Category Archives: monster Control

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

The Difference Between Fetish & Kink

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

April 20, 2015

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Can you please explain the difference between Fetish and kink?

Respectfully, sub5b

~~~~~~~~~

Dear sub5b,

First, I qualify My Statements by owning My Responsibility for My Experience and My Reality. Everyone else will have their own, unique experiences and expressions that are valid to them. And many more will have fantasies of experiences to insist are valid to attempt to invalidate others.

Fetish is the entire dynamic of personal and inter-personal expression. Fetish is how you feel on all levels – physical, mental, spiritual, emotional – about something (an activity, object, etc.) that makes you have a sense of wholeness. Fetish is inspirational and gives you a thrill to be alive! When you are connected through your Fetish, you experience a heightened sense of awareness which brings you to a more fulfilling understanding of yourself. Fetish makes you feel great about who and how you are.

Fetish is the Art of Sensuality beyond the mere physical realm of sexuality. When you respect your Fetish Self, you transcend the mundane entrapments of the vanilla world. Fetish, when respected and cultivated, is a Life Art that continues to evolve with your experience of it.

For example, I’m a Shoe Fetishist and when I wear My shoes, I indulge in how they look on My feet, how the shape of My legs are accented, how I feel when I walk-sit-stand in them, how I coordinate the accessories, how I feel when I trample someone in them, and so much more! There is a glowing, empowering energy in the center of My Being when I get My Shoe Fetish on! And I am thrilled to be alive!

Fetish is empowering and takes you to new heights in your experience and existence!

Kink is only something that is used to achieve some state of sexual satisfaction. The end goal is the orgasm, which leaves out the nuances of Artistic Sex and, all too often, is bereft of interpersonal connection beyond the orgasm.  In other words, are you merely a means to an end?

Fetish expressions can be used for kink pursuits, but kink is a poor substitute for Fetish Experience. Think of it this way: Fetish is the whole cake with frosting and the sprinkles on top are kink. You can enjoy cake without sprinkles because it has the many ingredients, skillfully and deliciously prepared and presented for total enjoyment. Sprinkles by themselves are just sprinkles; they make a poor substitute for a delectable dessert. And, or course, there’s cake and there’s cake. The quality of the ingredients and the skill of the baker determines the excellence of the cake.

As you know, I promote Fetish as Therapeutic Art and am only interested in Quality Fetishists whose interests go beyond the “tip of the drip.” Unlike most people, I don’t create events to make money (most of My Events raise funds for My Chairites) – which is one reason why I do not hold My Events in dinky-dives. The other reason is that I do not patronize dinky-dives! I design events for excellent experiences; I don’t just put up a few pieces of equipment and have an “anyone goes” policy. Attendees at My Events have an opportunity to engage in intelligent conversation, share experiences, participate in eloquent Play, and practice techniques that are taught in My Party Classes, all while enjoying hand-picked, fine beverages and gourmet hors d’oeuvres in an elegant environment. My dj’s carefully design music mixes to My specifications to relaxingly, stimulate participants and accommodate the vibes for the event. I create encounters that appeal to the senses and sensibilities to inspire personal and collective transcendence during My Events and beyond. Friendships and community are just a few, real benefits of attending My Events.

It is My experience that kinksters are lazy and have a “do-me” attitude while offering very little-to-nothing for Me to enjoy. While they are crazed with the quest for their orgasm, they usually lack manners and any sense of civility, too. (This is why I have strict Rules for My Events and a detailed, screening process before allowing anyone to attend them.) Once kinksters have achieved “nut-bust,” they have nothing else and no interest in having anything to offer. I say kinksters are lazy because while they want the thrills of Fetish, they fail to offer basic respect to those who create the opportunities for those thrills to exist in the first place! People who insist that they don’t have to honor the Protocols that are important to you are not worthy of you. When the focus is on a “quick release,” there is a lack of attention to the details that make life and Fetish special.

A sure way to tell the difference between a Fetishist and a kinkster is by their approach to you. A Fetishist will take her/his time to engage and inspire a desire for communication with them. A kinkster basically approaches you as if you’re desperate for attention and should be thrilled that they sent you a message without even a “hello,” didn’t address you by name, and expect you to decipher texting abbreviations. When you reject them, their behavior reminds you why birth control should be free. There is no care for you as a person, there is only “the search for the squirt…” While it may be some people’s thrill to be treated like crap, I call that abuse, not Fetish.

Then, there’s abuse. Abuse takes many forms: emotional, physical, verbal, financial, racial, gender, resources (people are hungry, sick, and hopeless due to an abuse of resources and access to them), and so much more. Quite often, people can even love you in an abusive way! Abuse, while being a sign of a lack of self-love, is a direct violation against your right to exist in a healthy and happy way. While 50 Shades foolishness has every self-loather – from the frigid, so-called feminists to the Bible-thumpers who need to make others wrong from a place of complete ignorance – in a tizzy, insisting that The Scene is about abuse, be aware that their entire agenda is abusive to every and anyone who does not subjugate to their vicious rules. Again, Fetish is about respect, everything else is something else.  (See How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks)

NOTE: It is easy to fall into an abusive situation. No matter what people who insist that it would never happen to them think, there is a level of caring that can suck you into some crazy stuff before you know it! DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF WRONG FOR CARING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS EMOTIONALLY DEFICIENT TO ABUSE YOUR LOVE. And, love yourself more for acknowledging abuse, for choosing better, and for loving yourself enough to let the abuser go. It takes a lot of courage to leave an abusive situation, but it also takes extreme courage to face yourself and what allowed you to get stuck in the first place. By forgiving yourself and releasing the offender, you evolve into your Greatness. Anyone who makes you wrong for your experience is not worthy of your further attention. Cut them off like a gangrened appendage.

Fetish excites first from the intellect, then it travels through all parts of your body and mind to ignite the spark of your spirit! Kink stops at “moist” – and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, if that’s what you want. Issues occur when people are not honest and clear (See Rules For Clear Communication).

To determine the difference between Fetish and kink, ask yourself these questions:

  • In this moment, how do you feel about your past, your present, and your future with this person/on this path? If you feel less than fabulous, the experience is not Fetish. It may not be kink, either. There is a difference between testing your boundaries and being subjected to discomforts that are out of your safety zone.
  • Do you feel like someone is trying to “get over” on someone else? If you have that weird sensation of the fear of being taken advantage of, that is not Fetish and may also not be kink. Of course, this is for the person who is not attempting to manipulate the situation…
  • Do you feel like the experience will honor who you are as a Fetishist? And/or do you feel it will honor your own kink zone? The key is to feel respected in your choices for yourself first and foremost.

To summarize, Fetish is loving respect for yourself in the moment toward your future while kink is a momentary quest for sexual gratification. Ask yourself what you really want and be honest.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

AskMistressDidi.com

Beautiful Fetish, Excellence & Ego

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

April 10, 2015

I’m often accused of lying, being egotistical, having ulterior motives, and everything else that people who do nothing whine in attempts to belittle those of Us who create. I realize that the “do-nothings” desire to destroy the value and control the creations of the talented and worthy by attacking Our characters. And if that doesn’t work, some wicked, creeple even try to attack Our creations.  Ayn Rand was right about what to do with these people in ATLAS SHRUGGED (through the tedium of the storyline)… What I’ve written below is presented in the form of the proverbial, “you” and while not directed at one specific person, it applies to far too many.


The truth is that whenever you are intimidated by people’s accomplishments, you are showing your lack of faith in your own ability and worth. Shouting about My Ego and accusing Me of bragging does not mask your inferiority complex.

It’s not bragging if it’s true. ~ Mohammed Ali

If you don’t experience or create anything beautiful in your fetish pursuits, you refuse to believe that others have Beautiful Fetish.

Beautiful Fetish is not about the “tip of the drip” motivation; it’s about the total, sensory and sensual experience that transcends mere physical awareness. Beautiful Fetish is a connection of mind, body and spirit through skill and artistic technique. When you are purely motivated by an orgasm, you limit not only your focus, but your entire opportunity for something better than “bustin’ a nut” and you seldom experience the brilliance of after care. You get what you give.

In My reality, Play is between as many consenting people who agree to participate and is not limited only to something sexy – which makes it more about kink and less about Art and Excellence.

When there is Excellence, 2 things occur:

  • those who recognize and appreciate their own Excellence are inspired and experience ecstasy; and/or
  • those who recognize that they have not developed their own Excellence experience jealousy. This type of lizard-brain thinking always points fingers at the Excellent with the intention of making them wrong for BEING Excellent, so the accuser can attempt to avoid taking responsibility for where he falls short, fails in his own life, and his feelings of inadequacy.

Ego has 2 sides which are a mask and a mirror:

  • Ego, as experienced by lizard-brain thinking, is used to mask one’s insecurities. It is the statement: i am not worthy so neither is anyone else; and
  • Ego as a mirror, experienced by those who strive for and resonate with Excellence, reflects talent, skill, and dedication to One’s Art. It is the statement: I choose to live, experience, and be My Best!

Also in My Reality, people confuse being a bottom for being submissive and look only for sex-focused Play. Many also confuse their realities for the only reality that exists in the D/s world and cannot relate to experiences and realms that are more “dynamic” than theirs – they think We’re lying because they’re lying.

I give FREE, how-to examples on My Websites of a few of My PleasurePain™ Techniques that I’ve developed through My studies, practice, and degrees in a variety of Arts & Sciences. With the exception of requiring your email (anti-spam measure) to download My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, all of My other resources on My Websites are FREE, too. See My Bio.

I offer Excellence for FREE because I want more people to experience Fetish as Therapeutic Art the way that I and the people who enjoy My Domain in person do. In this way, I contribute to dispelling 50 Shades of Foolishness with Excellence.

One of My Fetishes is Gift Giving, which often affords My Pearls to be cast before swine. As Antonio Porchia said:

I know what I have given you; I do not know what you received.

When you know the quality of your Fetish and offer it to those who can appreciate it, that’s Excellence, not ego, arrogance or anything other than recognizing and appreciating your worth and contribution to BetterFetish™. The cultivation of quality deserves quality, and quality’s light cannot be dimmed by h8ters.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

10 Domina101™ Workshop Tips

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

February 18, 2015

I continue to receive an inundation of requests for help on topics that are covered in the Basics of what I teach in My Domina101™ Workshops, which I conduct to raise funds for My Charities. While I understand that We’re busy people, I remind you to read what I’ve already provided in My Ask Mistress Didi* blog before contacting Me. I took the time to write it and I generously share it with you for FREE.

The reason I offer My Wisdom From Experience for FREE is because:

1)    I am disgusted by the state of The Scene and its continued decline in quality, civility, integrity, beauty, and intelligence – which is the same reason I produce My own events for lack of any I’d care to attend;

2)    Money is NOT My Goddess and I believe in The Laws of Karma and Attraction: what you put out comes back to you multiplied; and

3)    I know that The Universe will always test your commitment to your Greatness, so I share how I deal with lizard-brain thinking and creeps of all kinds to assist the worthy in maintaining the positive energy to withstand the barbarian assaults.

The tips that I present below are the simple concepts that are further explained and explored in My Domina101™ Workshops.

10 Domina101™ Workshop Tips

1)    Clarify. Download and/or read My Domina101™ Workshop Prep Guide to identify, define, and refine your past-present-future choices and desires for Your Domain Your Way. You do this not only for Your clarification, but also to gain the maximum value of what I share.

2)    Reality Check. Understand that the vast majority of the folks on these anything but “social” sites are self-loathing, losers whose sole purpose is to play the make-wrong game. The vast majority of those are fakers-shakers-takers-noise-makers who are there to waste Your time by manipulating “free sessions” – in most cases, their primary desire is to abuse You. These creeple believe that they gain some sick sense of value by attempting to steal your energy. This is why a tribute is always required. See Being Superior: My “How To” Process and Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want

3)    A tribute is a commitment to honor Your time and energies and it weeds out the worthless. The commitment is to and for You from Yourself as well as from the submissive. Just because the hoochies-with-whips have creeple insisting that a tribute is financial, does not make it so. It is for You to decide what and how a tribute should be given. My motto is: From each according to her/his ability, to each according to My desires. Depending upon the relationship and the worthiness the submissive has demonstrated in real-time, I have allowed submissives to bring a tribute as simple and inexpensive as 1 flower to add to My floral arrangement. Under no circumstances do I permit access to My Domain without tribute. Period.

4)    Make creeple useful. No matter what You do, the self-loathing will jump to attack You. Without engaging them, use them for Your purposes and amusements. See Make Rudeness Serve You, Flip-Flopping Attempts to Top, and The Last Word

5)    Purpose. Determine the purpose of the submissive and only reward her/him for proper service. Make sure that Your “punishment” is not playing into their fetishes, which only yields You being taken advantage of. See Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?

6)    Friends and Associations. Sadly, We live in a world where You are judged and mistreated for (and often by) those You associate with. Choose Your associates with the same discernment (maybe more) that You use to choose Your subs. See Fabulous & Guilty By Association

7)    Gossip Control. Have more than You show, say less than You know, and only tell them what You want them specifically to know. See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

8)    Educate Yourself. Learn how to receive so that You are not Your own worst enemy. Invest in fetish education, first-aid training, and stay up-to-date with the legalities of Your location. See Fetish Safety & 50 Shades of Foolishness

9)    BE SAFE. See Safety Tips For Dommes

10)  Self-Control is the ONLY real control there is. You are responsible for Your Domain and who has access to and influence in it. See The True Discipline, Check In & Center of Attention and Chill Out Training Technique: The Tapping Solution

To participate in the next Domina101™ Webcam Workshop and help Me raise funds for My Charities,

 Click Here

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

AskMistressDidi.com

How to Deal with Piggy Dom/mes

A Domina101™ Tip

December 27, 2014

This post is in response to a few conversations regarding an incident where a Dominant made a few enemies due to her lack of courtesy. Let this be a guideline for You when You’re “Domme-tripping,” and for how to deal with head-trippers.

Never expect anything from a pig except a grunt.
~ #quote My Fabulous Grandmother

AskMistressDidi.comYou know that thing: the oh-so-Dommey-Dom/me who condescends to You right off the bat? Even knowing that You’re a Domme? Not that condescending without a good reason is ever ok…

My recent experience of that thing while celebrating the Holiday Spirit:  I asked a few Dommes I’ve been aware of if they would like for Me to mention them and their works in My Holiday Newsletter. One lovely, Domina said thanks and didn’t give Me drama-not-on-Broadway where drama belongs. The other one is the perfect representation of what I’m writing here and I’ve made her useful for a Domina101™ training. Now:

1)    I am a very gregarious person and a strong supporter of Women Supporting Women;

2)    I am in NO way desperate for content for My Newsletter or for anything that I do; and

3)    I am not asking for anything from YOU other than exactly how you would like Me to present your work in My Newsletter, which is more for-and-about-you than it is for Me.  If one chooses to look at the situation as someone doing something for someone else (which I don’t), I’m doing YOU the favor of free promotion – not the other way around. I am generously sharing My resources with You.

We all know that technology today makes it possible to research the person you’re dealing with before you make a complete turd of yourself. And yet, it is My experience on a regular basis that all these silly creatures do is look at My photos and immediately make up ignorant- fantasies about Me that are extremely limited… The really gruesome just look to pick out specific words in something you and I post online about OUR experiences to play the make-wrong game. And those who believe that they are as ugly as they are, are outright rude in person – as if somehow, everyone observing will not peg their behavior as jealousy. Pity these people; there is something seriously lacking in the quality of their existence that makes them hostile and combative. Pity them, but definitely put them in their places – beneath You.

While I do pity them, I find it helpful to understand the motivations for their rudeness to prevent Me from wanting to completely eviscerate them. I am a Responsible Sadist whose motto is:

Don’t start none, won’t be none – I finish it.

How To Handle The Piggy Dom/me

1)    Recognize that s/he is intimidated by You and needs to convince herself of her false-sense of superiority. People who suffer from inferiority complexes often believe that if they can force their idea of dominance onto you, that they will prove to the world that they are superior to everything and everyone else.

2)    Whatever You do, do not become hostile. That’s exactly what they want You to do! They can only feel alive through negative experiences because that is the punishment of people who focus on lower-level activities and expression. These are the people, after all, who usually don’t exercise, eat well, or read, and who rush to watch judgment-TV with bowls of junk food-stuff on a daily basis. That is the recipe for toxicity and they are toxic in mind, body, and spirit. So, they most certainly can’t feel good about themselves and they want to disrupt the flow of everyone who not only lives well and feels good, but certainly those who look good! These are also the people who are quick to call YOU conceited for having a sense of style – which, in My Opinion, is Our Duty To Society.

3)    Dismiss them. As always, You have the choice in how You wish to respond. I usually treat them with pleasantries and respect right up until the moment they serve their purpose for Me dealing with them in the first place. Then, I immediately change My tone of communication to a clearly-dismissive one. This lets them know that they are no longer of importance and shakes up their comfort zone. The best part is that I always “plant a seed of torture”Domina101™ participants know what I mean! Ahhh, delicious!

A favorite story recanted among My Associates is of a male dominant who had the audacity to think he could bark orders to Us at an event. You know the type: the guy who thinks that every woman – especially Dommes – really want to sub to him.  It was immediately clear to Me that this person would never be someone or something enjoyable or of value to Me or Mine. So, I chose to “nip it in the bud,” as the expression goes. I stood in front of him, pointed My finger at him, laughed genuinely, turned to My submissive and walked away, laughing. For the rest of the event, I specifically let him see Me enjoying Myself with worthy humans and not once did My eyes glance in his direction. I made him disappear. As usual, the gruesome grapevine passed along his attempts to defame Me, but witnesses addressed his rudeness before I ever got wind of their remarks – not that I care about gruesomes have to say anyway. They only serve to add salt to the wounds of My sprouting seeds of torture.

4)    Most importantly, let it be known that You don’t care about them. They have served your purpose and are unworthy of further attention. People who do not care for themselves want you – anyone – to care about them. Because they know that they are bereft of redeeming qualities, the only tool they have to be noticed is gruesome behavior. And that’s where pity can be a most useful tool for You.

As a Responsible Sadist, I find comfort in leading them by the nose into seeing just how ridiculous they are. Because I am a firm believer in Karma, I always find ways to give a reality slap that permits offenders the opportunity for personal growth – which is good for My Karma, which is always My primary motivation. What they choose to do with My Gift is their karma.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

 *****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

 

Spiritual Crap In Fetish?

  • NOTE: This letter was edited to protect the identity of the writer from more ridicule than usual.

November 20, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

What’s with all this spiritual crap?  Nobody wants to read that on a fetish blog…  You shouldn’t quote The Bible… I’d go to church if I wanted that…  If You’re supposed to be a Domme, You should be writing about BDSM instead of wasting our time…  Stick to the topic or I’ll stop reading Your Blog…

Signed by a self-obsessed turd

~~~~~~~~~

Attention turd — and anyone else who feels this way:

I recommend you read Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude for a concept that is evidently foreign to you, but will change your life for the better.

This is MY Blog, in which I offer bits of My Expertise and life hacks FOR FREE as a public service because:

1)  The vast majority of people interested in BDSM these days (especially in the 50 Shades of Foolishness era) are incredibly stupid.  Yes, stupid.  They are also only interested in abuse — not BDSM or Fetish — in one foolish way or another to avoid facing how much they feel inadequate and dislike themselves.  I find these people tedious, wastes of oxygen and MY Blog serves ME by deflecting morons from Me and Mine — well, most of them any way…

2)  This may be a shock to you but the world – and especially, MY World — does not revolve around you.  I am NOT interested in any way, shape or form in what you want.  Period.  you (1) offer NOTHING of value, (2) have not donated to any of My Charity Works, and (3) represent an example of the decline in civilization with your ego-maniacal obsession.  So, I use you for My purposes:

  •  to avert other creatures like you away from the Greatness of My Domain; and
  •  to be an example for My Domina101™ Divas of how easy it is to dismiss zeroes from One’s Domain by not only NOT caring about them, but by letting them know I don’t care about them; they do not matter.  The need to matter is, after all, the greatest desire that fakers-shakers-takers-noise makers crave because none of you care for or about yourself either.

3) I offer MY Expertise and experience to and for those who are worthy and  living up to their own greatness.  I’m interested in inspiring and connecting with the kinds of people I’d like to know to BE BETTER & BETTER and to have BetterFetish™ in REAL life — not just pretending with silliness and silly people on revolting websites.

Normally, morons stop reading MY Blog as soon as personal responsibility and self-reflection is discussed and go away to find the sleaze they’re actually looking for.  If you can’t figure out how to unsubscribe, use Google to search for something other than porn for a change.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Dealing With Disappointing People

SPECIAL Opportunites: Check out My Newsletter!

November 11, 2014

Note: I receive numerous correspondence (yes, grammartically correct) about people who betray Our Trust and Friendship – especially since a person who considered herself a professional Domme and “My” best friend outted My submissive in a public venue (causing him child custody problems) and continues a claim-to-fame by using My name… yawn.  Glad I don’t have her Karma ahead!  This entry is advice that helps to put your perspective where it belongs: On Your Greatness.

~~~~~~~~~

I’d like to offer these Gems that I’ve learned the hard way (but that’s what makes them Diamonds – to use a metaphor!):

Someone wrote to Me:

I realize that I have been making myself wrong for feeling “ugly” towards certain people. I take on the responsibility for things that happen even when I am not the reason things happened the way they did…  I am not powerful enough to be the cause of everything that happens between me and others in my life.

Actually, We ARE that powerful, but not in the sense of perceiving cause-and-effect in such black-and-white terms.  I’ve learned that Free Will is also not so simple and that most people make choices based on FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real) and FEAR lives strongest in the subconscious mind.

The thing about the subconscious mind is that We must practice Awareness in order to be free of FEAR and evolve to Being Better.  This is an extremely scary, and often, difficult thing to do which is why most people spend time finding fault to blame others rather than looking at what motivates their actions to do so.

In this age of information overload, the impulse to be distracted seduces the “lesser mind” – hence the inundation of UGLY amusements – e.g., the fake “reality TV” shows where the most banal behaviors are “entertainment.”  And people wonder why their children are so abominably behaved when the constant input into their own and their children’s conscious and subconscious brains is nothing but degrading negativity.

We cannot escape it; We can only strengthen Our SELVES to DEFLECT it.

Now, here’s where those of Us who practice Awareness get tripped up: We judge Our valid feelings.

We have the right to feel hurt, betrayed, etc. when people disappoint Us.  But here’s the thing:

  • We are not wrong for trusting someone at their word; they FAILED to live up to it.  Your word is ALL You have, You are.  Your Word is Your Power – every religious and wisdom doctrine and philosophy says so.  For example,

John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

 —  Please note that I am not a Bible-thumper; I use whatever wisdom is available to help Us connect on Our Highest Levels.  I believe that this is the whole point of having all of these wisdom sources available to Us.

  • When people disappoint Us, they are giving Us GIFTS to:

~ see their true worth and to re-categorize their value in Our lives from this point forward.  My Mantra:  I love you for who you were in My Life and I release you for who you choose to be.

~ see the opportunities for Our growth and the variety of choices We HAVE to commit and re-commit to BEing Our Best

~ practice DETACHMENT, which is not ,”NOT caring” – it’s caring more for Yourself to maintain Your Wellness.  Forgiveness is the Key – and forgiveness is not forgetting or saying that it’s OK that they were poopheads.  Forgiveness is FOR You to be free of torturing Yourself for their failures.  Forgiveness is also so that You don’t get wrinkles and frown lines!

  • The situation itself IS WHAT IT IS.  EVERYTHING else is Our judgment of it.  I know, that tight grip right in the heart-solar-plexus area kicks in.  But right there is the best indication that LETTING GO is required.  We have to LET GO of Our woulda-coulda-shoulda habits and expand Our Awareness for what We can do and BE Better.
  • We also have to be kinder to Ourselves and permit Ourselves to have the full spectrum of the human experience on this Earth plane at this time.  We can only do that by releasing preconceived notions of what a situation  should be (ego) – including Our feelings – and allow Ourselves to respond from conscious choice rather than to react from FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real = expectation).

This is why meditation is NECESSARY to BE Our Bests.  We need to fortify Our SELVES in order to deflect the ridiculousness and stay focused on Our Truth.  I like to envision wearing a suit of glorious armor made of mirrors when dealing with knuckleheads.  I let their negative energy be reflected back to them to see their true selves and be inspired to evolve.

Also, by considering offensive behaviors and people as giving Me gifts makes them useful – which is always easier to deal with them accordingly.

So, We ARE that powerful and the power is to recognize that their failure is NOT Our doing: It could not have been any other way than the way it was.

Our power comes from consciously choosing Our next steps from a place of Self-Love, which does not preclude love for those who have offended Us.  We can choose HOW to love them – which, in My case, usually means cutting them out of My life completely so that no one ends up dead or in jail! Ha!

Karma is a fabulous thing: people cannot escape their Truth, no matter how hard they try.  They just delay the inevitable.  And when they must face their Truth, they always come back...  And that’s the best part because I’m a Sadist Who, while I forgave them a long time ago, I don’t let them have the comfort that they came to Me to feel forgiven for their offenses against Me.  Their guilt is their problem and their Karma.  MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

Make Rudeness Serve You

October 11, 2014

A Domina101™ Lesson

In the most recent session of The Domina101™ Collective Webcam Workshop, I presented the signs of the “substandard” who fakes being submissive.  As always, I can encounter any number of grossly-behaved, barbarians on websites where trolls and barbarians go to pretend they’re Fetishists and the rest of Us have to filter through the squalor.   Filtering through the “undesireables” is easier and less time consuming when you have the tools to maintain the integrity of Your Domain.  Below is a typical example of a faker-shaker-noise-maker and how to stop its idiocy while securing Your Dominance Comforts.

The Tool Tips are:

  • Copy, paste & revise as needed because the archetypes of fakers-shakers-noise-makers are ALWAYS the same.  There is no need to address each individual when they really are one-size-fits-all in terms of insecurities

~~~~~~~~~

subqueerling [name changed because I have integrity]:

And there it is!  your real intentions: to look to be threatened/offended so you could pretend to FEEL some sort of self-value with rudeness.

Know that you have exhibited value by being of service to Me.

you have been useful by exhibiting ALL traits of a “substandard” (as opposed to a submissive) for participants of My Domina101™ lectures – specifically:

  • proving the real intention of your query was to convince yourself of how smart you think you are by posing a question under the pretense of seeking answers and agreeing with what you believe you already know
  • showing a lack of real self-esteem (and quality home training) via attempts at condescension because you feel threatened by knowledge rather than being able to consider proven concepts beyond your limitations
  • showing obvious lack of attention to direction to find information

All too easy and boringly typical, but you’ve been useful nonetheless by being “less.”

And now, you will NEED to have The Last Word.

Ahhh, delicious! The conflict going on inside you now: if you respond, you prove Me right again!  If you don’t, it will eat you up inside!

No matter to Me. I have no further use for this situation on any level.

More Resources you’ll probably ignore, too, but you were actually right when you wrote above that they will help others:

How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks

Lizard-brain thinking instigates that another person’s actions and intentions come from the lower-level, nefarious intentions of what lizard-brain thinking would do if ever in the same situation – which is seldom ever the case because…

READ MORE

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Rules For Clear Communication

August 13, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I want You to know that I completely disagree with [NAME WITHHELD] and I did not feel like You were trying to tell me how to be a “real Domme.” I have been thinking about Our conversation and I now see what You pointed out as “possibilities” to be true!  The sub was topping from the bottom and he did hear what he wanted to hear when he wanted to hear it.  It became clear that he was playing me!  I was explaining [what You said] to my Domme friends and request that You please say it again to make sure that we get it right.  Thank You!

Miss ShaR

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Miss ShaR,

First, I thank You for receiving My observations as possibilities and for not feeling threatened by fantasies that My intention is to dictate anything to You or that My way is the “one twue wayyy” of Dominance – like the h8ters accuse. Clearly, h8ters never realize that using that concept is a cop-out for their own feelings of ineptitude and their inability to receive or perceive beyond their limitations.

I offered what I observed as a possibility from My own personal experience; that I could be wrong; and that the possibility could be something to consider. I noticed that You repeated Yourself more than twice to the sub, who was busy being interested in what he wanted to be interested in at the event instead of doing his job, attending to You. Unless a Domme’s fetish is dealing with people with ADHD-type behaviors or repeating Herself, a sub’s lack of attention is:

  • Disrespectful to the Domme. What is a submissive’s purpose in Your Domain? To serve You on Your terms as You decide he will serve. If the sub – and especially in public – is not attentive to You, it appears to The Scene that You are at fault in his training – no matter what the real deal is. And that presents a picture for all kinds of annoying situations to think that they can make a home in Your zone because not only are first impressions lasting, but too many creeple are out here looking for any and everything negative to disrupt Your flow – even if they have to make it up;
  • A sign of a lack of commitment to his service agreement with the Domme. There are whole generations of folks who believe that they can demonstrate the worst behaviors which will inevitably be forgiven and forgotten til the next time – and each and every time. I believe that this is a poor-parenting failure that is perpetrated on a variety of levels. The brat gets away with it at the source of his relationship identity and fully expects the same from You and everyone else on the planet, evidently…; and
  • Stressful to the Domme and, subsequently (no pun intended) to the sub. While there are tons of creeple addicted to chaos, most of Us don’t want to be stressed – especially in Our Fetish Lives.

In defense of a sub, quite often, communication rules are not clearly defined and mishaps can happen. This is why I present to The Domina101™ Collective:

Rules For Clear Communication

Know What You Want

First and foremost, a Domme needs to (i) know what She wants and (ii) choose the best ways to communicate Her wants. All too often, I see people barking orders and the sub as no clue what is really being requested of him because the Dominant doesn’t really know either! Vague commands yield “non-results” and are a setup for failure all the way around. Most submissives will default to what they already know (training from someone and somewhere else) when they do not have clear directives. It is imperative to know exactly what you want to have a starting point to be able to communicate your desires.

I streamline My conversation to the best of My ability – e.g., carefully choosing explicit words for EXACTLY what I want in order to make it easy for people to understand Me. The problem is that everyone is conditioned to believe that they can magically anticipate what someone wants from what we think they should want based upon our fantasies of their lives. I suggest that You research effective communication techniques for project managers because, after all, You are managing Your Domain. You will develop Your own sense of what works for You, of course, but the more You know, the better things go!

I am also consistent. I clearly define and relay My Rules to everyone, including posting them online, for people who want to participate in My Domain to be personally responsible for adhering to them. I actually have a script so that I tell each person the exact same thing and I have them repeat what My instructions mean in their own words to ensure that misunderstandings are not on My end. Each and every time, culprits attempt to insist that their behavior was in My “best interests” while clearly disrespecting My Rules – which is always merely them enacting their own agenda without consideration for the commitment they made. Their typical next step is to attempt to feign being offended and lashing out against you (i) because their behavior is not excused and (ii) for pointing out their wrong-doing with documented facts.

The Hearing Technique:

Most of the time, people speak at each other and not with each other.  To enhance comprehension:

1)  Identify and get clear on what You want to say.

2)  Choose the simplest, most direct words to communicate what You want.

  • Further simplify by expressing it as if You were communicating with a 5-year-old. This is not to be condescending (unless that’s part of the Fetish!); it helps you to be certain that you’re being clear

3)  Ask the person(s) to repeat back to You in their own words so that YOU can be sure You communicated clearly and were heard; revise as necessary

Often, I will tell the submissive about this process so that it is further enhanced by his own awareness of and focus on the technique. How people show up is what makes it worth Your while to continue with their service to You.

I use this technique in all of My communications with Dominants and submissives alike. It takes a bit of practice – and practice cannot always guarantee perfection. Some people are committed to being disruptive (See How To Handle Disruptors). But these tools will enhance your best efforts.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 

The “Attention Game” Fiasco

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

UPDATE: As I predicted to My Domina101™ Divas, 1 day after I graciously responded, this idiot not only emailed Me again with unnecessary length to vampire My time and attention, he did not bother to read anything I offered to him.  AND had the audacity to use profanity to “express” himself.

ATTENTION submissives and all others: I offer My Wisdom as a courtesy; it is NOT your right and We are NOT “friends” — if We were, you would know that ALL of My Friends treat Me with the utmost respect, as I treat them.  Respect is to be offered at ALL times, and especially when you want something from Me and have offered Me nothing. 

*****

Good afternoon, Mistress Didi,

I am in relationship with my Mistress, and approximately 4 weeks ago, she told me her true feelings for me, there is nothing I won’t do for her, the only exception being, she introduced her male Dom friend into the mix about 6 weeks ago.   Now in the last week, while my Mistress was away, he has messed with my head, and he now believes I’m owned by her and him, he wants me to be his … little daddy’s girl…. This came about when I spoke to him regarding my Mistress, as I’d not been able to get in contact with her for 10 days, then over 4 days of conversations with him, he has told me, “your Mistress doesn’t want a [relationship with you]… those things he has said to me that have freaked me out…

I accept my Mistress’ authority, and will do anything she asks of me, personally I believe this will change the relationship we have built over the last seven months, and as my Mistress has told me, she doesn’t have limits and expects me not to have any either, I fear I will lose her when I try and discuss it with her.  My circumstances are… {way too much info provided not relevant to the issue — suspected fishing attempt}

Respectfully, j.

j,

Way too much info given to get to the point of what I presume your question actually is:

Q: What to do about this dom trying to take over?

ANSWER:

Begins with:

Why were you in communication with him while your Mistress was away and WHY did you not discuss this situation/your discomfort with Her immediately and before contacting Me? ( I gather from your email that this communication with the dom occurred while She has been out of communication with you, but I’m not feeling total honesty here.)

Ends with My answer that will be posted on AskMistressDidi.  I choose to answer you for My purposes to better assist others who are caught up in this same, “lacking mindset”:

your intention is to gain attention.

The “attention game” is ALWAYS useless.  It is completely and only about manipulation of everyone and everything who has glanced in your direction.

you will ONLY:

1) destroy any and everything that is good in your life by disrespecting and disappointing their trust graciously given to you;

2) do everything possible to create a chaotic mess because:

(i) you are addicted to chaos for some sad, form of self-validation; and

(ii) your end-game is to play the victim.

This is a “lacking mindset” because you do not offer anything to grow your relationship with your Mistress; you maintain the environment of neediness, helplessness, uselessness. your purpose is to enhance your Dominant’s life and you can only do this by choosing to take intelligent and respectful action with the goal of creating and being your best.

Now, while I give everyone the opportunity to recognize that We are conditioned from birth to operate from an unconscious agenda, imposed upon Us by Our upbringing, social structures, religious-stuff, etc., I ONLY support you in evolving towards being the best person you can be: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I support your integrity, and that is all.

you had the choice to tell this usurper-dom that you do not feel comfortable communicating with him until your Mistress returns and gives both of you Her permission. That always solves the problem when you are uncertain of your Dominant’s rules. Any Dominant who would have a problem with you taking this action when She has not specifically trained you to do as She desires is lacking as a Dominant – and you should consider any further steps in your relationship with this person. Any other person, Dominant or other, should respect the position you take to respect your Dominant first and foremost – which is the point of being in service to a Dominant.

I give you this: at ALL times, communicate with your Dominant to ensure that your actions are in accordance with your promise and commitment to serve Her/Him.  Secrets ONLY create painful problems that your Karma WILL punish you for – worse than what you believe your Mistress’ punishment could ever actually be.

I strongly advise you to participate in My Superior submissive Webcam Workshop (new dates to be announced very soon) that offers concrete training to ensure that much of the confusion that occurs in the D/s dynamic can be eliminated and your commitment to your submission can be excellent.

To assist you with basic, Fetish Etiquette, I also advise you to download and read My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want

UPDATED

Dear Mistress Didi*,

You were unfair to dismiss me…  i tried my best to serve You…  You didn’t give me a chance… [Other whining without acknowledging responsibility omitted.]

‑ “pitty-me” sub

I encourage people, especially Dominants, to pass this on to subs, “wanna-subs,” and others who dare to attempt to guilt You into tolerating their abominable behaviors.

PAY ATTENTION:

I am consistent for a reason: to maintain the excellence of My Domain on My terms and to thwart whining attempts to top from the bottom and other idiot behaviors by manipulative creatures.  The Rules of My Domain are provided to EVERYONE, listed on My websites, and even listed on The DommeSalon™ site so that there are NO valid reasons nor opportunities for irresponsible, whiny, outrage that you do not have what you want — and you never will — not from Me or anyone of value.

I am unique.  I take the time to be as clear as possible by writing My requirements and making them available to EVERY person who desires to be a part of My Domain and I also make My Rules publicly available.  VERY few Dominants do this – why they don’t baffles Me when the practice cuts down on the fakers, shakers, and annoyance makers.  The process I use for My Rules is consistent with how I run My Domain and My businesses.  I seldom, if ever, deviate from this process because it is the deal-breaker when people want to “work their idiocy.”

When your intention is to use a situation to accommodate who you think you are without respect for the situation, you deny the opportunity for growth of any kind and you will always end up being deficient from the same pattern of behavior as demonstrated by your failure in My Domain:

1)  you psyche yourself into believing you are worthy of a situation that thrills you – that you do NOT have in your life, but which you DO want.  Many people see a BDSM movie and, just because they think they are amused by identifyng with a Dominant or get a stirring in their loins from thoughts of being a submissive, they believe that they ARE already this fantasy as a reality. Foolishly, because you know that you’re full of XXXX, you want to believe that I am – though I repeat Myself when I tell everyone that this world and way of being is My REALITY AND MY LIFESTYLE.

I often encounter this scenario with newbie Dominants who, after seeking My counsel and tutelage, get carried away and think they can tell ME how to be a Domme…  What’s worse are the ones who forget their manners and dare to think they can dick-tate the terms of Our relationship to Me (see Confusing Dominance For Bullying).

2)  you RECEIVE AND AGREE to My Rules, which I email to you prior to permitting you to connect with Me for service and you say anything to get moving on your scheme of crazy thinking that I will acquiesce to the ridiculous standards that you are accustomed to with the silly females (and males) in your life.

What always amazes Me is how any of you can think that you are so “special” that I will suddenly NOT maintain the Domain I’ve built and have sustained for the greater part of My life because you popped up wanting the same thing I’ve heard for many years and continue to hear day in and day out.  None of you are ever original; same stupidity, different moron.

REMEMBER:  you want What I Have and Who I Am because on your deepest level, you know that the value given to you by the silly females/males in your realm is FALSE.   you need Me and Mine to desperately try to convince yourself otherwise.   you should be grateful to these silly people and treat them better.  Their delusional love for and about you may be all you have to get you through your life.  While less than what you want and deserve, at least, be worthy of them.

3)  you LIE and attempt to cheat by not honoring your agreement/following instructions and try to shirk your responsibility in all aspects of the scenario.  Worse, you dare to pull a “brat attack.”  I do not see how anyone with an iota of intelligence can think that I will be guilty for NOT accepting your choice to be inferior.

4)  Soon, you realize that you’ve dug your own grave because, again, I HAVE WHAT you WANT, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.  I graciously gave you the chance to step up and show up to be worthy of what you want and you failed.  That recognition of your reality is going to eat at you for an eternity.  Why?  Because:

  • you maintain delusions of believing you are greater than you will ever be because you do NO work to be better;
  • you will always be inferior because you are lazy and ludicrous; and
  • you refuse to accept personal responsibility for your failings and, therefore, will fail in your goals by either doing a half-azzed job which will result in ineptitude or by not realizing them at all.  you will remain a loser.

5)  When you fail in your pathetic tirade to Me, you run to any and every loser who will gobble your maligning tales against Me like the toxic, gluttons they are.  you will then foolishly believe that you found your niche and a “community” where you can live out your fantasies. The only thing you will find are others who mirror your inadequacies.  your reputation will become known by Quality Fetishists and humans, who will shun you.  The more you associate with slime, the faster your lack of value will be noticeable by those who actually have what you desire.

Think of it this way:  puss starts small and expands –> gangrene –> amputation –> discard of the useless appendage –> beauty marred and functionality impaired –> life sux more and is harder.  

IMPORTANT NOTE:  This analogy is meant to connect a personality defect to the physical level for better conceptual comprehension.  If you are a soldier who lost a limb(s) honorably, NO ONE OF VALUE will consider you less beautiful and definitely not less functional because soldiers are miraculous people who CAN do anything.  Remove your greatness from anyone who does not appreciate you.  This is why it is so important for Us to SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, VOTE FOR Veteran Benefits, and pay attention to who/which pundits do not (always the same creatures who want to send everyone else’s children to war).

While there are a lot like you, there is only one Me.  you will quickly be replaced by those who are always waiting in line to serve Me and those who follow The Rules are always granted sanctuary in My Domain.  Those who enact the mediocre behaviors that define you will join you in the world of sleaze, greed, and irresponsible dangers parading as fetishists in the world today.

Summary

  • you are delusional in your views of yourself and when given the opportunity to indulge in what someone else created that you want, you refuse to do any work to be worthy of it;
  • you lack respect for what you want and those who have created it and you lie, cheat, and attempt to defame when you fail; and
  • you refuse to accept personal responsibility for your failings and you will remain a pathetic loser.

AGAIN, I advise you to download and read My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com
www.Blackthornz.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.