Category Archives: Self-Love & Care

© The Mistress Didi* ~ www.PartyDomme.com

My Photo Shoot Preparation Techniques

 

 

Originally Written March 11, 2014; Revised December 3, 2016

This gift is what I offer to participants of My Photo Soirees to prepare and create an excellent experience and for the benefit of more usable photos from photo  shoots.

I designed My Photo Soirees to counter the annoyance of dealing with the many aggravations of taking photos which, in My experience, have included dealing with the egos of photographers who believe that they are far more talented than they will probably ever be; improper setup for what was discussed for the shoot; and the commercial use of My photos without My permission or signed model releases (one creep attempted to forge My signature on a release form when I sued him in court and won).

I screen and choose the photographers for My Photo Soirees so that models, who are often non-professionals, have no worries. I also ensure that models and photographers are legally protected by a carefully constructed, Model & Photographer’s Release that outlines the rules and conditions for the use of photographs and which everyone who participates signs in agreement.

Mistress Didi*s Photo Shoot Preparation Techniques

1) When choosing a photographer, make sure that her/his portfolio includes people who look like you. Photographers put their best work in their portfolios and online so if you don’t see anyone who looks like you, that photographer may have no idea how to shoot you. Considerations to include are the races, ages, shapes, and the models’ expressions that you see presented. (If most of the models in the portfolio have that vacant-duh-look, that is probably not what you want for your holiday card photos!)  If you see that the photographer’s specialty is children and weddings, engaging their services for a Boudoir shoot may not be the right move.

2) Determine the details of the shoot with the photographer in advance. Be specific about what the shoot will involve including price, number of wardrobe changes, make-up and stylist options, type of shoot (e.g., glamour, artistic, boudoir, etc.), session duration; etc.

a) Don’t take anything for granted: it is always best to ask specific questions and have the details agreed to in writing by all parties involved.

i) Determine the conditions for your receipt of your photos. I insist on receiving ALL of My photos in digital format (but I have special deals with photographers with whom I shoot). I recommend that you do not use photographers who offer x amount of “free photos” and a contact sheet and who hold the rest of your shots “hostage for ransom.” Especially if you are new to modeling, find photographers who are willing to shoot in a Time For Prints capacity. Many amateur photographers are building their portfolios and testing techniques. Use these opportunities to get to know how you look best in photos.

ii) I strongly suggest you familiarize yourself with the terms of a standard model’s release (notice that most releases are written completely for the benefit of the photographer to own your images in whole or in part) to determine if and/or what may be changed.

iii) This is an excellent article about model releases for the model’s protection: Model releases: When you should sign one and what it should include.

iv) See Model Releases: What You Need to Know (With Samples) for more detailed information and options to consider.

v) I also suggest searching online (or, even better, ask an attorney friend) for specific clauses that may be included in a model’s release to suit your needs (e.g., duration of use; nature of use; likeness; consent of use; rights of publicity; etc.). See Model Citizens: Protecting Images with a Model Release; All About Model Releases; and Adding restrictive clauses in model release forms: as a model, what rights do I have in doing so?

NOTE: For all of the above reasons and more, I created My Photo Soirees so that models can enjoy a “preview” of a photographer’s work before paying for photos. Many people would like to have some professional and/or good amateur shots without being put through the ringer of legalities, paying high fees, and without having the fear of being exploited by “shutter-trolls.”

b) I recommend bringing your own music to the shoot for comfort and flow. Ask the photographer about the studio’s sound system to ensure that your device can be accommodated.

i) Make sure to discuss the type of music you’re bringing in case it is something that the photographer can’t stand – which will affect the vibe and, quite probably, your photos..  For example, not everyone finds offensive lyrics necessary or enjoyable in what’s being called music these days…

ii) I have a small speaker with great sound just in case the location is not set up with a sound system (e.g., outdoor shoots). I also recommend playing the music at comfortable (not blaring) levels so that you and the photographer can easily hear each other.

iii) Personally, I will NOT participate with a photographer who has issues with music playing while I model – unless I am being paid well for the shoot.

3) Determine what type(s) of photos you want. Looking for ideas in magazines may be helpful, but it’s very important to be realistic about your strong points and not get caught up in fantasies portrayed by professional models. For example, a pose with a model arching back on horseback may not look good on you, arching back in a chair.

4) At least 7 days in advance, begin thinking about your shoot wardrobe. What look(s) do you wish to portray? For example, if you’re doing a Boudoir shoot, do you want a long, flowing negligee or a short and sassy baby doll? Both? Neither?

a) It’s smart to discuss your wardrobe color choices with the photographer in advance so that lighting and backdrop considerations can be made.

5) Play Dress Up and try on your shoot wardrobe with full make-up and accessories. Unless you are engaging a professional make-up artist and a stylist who will provide wardrobe for you, organize your looks to ensure that you have everything you need way before your shoot date. Consider make-up, color choices; jewelry; shoes; underwear; hosiery; and other accessories to give you the look you want.

a) I suggest you take selfies in your outfits and make-up to see how you look “on camera” – even though your cell phone’s camera is not going to give the same effect as the professional’s. Quite often, We don’t really know what We look like (We’re on the inside looking out, after all) and seeing your poses on camera will help you to make adjustments for better poses and empowering “Key Word triggers” (see below).

i) Cool Tip: Invest in a small tripod to take full-length photos. (Hint: check the discount stores – you never know what you’ll find on sale!  I purchased a tabletop tripod for $10 that works wonderfully!)

b) If you don’t engage a professional, make-up artist, remember to wear extra translucent powder and use smoothing techniques to apply a little extra foundation – especially for glamour shots. Be sure to apply foundation to neck and ears for an all-over, even tone. And it is imperative that you use a foundation that is actually your color and a primer (if necessary) for your skin tone(s). If not sure, I recommend a visit to a MAC counter for a consultation because MAC generally employs professional, makeup artists to represent their brand.

6) Practice Poses in The Mirror and “Key Word. What fun! Put on some good music, dance/move and pose in front of a full-length, mirror. Knowing what you look like in your shoot wardrobe will make you infinitely more comfortable for the shoot. For best results:

a) Choose music you know well and tunes that are your favorite jams! The movements you feel to the music that moves you will help you to ease into some of your best poses and let your personality come through in your photos. And you know those key moments in the music where you emphasize your groove? Use those to “Key Word.” Use this music for your shoot.

i) Imagine any dancer and/or drag queen in the world grooving to “Vogue” by Madonna for a good example of how well this technique works.

b) As you pose, “Key Word,” which is to use a specific word to set a trigger to recall the feeling of the pose in your body. A trigger allows you to control your automatic response system via your awareness and conscious choice by conditioning a physical action to achieve the desired state. See also The Tapping Solution to assist with “anchoring” desired states – and especially if you find yourself with a case of pre-shoot jitters!

i)       Key Word Technique 1: When striking a specific pose that you like, recall an experience that reminds you of how you feel.  One of My most, joyous experiences – just thinking about it gives Me a warm-fuzzy-thrill-smile – was My first, weekend trip to Cancun that turned into a 6 week adventure…  Whenever I think of lying topless on the peer in the glorious sun and having admirers send champagne and lunch to Me daily, I feel beautiful, appreciated, and like the Goddess that I am!  I feel the same electricity in My body now as I recall what I felt while I was actually lying on the peer, just by thinking of it!  I have “anchored” this feeling into My body and consciousness to be triggered at will.  So, whenever I want to recall that feeling, I Key Word, “Cancun” – see Key Word Technique 2.

ii) Key Word Technique 2: “Flow” your expressions as you think of specific words that you have very, particular associations to. For example, I love chocolate and I am fully aware that I Key Word, “chocolate” to conjure the feeling of intense sensuality because of Ann Margret and the chocolate-and-baked-beans scene in Tommy that I saw when I was a Little Diva! Watch and you’ll totally understand! (Note: I strongly suggest you lower your volume to watch this video. You may also need to disable ad-blocking.)

 

7) Prep your wardrobe with all items for each outfit packed together, and make a list of all “ingredients.” This is an invaluable technique that saves time, diminishes stress, and adds a sense of calm with intelligent flow. Having complete outfits organized with everything together and a written back-up list allows for seamless transitions and ease.

a) I list everything that makes an “outfit” on index cards. This way, when I change from one outfit to another, I don’t have to think about what goes with what, or waste time looking for anything.

b) Even if you do have travel sets, make it easy on yourself and pack items in clear, zip-locking, plastic bags so that things are easy to see, pack, and keep together.

c) Pack the components of complete outfits in large bags (preferably of different colors) so that you can select the whole bag with everything for an outfit in it and easily place everything back to stay organized. Then, at the end of your shoot, you can quickly review your index cards to ensure that you have re-packed everything you brought with you.

d) I advise you to carry the majority of items you bring in a bag on wheels because lugging bags drains energy and you can look a little tired on camera (the camera shows everything).

8) Have a “dress rehearsal” a day before the shoot. The idea is to anchor your vision of how you look and feel with your Key Words as close to your shoot as possible. Make your dress rehearsal fun and part of Love-You-Time so that you feel good and prepared.

9) Get plenty of rest and make sure you eat before your photo shoot. Not enough rest and low blood sugar will make you look tired and/or cranky – even if you’re smiling. You need fuel to perform at your best, so eat a healthy meal before your shoot to maintain your energy throughout its duration. Of course, don’t stuff your face with high sugar and/or salt edibles because they are “puffy foods” that can cause swelling around the eyes and cheeks. And while it may be a myth that “the camera adds 10 pounds,” it’s true that you can look heavier on camera depending upon your poses, make-up, and wardrobe.

a) Be sure to bring a bottle of water to your shoot. It’s always best to have your own supplies.

10) Be certain to contact the photographer the day before to confirm your appointment and request a reply. I believe that an email AND text (or phone call) work best.

11) Be on time for your shoot. A hurried and harried model is a nightmare for all involved. The point is to take the best photos and have a good time while shooting. So, check traffic, map your route and an alternate, and have back-up-travel plans ready the day before your shoot.

a) If you are doing your own make-up, add an additional 20-30 minutes to your prep time. Sometimes, nerves can make the straight line that you draw every day go crooked and across your face for no reason at all! A little extra time will allow you to ease through your process and have time for corrections, if needed.

i) Consider what you actually need for touch-ups so that you don’t carry the entire make-up bag. You’ll have enough stuff to carry, so don’t bring the giant, suitcase of lipsticks when you’re only wearing Red No. 1.

12) When you arrive for your shoot, take a deep breath, say hi to the photographer (don’t just rush into the space in a frenzy), and share a good-clean-joke. Laughter is the best way to ease tension, make a connection, and relax your facial muscles!

Professional results start with you. See you in the pictures!

Quick Online Photo Tips

1) Check out Irfanview for a free and easy, image editor or use Lunapic online to resize your photos.

2) NEVER put your photos online without watermarks. If I had a nickel for every time someone has attempted to steal My photos to use for promotional purposes and some have even put their heads on My body... Yes, that is true and one creature even had the nerve to send ME “a photo of her” which was an adulterated picture exactly like that.

3) NEVER put your best photos online for 2 reasons: (i) deter the theft of your images and (ii) always look better in person!

If you find that My techniques work for you, feel free to let Me know and send Me a few of your photos! I PROMISE not to use your photos in any way, shape, or form without your written permission.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

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©AskMistressDidi.com

9/11 Evolved

 

 

September 5, 2016

Dear United States of America,

I write this as an offering to reconsider how We remember 9/11.

This wretched, “9/11 tradition” of assaulting Us by rehashing the events that brought Us terrible sadness does NOT allow Us to move forward in pride as a nation, as communities, as neighbors, as families.

It makes no emotionally-intelligent sense to continue to horrifically mourn the deceased for over a decade when We can honor each individual who perished on that day by celebrating their special gifts and contributions to their families and communities.

The attack on Our senses of non-stop, repeated footage of dreadful events is a tactic that keeps people docile with fear and loathing.

  • Instead of tuning into non-stop-replays of The Towers coming down all day long and replayed over and over again on what passes for news TV;
  • Instead of bombarding every channel with reading the names of the deceased for hours;
  • Instead of tuning into h8te-mongers at pulpits inciting anti-love tactics in the name of their all-might-money-gods;
  • Instead of staring at your brown-skinned and Muslim neighbors with suspicion; let Us consider evolving Our consciousness towards being a Better America;
  • Instead of participating in ghoulish practices that bring an entire country’s vibration down, wouldn’t you much prefer to hear:

♥ about the wonderful ways that the victims inspired people?

♥ about the foundations and good works done in their names?

♥ how their memories are now supporting Our Better Lives?

Wouldn’t you feel inspired to be an American by knowing how Our communities have grown stronger and moved forward from tragedy instead of being bombarded by what is actually whining – not remembrance, and certainly not honor for the deceased?

Every “religious” tradition has wisdom that serves for Us to live Better Lives.  Judaism offers the tradition of sitting shiva, which refers to “a seven-day period of formalized mourning by the immediate family of the deceased.”

“The psychological brilliance of Judaism is nowhere more apparent than in its carefully ritualized structure for dealing with grief. The open expression of sorrow is permitted, even encouraged.  Yet, beginning with the family’s arrival at their home after burial, a process is set into motion that leads the bereaved gently but firmly back to life and the world of the living. The first stage in this gradual process of healing is called shiva.” – ReformJudaism.org

Note:  Coincidence? Shiva, “The Auspicious One,” is the Hindu deity who is “the Creator, the Preserver, the Transformer, and the Destroyer.”  In spiritual traditions, Shiva embodies The Cycle of Life.  Interesting…

It’s time to create a New 9/11 Tradition of honor and pride.

We have the opportunity to build Better Communities by Being Better Neighbors.  We have the opportunity to learn about Our differences – like how We pray – to strengthen Our similarities – like how We love Our children.

Let Us start by taking the time to honor and remember what makes this country great and turn the annual 9/11 debacle into a Day of Inspiration.  We don’t need constant reminders of the horror; We need reminders of Our Greatness as a country made up of many different cultures, peoples, beliefs, and ways to love to be encouraged to be an even Better America.  We need these reminders because We are bombarded on a daily basis with the most negative news and awful behaviors of people at their worst and little to no time is spent celebrating Us at Our Best.

We can change this NOW, this 9/11 and every one thereafter, by choosing:

  • NOT to watch TV that day. (The same goes for turning your attention to gruesome news websites.)  You don’t need to see those Towers fall ever again.  If enough people tune out, media companies will feel the loss of advertising profits and attend to Our interests for a change;
  • To organize and/or attend a community building event. How fortunate We are to live in the internet age and have socializing websites like Meetup and even craigslist to find events to commune with like minds and energies;
  • To pay it forward. Do something for the future.  In his wisdom and respect, President Obama declared 9/11 as a Day of Service, which is truly the highest way to honor Our deceased.  Plant a tree; clean up a lot to create a community garden; see where there is a need in your community and show up to be a solution and contribution;
  • Learn something new. The more We know, the more We grow.  Especially if you’re a parent, take the opportunity to learn something new with your children to encourage their love of learning and sharing ideas.  A good thing to learn about would be a high-holy day in a tradition different from your own so that you may enhance tolerance in yourself and your children for a better today and tomorrow.

These are just a few suggestions that work for Me.  Please, do your thing.  The fact that you and I have as much freedom to do what We want to do as We have, already makes Us better off than the majority of the people on this planet.

Let’s not waste any more time festering in horror and being negative; let’s rise up with honor and integrity and be inspired by how We have strengthened as a nation from tragedy.

— This article’s Twin Towers painting: Original artwork by Jim Watts (2002)

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:

Releasing The Flying Monkeys: Balancing Karma & Retribution

This post is a letter I wrote to a very special friend who, though I’ve not yet met in person, I have a very special place in My heart for.  She is one of the Shining Stars who pops up in your life just when you need them, whether you know it or not.  Because of Her beautiful spirit and Her inspiring gifts, I shared one of My most joyous Life Lessons with Her.  In keeping with the what I am creating with Ask Mistress Didi*, I share this post to encourage the brave people who are doing the work to BE Better.  I appreciate all of you!  And remember to remind your friends that you appreciate them, too!

 *****

Dear Ms. Star,

Thank you, as always, for the lovely smiles you send!  Other than the disappointing news You wrote about, I hope that life is treating You very well.  It is quite the challenge to get past the nefarious actions of people who prove unworthy of Our considerations.  So, here’s what I’d like to offer:

I am having an amazing journey!  I would like to share this with You because, whether you know it or not, You have been a precious gift to Me in so many, many ways!  I respect Your intelligence, integrity, and the beauty You share with The Whole.  I believe that souls travel in groups to learn and that We have a special connection.  If this is just My fantasy, well, I hope You enjoy reading about My Journey and that You are able to appreciate My revelations in My Truth!  However, from Our interactions, I’m sure that what I share will be right on time for You.

My Solar New Year’s Commitment is to BEing true to Myself, Honoring how well I handle My “stuff” (which includes My Sadism, quelling My desires for retribution, and the enjoyments of watching offenders suffer), and to BEING Better.  I knew from birth that sometimes what I can think and how I can feel are so intense that they even scare Me!  So, I choose to work on that to be a positive contributor to Life on Our planet and in The Universe!

Unlike the vast majority of people, I don’t try to pretend that We don’t all have a duplexity [Genetics – a double-stranded region of DNA] of Sadist and masochist in Our natures.  So, because I take responsibility for My nature, My heart, and My Spirit, I have committed My life to balancing My Karma.  As a Libra, the duality of My Nature has always been challenging when I’ve based it on society’s rules – which are designed to imprison Us in disenfranchisement.

So, after 2 most recent years of thievery; heartbreak; deaths; sabotage from loved & trusted ones; loss of property, income, business, etc., I recognized how I need to be “able to sleep at night” to attend to My Karma — per My understanding of guidance I received from My audience with His Holiness The Dalai Lama.  His Holiness told Me, when I asked about Karma — and referred to Jesus saying to turn the other cheek — that Jesus didn’t say to get beat up; that Karma is whether you can sleep at night – did you take care of yourself?  If something in the past tortures you in the present (shoulda-woulda-coulda), it affects/creates your future as moment leads to moment.  So, if someone slaps you and you didn’t take care of your needs in the moment for whatever reasons, it is your karma to learn and choose what to do to take care of your well-being from NOW (present) on (future) – even if that is slapping them back (My words; not The Dalai Lama’s!).

I realized that experiencing and expressing My Joy was impeded by My attachments to “other people’s interpretations of right/wrong.”  And while I was treating people the way I want to be treated, their lack of self-love and awareness made them comfortable to treat Me like poo-on-a-shoe – down to finding fault with ME for stealing from ME (including betrayal, theft, abusing My kindness, etc.).

So, I wrestled with feeling sorry for them because of the stresses in their lives and all of the other crap that was taught to Me via the sociology-religious slavery doctrines (“conditioning”) that have nothing to do with The Golden Rule, and I found Myself regressing into a major case of “the grumpies.”  Because I meditated on My Commitment to BEing Better, it became clear to Me that I was not Living My Truth! And I had that magnificent epiphany of FULLY Accepting MySelf! (Meanwhile, I thought I had accepted Myself a long time ago already…)  Life is truly a Journey of Learning About Yourself.

Side Note:  Talk about synchronicity: I’m listening to a new mix from one of My DJs and Teddy Pendergrass is singing, “You Can’t Hide From Yourself!”

I KNOW that I am a loving, giving, Goddess Healer (which The Universe has just confirmed with a position as Director of a special, medical-science, research project of My dreams!) and that one of My Purposes on the planet at this time is to be a guide to Happy Wellness. In order for Me to BE in My Purpose, I deserve to “BE Happy & Well in Truth.”  And that looks like this:

  • I am clear on My intentions.  Intentions are the root of all creations and define the value of all actions and, Karma itself.  Somewhere along My Life, I picked up the belief that I am not to BE “human” with all of My emotions, desires, and thoughts BEing “valid.”  I attribute this to My upbringing and special circumstances that defined My childhood and determined My approach to Life (“conditioning,” again). After all the “drama,” I am affirmed that My intentions come from a place of Love – even if others want to believe that when I do something FOR Me that it is against them.  I am committed to loving Myself first in order to best love others and contribute to The Whole.  This is the basis for “My Religion: SpiritualHedonism™” and how I WANT to BE and live My Life.
  • I forgive the offenders out loud.  I RESPECTFULLY tell them to their faces, write them letters, make videos for them,  write public blog posts, whatever works for ME to (1) have completion and (2) make sure that there is absolutely NO way that they do not have the opportunity to accept responsibility for their offenses.  I ALWAYS apologize if I have wronged someone who has made Me aware of how they feel offended by My actions that have truly caused them any harm.  And I make it a point to make amends (if warranted) and to be more careful in the future.  It is the choice of offenders to do what they will do, but the knowledge of what they’ve done cannot be ignored or distorted to avoid their responsibilities for their actions.
  • I have released My Flying Monkeys!  Coming from a Magickal Family, I’ve lived My entire life watching inexplicable things happen to people who offend Us and judging this to be wrongful uses of Our Energies (which may have been true in some cases, but Karma was always in play).  I used to do a LOT of work to contain My Energies from directing “accelerated Karma” for all involved — which includes Me.  My concern with MY Karma is the sole reason that so many people have not “spontaneously combusted” in one way or another!  Now, I’ve removed all interests that I had in place for their protection, etc.  No more of My “guardians” and “watchdogs” to safeguard them from the ramifications of their stupidities; they shall suffer their consequences without My generous interventions (which I believe were actually interfering with Karma where My conditioning made Me believe I was “being good” to have such care for those who offend Me).

Now, instead of mistakenly believing that I was enhancing My Good Karma, I’ve come to believe that I was retarding both My and the offenders’ Karmic travels.  So, without wishing malice, I wish “accelerated Karma” for all of Us. Knowing My true intentions, I have no fear.  I’ve released The Flying Monkeys and Karma is forever in My favor!

  • I have created I Win-I Win situations.  Since I AM accepting My Truth, whatever offenders do, the seeds for Personal Growth have been planted.  If they choose to be honorable, they will thrive and continue to have Me for the inspiration, motivation, feel-good-about-themselves-musings that they have taken Me for granted for in the past.  However, each and every time they come to Me, I “water the Seeds of Awareness” that I’ve planted.  If they choose to be despicable, their behavior is fertilizer for their deserved suffering to exponentially grow as constant reminders of how they’ve offended Me (and others).  The offenders will (i) not be able to sleep peacefully, (ii) will actually look haggard to themselves and to others, and (iii) have all of the things that would normally happen via Karma, but which they WILL be aware of the connections to Me no matter how hard they try to ignore My seeds.  And I get to watch them suffer from their own devices — provided I care enough to know about them at all! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I am clear that I do not delight in suffering; I delight in pleasure however one enjoys it without harming another.  This is the tenet of My Fetish Lifestyle.  And I delight in seeing Karma at work.  To better deal with the disappointments of offenders, I consider their actions to be a balance of Karmic Debt so that I am free from past lifetime stuff that brought Us together in this lifetime, and that I will not “suffer” them in subsequent lifetimes.  This thinking helps Me to accept a lot of crapazoola that has occurred in My Life and to move forward with Joy!

Best of all, I am free from that wretched feeling of needing retribution.  I can BE and am BETTER than that!  Karma has My back ~ and My front!

You know how epiphanies work: they can “take a long time coming,” but they are recognized instantaneously!  Well, POOF!  Puff of Practical Magick and [personal success info omitted to maintain privacy].  THIS is what makes Me KNOW and understand that, although some folks may not be able to understand My Epiphany as I described to You, it is definitely the right thing for Me to do to BE Happy & Well.

And this is why I have shared with You: I hope that My journey of Self-Judgment to an Epiphany of My Truth affirms You in remembering to Honor Your Truth.  Our concepts of right and wrong, et al., are based upon the Grand Illusion that enslaves the populace in darkness.  We are The Beacons of The Light and We MUST SHINE in Our Unique and Varied Ways.  It does not serve Us to judge Our ways based on other people’s agendas; it is Our duty to accept Ourselves in totality to discover Our Truths to choose how We will work powerfully for Ourselves and The Whole.

Thank You for letting Me share My Joy with You, who are always a giver of Joy to Me!

Namaste.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles:
AskMistressDidi.com

Permission or Forgiveness?

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

August 9, 2015

Domina101™ Tip”

“It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” – Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper

That depends on the type of person you are and who you’re dealing with. Ask yourself:

Do you prefer to TRUST someone to ask your permission to do something you may say no to, or do you prefer to TRUST that someone will apologize (or make amends) for doing something you didn’t want them to do?

Trust, after all, is the main dynamic in the D/s relationship and in all relationships of all kinds.

Before I go further, I offer this for your consideration: When you search that quote and the multitude of egocentric variations that you’ll find, be aware that:

(1) This quote is used for THE most selfish, turd-tards to excuse their offenses; and

(2) It’s stupid to adopt this philosophy because there are scary people out here…

Read on…

One of the most important things a Domme (or anyone) can know to improve Domain Maintenance is whether you are a Forgiveness person or a Permission person. The difference between these two personality characteristics is truly like night and day.

A Permission person, like Me, requires you to ask before doing. While I’ve been accused of being a Type A personality, control-freak (usually by the idiots who thought they were smarter than they are and failed to manipulate Me), I am a thinker and a planner. I intensely dislike wastes of My time. As anyone knows who takes even a glimpse at My Websites can see, I carefully, clearly, and thoroughly detail exactly what I wish to convey. I make things easy for people who are not lazy and careless to succeed with Me.

I really do know what I want and am very specific about exactly how I am and how I want things in My Domain. If an error is made, I accept My responsibility for it. If you make the error without asking My permission, you diminish your value to Me because it takes too much unnecessary work for Me to forgive you for disrespecting My Process. While I make it a point to “do forgiveness,” (you should read this) I don’t guarantee that offenders will not suffer. Just saying.

It’s a mistake when someone decides that they:

(1) are going to do what they want and that I’ll get over it. No, I get over you and dismiss you from My Domain – never to return. Understand that I have banished blood relatives for offending Me, so no one is exempt from this choice.;

(2) know better than I do about what I really want. No, I carefully think, research, and plan accordingly before I express My wishes. I’ll add that, unlike most people, I take into consideration the well-being of others involved in the scenarios and ask them appropriately. So, I intensely dislike people making (usually half-azzed) decisions for Me when they can easily ask Me; and/or

(3) try to play the victim to avoid their responsibility for offending Me. That’s a stupid move that never works – never “play victim” with a Sadist! You won’t like the torture.

A Forgiveness person is usually someone who says, “make it happen,” or “you handle it.” Sometimes, these people have specific rules for you, but if they don’t, they prefer to deal with situations after the fact. Forgiveness people are more easily satisfied with apologies where Permission people may need a lot more convincing that you’re sorry – you will have to prove yourself. Forgiveness people are apt to give you more chances where Permission people, like Me, have very strict limits and We tell you what they are at the beginning of Our relationships. Permission people feel disrespected by your audacity to take matters in Their Domains into your own hands on your terms. It’s never good to offend Us.

It is My experience that Forgiveness people often find themselves feeling taken advantage of because, sadly in this day and age, selfishness and self-absorption are the modus operandi for the majority. Most of the letters I receive for Ask Mistress Didi* advice are from Dommes whose trust and kindness have been betrayed.

Equally important, is knowing what type of person you’re dealing with. The Forgiveness submissive may actually be a “brat” who gets off on causing you distress just to gain excusal for his behavior – until the next time, and to see how much further he can go. I find these creatures contemptible. The Permission sub can go overboard by needing your permission for everything, which can be annoying. Permission subs can also struggle with topping from the bottom because they have their own issues with giving permission to others.

While every Domme has Her own way of managing Her Domain, knowing which type of person YOU are will assist your training processes so that you are not drained and disappointed. While We all encounter the “usual suspects” of fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers, knowing how you operate is a strong tool for maintaining your sanity as well as your Domain. It is easier to design appropriate strategies for peaceful Domain maintenance.

ADDENDUM AUGUST 12, 2015

A Personal Tip

One of My Training Tools — for submissives as well as for My own success — is to regularly review PURPOSE:

  1. What My Purpose for the person is in My Domain;
  2. How the person’s desires fit in with Mine; and
  3. Does the person warrant the amount of training effort I extend.

I often see Dominants “working the whining” game — coddling, fighting, etc., less than compliant behaviors from people claiming to serve Them and, in essence, enabling excuses rather than excellence.  This is why (1) establishing clear rules and methods for communication are paramount BEFORE beginning any type of relationship, Fetish or otherwise, and (2) setting boundaries and limits for continuation or dismissal are paramount.  While there are many horrors in the world, desperate Dominants are high on My list of what is pathetic.  Food for thought…

Which are you: A Permission or Forgiveness Domme? (person?)

Thoughtful Resources:

Respect – How To’s

5 Golden Keys to Assertiveness and Setting Boundaries

How To Accept An Apology – especially #7

Respecting Other People’s Wishes

How to Maintain a Relationship with a Loved One Who’s Hurt You

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

How Fetish Saved My Life

Dear Mistress Didi,

I’ve often heard You say that Fetish saved Your life. Please tell!

Domina D.


Dear Domina D.,

The short answer is that when I accepted My True Nature as a Fetishist, I became well, whole, and happy to BE ME. Whenever I say that, people ask Me how I achieved this state of Grace. I will attempt to answer that question here.

I recently conducted a workshop in My vanilla life where participants were asked, “As a child, what type of literary/movie/etc. character did you most want to be (most identified with)?” I always identified with Magickal folks, fairies, sorceresses, and the like. I wanted to flutter around, sprinkling glitter and joy with My Magick Wand, making the land a beautiful, happy place. I also wanted to turn horrible people into toads and slimy creatures that fit their wretched personalities, to be preyed upon for sport by powerful beings – MUAHahahahaha! My Nature has a Divine Duality: I am a Divine Sadist-Giving Goddess and The Agent of Karma.

I was born a Domina. I’ve always had “attendants” whose pleasure it was to please Me and do My bidding. This IS the Natural Order Of Things, My Natural State Of Being, and it always has been. I was the kid on the playground who created a game so that everyone could play. I understood the nature of males was to be empowered to be the builder-protectors and the females are to be revered and attended to – which is also the Natural Order Of Things. This has worked for Me every time I’ve flowed with it. As a toddler, I always led the group and in kindergarten, I not only had submissive boys who did My bidding, but even brought Me My cookies and milk on a daily basis with pomp and proper circumstance. I made them My guards of My Palace and charged them with the duty of protecting and pleasing their Queen. Those boys attended to Me until the 2nd Grade when I moved away – and got new submissives within the first week of attending My new school. That’s just the way it was and, after many trials and tribulations against My Nature, this is the way it IS by My Choice.

I have always been “different” and never “fit in.” As an adult, I realize that is because I choose to be My Best and to excel to the best of My ability in whatever I do. This could largely be because I was a frail child who spent an average of 3 months a year being ill and in and out of hospitals during My formative years. I know now that while everyone thought they were doing the right things for Me, I was forced to “be against My True Nature” – which I steadfastly believe contributed to My chronic illnesses. On top of that, I am highly sensitive and allergic to many foods and chemical medications, so one can imagine how stressful much of My childhood was for Me and My family. Now, top that crap-cake off with a chemical imbalance in My brain that results in severe depression and not being able to tolerate anti-depressants, and any intelligent person can understand My position and opinions as I Walk My Talk and am an expert in health, wellness, and Behavioral Modification – which is quite useful for training in My Domain (see My Bio).

As a child, I didn’t understand that petty jealousies and sabotage are the result of people lacking self-love. So, while I was going through life sprinkling glitter and joy with My Magick Wand, turd-tards attempted – and continue to try – to disrupt My Flow. Even people I’ve trusted and accepted as Family have had jealousy-fits and not only caused damage to My Domain, but even to My physical body. I was taught to “be the better person,” and chastised for standing up for My needs because crazy beliefs were instilled in Me that to be the better person meant to ignore the horrible behaviors of offenders – you know, that misunderstanding of the “turn the other cheek” concept (By the way, Jesus didn’t say to get beat up!).

Because We live in a world where:

  • sheeple are slaves to religions that they’ve never even thought to investigate the histories of or how the doctrines came to be (which is exactly how I discovered that being a reverend was not for Me);
  • creeple and sheeple use their religions (among other things) to play the “make-wrong game” for every expression that is connected to Nature and even use religion to justify heinous crimes such as genocide, the destruction of the planet, and cruelty to animals to name a few; and
  • big corporations control the media, Our food and healthcare, and access to information,

I, like everyone else, was brainwashed to conform to “society’s standards” – which made Me physically, mentally, and emotionally ill for the vast majority of My life. In my quest to conform, I allowed “older people,” whom I thought must be wiser from life experience to make Me wrong about everything that was true to My Nature. At the age of 17, I knew everything about human nature and how I needed to fit into the world that I know now at a considerably older age… I’ve come full circle to My Truth: I am a Fetishist – not to be confused with a kinkster (see The Difference Between Fetish & kink). The people I trusted for guidance berated Me for My feelings and observations, and some even literally told Me that I would go to hell if I continued with that line of thinking. I didn’t want to go to hell! So, I entered college to become a reverend and have My own church for all the other seekers to gain an understanding of and be closer to this foreign concept of GOD and how “right and wrong” made no sense to Me.  (I subsequently started My own religion, SpiritualHedonism™ — if L. Ron Hubbard could do it, so can I!)

I turned away from My Fetish Reality and began adapting the limiting, pseudo-religious-and-completely-misogynistic doctrines that taint society’s morals. I dated a multitude of morons – and married a few, too. Some people can fit in and believe that they are happy with conformity and sit on the couch, watching “judgment TV shows,” stuffing their faces with junk food, and blaming their poor health and miserable lives on everything and everyone else as they repeat their toxic behaviors daily. I am not one of those people. I have always wanted to be better than I was the day before and my quest for knowledge led Me to study Behavioral Therapy along with a variety of health and wellness modalities that I became a Certified Practitioner of. In My quest to Be Better, I achieved a few degrees and multiple Certifications; travelled the world with a few businesses I started; enjoyed a short career as a professional dancer and went on tour; joined scientific think-tanks; and did many exciting things I’ll keep private but which most people would kill to be able to experience. But I was not happy; I was empty inside. I had no passion for living and I felt like an alien banished to this planet because I did not relate to My contemporaries. Something great was missing.

Between constant battles with depression, feeling that life wasn’t worth the effort, and the vampires who attached to feed on Me like sharks in the ocean that can smell a drop of blood from ½-mile away, more than once, I came to a point where suicide made sense… After My children died, I spiraled into what I termed, “The Deep Blue” depression that was so horrific that I was unable to leave My bed. I felt worthless and that if I did not exist, the world would be a better place.

By the grace of The Universe, I had the loving pleasure of two, little dogs I rescued who were the reason I was able to force Myself out of bed to take them for daily walks. One day, while sitting in the dog run, a stranger began a conversation with Me that I will never forget. However, here’s the strange part: I do not recall ever meeting him, but he remembered Me from a Fetish event years before – in The Good Old Days when class, integrity, skill, and honor defined The Scene – or at least The Scene that I indulged in. The outcome of his conversation was that not only did I need something to thrill Me, but I needed to Live My Truth. When he handed Me his card which read, “submissive” with his tastefully naked photo, hands cuffed, and a collar around his neck with a chain held by a black, lady’s leather glove, he requested to be of service to Me.

What happened next is freaky enough to be a ghost story and perhaps, it is. I called and, he being a hardcore masochist, was exactly perfect to reignite My Passion with one of the most memorable Play dates I’ve ever had. I’d forgotten how intensely amazing the electricity feels as it flows through My body when I Play – and especially when I indulge in heavy, hardcore S&M. Fetish is the only expression that connects all of My senses and aligns My mind, body, and spirit in transcendent ecstasy! ALL is right in My World and The Universe when I am indulging My Fetish Expressions! What was supposed to last an evening, lasted a weekend where I was reminded of and treated like the Goddess I Am. This beloved submissive wore My marks like badges of honor as We walked through the streets and dined in fabulous restaurants. When it was time for him to leave Me, he said, “Please remember to pay it forward and help someone else to rekindle their Passion.” That was exactly something I would have said. He kissed My hand and said, “Until next lifetime.”

I had no idea what he’d meant by that until I called the following day to thank him for being so fabulous. An elderly man answered the phone, told Me that this had been his number for seven years, and that he’d never heard of the submissive… (OK, maybe this isn’t a ghost story and just an honorable release, but the ghost story is much more exciting and that’s the story I’m sticking with!)

And so, I ventured back into The New York City Scene to discover that it had significantly declined in quality during My absence and, sadly, My former associates were no longer in town. The events were loud, obnoxious, meat-market, “kink stinks” that forced Me to create My own events (much against My desire) in order to (1) have at least one Fetish event that I would enjoy and (2) attract the quality of Fetishsts that I desire to associate with. These are the reasons I continue to produce events today. I believe that if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem.

My Passion was in full force as I returned to honoring My Nature, so nothing would stand in My way. Through trial and horror, I attempted to “play nice” with the barbarians, but as the pimp-mentality males took over the dungeons and the parties – and dared to attempt to invade My Domain to dicktate their desires for My Events, I remain a lone warrior – and happily so. Money is not My god and My Events are ways to raise funds for My Charities. Every little bit helps charity so My Events range from small and intimate to larger and still intimate! (Sadly, Fetish discrimination abounds and I cannot publicize My Events in association with specific charities to prevent negative backlash to them from the ignorant “public” – which is even more ignorant due to what I call “50 Shades of Foolishness” — Protect yourself!)

Along the way, I’ve endured back-stabbing bitches; sabotage; stalkers; takers-shakers-fakers-noise-makers; psycho subs; an earthquake, a flood, 2 hurricanes – and I’ve lost all of My possessions each time; the deaths of a few, good subs (and We know how hard they are to find!); and much more that shall also remain private. Each and every time, Fetish saves Me from despair and worse because:

  • I am a Domme by Nature, not for fashion. I believe that True Dominance begins with Self-Control and I maintain My Domain (and My integrity) by remaining committed to being Who I Truly Am with no excuses or apologies;
  • I am a Giving Goddess and in My desire to give back to The Whole, I offer free advice and complimentary lessons in technique and Domain maintenance on My Website and My Ask Mistress Didi* Blog;
  • I am a spiritual person and in order to balance My Sadistic Self with My Benevolent Self, I am a Responsible Sadist with the motto: Don’t start none, won’t be none; I finish it. When I am prompted to whiplash folks into the proper, respectful perspective, I always do so by planting a seed for their evolution. Like any seed, when the garden is cultivated, the seed blossoms into something beautifully beneficial. If the garden is untended and poisoned with weeds, the seed putrefies and withers into a slow and painful death. The choice always belongs to the owner of the garden where I plant the seed. As Antonio Porchia said, “I know what I have given you, I do not know what you have received;” and
  • Perhaps, most importantly, Fetish has allowed Me to know, love, and like Myself more with each passing day through Self-Acceptance, Self-Respect, Self-Control, and Self-Determination. I Am A Domme.

Over the past decade, I’ve created unique events that have attracted My New Fetish Family to Me and I founded EpicuresNYC Private Members Fetish Club which has grown to a new location and permanent home. I’ve kept My promise to pay it forward and be a beacon for those who are searching for BetterFetish™ to explore, enhance, and evolve their lives. I have helped, and continue to help, many people find their place in The Scene and find comfortable, self-respecting ways to develop along their own, unique paths to healthily integrate Fetish into their lives.

On both good and not-so-good days, knowing that I Walk My Talk and Live My Fetish in Real Time keeps Me going with Joy and a zest for Life!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

The Difference Between Fetish & Kink

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

April 20, 2015

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Can you please explain the difference between Fetish and kink?

Respectfully, sub5b

~~~~~~~~~

Dear sub5b,

First, I qualify My Statements by owning My Responsibility for My Experience and My Reality. Everyone else will have their own, unique experiences and expressions that are valid to them. And many more will have fantasies of experiences to insist are valid to attempt to invalidate others.

Fetish is the entire dynamic of personal and inter-personal expression. Fetish is how you feel on all levels – physical, mental, spiritual, emotional – about something (an activity, object, etc.) that makes you have a sense of wholeness. Fetish is inspirational and gives you a thrill to be alive! When you are connected through your Fetish, you experience a heightened sense of awareness which brings you to a more fulfilling understanding of yourself. Fetish makes you feel great about who and how you are.

Fetish is the Art of Sensuality beyond the mere physical realm of sexuality. When you respect your Fetish Self, you transcend the mundane entrapments of the vanilla world. Fetish, when respected and cultivated, is a Life Art that continues to evolve with your experience of it.

For example, I’m a Shoe Fetishist and when I wear My shoes, I indulge in how they look on My feet, how the shape of My legs are accented, how I feel when I walk-sit-stand in them, how I coordinate the accessories, how I feel when I trample someone in them, and so much more! There is a glowing, empowering energy in the center of My Being when I get My Shoe Fetish on! And I am thrilled to be alive!

Fetish is empowering and takes you to new heights in your experience and existence!

Kink is only something that is used to achieve some state of sexual satisfaction. The end goal is the orgasm, which leaves out the nuances of Artistic Sex and, all too often, is bereft of interpersonal connection beyond the orgasm.  In other words, are you merely a means to an end?

Fetish expressions can be used for kink pursuits, but kink is a poor substitute for Fetish Experience. Think of it this way: Fetish is the whole cake with frosting and the sprinkles on top are kink. You can enjoy cake without sprinkles because it has the many ingredients, skillfully and deliciously prepared and presented for total enjoyment. Sprinkles by themselves are just sprinkles; they make a poor substitute for a delectable dessert. And, or course, there’s cake and there’s cake. The quality of the ingredients and the skill of the baker determines the excellence of the cake.

As you know, I promote Fetish as Therapeutic Art and am only interested in Quality Fetishists whose interests go beyond the “tip of the drip.” Unlike most people, I don’t create events to make money (most of My Events raise funds for My Chairites) – which is one reason why I do not hold My Events in dinky-dives. The other reason is that I do not patronize dinky-dives! I design events for excellent experiences; I don’t just put up a few pieces of equipment and have an “anyone goes” policy. Attendees at My Events have an opportunity to engage in intelligent conversation, share experiences, participate in eloquent Play, and practice techniques that are taught in My Party Classes, all while enjoying hand-picked, fine beverages and gourmet hors d’oeuvres in an elegant environment. My dj’s carefully design music mixes to My specifications to relaxingly, stimulate participants and accommodate the vibes for the event. I create encounters that appeal to the senses and sensibilities to inspire personal and collective transcendence during My Events and beyond. Friendships and community are just a few, real benefits of attending My Events.

It is My experience that kinksters are lazy and have a “do-me” attitude while offering very little-to-nothing for Me to enjoy. While they are crazed with the quest for their orgasm, they usually lack manners and any sense of civility, too. (This is why I have strict Rules for My Events and a detailed, screening process before allowing anyone to attend them.) Once kinksters have achieved “nut-bust,” they have nothing else and no interest in having anything to offer. I say kinksters are lazy because while they want the thrills of Fetish, they fail to offer basic respect to those who create the opportunities for those thrills to exist in the first place! People who insist that they don’t have to honor the Protocols that are important to you are not worthy of you. When the focus is on a “quick release,” there is a lack of attention to the details that make life and Fetish special.

A sure way to tell the difference between a Fetishist and a kinkster is by their approach to you. A Fetishist will take her/his time to engage and inspire a desire for communication with them. A kinkster basically approaches you as if you’re desperate for attention and should be thrilled that they sent you a message without even a “hello,” didn’t address you by name, and expect you to decipher texting abbreviations. When you reject them, their behavior reminds you why birth control should be free. There is no care for you as a person, there is only “the search for the squirt…” While it may be some people’s thrill to be treated like crap, I call that abuse, not Fetish.

Then, there’s abuse. Abuse takes many forms: emotional, physical, verbal, financial, racial, gender, resources (people are hungry, sick, and hopeless due to an abuse of resources and access to them), and so much more. Quite often, people can even love you in an abusive way! Abuse, while being a sign of a lack of self-love, is a direct violation against your right to exist in a healthy and happy way. While 50 Shades foolishness has every self-loather – from the frigid, so-called feminists to the Bible-thumpers who need to make others wrong from a place of complete ignorance – in a tizzy, insisting that The Scene is about abuse, be aware that their entire agenda is abusive to every and anyone who does not subjugate to their vicious rules. Again, Fetish is about respect, everything else is something else.  (See How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks)

NOTE: It is easy to fall into an abusive situation. No matter what people who insist that it would never happen to them think, there is a level of caring that can suck you into some crazy stuff before you know it! DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF WRONG FOR CARING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS EMOTIONALLY DEFICIENT TO ABUSE YOUR LOVE. And, love yourself more for acknowledging abuse, for choosing better, and for loving yourself enough to let the abuser go. It takes a lot of courage to leave an abusive situation, but it also takes extreme courage to face yourself and what allowed you to get stuck in the first place. By forgiving yourself and releasing the offender, you evolve into your Greatness. Anyone who makes you wrong for your experience is not worthy of your further attention. Cut them off like a gangrened appendage.

Fetish excites first from the intellect, then it travels through all parts of your body and mind to ignite the spark of your spirit! Kink stops at “moist” – and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, if that’s what you want. Issues occur when people are not honest and clear (See Rules For Clear Communication).

To determine the difference between Fetish and kink, ask yourself these questions:

  • In this moment, how do you feel about your past, your present, and your future with this person/on this path? If you feel less than fabulous, the experience is not Fetish. It may not be kink, either. There is a difference between testing your boundaries and being subjected to discomforts that are out of your safety zone.
  • Do you feel like someone is trying to “get over” on someone else? If you have that weird sensation of the fear of being taken advantage of, that is not Fetish and may also not be kink. Of course, this is for the person who is not attempting to manipulate the situation…
  • Do you feel like the experience will honor who you are as a Fetishist? And/or do you feel it will honor your own kink zone? The key is to feel respected in your choices for yourself first and foremost.

To summarize, Fetish is loving respect for yourself in the moment toward your future while kink is a momentary quest for sexual gratification. Ask yourself what you really want and be honest.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

AskMistressDidi.com

Beautiful Fetish, Excellence & Ego

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

April 10, 2015

I’m often accused of lying, being egotistical, having ulterior motives, and everything else that people who do nothing whine in attempts to belittle those of Us who create. I realize that the “do-nothings” desire to destroy the value and control the creations of the talented and worthy by attacking Our characters. And if that doesn’t work, some wicked, creeple even try to attack Our creations.  Ayn Rand was right about what to do with these people in ATLAS SHRUGGED (through the tedium of the storyline)… What I’ve written below is presented in the form of the proverbial, “you” and while not directed at one specific person, it applies to far too many.


The truth is that whenever you are intimidated by people’s accomplishments, you are showing your lack of faith in your own ability and worth. Shouting about My Ego and accusing Me of bragging does not mask your inferiority complex.

It’s not bragging if it’s true. ~ Mohammed Ali

If you don’t experience or create anything beautiful in your fetish pursuits, you refuse to believe that others have Beautiful Fetish.

Beautiful Fetish is not about the “tip of the drip” motivation; it’s about the total, sensory and sensual experience that transcends mere physical awareness. Beautiful Fetish is a connection of mind, body and spirit through skill and artistic technique. When you are purely motivated by an orgasm, you limit not only your focus, but your entire opportunity for something better than “bustin’ a nut” and you seldom experience the brilliance of after care. You get what you give.

In My reality, Play is between as many consenting people who agree to participate and is not limited only to something sexy – which makes it more about kink and less about Art and Excellence.

When there is Excellence, 2 things occur:

  • those who recognize and appreciate their own Excellence are inspired and experience ecstasy; and/or
  • those who recognize that they have not developed their own Excellence experience jealousy. This type of lizard-brain thinking always points fingers at the Excellent with the intention of making them wrong for BEING Excellent, so the accuser can attempt to avoid taking responsibility for where he falls short, fails in his own life, and his feelings of inadequacy.

Ego has 2 sides which are a mask and a mirror:

  • Ego, as experienced by lizard-brain thinking, is used to mask one’s insecurities. It is the statement: i am not worthy so neither is anyone else; and
  • Ego as a mirror, experienced by those who strive for and resonate with Excellence, reflects talent, skill, and dedication to One’s Art. It is the statement: I choose to live, experience, and be My Best!

Also in My Reality, people confuse being a bottom for being submissive and look only for sex-focused Play. Many also confuse their realities for the only reality that exists in the D/s world and cannot relate to experiences and realms that are more “dynamic” than theirs – they think We’re lying because they’re lying.

I give FREE, how-to examples on My Websites of a few of My PleasurePain™ Techniques that I’ve developed through My studies, practice, and degrees in a variety of Arts & Sciences. With the exception of requiring your email (anti-spam measure) to download My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, all of My other resources on My Websites are FREE, too. See My Bio.

I offer Excellence for FREE because I want more people to experience Fetish as Therapeutic Art the way that I and the people who enjoy My Domain in person do. In this way, I contribute to dispelling 50 Shades of Foolishness with Excellence.

One of My Fetishes is Gift Giving, which often affords My Pearls to be cast before swine. As Antonio Porchia said:

I know what I have given you; I do not know what you received.

When you know the quality of your Fetish and offer it to those who can appreciate it, that’s Excellence, not ego, arrogance or anything other than recognizing and appreciating your worth and contribution to BetterFetish™. The cultivation of quality deserves quality, and quality’s light cannot be dimmed by h8ters.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

10 Domina101™ Workshop Tips

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

February 18, 2015

I continue to receive an inundation of requests for help on topics that are covered in the Basics of what I teach in My Domina101™ Workshops, which I conduct to raise funds for My Charities. While I understand that We’re busy people, I remind you to read what I’ve already provided in My Ask Mistress Didi* blog before contacting Me. I took the time to write it and I generously share it with you for FREE.

The reason I offer My Wisdom From Experience for FREE is because:

1)    I am disgusted by the state of The Scene and its continued decline in quality, civility, integrity, beauty, and intelligence – which is the same reason I produce My own events for lack of any I’d care to attend;

2)    Money is NOT My Goddess and I believe in The Laws of Karma and Attraction: what you put out comes back to you multiplied; and

3)    I know that The Universe will always test your commitment to your Greatness, so I share how I deal with lizard-brain thinking and creeps of all kinds to assist the worthy in maintaining the positive energy to withstand the barbarian assaults.

The tips that I present below are the simple concepts that are further explained and explored in My Domina101™ Workshops.

10 Domina101™ Workshop Tips

1)    Clarify. Download and/or read My Domina101™ Workshop Prep Guide to identify, define, and refine your past-present-future choices and desires for Your Domain Your Way. You do this not only for Your clarification, but also to gain the maximum value of what I share.

2)    Reality Check. Understand that the vast majority of the folks on these anything but “social” sites are self-loathing, losers whose sole purpose is to play the make-wrong game. The vast majority of those are fakers-shakers-takers-noise-makers who are there to waste Your time by manipulating “free sessions” – in most cases, their primary desire is to abuse You. These creeple believe that they gain some sick sense of value by attempting to steal your energy. This is why a tribute is always required. See Being Superior: My “How To” Process and Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want

3)    A tribute is a commitment to honor Your time and energies and it weeds out the worthless. The commitment is to and for You from Yourself as well as from the submissive. Just because the hoochies-with-whips have creeple insisting that a tribute is financial, does not make it so. It is for You to decide what and how a tribute should be given. My motto is: From each according to her/his ability, to each according to My desires. Depending upon the relationship and the worthiness the submissive has demonstrated in real-time, I have allowed submissives to bring a tribute as simple and inexpensive as 1 flower to add to My floral arrangement. Under no circumstances do I permit access to My Domain without tribute. Period.

4)    Make creeple useful. No matter what You do, the self-loathing will jump to attack You. Without engaging them, use them for Your purposes and amusements. See Make Rudeness Serve You, Flip-Flopping Attempts to Top, and The Last Word

5)    Purpose. Determine the purpose of the submissive and only reward her/him for proper service. Make sure that Your “punishment” is not playing into their fetishes, which only yields You being taken advantage of. See Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?

6)    Friends and Associations. Sadly, We live in a world where You are judged and mistreated for (and often by) those You associate with. Choose Your associates with the same discernment (maybe more) that You use to choose Your subs. See Fabulous & Guilty By Association

7)    Gossip Control. Have more than You show, say less than You know, and only tell them what You want them specifically to know. See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

8)    Educate Yourself. Learn how to receive so that You are not Your own worst enemy. Invest in fetish education, first-aid training, and stay up-to-date with the legalities of Your location. See Fetish Safety & 50 Shades of Foolishness

9)    BE SAFE. See Safety Tips For Dommes

10)  Self-Control is the ONLY real control there is. You are responsible for Your Domain and who has access to and influence in it. See The True Discipline, Check In & Center of Attention and Chill Out Training Technique: The Tapping Solution

To participate in the next Domina101™ Webcam Workshop and help Me raise funds for My Charities,

right-arrow Click Here

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

PartyDomme.com

The Secrets of Happy Fetish

December 10, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I am curious to know if its bad that I keep the BDSM thing strictly to the bedroom. Can you please explain how it works as an everyday lifestyle thing? How does one live the lifestyle without it being an abusive relationship?

Kind Regards, L.

~~~~~~~~~

Hi L,

I am waiting for My morning coffee to kick in, so please read this with a splash of humor, as I intended it.

The answer is NO, I cannot explain the answers to your questions because your questions are like: What is the purpose of Life? and What is the meaning of the Universe! Any answers to such questions will be subjective – just like the concepts of what is right and wrong for your relationship would be.

What I can offer is:

The Secrets of Happy Fetish

  • ALL things originate and end with SELF-Control: What you will and will not do/accept/reject, etc. are up to you to choose for yourself.
  • SELF-Love and Respect are integral parts of Self-Control because all CHOICES We make – whether We acknowledge that they are Our choices or not – are in direct correlation to how much We love and respect Ourselves.
  • Personal Responsibility is the Truth of All Matters.  Everything else is One’s perspective (usually based upon what We avoid facing about Ourselves).

I know, tough concepts. But really think about them and observe the evolution of your perspectives as you consider them in relation to your past and present experiences. Then, you will notice how these concepts apply in your future. This is a continuously evolving process as Our consciousness grows. It is a very powerful tool for creating Happiness.

Now, as for keeping BDSM in the bedroom, that is completely your CHOICE.  If you choose to expand from kink to Lifestyle Experience, that, too, is your CHOICE – which includes how you will DESIGN your relationship(s) with the people you CHOOSE to have in your life.  You are the creator of how BDSM and Dominance/submission – and EVERYTHING ELSE – will be in your life.

When you operate with Self-Love and Respect with Self-Control, you take Personal Responsibility for your Life Choices. This does not excuse the “creepazoid factor” – it means that instead of blaming yourself, everything, and everyone else for your experiences, you choose to learn from them and forgive yourself and others so that you can move on to freely create your Happiness.

Abuse is an agreement.  Yes, that’s also a tough thought to consider, but all effective therapies that actually help people to heal from abusive relationships involve the 3 steps I listed above and usually begin with taking Personal Responsibility for being in the relationship. It is important to note that Personal Responsibility should not be about making yourself or others wrong. Personal Responsibility IS about allowing the experience to be part of your process of evolution. Forgiveness is a huge part of that process because We must give up Our attachments to belief systems that do not support Our Happiness (the could-would-should’s).

Do understand that My Domain is uniquely Mine and that I advocate on a continuous basis that everyone is responsible for designing their Lifestyles on their terms. Having said that, here’s how I work D/s and BDSM in My Life:

1)    One of My tenets is, “From each according to his ability, to each according to My Desires” (a little Play on Marx and Engels).  So, each person who AGREES to My Terms to be allowed the enjoyments of My Domain offers unique qualities for My Happiness – or they are dismissed. End of discussion.

2)    I am a Harmonious Domme, meaning that all that drama-not-on-Broadway is not for Me. I like peace and beauty and lots of joyful amusements! My PleasurePain™ Techniques are rewards for good and proper service. My punishments are withholdings of pleasure (to put it very simply).

3)    While I am open to suggestions, it’s ultimately My way or not at all. If anyone discovers that they do not wish to comply, they are free to go. I will wish them well. Next!

4)    The VAST majority of My submissives and admirers are NOT sexual in nature (and the lucky few have cultivated the magnificence that makes them worthy!). Since most people sleaze around in the kink-mentality and call what they’re doing, “fetish,” they are too limited to comprehend the tremendous value that exists in higher-level living. I offer a LOT of FREE Mentoring; the worthy do the work. I have no concern for the rest.

5)    Which brings Me to: I take excellent care of Myself and I want what I offer. I deserve THE BEST. I do not accept anyone who identifies with being a “lowly” anything; been there, done that, it was boring.  I want people who are interested in BEING the Best they can be on a regular, evolving basis. This makes My Domain difficult for fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers and a True Paradise for the worthy.

How I Implement The Secrets of Happy Fetish

1)    I look at each individual as an adventure and an opportunity to be an amazing chapter in My Life Story. How they show up is their choice.

2)    I stay true to My Self. I know what I want and choose for My Domain. I have learned – and continue to learn (without judging MySelf) – that whenever I think I’m being kind and deviate from what I want and from following My instincts, “turdity” will occur! I have committed to no longer taking pity on people. As I stated, I want what I offer and I deserve The Best. I choose not to accept the pitiful into My Domain because they never want to elevate their consciousness to being their bests; they always, only want to bring you down. Giant yawn…

3)    When people disappoint Me, I FORGIVE Myself first and foremost because in doing so, I give Myself the opportunity to learn about Myself and My Journey to enhance My Happiness.

a)    While I recognize “turditude,” I follow Don Miguel Ruiz’s advice in THE FOUR AGREEMENTS and I don’t take it personally because I understand that people act out against their truths and project that onto you because they are afraid to face their own, ugly realities. This is not an easy practice, but it is always worth the effort!

b)    This practice also keeps Me forever positive and feeling – and looking – fabulous! You know what they say: Looking good is the best revenge… Fortunately for all The Universe, I don’t do revenge; I Trust Karma. Karma never lets you down.

If you’re looking for “how to” do your fetish, I advise you to do a LOT of research and consider the source carefully. As I’m sure you’re aware, the majority of creeple you’ll find on popular websites are just takers-fakers-shakers-noise-makers who mostly blab to convince themselves of their fantasies and offer nothing of value.

You can take advantage of all of My Complimentary Gifts on My Websites and, if what I believe resonates with your Truth, you can choose to indulge in My Webcam Workshops.

Wishing you All The Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Spiritual Crap In Fetish?

  • NOTE: This letter was edited to protect the identity of the writer from more ridicule than usual.

November 20, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

What’s with all this spiritual crap?  Nobody wants to read that on a fetish blog…  You shouldn’t quote The Bible… I’d go to church if I wanted that…  If You’re supposed to be a Domme, You should be writing about BDSM instead of wasting our time…  Stick to the topic or I’ll stop reading Your Blog…

Signed by a self-obsessed turd

~~~~~~~~~

Attention turd — and anyone else who feels this way:

I recommend you read Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude for a concept that is evidently foreign to you, but will change your life for the better.

This is MY Blog, in which I offer bits of My Expertise and life hacks FOR FREE as a public service because:

1)  The vast majority of people interested in BDSM these days (especially in the 50 Shades of Foolishness era) are incredibly stupid.  Yes, stupid.  They are also only interested in abuse — not BDSM or Fetish — in one foolish way or another to avoid facing how much they feel inadequate and dislike themselves.  I find these people tedious, wastes of oxygen and MY Blog serves ME by deflecting morons from Me and Mine — well, most of them any way…

2)  This may be a shock to you but the world – and especially, MY World — does not revolve around you.  I am NOT interested in any way, shape or form in what you want.  Period.  you (1) offer NOTHING of value, (2) have not donated to any of My Charity Works, and (3) represent an example of the decline in civilization with your ego-maniacal obsession.  So, I use you for My purposes:

  •  to avert other creatures like you away from the Greatness of My Domain; and
  •  to be an example for My Domina101™ Divas of how easy it is to dismiss zeroes from One’s Domain by not only NOT caring about them, but by letting them know I don’t care about them; they do not matter.  The need to matter is, after all, the greatest desire that fakers-shakers-takers-noise makers crave because none of you care for or about yourself either.

3) I offer MY Expertise and experience to and for those who are worthy and  living up to their own greatness.  I’m interested in inspiring and connecting with the kinds of people I’d like to know to BE BETTER & BETTER and to have BetterFetish™ in REAL life — not just pretending with silliness and silly people on revolting websites.

Normally, morons stop reading MY Blog as soon as personal responsibility and self-reflection is discussed and go away to find the sleaze they’re actually looking for.  If you can’t figure out how to unsubscribe, use Google to search for something other than porn for a change.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.