Tag Archives: Domina

Releasing The Flying Monkeys: Balancing Karma & Retribution

This post is a letter I wrote to a very special friend who, though I’ve not yet met in person, I have a very special place in My heart for.  She is one of the Shining Stars who pops up in your life just when you need them, whether you know it or not.  Because of Her beautiful spirit and Her inspiring gifts, I shared one of My most joyous Life Lessons with Her.  In keeping with the what I am creating with Ask Mistress Didi*, I share this post to encourage the brave people who are doing the work to BE Better.  I appreciate all of you!  And remember to remind your friends that you appreciate them, too!

 *****

Dear Ms. Star,

Thank you, as always, for the lovely smiles you send!  Other than the disappointing news You wrote about, I hope that life is treating You very well.  It is quite the challenge to get past the nefarious actions of people who prove unworthy of Our considerations.  So, here’s what I’d like to offer:

I am having an amazing journey!  I would like to share this with You because, whether you know it or not, You have been a precious gift to Me in so many, many ways!  I respect Your intelligence, integrity, and the beauty You share with The Whole.  I believe that souls travel in groups to learn and that We have a special connection.  If this is just My fantasy, well, I hope You enjoy reading about My Journey and that You are able to appreciate My revelations in My Truth!  However, from Our interactions, I’m sure that what I share will be right on time for You.

My Solar New Year’s Commitment is to BEing true to Myself, Honoring how well I handle My “stuff” (which includes My Sadism, quelling My desires for retribution, and the enjoyments of watching offenders suffer), and to BEING Better.  I knew from birth that sometimes what I can think and how I can feel are so intense that they even scare Me!  So, I choose to work on that to be a positive contributor to Life on Our planet and in The Universe!

Unlike the vast majority of people, I don’t try to pretend that We don’t all have a duplexity [Genetics – a double-stranded region of DNA] of Sadist and masochist in Our natures.  So, because I take responsibility for My nature, My heart, and My Spirit, I have committed My life to balancing My Karma.  As a Libra, the duality of My Nature has always been challenging when I’ve based it on society’s rules – which are designed to imprison Us in disenfranchisement.

So, after 2 most recent years of thievery; heartbreak; deaths; sabotage from loved & trusted ones; loss of property, income, business, etc., I recognized how I need to be “able to sleep at night” to attend to My Karma — per My understanding of guidance I received from My audience with His Holiness The Dalai Lama.  His Holiness told Me, when I asked about Karma — and referred to Jesus saying to turn the other cheek — that Jesus didn’t say to get beat up; that Karma is whether you can sleep at night – did you take care of yourself?  If something in the past tortures you in the present (shoulda-woulda-coulda), it affects/creates your future as moment leads to moment.  So, if someone slaps you and you didn’t take care of your needs in the moment for whatever reasons, it is your karma to learn and choose what to do to take care of your well-being from NOW (present) on (future) – even if that is slapping them back (My words; not The Dalai Lama’s!).

I realized that experiencing and expressing My Joy was impeded by My attachments to “other people’s interpretations of right/wrong.”  And while I was treating people the way I want to be treated, their lack of self-love and awareness made them comfortable to treat Me like poo-on-a-shoe – down to finding fault with ME for stealing from ME (including betrayal, theft, abusing My kindness, etc.).

So, I wrestled with feeling sorry for them because of the stresses in their lives and all of the other crap that was taught to Me via the sociology-religious slavery doctrines (“conditioning”) that have nothing to do with The Golden Rule, and I found Myself regressing into a major case of “the grumpies.”  Because I meditated on My Commitment to BEing Better, it became clear to Me that I was not Living My Truth! And I had that magnificent epiphany of FULLY Accepting MySelf! (Meanwhile, I thought I had accepted Myself a long time ago already…)  Life is truly a Journey of Learning About Yourself.

Side Note:  Talk about synchronicity: I’m listening to a new mix from one of My DJs and Teddy Pendergrass is singing, “You Can’t Hide From Yourself!”

I KNOW that I am a loving, giving, Goddess Healer (which The Universe has just confirmed with a position as Director of a special, medical-science, research project of My dreams!) and that one of My Purposes on the planet at this time is to be a guide to Happy Wellness. In order for Me to BE in My Purpose, I deserve to “BE Happy & Well in Truth.”  And that looks like this:

  • I am clear on My intentions.  Intentions are the root of all creations and define the value of all actions and, Karma itself.  Somewhere along My Life, I picked up the belief that I am not to BE “human” with all of My emotions, desires, and thoughts BEing “valid.”  I attribute this to My upbringing and special circumstances that defined My childhood and determined My approach to Life (“conditioning,” again). After all the “drama,” I am affirmed that My intentions come from a place of Love – even if others want to believe that when I do something FOR Me that it is against them.  I am committed to loving Myself first in order to best love others and contribute to The Whole.  This is the basis for “My Religion: SpiritualHedonism™” and how I WANT to BE and live My Life.
  • I forgive the offenders out loud.  I RESPECTFULLY tell them to their faces, write them letters, make videos for them,  write public blog posts, whatever works for ME to (1) have completion and (2) make sure that there is absolutely NO way that they do not have the opportunity to accept responsibility for their offenses.  I ALWAYS apologize if I have wronged someone who has made Me aware of how they feel offended by My actions that have truly caused them any harm.  And I make it a point to make amends (if warranted) and to be more careful in the future.  It is the choice of offenders to do what they will do, but the knowledge of what they’ve done cannot be ignored or distorted to avoid their responsibilities for their actions.
  • I have released My Flying Monkeys!  Coming from a Magickal Family, I’ve lived My entire life watching inexplicable things happen to people who offend Us and judging this to be wrongful uses of Our Energies (which may have been true in some cases, but Karma was always in play).  I used to do a LOT of work to contain My Energies from directing “accelerated Karma” for all involved — which includes Me.  My concern with MY Karma is the sole reason that so many people have not “spontaneously combusted” in one way or another!  Now, I’ve removed all interests that I had in place for their protection, etc.  No more of My “guardians” and “watchdogs” to safeguard them from the ramifications of their stupidities; they shall suffer their consequences without My generous interventions (which I believe were actually interfering with Karma where My conditioning made Me believe I was “being good” to have such care for those who offend Me).

Now, instead of mistakenly believing that I was enhancing My Good Karma, I’ve come to believe that I was retarding both My and the offenders’ Karmic travels.  So, without wishing malice, I wish “accelerated Karma” for all of Us. Knowing My true intentions, I have no fear.  I’ve released The Flying Monkeys and Karma is forever in My favor!

  • I have created I Win-I Win situations.  Since I AM accepting My Truth, whatever offenders do, the seeds for Personal Growth have been planted.  If they choose to be honorable, they will thrive and continue to have Me for the inspiration, motivation, feel-good-about-themselves-musings that they have taken Me for granted for in the past.  However, each and every time they come to Me, I “water the Seeds of Awareness” that I’ve planted.  If they choose to be despicable, their behavior is fertilizer for their deserved suffering to exponentially grow as constant reminders of how they’ve offended Me (and others).  The offenders will (i) not be able to sleep peacefully, (ii) will actually look haggard to themselves and to others, and (iii) have all of the things that would normally happen via Karma, but which they WILL be aware of the connections to Me no matter how hard they try to ignore My seeds.  And I get to watch them suffer from their own devices — provided I care enough to know about them at all! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I am clear that I do not delight in suffering; I delight in pleasure however one enjoys it without harming another.  This is the tenet of My Fetish Lifestyle.  And I delight in seeing Karma at work.  To better deal with the disappointments of offenders, I consider their actions to be a balance of Karmic Debt so that I am free from past lifetime stuff that brought Us together in this lifetime, and that I will not “suffer” them in subsequent lifetimes.  This thinking helps Me to accept a lot of crapazoola that has occurred in My Life and to move forward with Joy!

Best of all, I am free from that wretched feeling of needing retribution.  I can BE and am BETTER than that!  Karma has My back ~ and My front!

You know how epiphanies work: they can “take a long time coming,” but they are recognized instantaneously!  Well, POOF!  Puff of Practical Magick and [personal success info omitted to maintain privacy].  THIS is what makes Me KNOW and understand that, although some folks may not be able to understand My Epiphany as I described to You, it is definitely the right thing for Me to do to BE Happy & Well.

And this is why I have shared with You: I hope that My journey of Self-Judgment to an Epiphany of My Truth affirms You in remembering to Honor Your Truth.  Our concepts of right and wrong, et al., are based upon the Grand Illusion that enslaves the populace in darkness.  We are The Beacons of The Light and We MUST SHINE in Our Unique and Varied Ways.  It does not serve Us to judge Our ways based on other people’s agendas; it is Our duty to accept Ourselves in totality to discover Our Truths to choose how We will work powerfully for Ourselves and The Whole.

Thank You for letting Me share My Joy with You, who are always a giver of Joy to Me!

Namaste.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Workshops

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles:
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How to Deal with Piggy Dom/mes

A Domina101™ Tip

December 27, 2014

This post is in response to a few conversations regarding an incident where a Dominant made a few enemies due to her lack of courtesy. Let this be a guideline for You when You’re “Domme-tripping,” and for how to deal with head-trippers.

Never expect anything from a pig except a grunt.
~ #quote My Fabulous Grandmother

AskMistressDidi.comYou know that thing: the oh-so-Dommey-Dom/me who condescends to You right off the bat? Even knowing that You’re a Domme? Not that condescending without a good reason is ever ok…

My recent experience of that thing while celebrating the Holiday Spirit:  I asked a few Dommes I’ve been aware of if they would like for Me to mention them and their works in My Holiday Newsletter. One lovely, Domina said thanks and didn’t give Me drama-not-on-Broadway where drama belongs. The other one is the perfect representation of what I’m writing here and I’ve made her useful for a Domina101™ training. Now:

1)    I am a very gregarious person and a strong supporter of Women Supporting Women;

2)    I am in NO way desperate for content for My Newsletter or for anything that I do; and

3)    I am not asking for anything from YOU other than exactly how you would like Me to present your work in My Newsletter, which is more for-and-about-you than it is for Me.  If one chooses to look at the situation as someone doing something for someone else (which I don’t), I’m doing YOU the favor of free promotion – not the other way around. I am generously sharing My resources with You.

We all know that technology today makes it possible to research the person you’re dealing with before you make a complete turd of yourself. And yet, it is My experience on a regular basis that all these silly creatures do is look at My photos and immediately make up ignorant- fantasies about Me that are extremely limited… The really gruesome just look to pick out specific words in something you and I post online about OUR experiences to play the make-wrong game. And those who believe that they are as ugly as they are, are outright rude in person – as if somehow, everyone observing will not peg their behavior as jealousy. Pity these people; there is something seriously lacking in the quality of their existence that makes them hostile and combative. Pity them, but definitely put them in their places – beneath You.

While I do pity them, I find it helpful to understand the motivations for their rudeness to prevent Me from wanting to completely eviscerate them. I am a Responsible Sadist whose motto is:

Don’t start none, won’t be none – I finish it.

How To Handle The Piggy Dom/me

1)    Recognize that s/he is intimidated by You and needs to convince herself of her false-sense of superiority. People who suffer from inferiority complexes often believe that if they can force their idea of dominance onto you, that they will prove to the world that they are superior to everything and everyone else.

2)    Whatever You do, do not become hostile. That’s exactly what they want You to do! They can only feel alive through negative experiences because that is the punishment of people who focus on lower-level activities and expression. These are the people, after all, who usually don’t exercise, eat well, or read, and who rush to watch judgment-TV with bowls of junk food-stuff on a daily basis. That is the recipe for toxicity and they are toxic in mind, body, and spirit. So, they most certainly can’t feel good about themselves and they want to disrupt the flow of everyone who not only lives well and feels good, but certainly those who look good! These are also the people who are quick to call YOU conceited for having a sense of style – which, in My Opinion, is Our Duty To Society.

3)    Dismiss them. As always, You have the choice in how You wish to respond. I usually treat them with pleasantries and respect right up until the moment they serve their purpose for Me dealing with them in the first place. Then, I immediately change My tone of communication to a clearly-dismissive one. This lets them know that they are no longer of importance and shakes up their comfort zone. The best part is that I always “plant a seed of torture”Domina101™ participants know what I mean! Ahhh, delicious!

A favorite story recanted among My Associates is of a male dominant who had the audacity to think he could bark orders to Us at an event. You know the type: the guy who thinks that every woman – especially Dommes – really want to sub to him.  It was immediately clear to Me that this person would never be someone or something enjoyable or of value to Me or Mine. So, I chose to “nip it in the bud,” as the expression goes. I stood in front of him, pointed My finger at him, laughed genuinely, turned to My submissive and walked away, laughing. For the rest of the event, I specifically let him see Me enjoying Myself with worthy humans and not once did My eyes glance in his direction. I made him disappear. As usual, the gruesome grapevine passed along his attempts to defame Me, but witnesses addressed his rudeness before I ever got wind of their remarks – not that I care about gruesomes have to say anyway. They only serve to add salt to the wounds of My sprouting seeds of torture.

4)    Most importantly, let it be known that You don’t care about them. They have served your purpose and are unworthy of further attention. People who do not care for themselves want you – anyone – to care about them. Because they know that they are bereft of redeeming qualities, the only tool they have to be noticed is gruesome behavior. And that’s where pity can be a most useful tool for You.

As a Responsible Sadist, I find comfort in leading them by the nose into seeing just how ridiculous they are. Because I am a firm believer in Karma, I always find ways to give a reality slap that permits offenders the opportunity for personal growth – which is good for My Karma, which is always My primary motivation. What they choose to do with My Gift is their karma.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

 *****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

 

Rules For Clear Communication

August 13, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I want You to know that I completely disagree with [NAME WITHHELD] and I did not feel like You were trying to tell me how to be a “real Domme.” I have been thinking about Our conversation and I now see what You pointed out as “possibilities” to be true!  The sub was topping from the bottom and he did hear what he wanted to hear when he wanted to hear it.  It became clear that he was playing me!  I was explaining [what You said] to my Domme friends and request that You please say it again to make sure that we get it right.  Thank You!

Miss ShaR

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Miss ShaR,

First, I thank You for receiving My observations as possibilities and for not feeling threatened by fantasies that My intention is to dictate anything to You or that My way is the “one twue wayyy” of Dominance – like the h8ters accuse. Clearly, h8ters never realize that using that concept is a cop-out for their own feelings of ineptitude and their inability to receive or perceive beyond their limitations.

I offered what I observed as a possibility from My own personal experience; that I could be wrong; and that the possibility could be something to consider. I noticed that You repeated Yourself more than twice to the sub, who was busy being interested in what he wanted to be interested in at the event instead of doing his job, attending to You. Unless a Domme’s fetish is dealing with people with ADHD-type behaviors or repeating Herself, a sub’s lack of attention is:

  • Disrespectful to the Domme. What is a submissive’s purpose in Your Domain? To serve You on Your terms as You decide he will serve. If the sub – and especially in public – is not attentive to You, it appears to The Scene that You are at fault in his training – no matter what the real deal is. And that presents a picture for all kinds of annoying situations to think that they can make a home in Your zone because not only are first impressions lasting, but too many creeple are out here looking for any and everything negative to disrupt Your flow – even if they have to make it up;
  • A sign of a lack of commitment to his service agreement with the Domme. There are whole generations of folks who believe that they can demonstrate the worst behaviors which will inevitably be forgiven and forgotten til the next time – and each and every time. I believe that this is a poor-parenting failure that is perpetrated on a variety of levels. The brat gets away with it at the source of his relationship identity and fully expects the same from You and everyone else on the planet, evidently…; and
  • Stressful to the Domme and, subsequently (no pun intended) to the sub. While there are tons of creeple addicted to chaos, most of Us don’t want to be stressed – especially in Our Fetish Lives.

In defense of a sub, quite often, communication rules are not clearly defined and mishaps can happen. This is why I present to The Domina101™ Collective:

Rules For Clear Communication

Know What You Want

First and foremost, a Domme needs to (i) know what She wants and (ii) choose the best ways to communicate Her wants. All too often, I see people barking orders and the sub as no clue what is really being requested of him because the Dominant doesn’t really know either! Vague commands yield “non-results” and are a setup for failure all the way around. Most submissives will default to what they already know (training from someone and somewhere else) when they do not have clear directives. It is imperative to know exactly what you want to have a starting point to be able to communicate your desires.

I streamline My conversation to the best of My ability – e.g., carefully choosing explicit words for EXACTLY what I want in order to make it easy for people to understand Me. The problem is that everyone is conditioned to believe that they can magically anticipate what someone wants from what we think they should want based upon our fantasies of their lives. I suggest that You research effective communication techniques for project managers because, after all, You are managing Your Domain. You will develop Your own sense of what works for You, of course, but the more You know, the better things go!

I am also consistent. I clearly define and relay My Rules to everyone, including posting them online, for people who want to participate in My Domain to be personally responsible for adhering to them. I actually have a script so that I tell each person the exact same thing and I have them repeat what My instructions mean in their own words to ensure that misunderstandings are not on My end. Each and every time, culprits attempt to insist that their behavior was in My “best interests” while clearly disrespecting My Rules – which is always merely them enacting their own agenda without consideration for the commitment they made. Their typical next step is to attempt to feign being offended and lashing out against you (i) because their behavior is not excused and (ii) for pointing out their wrong-doing with documented facts.

The Hearing Technique:

Most of the time, people speak at each other and not with each other.  To enhance comprehension:

1)  Identify and get clear on what You want to say.

2)  Choose the simplest, most direct words to communicate what You want.

  • Further simplify by expressing it as if You were communicating with a 5-year-old. This is not to be condescending (unless that’s part of the Fetish!); it helps you to be certain that you’re being clear

3)  Ask the person(s) to repeat back to You in their own words so that YOU can be sure You communicated clearly and were heard; revise as necessary

Often, I will tell the submissive about this process so that it is further enhanced by his own awareness of and focus on the technique. How people show up is what makes it worth Your while to continue with their service to You.

I use this technique in all of My communications with Dominants and submissives alike. It takes a bit of practice – and practice cannot always guarantee perfection. Some people are committed to being disruptive (See How To Handle Disruptors). But these tools will enhance your best efforts.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 

The “Attention Game” Fiasco

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

UPDATE: As I predicted to My Domina101™ Divas, 1 day after I graciously responded, this idiot not only emailed Me again with unnecessary length to vampire My time and attention, he did not bother to read anything I offered to him.  AND had the audacity to use profanity to “express” himself.

ATTENTION submissives and all others: I offer My Wisdom as a courtesy; it is NOT your right and We are NOT “friends” — if We were, you would know that ALL of My Friends treat Me with the utmost respect, as I treat them.  Respect is to be offered at ALL times, and especially when you want something from Me and have offered Me nothing. 

*****

Good afternoon, Mistress Didi,

I am in relationship with my Mistress, and approximately 4 weeks ago, she told me her true feelings for me, there is nothing I won’t do for her, the only exception being, she introduced her male Dom friend into the mix about 6 weeks ago.   Now in the last week, while my Mistress was away, he has messed with my head, and he now believes I’m owned by her and him, he wants me to be his … little daddy’s girl…. This came about when I spoke to him regarding my Mistress, as I’d not been able to get in contact with her for 10 days, then over 4 days of conversations with him, he has told me, “your Mistress doesn’t want a [relationship with you]… those things he has said to me that have freaked me out…

I accept my Mistress’ authority, and will do anything she asks of me, personally I believe this will change the relationship we have built over the last seven months, and as my Mistress has told me, she doesn’t have limits and expects me not to have any either, I fear I will lose her when I try and discuss it with her.  My circumstances are… {way too much info provided not relevant to the issue — suspected fishing attempt}

Respectfully, j.

j,

Way too much info given to get to the point of what I presume your question actually is:

Q: What to do about this dom trying to take over?

ANSWER:

Begins with:

Why were you in communication with him while your Mistress was away and WHY did you not discuss this situation/your discomfort with Her immediately and before contacting Me? ( I gather from your email that this communication with the dom occurred while She has been out of communication with you, but I’m not feeling total honesty here.)

Ends with My answer that will be posted on AskMistressDidi.  I choose to answer you for My purposes to better assist others who are caught up in this same, “lacking mindset”:

your intention is to gain attention.

The “attention game” is ALWAYS useless.  It is completely and only about manipulation of everyone and everything who has glanced in your direction.

you will ONLY:

1) destroy any and everything that is good in your life by disrespecting and disappointing their trust graciously given to you;

2) do everything possible to create a chaotic mess because:

(i) you are addicted to chaos for some sad, form of self-validation; and

(ii) your end-game is to play the victim.

This is a “lacking mindset” because you do not offer anything to grow your relationship with your Mistress; you maintain the environment of neediness, helplessness, uselessness. your purpose is to enhance your Dominant’s life and you can only do this by choosing to take intelligent and respectful action with the goal of creating and being your best.

Now, while I give everyone the opportunity to recognize that We are conditioned from birth to operate from an unconscious agenda, imposed upon Us by Our upbringing, social structures, religious-stuff, etc., I ONLY support you in evolving towards being the best person you can be: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I support your integrity, and that is all.

you had the choice to tell this usurper-dom that you do not feel comfortable communicating with him until your Mistress returns and gives both of you Her permission. That always solves the problem when you are uncertain of your Dominant’s rules. Any Dominant who would have a problem with you taking this action when She has not specifically trained you to do as She desires is lacking as a Dominant – and you should consider any further steps in your relationship with this person. Any other person, Dominant or other, should respect the position you take to respect your Dominant first and foremost – which is the point of being in service to a Dominant.

I give you this: at ALL times, communicate with your Dominant to ensure that your actions are in accordance with your promise and commitment to serve Her/Him.  Secrets ONLY create painful problems that your Karma WILL punish you for – worse than what you believe your Mistress’ punishment could ever actually be.

I strongly advise you to participate in My Superior submissive Webcam Workshop (new dates to be announced very soon) that offers concrete training to ensure that much of the confusion that occurs in the D/s dynamic can be eliminated and your commitment to your submission can be excellent.

To assist you with basic, Fetish Etiquette, I also advise you to download and read My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want

UPDATED

Dear Mistress Didi*,

You were unfair to dismiss me…  i tried my best to serve You…  You didn’t give me a chance… [Other whining without acknowledging responsibility omitted.]

‑ “pitty-me” sub

I encourage people, especially Dominants, to pass this on to subs, “wanna-subs,” and others who dare to attempt to guilt You into tolerating their abominable behaviors.

PAY ATTENTION:

I am consistent for a reason: to maintain the excellence of My Domain on My terms and to thwart whining attempts to top from the bottom and other idiot behaviors by manipulative creatures.  The Rules of My Domain are provided to EVERYONE, listed on My websites, and even listed on The DommeSalon™ site so that there are NO valid reasons nor opportunities for irresponsible, whiny, outrage that you do not have what you want — and you never will — not from Me or anyone of value.

I am unique.  I take the time to be as clear as possible by writing My requirements and making them available to EVERY person who desires to be a part of My Domain and I also make My Rules publicly available.  VERY few Dominants do this – why they don’t baffles Me when the practice cuts down on the fakers, shakers, and annoyance makers.  The process I use for My Rules is consistent with how I run My Domain and My businesses.  I seldom, if ever, deviate from this process because it is the deal-breaker when people want to “work their idiocy.”

When your intention is to use a situation to accommodate who you think you are without respect for the situation, you deny the opportunity for growth of any kind and you will always end up being deficient from the same pattern of behavior as demonstrated by your failure in My Domain:

1)  you psyche yourself into believing you are worthy of a situation that thrills you – that you do NOT have in your life, but which you DO want.  Many people see a BDSM movie and, just because they think they are amused by identifyng with a Dominant or get a stirring in their loins from thoughts of being a submissive, they believe that they ARE already this fantasy as a reality. Foolishly, because you know that you’re full of XXXX, you want to believe that I am – though I repeat Myself when I tell everyone that this world and way of being is My REALITY AND MY LIFESTYLE.

I often encounter this scenario with newbie Dominants who, after seeking My counsel and tutelage, get carried away and think they can tell ME how to be a Domme…  What’s worse are the ones who forget their manners and dare to think they can dick-tate the terms of Our relationship to Me (see Confusing Dominance For Bullying).

2)  you RECEIVE AND AGREE to My Rules, which I email to you prior to permitting you to connect with Me for service and you say anything to get moving on your scheme of crazy thinking that I will acquiesce to the ridiculous standards that you are accustomed to with the silly females (and males) in your life.

What always amazes Me is how any of you can think that you are so “special” that I will suddenly NOT maintain the Domain I’ve built and have sustained for the greater part of My life because you popped up wanting the same thing I’ve heard for many years and continue to hear day in and day out.  None of you are ever original; same stupidity, different moron.

REMEMBER:  you want What I Have and Who I Am because on your deepest level, you know that the value given to you by the silly females/males in your realm is FALSE.   you need Me and Mine to desperately try to convince yourself otherwise.   you should be grateful to these silly people and treat them better.  Their delusional love for and about you may be all you have to get you through your life.  While less than what you want and deserve, at least, be worthy of them.

3)  you LIE and attempt to cheat by not honoring your agreement/following instructions and try to shirk your responsibility in all aspects of the scenario.  Worse, you dare to pull a “brat attack.”  I do not see how anyone with an iota of intelligence can think that I will be guilty for NOT accepting your choice to be inferior.

4)  Soon, you realize that you’ve dug your own grave because, again, I HAVE WHAT you WANT, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.  I graciously gave you the chance to step up and show up to be worthy of what you want and you failed.  That recognition of your reality is going to eat at you for an eternity.  Why?  Because:

  • you maintain delusions of believing you are greater than you will ever be because you do NO work to be better;
  • you will always be inferior because you are lazy and ludicrous; and
  • you refuse to accept personal responsibility for your failings and, therefore, will fail in your goals by either doing a half-azzed job which will result in ineptitude or by not realizing them at all.  you will remain a loser.

5)  When you fail in your pathetic tirade to Me, you run to any and every loser who will gobble your maligning tales against Me like the toxic, gluttons they are.  you will then foolishly believe that you found your niche and a “community” where you can live out your fantasies. The only thing you will find are others who mirror your inadequacies.  your reputation will become known by Quality Fetishists and humans, who will shun you.  The more you associate with slime, the faster your lack of value will be noticeable by those who actually have what you desire.

Think of it this way:  puss starts small and expands –> gangrene –> amputation –> discard of the useless appendage –> beauty marred and functionality impaired –> life sux more and is harder.  

IMPORTANT NOTE:  This analogy is meant to connect a personality defect to the physical level for better conceptual comprehension.  If you are a soldier who lost a limb(s) honorably, NO ONE OF VALUE will consider you less beautiful and definitely not less functional because soldiers are miraculous people who CAN do anything.  Remove your greatness from anyone who does not appreciate you.  This is why it is so important for Us to SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, VOTE FOR Veteran Benefits, and pay attention to who/which pundits do not (always the same creatures who want to send everyone else’s children to war).

While there are a lot like you, there is only one Me.  you will quickly be replaced by those who are always waiting in line to serve Me and those who follow The Rules are always granted sanctuary in My Domain.  Those who enact the mediocre behaviors that define you will join you in the world of sleaze, greed, and irresponsible dangers parading as fetishists in the world today.

Summary

  • you are delusional in your views of yourself and when given the opportunity to indulge in what someone else created that you want, you refuse to do any work to be worthy of it;
  • you lack respect for what you want and those who have created it and you lie, cheat, and attempt to defame when you fail; and
  • you refuse to accept personal responsibility for your failings and you will remain a pathetic loser.

AGAIN, I advise you to download and read My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com
www.Blackthornz.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Rejection

Dear Mistress Didi*,

i’ve done everything to make a particular Domme accept me for service and She said no.  I can’t understand why and not knowing what else to do is really bothering me.  i’m going to see Her this weekend at an event and confront Her.  Do You have any advice for me?

‑ notta quitter

Dear notta quitter,

Whenever you are rejected, remember 3 things:

1)    Trust that there is something (or someone) that is right for you;

2)    Look at rejection as an opportunity to learn from the experience.  Ask yourself these valuable questions:

  • How do you feel?  Angry, belittled, despondent, etc.?  Negative feelings are indications of what you feel you’re lacking in yourself.  All too often, We can set Ourselves up for let-downs because We are placing Our self-valuation on another person’s response to Us.  In other words, you are defining your worth based on another person’s treatment (acceptance) of you.
    .
  • Why do you feel this way?  Be honest.  Looking for the answers to this question will show you the covert, manipulative thoughts that are your hidden expectations.  Most of the time, your reaction to rejection is based on the fact that you can’t have the fantasy you created in your head.  There are no guarantees in any relationship.  All things must be agreed to and worked on with integrity.
    .
  • What qualities do you really desire to have in your life?  This question is important to determine not only what and why you want to be in service (or be in any situation), but what type of person (or situation) you are willing to commit yourself to having in your life.  Yes, commitment is paramount.  No Quality Domme wants to put the effort into training you to Her liking for you to do a half-hearted job, even at failing.  Failure ALWAYS occurs when the idea of service in your head has no relation to the reality of actually doing anything to serve.  Dedication must be the fuel for your desire in order to achieve your goals.  When you know the type of person or situation you want in your life, only then can you make the proper commitment and be worthy of having Her or it.
    .
  • What can you do better next time?  Never give up your search for the right Domme and, many times, you must deal with trial and error.  But each experience will teach you something about yourself IF you are willing to learn instead of playing the make-wrong-game.

I have provided a most valuable and complimentary service to The Community to educate folks in Fetish Etiquette because I detest the lack of grace and manners that abominate The Scene.  Download My Complimentary, How To Present yourself To A Mistress Guide (which is also an excellent tool for Dominants to use as a resource) and READ IT.  I highly recommend that Dominants refer prospective subs to read it as a primer.

Now, I’ve taken the time to write the guide and I’m even offering it for FREE.  I refer ALL to read it and I measure the worth of a potential submissive based on how s/he approaches Me.  It is always clear whether or not a person reads My guide.  It is a very useful tool for measuring a person’s dedication from the very beginning.

3)    Let it go.  Don’t be an annoyance; respect the rejection and move on with your life.  Do not harass and definitely do not become an idiot-stalker – get a life!  And be responsible for your life.  The longer you hold onto things that are obviously NOT for you, the longer you will stifle the achievement of your goals. If your paths cross, be polite and say hello, and leave it at that.  If you find yourself continuing to fixate on a situation that has been made clear is NOT for you, seek professional assistance because there is definitely something wrong with your way of thinking that will only cause you grief and trouble on a variety of levels.  Choose to be healthy and well mentally, physically, and spiritually.

You must understand:

1)    It is a Dominant’s prerogative to accept and/or reject anyone She wishes from Her (or his) Domain.  She does not have to give you a reason and it is often best not to know Her reasons.  Sometimes, a Domme is looking for something specific and most will outline Their requirements in Their web pages and online profiles.  It is probable that your skill set, etc. does not meet what She is looking for and nothing more than that.  Spending time trying to figure out why another person does whatever they do is a waste of your time.  I am the type of Dominant Who definitely tells you why I reject/eject you from My Domain with the purpose of you (1) making improvements to whatever caused you to be rejected and (2) assisting you to not waste any more of either of Our time and to find the right Dominant for you.  However, not every Dominant is like Me.

2)    The sad truth is that the VAST majority of “submissives” are not truly submissive at all.  Basic manners, paying attention to requirements to apply for service to Us, reading information about Who We Are and What We Want, and everything that should be common sense and courtesy are usually ignored because most people are only interested in their kinks and fantasies of how they want Us to serve themSee “submissive vs. substandard.”  Did you follow instructions when you applied for service to Her?  Or were you in a hurry?  Did you even read the information She provided for you to understand what She wants and how She wants it?  Or did you just lust over Her photos?  We really do have better things to do than deal with time-wasting-energy-thieves, which is why We take the time to write Our requirements for all to read.  As I’ve mentioned, I require all potentials to read My Etiquette Guide and I immediately know if they did or didn’t – which significantly saves Me precious time and energy.

3)    Also, if you approached Her with your kinks, you can bet that you’ve turned off a Quality Domme.  Unless the person is just in it for kinks herself, the Domme will want all of the fabulous fanfare and protocol that is part of the definition of Fetish as a Lifestyle.  And, if She asks you to tell Her about your Fetishes – like I do – be certain to be as cordial as possible.  Don’t address Her like you’re talking to one of the boys or to a sex worker – even if she is a sex worker.

When you find yourself stuck – for example, fixated on a person or situation; stuck in a rut or dead-end job – it is a sign that you are not facing fear that is controlling you.  Being stuck is literally an inability and/or refusal to move forward, which only holds you back from fulfilling your desires.  The feeling of being stuck is not just emotional, it is also physical and can result in symptoms like constipation, indigestion, headaches, and issues with the lower back, legs, and feet.  The best way to get over a useless situation is to get on top of a useful one.  Do something useful for yourself to shift your mindset from having a sense of loss to gaining perspective, experience, etc.  Exercise, learn a new skill, take a class, read a book, etc.  As the expression goes:

Backwards never forwards ever.

Good luck.

P.S.: April 4, 2014:  Here’s a great video from Kute Blackson: Overcoming the FEAR of Rejection!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com
www.Blackthornz.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

How To Move Forward & Strengthen From Crappy Relationships

Special Valentine’s Day Consciousness Preparation

While new INTENTIONS were made with all those resolutions, this New Year the focus is on your commitment to following through. In other words, what are you truly committed to?  That WILL be your result.  

The pressures of Valentine’s Day ARE real and torturing so many people whether they’re in relationships or not.  Maybe that’s why My inbox has been inundated with requests for advice relating to bad relationship endings and obvious needs for endings.  So, this post addresses How To Move Forward and Strengthen From Unhappy Relationships.  Trust Me; I am not only speaking from expertise as a Behavioral Therapy Life Coach, I’m speaking from Personal Experience.

 *****

Dear Everyone,

Here’s what I will share with you to strengthen the validity of the advice I’m giving in this post: I am a “Love Adventurer!  I NEVER give up on Love and I thank every being in My Life who has been of value by showing Me how I was not loving Myself by being in a relationship with them.  I use the term, “relationship” to mean everything from romantic to business to casual associations.  I have been friends with, dated, and been in serious relationships with some “doozies” and the experiences of them in My Life will make a great Sci-Fi story!

I know not to throw away the good that people have offered to My Life because of the negatives they’ve been dismissed for.  Otherwise, I lose the experience I gained from them having any value in My Life and that diminishes the quality of MY Life experience: past, present, and future.  I’m always saying, “make them useful.”  The politically-correct version of that same concept is to find the value to appreciate in each person.  Here’s how:

The Secret to any and every relationship ending – whether it’s a love relationship, a job, an attachment to a favorite sweater – is your perspective.

You shall be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
– Romans 12:2, The Bible

Whenever We have a crappy break-up, We feel torn down.  Due to Our “conditioning” (social, religious, political, etc.), We go into “suffer mode.”  This is a tool of lizard-brain thinking that sets Us up to whine, which creates a cesspool of chemicals in Our bodies that dis-empower Us and set Us up for failure, self-abuse, and constant negativity for the lizard-brains to feed on.  For example, you’re heart-broken and moping around, the gossip ensues and fuels your humiliation (self-abuse), you become reactive and then have regrets with wishing you coulda-woulda-shoulda, and the toxic experience drags you further down into the vortex of negativity. (See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip)

NOTE: It doesn’t matter if you believe in “energy” or not; there is scientific evidence that supports the effects of thoughts and emotions (how We interpret energy) on Our physical bodies/health.  Some people even invite disease into their lives from maintaining poisonous perspectives – and poisonous habits.

This process WORKS.  As with all things, you have to work it.

The following behavioral modification process is also a Training Technique for successful D/s experiences.

1.  Be AWARE of your thoughts.  Awareness is the key to change and to success.  Notice where you feel tension in your body when you think such thoughts.  Pay attention to (1) what triggered those thoughts, (2) your train of thoughts, and (3) the responses in your body.  The more you are aware of the dynamics of your process, the more you will be able to identify what triggers your feelings, habits, actions, etc.  Becoming aware of your mind-body connection is the most important aspect in identifying and enhancing your ability for self-control.  No matter what the circumstances are, being aware of what holds you prisoner to misery will shift you from stagnation and going nowhere to opportunities to create “better” in your life.

It is very important that when you become aware of a (thought) feeling, that you “have your feelings” – which means to honor that you feel that way.  However, have your feelings, don’t be ruled by them.  Feelings can be irrational motivators for behaviors you will regret when you do not consciously choose what you want to create.

VERY IMPORTANT TOOL: To disrupt a toxic habit, thought, etc., use The Tapping Solution in conjunction with Steps 3 and 4 below.

2. Stop playing “the blame game.”  Placing blame on others or yourself only creates stagnation and further decline into unhappiness because you place judgment on the situation.  Reality is subjective.
It (the situation) is what it is, period.  Your perspective – a.k.a., conscious choice of beliefs – creates “your reality.”  A perfect example of this concept is how a group of people can witness the same event and each one will have a different description of what happened.

So, while you’re feeling abused, experiencing guilt, berating yourself, detesting someone, it does not serve you to dwell on WHY things happened.  WHY is a useless question that supports the blame game and no matter how much you contemplate the WHYs of a situation, it will get you nowhere (stagnation).  You can never know why someone did something because many times, there’s a good chance that the person doesn’t know why himself due to his own lack of awareness and the fact that people lie to avoid personal responsibility.  And, logically, how will knowing WHY change anything?  You will still need to do whatever is best for you to learn from the experience and move forward in your life.  Insisting on needing to know why is just a trick to convince yourself to avoid your own, personal responsibility to let go of your attachment to coulda-woulda-shoulda.  You have the opportunity to be greater than you have ever been before by stepping up your personal responsibility instead of falling down into despair.

If you find yourself stuck in playing the make-wrong game, chances are that you are defining yourself as a victim and that never leads to any good.  No one can break your heart without your permission.  While the experience of giving your trust to someone who does not appreciate it – and who may even abuse it – totally sux, it is your attachment to how you wanted them to receive your trust (love, care, etc.) that hurts you more than they ever could.  In other words: how you wanted the situation/person to be instead of accepting what was available to you in truth is what causes you the greatest pain.  Contemplating what coulda-woulda-shoulda been is a disservice because, in reality, it could not have been any other way than the way that it was because everyone (including you) and everything was only able to be and do what they were in the moment.  Remember: it is what it is and your interpretation is what frees you to a greater self-love or imprisons you in self-defeat.

ToolsForgiveness; Keeping Cool With Karma

NOTE:  Understand that Forgiveness does NOT mean that you should forget; it means to (1) let go of your decision to be “bent out of shape” about the situation and (2) choose to learn how to Be Better from having had the experience.  If you forget, you may create opportunities to have to learn the same lesson again… and again.  The major part of all lessons is changing your relationship with yourself in relation to the experience.  In other words, who and how do you want to be: a winner who is empowered in your life? or someone who focuses on loss = loser.

3.  Define your goals; what do you want?  All too often, people are taught and maintain the practice of focusing on the negatives.   In other words, they answer the question with what they don’t want – which does not state what you do want.  Focusing on the negatives conjures up sensations and subconscious attention on what’s lacking, including a lack of personal power.  And focusing on negatives usually does not help to reveal what you do want.  Also, focusing on negatives invokes fear and you attract what you fear because what you focus on expands.  Only when you are clear about what you want can you create it.

Tools: Domina101™ Workshop Preparation; Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude because when your mind is in a positivity space, you create empowered action.  See also Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work?

4.  Create a new trigger to conjure empowering thoughts to take empowering action.  The point of creating new triggers is to take control of your automatic response system via your awareness and conscious choice.  There is a wonderful NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) technique called “anchoring” that creates a “resourceful state” by conditioning a physical action to achieve the desired state.  In other words, when you become aware of defeating thoughts and actions, you can immediately change your state: how you feel, think, behave, etc.  Anchoring is, literally, cultivating the ability to snap out of it and be proactive!

Here is an excellent tutorial on creating and activating anchors.  Use anchoring in conjunction with The Tapping Solution.

More Tools: Tips To Remember Your Value to easily identify empowering, personal triggers to anchor your desired states.

NOW…

Are you experiencing resistance to what I’ve presented above?  Take this opportunity to practice awareness and notice your thoughts and what you’re feeling in your body.  Is your chest tight? jaw clamped? face pinched up? breathing shallow? throat locked?  Just observe without judging yourself.  Now, breathe into the restriction in your body and exhale with a relaxing and releasing sigh.  OWN that release and anchor it.

As Tony Shaloub as MONK would say, “Here is the thing:”

You have to want to move on.  Yes, it’s scary, but FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.  Yes, you will love again (unless you choose to be a coward and constipate your emotions and experiences).  And maybe you will have another heartbreak (from having expectations, but that’s another topic).  However, what are your alternatives?  To be a whiny, self-defeating, bore who will inevitably attract another person to disappoint and devalue you because you’re doing exactly that to yourself?

(Of course, there are too many people who define themselves by misery, trauma, and anything and everything negative and defeating.  While misery loves company, even other miserable people seek to get away and stay away from these folks.)

The choice is yours.  I always ask Myself: what do I want to say about My Life at the end of My Life?  I want to say, “That was fantastic!”  And I always ask Myself – especially when crappy situations occur – what do I want to feel about My Life right now?  I want to feel, “What an adventure of Being Better than I’ve ever been before!”  A Fantastic Life is created in the process of the journey.   You cannot have a journey if you remain stuck in one place, thought, etc.

The choice is yours.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude

UPDATE 3/16/14: Video “Tapping Into Gratitude”

December 4, 2013

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

…Things are going really well for me right now, but I still have set-backs when I have to deal with certain people… and the heartache of an abusive relationship…  It’s exhausting trying to keep My focus…  There’s always some [OMITTED] attacking the advice You give and Your opinions.  How do You stay positive?

Miss VJK

 *****

Dear Miss VJK,

Although I lost EVERYTHING in stupid-storm-sandy last year (still battling insurance companies); while My family and cherished ones have died and continue to fail in health; while I refuse to allow a serious injury to crush My Spirit with non-stop pain, I refuse to age horribly in eye-sore (non)fashion by keeping a positive perspective by practicing gratitude.  That means instead of focusing on all the ugly in the world and what I don’t have, I am grateful ~ I am GREAT-full ~ for all that I do have.

Yes, I know: when all you can see is darkness, it’s hard to be grateful. But that’s because your focus is on the wrong things and your heart is in the wrong place!  The more you focus on how fortunate you are to be you, exactly where you are RIGHT NOW, magic happens!  Perspective determines outcome. Begin by thinking of all of the things that you take for granted – like clean water at your fingertips – and recognize how fortunate you ARE when multitudes in the world don’t have what you consider to be a basic right.

Speaking of clean water, please make a donation to My Charity Water Campaign so that more people can share gratitude and many lives can be saved!  That is a perfect gift for The Whole!

I recommend contemplating “10 Things I Am Grateful For Today” every day, upon awakening, and before you get out of bed.  I permit Myself to repeat only 3 things each day, such as how grateful I am that I have all of My 5 senses and that I live in a country where I have amazing freedoms as a Woman when so many Women are repressed by institutionalized fear of their greatness.

It is a scientifically proven fact that positive thoughts generate euphoria-inducing chemicals such as dopamine, which is the pleasure neurotransmitter!

It turns out that memory recall can be used to regulate mood in people who are experiencing depression, because thinking about positive memories causes the brain to release dopamine… [Read more on How Stuff Works]

So, begin your day with a jump-start of dopamine and take it from there.  As soon as you become aware of those negative thoughts, immediately put your focus on what you are grateful for.  As with all exercise, practice makes improvements in all areas of your life.  in a very short amount of time, you will notice that you are more energetic, feel better about everything, and are able to remain positive and empowered for longer periods of time even when dealing with stress.

And this holiday season, give another gift that is truly useful to yourself and your loved ones by shifting your focus to your great-fullness by practicing gratitude!

OK, that was the nice way to give My message of cheer!  For those who insist on being miserable, see graphic on the right!

Happy Holidays & A Powerful New Year!

UPDATE 3/16/14: Video “Tapping Into Gratitude”

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

PartyDomme.com

Chill Out Training Technique: The Tapping Solution

October 27, 2013

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

You trained My submissive in a variety of techniques that he constantly used and began sharing with Me before his untimely death.  There was one that he used all of the time whenever he felt nervous or distressed that worked wonders, and I did not get the opportunity to learn.  I noticed that he would pat himself in specific areas of his body.  Would You please tell Me what this technique is and how I can learn more about it?

Your Friend, Domina D

 *****

Dear Domina D,

I will use My response as an Ask Mistress Didi* post to share with many others.

First:

I state on My websites, profiles, everywhere, that I have NO interest in controlling anyone and that Self-Control is the ONLY control there is. I don’t see the purpose of having anyone around Me who lacks self-control… hence, the dismissal of the unworthy.

EVERYTHING is a choice; We usually choose the lesser suffering… or so We think.

So, when I offer a technique that has scientific proof, as well as personal experience and testimonials from people I respect, to assist in training, I sit back and permit Myself to be amused.

Let’s be clear that “training” begins and ends with YOU because, as with everything else, whatever occurs, it is your choice how you choose to deal with things. We are domesticated (trained) by social, religious, family, etc., “dick-tations” that We spend a lifetime trying to figure out how to evolve from. The bottom line is: You are either in control of Your own destiny or You are controlled by how you give your power away.

See Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?

Since it seems that so many people have lost their minds (what little they had to begin with), and the rest of Us are annoyed with having to keep Our cool, I am going to offer a simple technique that I share with My friends and give to My submissive trainees. I support My friends in their development – as long as they choose to improve – I don’t tolerate whining and insistence on inferiority.

I let the submissive prove their worth; those who practice the technique excel – not only in their training with and for Me, but in all areas of their lives. The “substandards” (and people who insist on maintaining mediocrity and drama) ignore the technique in whatever ways-for whatever, lame reasons and commit to remaining failures.  they are dismissed.

Please NOTE that I swear by this technique for Myself and it totally works for Me and everyone who chooses to work it. It is a physiological-neurolinguistic technique that you can learn in less than 4 minutes (see video). There is an accompanying book and a movie, both of which I found value in, but you don’t need them to get started and achieve immediate results.

This technique interrupts psycho-kinetic patterns (conscious/subconscious-physical) that create chemical responses in Our bodies which We interpret as stress, fear, panic, confusion, depression, etc. The technique then permits you to re-pattern your response by identifying and acknowledging your process that triggers the negative responses.  With practice and choice, you can trigger positive chemistry, emotions, and responses.

So, check out The Tapping Solution. There is a link to a YouTube video where a lovely, young lady walks you through the technique in under 4 minutes. You should notice immediate results.

Of course, there are always people claiming that something doesn’t work – when what they mean is that they FAILED to work it!  When you take a look at these critics, they are far too often pushers of Big Pharma poisons and/or out to sell some product of their own.  I advise you to consider what is most important to you: choosing natural techniques that give you the power, or choosing the fast-track-pill-approach – which inevitably leads to toxicity, more pills, new maladies, and starting from the beginning with your “issues” all over again… and again… because you avoided dealing with them in the first place.  Choose wisely.

Albert Einstein is credited with saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing time and again and expecting a different result.

Here’s to YOUR creativity and power!

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.