the same use for Me as you have always had in My Domain — none whatsoever.

you may take solace in the fact that NONE of what I do is for or about you or anyone else who offers NOTHING, and whines about what I DO.

For further clarification on the situation, read Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,

The Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshops

http://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

 

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

10 Domina101™ Workshop Tips

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

February 18, 2015

I continue to receive an inundation of requests for help on topics that are covered in the Basics of what I teach in My Domina101™ Workshops, which I conduct to raise funds for My Charities. While I understand that We’re busy people, I remind you to read what I’ve already provided in My Ask Mistress Didi* blog before contacting Me. I took the time to write it and I generously share it with you for FREE.

The reason I offer My Wisdom From Experience for FREE is because:

1)    I am disgusted by the state of The Scene and its continued decline in quality, civility, integrity, beauty, and intelligence – which is the same reason I produce My own events for lack of any I’d care to attend;

2)    Money is NOT My Goddess and I believe in The Laws of Karma and Attraction: what you put out comes back to you multiplied; and

3)    I know that The Universe will always test your commitment to your Greatness, so I share how I deal with lizard-brain thinking and creeps of all kinds to assist the worthy in maintaining the positive energy to withstand the barbarian assaults.

The tips that I present below are the simple concepts that are further explained and explored in My Domina101™ Workshops.

10 Domina101™ Workshop Tips

1)    Clarify. Download and/or read My Domina101™ Workshop Prep Guide to identify, define, and refine your past-present-future choices and desires for Your Domain Your Way. You do this not only for Your clarification, but also to gain the maximum value of what I share.

2)    Reality Check. Understand that the vast majority of the folks on these anything but “social” sites are self-loathing, losers whose sole purpose is to play the make-wrong game. The vast majority of those are fakers-shakers-takers-noise-makers who are there to waste Your time by manipulating “free sessions” – in most cases, their primary desire is to abuse You. These creeple believe that they gain some sick sense of value by attempting to steal your energy. This is why a tribute is always required. See Being Superior: My “How To” Process and Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want

3)    A tribute is a commitment to honor Your time and energies and it weeds out the worthless. The commitment is to and for You from Yourself as well as from the submissive. Just because the hoochies-with-whips have creeple insisting that a tribute is financial, does not make it so. It is for You to decide what and how a tribute should be given. My motto is: From each according to her/his ability, to each according to My desires. Depending upon the relationship and the worthiness the submissive has demonstrated in real-time, I have allowed submissives to bring a tribute as simple and inexpensive as 1 flower to add to My floral arrangement. Under no circumstances do I permit access to My Domain without tribute. Period.

4)    Make creeple useful. No matter what You do, the self-loathing will jump to attack You. Without engaging them, use them for Your purposes and amusements. See Make Rudeness Serve You, Flip-Flopping Attempts to Top, and The Last Word

5)    Purpose. Determine the purpose of the submissive and only reward her/him for proper service. Make sure that Your “punishment” is not playing into their fetishes, which only yields You being taken advantage of. See Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?

6)    Friends and Associations. Sadly, We live in a world where You are judged and mistreated for (and often by) those You associate with. Choose Your associates with the same discernment (maybe more) that You use to choose Your subs. See Fabulous & Guilty By Association

7)    Gossip Control. Have more than You show, say less than You know, and only tell them what You want them specifically to know. See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

8)    Educate Yourself. Learn how to receive so that You are not Your own worst enemy. Invest in fetish education, first-aid training, and stay up-to-date with the legalities of Your location. See Fetish Safety & 50 Shades of Foolishness

9)    BE SAFE. See Safety Tips For Dommes

10)  Self-Control is the ONLY real control there is. You are responsible for Your Domain and who has access to and influence in it. See The True Discipline, Check In & Center of Attention and Chill Out Training Technique: The Tapping Solution

To participate in the next Domina101™ Webcam Workshop and help Me raise funds for My Charities,

 Click Here

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

AskMistressDidi.com

How to Deal with Piggy Dom/mes

A Domina101™ Tip

December 27, 2014

This post is in response to a few conversations regarding an incident where a Dominant made a few enemies due to her lack of courtesy. Let this be a guideline for You when You’re “Domme-tripping,” and for how to deal with head-trippers.

Never expect anything from a pig except a grunt.
~ #quote My Fabulous Grandmother

AskMistressDidi.comYou know that thing: the oh-so-Dommey-Dom/me who condescends to You right off the bat? Even knowing that You’re a Domme? Not that condescending without a good reason is ever ok…

My recent experience of that thing while celebrating the Holiday Spirit:  I asked a few Dommes I’ve been aware of if they would like for Me to mention them and their works in My Holiday Newsletter. One lovely, Domina said thanks and didn’t give Me drama-not-on-Broadway where drama belongs. The other one is the perfect representation of what I’m writing here and I’ve made her useful for a Domina101™ training. Now:

1)    I am a very gregarious person and a strong supporter of Women Supporting Women;

2)    I am in NO way desperate for content for My Newsletter or for anything that I do; and

3)    I am not asking for anything from YOU other than exactly how you would like Me to present your work in My Newsletter, which is more for-and-about-you than it is for Me.  If one chooses to look at the situation as someone doing something for someone else (which I don’t), I’m doing YOU the favor of free promotion – not the other way around. I am generously sharing My resources with You.

We all know that technology today makes it possible to research the person you’re dealing with before you make a complete turd of yourself. And yet, it is My experience on a regular basis that all these silly creatures do is look at My photos and immediately make up ignorant- fantasies about Me that are extremely limited… The really gruesome just look to pick out specific words in something you and I post online about OUR experiences to play the make-wrong game. And those who believe that they are as ugly as they are, are outright rude in person – as if somehow, everyone observing will not peg their behavior as jealousy. Pity these people; there is something seriously lacking in the quality of their existence that makes them hostile and combative. Pity them, but definitely put them in their places – beneath You.

While I do pity them, I find it helpful to understand the motivations for their rudeness to prevent Me from wanting to completely eviscerate them. I am a Responsible Sadist whose motto is:

Don’t start none, won’t be none – I finish it.

How To Handle The Piggy Dom/me

1)    Recognize that s/he is intimidated by You and needs to convince herself of her false-sense of superiority. People who suffer from inferiority complexes often believe that if they can force their idea of dominance onto you, that they will prove to the world that they are superior to everything and everyone else.

2)    Whatever You do, do not become hostile. That’s exactly what they want You to do! They can only feel alive through negative experiences because that is the punishment of people who focus on lower-level activities and expression. These are the people, after all, who usually don’t exercise, eat well, or read, and who rush to watch judgment-TV with bowls of junk food-stuff on a daily basis. That is the recipe for toxicity and they are toxic in mind, body, and spirit. So, they most certainly can’t feel good about themselves and they want to disrupt the flow of everyone who not only lives well and feels good, but certainly those who look good! These are also the people who are quick to call YOU conceited for having a sense of style – which, in My Opinion, is Our Duty To Society.

3)    Dismiss them. As always, You have the choice in how You wish to respond. I usually treat them with pleasantries and respect right up until the moment they serve their purpose for Me dealing with them in the first place. Then, I immediately change My tone of communication to a clearly-dismissive one. This lets them know that they are no longer of importance and shakes up their comfort zone. The best part is that I always “plant a seed of torture”Domina101™ participants know what I mean! Ahhh, delicious!

A favorite story recanted among My Associates is of a male dominant who had the audacity to think he could bark orders to Us at an event. You know the type: the guy who thinks that every woman – especially Dommes – really want to sub to him.  It was immediately clear to Me that this person would never be someone or something enjoyable or of value to Me or Mine. So, I chose to “nip it in the bud,” as the expression goes. I stood in front of him, pointed My finger at him, laughed genuinely, turned to My submissive and walked away, laughing. For the rest of the event, I specifically let him see Me enjoying Myself with worthy humans and not once did My eyes glance in his direction. I made him disappear. As usual, the gruesome grapevine passed along his attempts to defame Me, but witnesses addressed his rudeness before I ever got wind of their remarks – not that I care about gruesomes have to say anyway. They only serve to add salt to the wounds of My sprouting seeds of torture.

4)    Most importantly, let it be known that You don’t care about them. They have served your purpose and are unworthy of further attention. People who do not care for themselves want you – anyone – to care about them. Because they know that they are bereft of redeeming qualities, the only tool they have to be noticed is gruesome behavior. And that’s where pity can be a most useful tool for You.

As a Responsible Sadist, I find comfort in leading them by the nose into seeing just how ridiculous they are. Because I am a firm believer in Karma, I always find ways to give a reality slap that permits offenders the opportunity for personal growth – which is good for My Karma, which is always My primary motivation. What they choose to do with My Gift is their karma.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

 *****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

 

PartyDomme.com

The Secrets of Happy Fetish

December 10, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I am curious to know if its bad that I keep the BDSM thing strictly to the bedroom. Can you please explain how it works as an everyday lifestyle thing? How does one live the lifestyle without it being an abusive relationship?

Kind Regards, L.

~~~~~~~~~

Hi L,

I am waiting for My morning coffee to kick in, so please read this with a splash of humor, as I intended it.

The answer is NO, I cannot explain the answers to your questions because your questions are like: What is the purpose of Life? and What is the meaning of the Universe! Any answers to such questions will be subjective – just like the concepts of what is right and wrong for your relationship would be.

What I can offer is:

The Secrets of Happy Fetish

  • ALL things originate and end with SELF-Control: What you will and will not do/accept/reject, etc. are up to you to choose for yourself.
  • SELF-Love and Respect are integral parts of Self-Control because all CHOICES We make – whether We acknowledge that they are Our choices or not – are in direct correlation to how much We love and respect Ourselves.
  • Personal Responsibility is the Truth of All Matters.  Everything else is One’s perspective (usually based upon what We avoid facing about Ourselves).

I know, tough concepts. But really think about them and observe the evolution of your perspectives as you consider them in relation to your past and present experiences. Then, you will notice how these concepts apply in your future. This is a continuously evolving process as Our consciousness grows. It is a very powerful tool for creating Happiness.

Now, as for keeping BDSM in the bedroom, that is completely your CHOICE.  If you choose to expand from kink to Lifestyle Experience, that, too, is your CHOICE – which includes how you will DESIGN your relationship(s) with the people you CHOOSE to have in your life.  You are the creator of how BDSM and Dominance/submission – and EVERYTHING ELSE – will be in your life.

When you operate with Self-Love and Respect with Self-Control, you take Personal Responsibility for your Life Choices. This does not excuse the “creepazoid factor” – it means that instead of blaming yourself, everything, and everyone else for your experiences, you choose to learn from them and forgive yourself and others so that you can move on to freely create your Happiness.

Abuse is an agreement.  Yes, that’s also a tough thought to consider, but all effective therapies that actually help people to heal from abusive relationships involve the 3 steps I listed above and usually begin with taking Personal Responsibility for being in the relationship. It is important to note that Personal Responsibility should not be about making yourself or others wrong. Personal Responsibility IS about allowing the experience to be part of your process of evolution. Forgiveness is a huge part of that process because We must give up Our attachments to belief systems that do not support Our Happiness (the could-would-should’s).

Do understand that My Domain is uniquely Mine and that I advocate on a continuous basis that everyone is responsible for designing their Lifestyles on their terms. Having said that, here’s how I work D/s and BDSM in My Life:

1)    One of My tenets is, “From each according to his ability, to each according to My Desires” (a little Play on Marx and Engels).  So, each person who AGREES to My Terms to be allowed the enjoyments of My Domain offers unique qualities for My Happiness – or they are dismissed. End of discussion.

2)    I am a Harmonious Domme, meaning that all that drama-not-on-Broadway is not for Me. I like peace and beauty and lots of joyful amusements! My PleasurePain™ Techniques are rewards for good and proper service. My punishments are withholdings of pleasure (to put it very simply).

3)    While I am open to suggestions, it’s ultimately My way or not at all. If anyone discovers that they do not wish to comply, they are free to go. I will wish them well. Next!

4)    The VAST majority of My submissives and admirers are NOT sexual in nature (and the lucky few have cultivated the magnificence that makes them worthy!). Since most people sleaze around in the kink-mentality and call what they’re doing, “fetish,” they are too limited to comprehend the tremendous value that exists in higher-level living. I offer a LOT of FREE Mentoring; the worthy do the work. I have no concern for the rest.

5)    Which brings Me to: I take excellent care of Myself and I want what I offer. I deserve THE BEST. I do not accept anyone who identifies with being a “lowly” anything; been there, done that, it was boring.  I want people who are interested in BEING the Best they can be on a regular, evolving basis. This makes My Domain difficult for fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers and a True Paradise for the worthy.

How I Implement The Secrets of Happy Fetish

1)    I look at each individual as an adventure and an opportunity to be an amazing chapter in My Life Story. How they show up is their choice.

2)    I stay true to My Self. I know what I want and choose for My Domain. I have learned – and continue to learn (without judging MySelf) – that whenever I think I’m being kind and deviate from what I want and from following My instincts, “turdity” will occur! I have committed to no longer taking pity on people. As I stated, I want what I offer and I deserve The Best. I choose not to accept the pitiful into My Domain because they never want to elevate their consciousness to being their bests; they always, only want to bring you down. Giant yawn…

3)    When people disappoint Me, I FORGIVE Myself first and foremost because in doing so, I give Myself the opportunity to learn about Myself and My Journey to enhance My Happiness.

a)    While I recognize “turditude,” I follow Don Miguel Ruiz’s advice in THE FOUR AGREEMENTS and I don’t take it personally because I understand that people act out against their truths and project that onto you because they are afraid to face their own, ugly realities. This is not an easy practice, but it is always worth the effort!

b)    This practice also keeps Me forever positive and feeling – and looking – fabulous! You know what they say: Looking good is the best revenge… Fortunately for all The Universe, I don’t do revenge; I Trust Karma. Karma never lets you down.

If you’re looking for “how to” do your fetish, I advise you to do a LOT of research and consider the source carefully. As I’m sure you’re aware, the majority of creeple you’ll find on popular websites are just takers-fakers-shakers-noise-makers who mostly blab to convince themselves of their fantasies and offer nothing of value.

You can take advantage of all of My Complimentary Gifts on My Websites and, if what I believe resonates with your Truth, you can choose to indulge in My Webcam Workshops.

Wishing you All The Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Dealing With Disappointing People

SPECIAL Opportunites: Check out My Newsletter!

November 11, 2014

Note: I receive numerous correspondence (yes, grammartically correct) about people who betray Our Trust and Friendship – especially since a person who considered herself a professional Domme and “My” best friend outted My submissive in a public venue (causing him child custody problems) and continues a claim-to-fame by using My name… yawn.  Glad I don’t have her Karma ahead!  This entry is advice that helps to put your perspective where it belongs: On Your Greatness.

~~~~~~~~~

I’d like to offer these Gems that I’ve learned the hard way (but that’s what makes them Diamonds – to use a metaphor!):

Someone wrote to Me:

I realize that I have been making myself wrong for feeling “ugly” towards certain people. I take on the responsibility for things that happen even when I am not the reason things happened the way they did…  I am not powerful enough to be the cause of everything that happens between me and others in my life.

Actually, We ARE that powerful, but not in the sense of perceiving cause-and-effect in such black-and-white terms.  I’ve learned that Free Will is also not so simple and that most people make choices based on FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real) and FEAR lives strongest in the subconscious mind.

The thing about the subconscious mind is that We must practice Awareness in order to be free of FEAR and evolve to Being Better.  This is an extremely scary, and often, difficult thing to do which is why most people spend time finding fault to blame others rather than looking at what motivates their actions to do so.

In this age of information overload, the impulse to be distracted seduces the “lesser mind” – hence the inundation of UGLY amusements – e.g., the fake “reality TV” shows where the most banal behaviors are “entertainment.”  And people wonder why their children are so abominably behaved when the constant input into their own and their children’s conscious and subconscious brains is nothing but degrading negativity.

We cannot escape it; We can only strengthen Our SELVES to DEFLECT it.

Now, here’s where those of Us who practice Awareness get tripped up: We judge Our valid feelings.

We have the right to feel hurt, betrayed, etc. when people disappoint Us.  But here’s the thing:

  • We are not wrong for trusting someone at their word; they FAILED to live up to it.  Your word is ALL You have, You are.  Your Word is Your Power – every religious and wisdom doctrine and philosophy says so.  For example,

John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

 —  Please note that I am not a Bible-thumper; I use whatever wisdom is available to help Us connect on Our Highest Levels.  I believe that this is the whole point of having all of these wisdom sources available to Us.

  • When people disappoint Us, they are giving Us GIFTS to:

~ see their true worth and to re-categorize their value in Our lives from this point forward.  My Mantra:  I love you for who you were in My Life and I release you for who you choose to be.

~ see the opportunities for Our growth and the variety of choices We HAVE to commit and re-commit to BEing Our Best

~ practice DETACHMENT, which is not ,”NOT caring” – it’s caring more for Yourself to maintain Your Wellness.  Forgiveness is the Key – and forgiveness is not forgetting or saying that it’s OK that they were poopheads.  Forgiveness is FOR You to be free of torturing Yourself for their failures.  Forgiveness is also so that You don’t get wrinkles and frown lines!

  • The situation itself IS WHAT IT IS.  EVERYTHING else is Our judgment of it.  I know, that tight grip right in the heart-solar-plexus area kicks in.  But right there is the best indication that LETTING GO is required.  We have to LET GO of Our woulda-coulda-shoulda habits and expand Our Awareness for what We can do and BE Better.
  • We also have to be kinder to Ourselves and permit Ourselves to have the full spectrum of the human experience on this Earth plane at this time.  We can only do that by releasing preconceived notions of what a situation  should be (ego) – including Our feelings – and allow Ourselves to respond from conscious choice rather than to react from FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real = expectation).

This is why meditation is NECESSARY to BE Our Bests.  We need to fortify Our SELVES in order to deflect the ridiculousness and stay focused on Our Truth.  I like to envision wearing a suit of glorious armor made of mirrors when dealing with knuckleheads.  I let their negative energy be reflected back to them to see their true selves and be inspired to evolve.

Also, by considering offensive behaviors and people as giving Me gifts makes them useful – which is always easier to deal with them accordingly.

So, We ARE that powerful and the power is to recognize that their failure is NOT Our doing: It could not have been any other way than the way it was.

Our power comes from consciously choosing Our next steps from a place of Self-Love, which does not preclude love for those who have offended Us.  We can choose HOW to love them – which, in My case, usually means cutting them out of My life completely so that no one ends up dead or in jail! Ha!

Karma is a fabulous thing: people cannot escape their Truth, no matter how hard they try.  They just delay the inevitable.  And when they must face their Truth, they always come back...  And that’s the best part because I’m a Sadist Who, while I forgave them a long time ago, I don’t let them have the comfort that they came to Me to feel forgiven for their offenses against Me.  Their guilt is their problem and their Karma.  MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

Make Rudeness Serve You

October 11, 2014

A Domina101™ Lesson

In the most recent session of The Domina101™ Collective Webcam Workshop, I presented the signs of the “substandard” who fakes being submissive.  As always, I can encounter any number of grossly-behaved, barbarians on websites where trolls and barbarians go to pretend they’re Fetishists and the rest of Us have to filter through the squalor.   Filtering through the “undesireables” is easier and less time consuming when you have the tools to maintain the integrity of Your Domain.  Below is a typical example of a faker-shaker-noise-maker and how to stop its idiocy while securing Your Dominance Comforts.

The Tool Tips are:

  • Copy, paste & revise as needed because the archetypes of fakers-shakers-noise-makers are ALWAYS the same.  There is no need to address each individual when they really are one-size-fits-all in terms of insecurities

~~~~~~~~~

subqueerling [name changed because I have integrity]:

And there it is!  your real intentions: to look to be threatened/offended so you could pretend to FEEL some sort of self-value with rudeness.

Know that you have exhibited value by being of service to Me.

you have been useful by exhibiting ALL traits of a “substandard” (as opposed to a submissive) for participants of My Domina101™ lectures – specifically:

  • proving the real intention of your query was to convince yourself of how smart you think you are by posing a question under the pretense of seeking answers and agreeing with what you believe you already know
  • showing a lack of real self-esteem (and quality home training) via attempts at condescension because you feel threatened by knowledge rather than being able to consider proven concepts beyond your limitations
  • showing obvious lack of attention to direction to find information

All too easy and boringly typical, but you’ve been useful nonetheless by being “less.”

And now, you will NEED to have The Last Word.

Ahhh, delicious! The conflict going on inside you now: if you respond, you prove Me right again!  If you don’t, it will eat you up inside!

No matter to Me. I have no further use for this situation on any level.

More Resources you’ll probably ignore, too, but you were actually right when you wrote above that they will help others:

How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks

Lizard-brain thinking instigates that another person’s actions and intentions come from the lower-level, nefarious intentions of what lizard-brain thinking would do if ever in the same situation – which is seldom ever the case because…

READ MORE

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Rules For Clear Communication

August 13, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I want You to know that I completely disagree with [NAME WITHHELD] and I did not feel like You were trying to tell me how to be a “real Domme.” I have been thinking about Our conversation and I now see what You pointed out as “possibilities” to be true!  The sub was topping from the bottom and he did hear what he wanted to hear when he wanted to hear it.  It became clear that he was playing me!  I was explaining [what You said] to my Domme friends and request that You please say it again to make sure that we get it right.  Thank You!

Miss ShaR

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Miss ShaR,

First, I thank You for receiving My observations as possibilities and for not feeling threatened by fantasies that My intention is to dictate anything to You or that My way is the “one twue wayyy” of Dominance – like the h8ters accuse. Clearly, h8ters never realize that using that concept is a cop-out for their own feelings of ineptitude and their inability to receive or perceive beyond their limitations.

I offered what I observed as a possibility from My own personal experience; that I could be wrong; and that the possibility could be something to consider. I noticed that You repeated Yourself more than twice to the sub, who was busy being interested in what he wanted to be interested in at the event instead of doing his job, attending to You. Unless a Domme’s fetish is dealing with people with ADHD-type behaviors or repeating Herself, a sub’s lack of attention is:

  • Disrespectful to the Domme. What is a submissive’s purpose in Your Domain? To serve You on Your terms as You decide he will serve. If the sub – and especially in public – is not attentive to You, it appears to The Scene that You are at fault in his training – no matter what the real deal is. And that presents a picture for all kinds of annoying situations to think that they can make a home in Your zone because not only are first impressions lasting, but too many creeple are out here looking for any and everything negative to disrupt Your flow – even if they have to make it up;
  • A sign of a lack of commitment to his service agreement with the Domme. There are whole generations of folks who believe that they can demonstrate the worst behaviors which will inevitably be forgiven and forgotten til the next time – and each and every time. I believe that this is a poor-parenting failure that is perpetrated on a variety of levels. The brat gets away with it at the source of his relationship identity and fully expects the same from You and everyone else on the planet, evidently…; and
  • Stressful to the Domme and, subsequently (no pun intended) to the sub. While there are tons of creeple addicted to chaos, most of Us don’t want to be stressed – especially in Our Fetish Lives.

In defense of a sub, quite often, communication rules are not clearly defined and mishaps can happen. This is why I present to The Domina101™ Collective:

Rules For Clear Communication

Know What You Want

First and foremost, a Domme needs to (i) know what She wants and (ii) choose the best ways to communicate Her wants. All too often, I see people barking orders and the sub as no clue what is really being requested of him because the Dominant doesn’t really know either! Vague commands yield “non-results” and are a setup for failure all the way around. Most submissives will default to what they already know (training from someone and somewhere else) when they do not have clear directives. It is imperative to know exactly what you want to have a starting point to be able to communicate your desires.

I streamline My conversation to the best of My ability – e.g., carefully choosing explicit words for EXACTLY what I want in order to make it easy for people to understand Me. The problem is that everyone is conditioned to believe that they can magically anticipate what someone wants from what we think they should want based upon our fantasies of their lives. I suggest that You research effective communication techniques for project managers because, after all, You are managing Your Domain. You will develop Your own sense of what works for You, of course, but the more You know, the better things go!

I am also consistent. I clearly define and relay My Rules to everyone, including posting them online, for people who want to participate in My Domain to be personally responsible for adhering to them. I actually have a script so that I tell each person the exact same thing and I have them repeat what My instructions mean in their own words to ensure that misunderstandings are not on My end. Each and every time, culprits attempt to insist that their behavior was in My “best interests” while clearly disrespecting My Rules – which is always merely them enacting their own agenda without consideration for the commitment they made. Their typical next step is to attempt to feign being offended and lashing out against you (i) because their behavior is not excused and (ii) for pointing out their wrong-doing with documented facts.

The Hearing Technique:

Most of the time, people speak at each other and not with each other.  To enhance comprehension:

1)  Identify and get clear on what You want to say.

2)  Choose the simplest, most direct words to communicate what You want.

  • Further simplify by expressing it as if You were communicating with a 5-year-old. This is not to be condescending (unless that’s part of the Fetish!); it helps you to be certain that you’re being clear

3)  Ask the person(s) to repeat back to You in their own words so that YOU can be sure You communicated clearly and were heard; revise as necessary

Often, I will tell the submissive about this process so that it is further enhanced by his own awareness of and focus on the technique. How people show up is what makes it worth Your while to continue with their service to You.

I use this technique in all of My communications with Dominants and submissives alike. It takes a bit of practice – and practice cannot always guarantee perfection. Some people are committed to being disruptive (See How To Handle Disruptors). But these tools will enhance your best efforts.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.