Category Archives: Events

©The Mistress Didi* ~ ©AskMistressDidi.com

What’s In Your Play Bag?

 

 

Another public service Gift from The Mistress Didi*

June 25, 2017

Fetishists know that whenever unsafe Play occurs, the vibe of the experience is dampened, if not ruined.  Unsafe Play creates diminished fun times; folks can get hurt; reputations can be damaged; and gossip-ghouls go on a rampage...  (See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip for “management tips.”)

Recent gatherings I’ve been invited to prompt Me to share a 50 Shades of Foolishness Workshop Tip.  I’ve been horrified by the lack of knowledge, attention, and the careless disregard for safe and intelligent Play all the way around.  I choose to share knowledge so that I am part of the solution instead of being part of the problem by remaining silent

  • If anyone chooses to be offended because they believe that I am referring to their event, that will be your choice. You also have the choice to utilize My Gifts NOW, if you neglected to before.  Find a plethora of resources on My Ask Mistress Didi site.

I encourage any and everyone to use My Processes as templates to develop your own intelligent, Play Plans.  PLEASE DO so that:

  • you are prepared for safety for yourself and others
  • you have what you need and can become familiar with it for maximum safety and comfort
  • you are responsible for how you Play
  • you and all in attendance have a pleasant Play experience, and
  • maybe I will have more events other than My own that I can thoroughly enjoy, too!

The Basics

1)    Safety GuideThere are basic, first aid cares that you SHOULD know.  For example, what to do for burns, cuts, bruises, and bleeding.  PRINT and carry with you a reference sheet to be prepared.

2)    First Aid Kit.  Check out what to include in yours from The Mayo Clinic.  While you don’t have to carry an entire kit, a few basics such as bandages and antiseptic are a must.  Here is an excellent tip sheet for a Dungeon or Toy Bag First Aid Kit from the Central Iowa Power Exchange.

3)    Cleaning Supplies.  Always disinfect your Play space and keep it sanitary.  If you’re Playing publicly, I recommend carrying a small, spray bottle with 70% alcohol to give the area a spray and wipe.

a)    ALWAYS ASK FIRST if it’s OK to use alcohol – – or any substances – – on areas because you don’t want to damage property.  I can tell you that being sorry after the fact does not make up for ruining My decor and having to go after folks to remedy damages is most annoying and offenders will be punished – in one way or another…

b)    Even better, bring a “Play Cloth” and other Play Preparations to cover furniture.  See #7 below.

c)    You may wish to bring disposable, disinfecting cloths or, even better Make Your Own Natural Disinfectant.

d)    Cloths and/or paper towels for spills and to clean after you Play.  It doesn’t matter if there is cleaning staff; be a good guest and clean up after yourself.

4)    Escape Tools.  While you may enjoy making escape-proof, “sub-art,” stuff can happen and it’s always a good idea to have a scissors and/or cutting tools to quickly release a person to ensure maximum well-being.

  • True story: During one of My presentations, an idiot dom, who was interested in playing the make-wrong-game, blurted out that if you/I knew how to top My sub, there would be no reason to release them before the session was done. I mentioned fire, earthquake, and a variety of factors make good reasons, to which he guffawed.  So, when an attendee to that lecture had to cut the idiot dom’s sub out of bondage when their Play venue caught fire, his same arrogance was addressed by his associates.
  • I don’t make it a habit to say, “I told you so,” because (1) I never have to; and (2) I never care enough to – I prefer to spend My time enriching My life rather than sliding down the Evolutionary Scale to remind offenders that they were wrong. If a person desires to learn and evolve, they will do better with positive reinforcement — which I am always happy to give to the worthy.  Besides, Karma is a fabulous thing!  (See Keeping Cool With Karma)

5)    Plastic bags.  There are a variety of reasons that everyone should have at least 1 plastic bag on hand but it is essential to have plastic bags in your Play Bag for sanitary reasons.  There is nothing better for breeding bacteria than to place used Toys and clothing into a dark, enclosed container – especially if your Play Bag is not washable.  It also makes for easier organization to separate used and unused items for faster cleaning and storage.

a)    I recommend ziplocking, gallon-sized bags because they are usually large enough to fit clothing and Toys into.

b)    For larger Toys, etc., use larger bags.  Tall, kitchen trash bags are usually large enough for most Toys.

i)      I like to cut-to-size clear, trash bags so that it’s easy to see My Toys through them.

ii)     Clear, plastic bags also make it easier to ensure that you have all of your Toys at the end of Play Time.

c)    I pack My clean Toys into plastic bags before placing them in My Play Bag to ensure that they remain sterile.

6)    Gloves – latex or vinyl that fit your hands.  The purpose for wearing gloves is for safety from receiving and/or transmitting communicable diseases and other infections.  Gloves that are too big will be uncomfortable and can lead to accidents and injuries.  Gloves that are too small will break and make Players vulnerable to exposure.

a)    It is wiser and more economical to purchase gloves by the box from a pharmaceutical or (especially if you want colored gloves) beauty supplier to ensure that you stay stocked.

b)    Because there is always someone who either doesn’t know better or is just irresponsible, I recommend packing a few pairs of gloves in a ziplock bag for yourself and a pair or 2 for that person.  Why?  Because sharing is not only a good and kind habit, but it (i) keeps the enjoyable flow of Play Time and (ii) alleviates tacky attitudes and behaviors.  This practice is part of “Playing Nice” and adds pleasant energy to the environment.

i)      I usually carry a few pairs of latex gloves in different sizes just in case someone needs them.

c)    My personal preference is for vinyl gloves because I find them more comfortable and less sticky on My skin; more adaptable to My hand movements; and a bit more durable than latex for the way I Play.  While vinyl gloves can be a bit more expensive, My comfort is paramount and I’m worth it.  Comfort is a key component for the best Play.

7)    Covering for your Play Area.  Depending on your situation, good Hosts will have Play Preparations available for guests.  However, this is seldom the case in public places.  Since too many of these public places are dimly lit, you can’t see or trust their cleanliness.  Having your own covering solves all problems.

a)    Unless you’re really into having a special Play Cover, disposable coverings make things easier.

i)      I provide theme-colored, plastic drop cloths for My Guests which are conveniently placed in a large, trash bag when Play is done.

8)    Hand SanitizerThe FDA continues research to pass new laws about the dangerous ingredients in commercial hand sanitizers, so here are resources to Make Your Own Natural Hand Sanitizer .

The sub’s Play Bag

Smart submissives will always have what they (specifically) need on hand – especially if you have allergies and/or medical considerations.  I insist that the sub’s Play Bag is placed near Mine where it is easily accessible and where I can keep an eye on it.

1)    Most Important: Have a (preferably typed) list of allergies/medications, etc.  and instructions in case of emergency.  This list should include emergency contact information.  If you’re concerned with your privacy, place the list in a sealed envelope and be certain to tell whomever you’re Playing with where to find it before Play begins. 

2)    Wipes are a must-have because there are no guarantees that the Play Space will have amenities.  Freshen up before and after Play.  Depending on the wipes you choose, some may be good for cleaning Toys, too.

a)    I strongly recommend using a wipe that does not have a strong smell which may be disruptive to participants and onlookers, and even to the scene itself.  I was invited to Play with someone and his sub and her perfume made Me (and a few invited voyeurs) gag.  There was annoyance all the way around as her dom had to tell her to wash it off.  Flow was interrupted and she wasn’t thrilled to wash off what was probably one of those expensive, stinky, celebrity scents – – which made her attitude stink.  Not as fun a Play Time as it should and could have been.

3)    A Change of Underwear because “stuff” happens.

What’s In My Play Bag

1)    My Diva Cloth for My Toys because (i) I like a pretty presentation to set the scene and inspire Me as I choose My Toys and (ii) I know that My Diva Cloth is clean for My Toys to be placed on during Play.

2)    A Play Cover because, as I mentioned above, I can’t always rely on hosts to be as prepared as I am with My Events.  Bringing My own Play Cover is also inspiration for others who would not normally know to adopt this smart habit.

3)    Water.  A bottle of water is excellent to have handy for a variety of reasons from using it during Play to hydrating yourself and Playmate.  Having to look for water during a scene breaks the continuity and can dampen the vibe.  Should it slip your mind to have water available before the scene, a bottle of water in your Play Bag solves the problem.

a)    Another consideration for bringing your own, sealed water bottle is if you are in a public space where you cannot watch your cup.  It’s sad to say, but there are a lot of creeps out there who slip mickeys.

4)    Safety Pins.  Wardrobe malfunctions do occur and safety pins can also be used to Play with…

5)    Public Play Toys to Play with folks I may not know.

a)    These Toys are usually made of a non-porous substance that can be disinfected on the spot.  I choose non-porous materials because cleanup is significantly easier (alcohol will do the trick) than with leather and other materials that require special cleaners for proper care to maintain their state.

b)    Since one’s skill with the Toys is more important than having flashy Toys, I don’t usually spend a lot of money on these.  If I really have a good time, I may gift the participant with the Toy as a momentum of Our time together.

6)    Small, healthy snacks to maintain blood sugar levels.  Of course, I choose healthy options (like raisins and other dried or fresh fruit) to ensure that My and My Playmate’s energies are not depleted.  Many times, even with light Play, and especially due to excitement, people can get so involved with Play that they are do not notice dips in energy.  Low blood sugar levels can affect the Top’s judgment and precision and the bottom’s recovery and healing.

7)    Antiseptic.  Depending on the activities I intend to indulge in, I always carry the most natural form of antiseptic I can find to fit the bill.

8)    Essential Oil Disinfecting Spray.  I believe that smell is an integral part of the dynamic of your scene – and I intensely dislike stench.  So, I bring a small, spray bottle of My favorite concoction:

  • Mistress Didi*s “Scentual” Mist.  In a 2 oz.  bottle, add 2 parts water; 1 part witch hazel; 10 drops of Lavender; and 10 drops of Lemongrass Essential Oils.  Shake well before using and use sparingly.  NOTE: I always ask if anyone is allergic or sensitive to these ingredients before I spray.

Other Notes

1)    Liquid Bandages.  This is a great idea if you have a boo-boo!  Liquid bandages seal a cut or scrape (see instructions for recommended use), offer better mobility, and are more hygienic and attractive (they create an invisible coating) than regular bandaids.

2)    EpiPen.  Especially if you are a submissive/bottom and you have allergies, it may be a wise idea to obtain a prescription for epinephrine and carry an EpiPen in your Play Bag in case of Play with substances that are untried and/or with Playmates you have little experience with.  According to Consumer Reports, in most states, you can obtain a prescription for an “epinephrine auto-injector” or “generic Adrenaclick.”  While an epinephrine injector may be expensive, your life is worth it – and you may be able to find online coupons and deals.  Do the research to find reputable merchants for product quality.

Start with these tips and adapt to your desires to ensure that your Play Bag contains essentials for safe, healthy, and dynamic Play!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:
©AskMistressDidi.com

9/11 Evolved

 

 

September 5, 2016

Dear United States of America,

I write this as an offering to reconsider how We remember 9/11.

This wretched, “9/11 tradition” of assaulting Us by rehashing the events that brought Us terrible sadness does NOT allow Us to move forward in pride as a nation, as communities, as neighbors, as families.

It makes no emotionally-intelligent sense to continue to horrifically mourn the deceased for over a decade when We can honor each individual who perished on that day by celebrating their special gifts and contributions to their families and communities.

The attack on Our senses of non-stop, repeated footage of dreadful events is a tactic that keeps people docile with fear and loathing.

  • Instead of tuning into non-stop-replays of The Towers coming down all day long and replayed over and over again on what passes for news TV;
  • Instead of bombarding every channel with reading the names of the deceased for hours;
  • Instead of tuning into h8te-mongers at pulpits inciting anti-love tactics in the name of their all-might-money-gods;
  • Instead of staring at your brown-skinned and Muslim neighbors with suspicion; let Us consider evolving Our consciousness towards being a Better America;
  • Instead of participating in ghoulish practices that bring an entire country’s vibration down, wouldn’t you much prefer to hear:

♥ about the wonderful ways that the victims inspired people?

♥ about the foundations and good works done in their names?

♥ how their memories are now supporting Our Better Lives?

Wouldn’t you feel inspired to be an American by knowing how Our communities have grown stronger and moved forward from tragedy instead of being bombarded by what is actually whining – not remembrance, and certainly not honor for the deceased?

Every “religious” tradition has wisdom that serves for Us to live Better Lives.  Judaism offers the tradition of sitting shiva, which refers to “a seven-day period of formalized mourning by the immediate family of the deceased.”

“The psychological brilliance of Judaism is nowhere more apparent than in its carefully ritualized structure for dealing with grief. The open expression of sorrow is permitted, even encouraged.  Yet, beginning with the family’s arrival at their home after burial, a process is set into motion that leads the bereaved gently but firmly back to life and the world of the living. The first stage in this gradual process of healing is called shiva.” – ReformJudaism.org

Note:  Coincidence? Shiva, “The Auspicious One,” is the Hindu deity who is “the Creator, the Preserver, the Transformer, and the Destroyer.”  In spiritual traditions, Shiva embodies The Cycle of Life.  Interesting…

It’s time to create a New 9/11 Tradition of honor and pride.

We have the opportunity to build Better Communities by Being Better Neighbors.  We have the opportunity to learn about Our differences – like how We pray – to strengthen Our similarities – like how We love Our children.

Let Us start by taking the time to honor and remember what makes this country great and turn the annual 9/11 debacle into a Day of Inspiration.  We don’t need constant reminders of the horror; We need reminders of Our Greatness as a country made up of many different cultures, peoples, beliefs, and ways to love to be encouraged to be an even Better America.  We need these reminders because We are bombarded on a daily basis with the most negative news and awful behaviors of people at their worst and little to no time is spent celebrating Us at Our Best.

We can change this NOW, this 9/11 and every one thereafter, by choosing:

  • NOT to watch TV that day. (The same goes for turning your attention to gruesome news websites.)  You don’t need to see those Towers fall ever again.  If enough people tune out, media companies will feel the loss of advertising profits and attend to Our interests for a change;
  • To organize and/or attend a community building event. How fortunate We are to live in the internet age and have socializing websites like Meetup and even craigslist to find events to commune with like minds and energies;
  • To pay it forward. Do something for the future.  In his wisdom and respect, President Obama declared 9/11 as a Day of Service, which is truly the highest way to honor Our deceased.  Plant a tree; clean up a lot to create a community garden; see where there is a need in your community and show up to be a solution and contribution;
  • Learn something new. The more We know, the more We grow.  Especially if you’re a parent, take the opportunity to learn something new with your children to encourage their love of learning and sharing ideas.  A good thing to learn about would be a high-holy day in a tradition different from your own so that you may enhance tolerance in yourself and your children for a better today and tomorrow.

These are just a few suggestions that work for Me.  Please, do your thing.  The fact that you and I have as much freedom to do what We want to do as We have, already makes Us better off than the majority of the people on this planet.

Let’s not waste any more time festering in horror and being negative; let’s rise up with honor and integrity and be inspired by how We have strengthened as a nation from tragedy.

— This article’s Twin Towers painting: Original artwork by Jim Watts (2002)

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:

Happy New Year Love Me Recipes 2014

see Success With Body Care Recipes

Update: 1/4/14

I actually created this Mantra at 12:01 on 1/1/14, so I choose to share with you today:

I am Changing FEAR to FIERCE: False Experiences Appearing Real to Fabulous Intentions Experienced as Real & Creative Excellence!

Happy New Year!  Live The Dream in 2014!

I add today’s post as a bonus to My Kwanzaa 2013 Inspired Gift Series.  Every technique that I have given in this Series is a “recipe” for Self-Care and Love: what I term, “Love Me Recipes.”

Before I offer some more of My Love Me Recipes, I am going to recap the gifts I’ve already shared:

Day 1, Umoja, Unity:  My contribution for Umoja and strengthening Unity with the worthy people in My Life are 2 posts about 2 Universal Principles: Forgiveness and Practicing Gratitude

Day 2, Kujichagulia, Self-DeterminationTips to choose how you want to evolve to BEing Better than you’ve ever been before by ACCEPTING YOURSELF.

Day 3, Ujima, Collective Work & Responsibility Tips for creating smooth cooperation with back-up.

Day 4, Ujamaa, Collective Economics I offer examples of ventures I’ve introduced for The Community to inspire you to in your efforts.

Day 5, Nia, Purpose: Tips and step-by-step resources to find your purpose and create your happiness.

Day 6, Kuumba, Creativity: Tips to fight boredom and stay focused and inspired.

Day 7: Imani, Faith: Tips to remind you that YOU are the Creatrix (or Creator) of YOUR REALITY by CHOICE.  Therefore, the greatest faith you can have is in yourself.

I believe that it is Our duty to be as beautiful and as pleasant as possible in the Way We Present Ourselves to The World.  This is best achieved through Self-Love & Care.  So, below are some of My Physical Love-Me Recipes that help Me to feel fabulous and look it, too!  These recipes are quick, easy, cost-effective, and excellent for everyone, so, gentlemen, make Us happy to see (and touch) you, too!

EVERY recipe I’ve listed below is part of My regular, Love Me Pleasure Regimen.

Baking Soda Magic

The benefits of baking soda are incredible!  From hair and body care to a myriad of home care and improvement uses, baking soda is one of the most cost-effective and beneficial products you can keep in your home.  A brand name, baking soda is not necessary to achieve the benefits.

Tooth Whitener, Gum Toner & Bad Breath Cure

One of the things I find most disgusting is bad oral hygiene and revolting, stink breath.  I immediately dismiss people from My presence for these offenses not just because they offend My olfactory system, but because there is always a guarantee that their lack of attention to their bodies will offend Me in the future.  Smells trigger memory and cognition actually influences perception, so there’s one good point for the notion that first impressions are lasting.  This recipe not only fights gum disease, it safely whitens teeth and freshens breath.  Your smile is one of the nicest and first things that people notice about you, so have a white & pearly one!  Twice a day:

  • 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
  • a pinch of salt
  • 5-10 drops of hydrogen peroxide

Form a thick paste and brush your gums and the gum line with a soft toothbrush (to prevent scraping tooth enamel), rinse.  Also, gently brush your tongue.  See Top 10 ways to fight bad breath.

Soft Facial (& Body) Scrub

Depending upon the season, I combine a variety of ingredients with baking soda to make body scrubs and bath recipes.  Here are a few of My favorites:

Gentle Exfoliating Scrub for bath and showerMix 3 parts baking soda with 1/2 part salt (for example, 3 cups baking soda with 1/2 cup salt) and store in a water-proof container (plastic soup containers work great).  Soap up your body (I recommend using a glycerine soap), pour a palm-full of mixture into your hand and mix with a few drops of water to make a medium-textured paste.  GENTLY rub your body from head to toe.  Rinse, dry, and apply moisturizer.  During the winter months, I may add a drop of virgin olive oil for extra moisturizing and to slough off extra-dry skin cells.   Use 1-3 times weekly.  You can also use this recipe as a daily foot scrub —  and by all means, get pedicures and take care of your feet!

Bath Balm:

Mix 1 cup of baking soda with 1 cup of salt (regular salt is fine) to a warm bath of water.  Soak for 15 minutes (or more) and gently wash from head to toe with a bath sponge (or scrungie).  Rinse, dry, and moisturize.  I soak in the tub with candles and lovely music (classical, jazz) playing and I make this MY TIME FOR ME.  You can also add herbal teas (I often use teabags to avoid extra clean-up) for desired affects, e.g., chamomile and/or lavender for relaxation before bed for better sleep; vanilla for instant mood boost; lemon for an energy pick-up, etc.

Baking Soda Face Wash:

For a glowing complexion and healthy skin, My favorite facial wash is with a thin paste of baking soda.  I cleanse first and do an extremely gentle scrub with approximately 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda mixed with enough water to make a fine-textured, thin paste.  Using circular motions and avoiding the delicate skin around the eyes, I use only the fingertips of My middle and ring fingers (which are designed to perfectly fit the contours of your face without stretching your skin) to GENTLY massage My face.  Rinse with warm water, pat dry, and moisturize.  Repeat 1 – 2 times a week.  If you notice a burning sensation, you are probably rubbing your skin too hard.  However, see tips in the article below.

Baking Soda Facial:

1man_with_a_facial_maskThis article is quite excellent in explaining the how-tos and the why they work:

Using Baking Soda As A Facial Skin Cleanser by Beth Janicek

Learn How To Use and Apply A Facial Mask and try 15 Easy Homemade Face Mask Recipes That Work.

Chillout

Lately, people seem to be experiencing a lot more stress…  So, here is something natural, wonderful, safe – and you can even use it for your pets: Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower Remedies).  This mix was created to deal with emergencies and crises. It can be used to help us get through any stressful situations, from last-minute exam or interview nerves, to the aftermath of an accident or bad news. Rescue Remedy helps us relax, get focused and get the needed calmness.  While you’re on the site, definitely take a look at the full line of 38 remedies.

The Tapping Solution

Please NOTE that I swear by this technique for Myself and it totally works for Me and everyone who chooses to work it. It is a physiological-neurolinguistic technique that you can learn in less than 4 minutes (see video). There is an accompanying book and a movie, both of which I found value in, but you don’t need them to get started and achieve immediate results.  This technique interrupts psycho-kinetic patterns (conscious/subconscious-physical) that create chemical responses in Our bodies which We interpret as stress, fear, panic, confusion, depression, etc. The technique then permits you to re-pattern your response by identifying and acknowledging your process that triggers the negative responses.  With practice and choice, you can trigger positive chemistry, emotions, and responses.

So, check out The Tapping Solution. There is a link to a YouTube video where a lovely, young lady walks you through the technique in under 4 minutes. You should notice immediate results.

Now you can really enjoy your Self-Love Reflection practice!

Remember, Pleasure is the key to creating with joy and ease.  When you feel good, you look good, and do good works!

See Related Posts at the bottom of the page.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Day 7, Imani, Faith: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 7: Imani, Faith

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

56e5ff79f3f77ceac6bbac1fb756abbfToday, the seventh day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Imani (faith): Believing in our people, our families, our educators, our leaders, and the righteousness of the African American struggle.

Pronounced ee-MAH-nee

Symbol: Zawadi (zah-WAH-dee) are Kwanzaa gifts given to children that will make them better people. The gifts should always include a book, video, or other educational item that will educate and inform the child. There should also be a gift know as a “heritage symbol,” something to remind the child of the glory of the past and the promise of the future.  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

Where is your faith?  Is it in something or someone outside of yourself?  I have learned that Faith, Love & Happiness MUST begin and end with Self.  YOU are the Creatrix (or Creator) of YOUR REALITY by CHOICE.  Therefore, the greatest faith you can have is in yourself.  (Note for all the religious-tizzies that got triggered: God[dess] helps those who help themselves; read your Bibles, etc., whatever you subscribe to.)  When you believe in and enhance yourself (strengthen your self-confidence), you create the path for all things and energies to support you.

People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of…  And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.  – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

In My late teens, someone really ticked Me off by saying: To see what you want, look at what you have right now.  I got (and stayed) in a huff, annoyed with this person (who was actually a wonderful Teacher), and stopped talking to him because I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell Me (the follies of youth).  This type of reaction often happens when We are presented with a Truth that We don’t want to accept personal responsibility for.   We prefer to play the make-wrong game because that’s easier than doing any work on Ourselves.  So, I went through life avoiding the notion of how what I have in My life is a reflection of what I believe about Life and The Universe.  I’ve finally learned that:

How I see The Universe is exactly how The Universe will be for Me. – Dr. Ellie Drake

However, just becoming aware of a Power Concept is not enough.  We have to do the work to implement the power into Our lives.  Doing the work doesn’t have to be difficult; We can create with joy and ease.

Pleasure is the key to creating with joy and ease.

So, the best way to approach creating what We want is to make the process pleasurable.  The easiest way to experience pleasure is to feel good about yourself: mind, body & spirit, which work inter-changeably.

Feeling good about yourself ~> self-confidence ~> faith in yourself.

11I experience a great and pleasurable, faith-builder when I affirm Myself with My reflection (not limited to what you’re thinking).  While some folks will jump on the make-wrong bandwagon and call this vanity, I am aware that the way We see Ourselves defines how the world treats Us because We are tuned into those inner vibrations reflected back to Us from the outside world.  For example, why is it that you can receive several compliments, but the one criticism is what you play over and over again in your head?  Contemplating this type of self-reflection is difficult  because while I continue to commit to living in Beauty & Joy, I have to contend with the  lizard-brain thinkers who are so committed to their own self-loathing, that they try to disrupt My Peace – and everyone else who is living well and choosing to be happy.  So, I often ask what I’m feeling and thinking to attract these creeps who dare to attempt to invade My Domain.  In this way, I use their ugliness to strengthen My commitment to Beauty & Joy and to BEing My Best – I make them useful to see how I can love Myself better.

Speaking of lizard-brain thinking, check out this amazing (short) presentation by Spoken-Word Champion Prentice Powell: The System:

Back to using My (and your) reflection as a tool for affirmation:  We are conditioned from birth that to be self-loving is conceit by the same people (and institutions) who want Us to praise and admire them, usually for no valid reason.   These influences then tell Us to be unique while punishing Us for not conforming to mediocrity.  So, while you’re supposed to feel good about yourself and present your best, you’re not supposed stand out and be vain.  This is confusing and painful on a mental, physical, and spiritual level because it creates stagnation.   The only things that thrive in stagnation are toxic to your health.

Since this is the ONLY body you have, life you have (that We actually know of), time you have to experience greatness, you really need to LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF.  EVERY opportunity to feel good about being who you are should become a celebrated and repeated practice.  You must continuously repeat positive and empowering practices in order to recondition a lifetime of habits designed to disempower you.

The following technique will help boost your confidence, help you feel more comfortable around people (especially jealous creatures), and improve your attitude because when you feel good about yourself, life is good!

Self-Reflection Love Technique

1.  Place a mirror in every room where you can see your face clearly.  Each time you catch a glimpse of yourself, smile and give yourself a compliment and/or say, “I love you!”  Life is always better with love and best with self-love.  How you feel about and treat yourself is how others will feel about and treat you.

2.  Have at least one photo that you like of yourself in a nice frame in every room.  Whenever you see your photo, remember why you like it (how you look, what was happening, how you felt when it was taken, what you’re wearing, etc.)

3.  Make a list of how you feel good and/or want to feel good about yourself.  Write items on post-it notes and place them on/near mirrors, photos, wherever you will see them.  Be kind in the way you speak to yourself.  (See How to Turn Limp Affirmations into Mantras for Success!)

4.  Create a “catch phrase” to affirm the good feelings your have about yourself.  One of My phrases is, “Go, Diva!” which I share to encourage and acknowledge other people, too.

Note: Beware of people who don’t have mirrors in their homes.  This is a sure sign of self-loathing, low-self-esteem, and a lack of self-awareness.  I once briefly dated a guy who had no mirrors in his home and had the nerve to obsess over how I looked and to be upset with the compliments I received!  People who don’t appreciate themselves cannot know how to appreciate you in all of your fabulousness.  Since they are too cowardly to build themselves up, they will, inevitably, try to bring you down.

The more you offer yourself love and encouragement, the more the world will reflect that love and encouragement to you and fewer unworthy folks will be able to come onto your path.  This is how EpicuresNYC Private Members Fetish Club continues to grow with folks who are absolutely the best people I know and who I am proud and honored to have in My life!

11

More resources:

How to Build Self Confidence (with really cool graphics)

Building Self-Confidence, Preparing Yourself for Success! (and more goodies at Mind Tools)

The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.
― Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.comreadmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Day 6, Kuumba, Creativity: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 6: Kuumba, Creativity

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

11Today, the sixth day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Kuumba (creativity): Using creativity and imagination to make your communities better than what you inherited.

Pronounced koo-OOM-bah

Symbol: Muhindi (moo-HEEN-dee) represents the children (and future) of the family. One suke (ear) of corn is placed on the Mkeka for each child in the family. If there are no children in the family one suke is still placed on the Mkeka to symbolize the children of the community.  The Muhindi also represents the Native Americans who were the first inhabitants of the land. Without whom there would be no corn, also known as Maize. It is used as acknowledgment and respect of their contribution to the culture and ancestors of the African American.  A single ear of corn can also be know as Vibunzi. Indian Corn is sometimes used.  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

This year, Kuumba inspires Me to give up boredom and all things that block (and people who drain) My Creative Processes and Enjoyments.  Boredom is a sign that you are out of alignment with your purpose (see Kwanzaa 2013: Nia, Purpose).  Boredom is a result of stress, frustration, FEAR, avoiding personal issues, complacency, giving your power away, and a variety of other activities that you can control and improve in your life.  Ergo, boredom is a barometer for how well you are living.  You can also look at boredom as an indication of how well the CHOICES you make are working for you.

It is said that only boring people get bored.  So, when you get bored, you are clearly not taking the proper care of your mind-body-spirit to keep yourself stimulated to enjoy the creative process.  You need to make changes to your routine, your thoughts, and your actions.

She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn’t boring. – Zelda Fitzgerald

It is the beginning of a new solar year, so everyone is thinking – whether consciously or connected to the subconscious vibrations all around Us – about the changes and “resolutions” they want to make in the coming year. Repeat after Me: Change is good and you can choose to define change to mean positive progress.  (Note:  Like computers respond to keystrokes, Our mind-body-spirit connection responds to what We say.  Words have power so choose your words carefully.  See also How to Turn Limp Affirmations into Mantras for Success!)

Change begins with intention followed by inspired action.  When you are inspired, you are never bored.  I have given a variety of tools in previous posts in this series and elsewhere on My Ask Mistress Didi* resource blog.  Below are other resources to assist you in keeping your focus on Self-Love-and-Empowerment to BEing your Best and being thrilled by the process!

I know what I have given you; I do not know what you’ve received.  – Antonio Porchia

God[dess] helps those who help themselves. – Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanac, adapted from one of Æsop’s fables—Hercules and the Waggoner (6th century BC)

The 10 Differences Between Interesting People And Boring People

30 Things to Do to Keep From Getting Bored Out of Your Skull at Work

How to Build Your Creative Confidence –  watch video on TED Talks

Building Your Creative Muscles

The Mind Map: 6 Steps to Get Your Creativity Flowing

The war between being and nothingness is the underlying illness of the twentieth century. Boredom slays more of existence than war. – Norman Mailer

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Day 5, Nia, Purpose: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 5: Nia

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

11Today, the fifth day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Nia (purpose): To restore African American people to their traditional greatness. To be responsible to Those Who Came Before (our ancestors) and to Those Who Will Follow (our descendants).

Pronounced NEE-ah

Symbol: Mishumaa Saba (mee-shoo-MAH SAH-ba): The Seven Candles, representing the seven principles of Nguzo Saba (The 7 Principles of Kwanzaa), which are placed in the Kwanzaa Kinara. The colors of the candles are red, green, and black which are the colors of the Bendera (or African Flag).  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

SO….

Just when I thought I’d survived 2012’s challenges,  this past year’s gems elicited quite a few swear words…  HOWEVER, I am greatful for how life tried to kick My glorious butt because I got just the clarity I needed for the revival of My Mojo!   I’m feeling really good when I could choose to whine about it all.  Perspective is everything.

Challenges serve to define Us.  They are wonderful servants to show Us what We’re made of; to show Us Our thoughts then and now; to give Us opportunities to reflect and to redirect Our intentions; to assist Us in defining WHO, WHAT, and HOW We want to BE and WHY = Purpose.  The more clarity you have for your purpose, the more thrilling life is!

Most people make a mistake in believing that We only have one purpose in life and that once We choose something, that is what We need to devote all of Our time and attention to.  Another error is to think that your purpose is what you do rather than who and how you are.

The true point of your purpose in life is to BE Happy.

Happiness is defined by the quality of your life including how you feel about yourself.  When We choose to BE Our Best, We are constantly evolving to becoming better and better.  So, your purpose evolves with you, too.  And it is healthy to re-evaluate and update the process as you go along.

I am ever researching ways to make life better and more fun, of course!  Below are some of the gems I’ve found to maintain a positive and powerful journey of purpose!

Finding Your Purpose

Ask The Right Questions.  Success training teaches that when you ask the right questions, you get the right answers.  So, ask yourself empowering questions to clarify and define your purpose.   For example, asking, why am I stuck in a dead-end job? is a question that the answers to are only about being trapped in misery; asking, what do I love to do and how can I support myself doing it? yields answers to take positive actions toward the achievement of your desires.  Check out these guidelines to ask better questions for better results.

Get your priorities straight.  Organize, schedule, and commit to Life-Affirming activities.  Unless you’re making money from it, NO, Keeping Up With The Kardashians and other inane, brain-drain distractions serve NO value – not even for entertainment, because there is no intellectual or creative stimulation in time-and-energy-wasters of this kind.  They are “judgmental TV” where you exercise lower vibrations that suck the creativity and the ability to achieve right out of your life.  If you’re going to exercise  – which you SHOULD do daily – put your energy into maintaining your wellness and enhancing your knowledge.  It’s ludicrous to find time to schedule your life around useless activities that add to your unhealthy and unhappy ways when the same amount of time –  or less – can be used on fulfilling pursuits.   ONLY when you feel good, will your life be good.  The best way to feel good is to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit.

Stay stimulated.  What makes you feel alive?  What makes your life exciting and worth living?   It is scientifically and medically proven that keeping your brain exercised not only enhances the quality of your life throughout the aging process, but also prevents mental and physical deterioration – of course, spiritual health is affected, too.   Keep your focus on positive inspirations.  What you focus on expands.  That means that your attention affects your intention – which creates your outcome.

Do what makes you feel good on a regular basis.  Of course, I advocate regular mental and physical exercise.  Also, having a constructive hobby to engage in keeps your creative and self-loving energies flowing.  When you feel good, you look good, and life is better and better because your perspective permits you to make it so.  AND the better you feel and look, the better-quality people and situations will be attracted to you for collaboration and cooperation.  Which leads to:

Let go of what no longer serves your Highest Good.  This can be an extremely difficult commitment to make to your well-BEing.  As We grow personally and become Better, We discover how many of the people in Our lives are NOT really in Our corner.  Remember, most people operate from FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real, and project their fears onto you.   Fear projection takes many forms, such as jealousy, sabotage, slander, and just about every form of abuse.  Sadly, We experience most of the abusive behaviors from people We love and trust.

While you can CHOOSE TO HAVE COMPASSION, it is paramount to your well-BEing to  “re-categorize” such individuals’ importance and place in your life.  This doesn’t mean that you stop loving them; it means that RIGHT NOW, you have to love yourself more by loving them in a different way – which can often mean “from afar.”  You CAN CHOOSE to avoid the “ugly drama” and playing the make-wrong games by creating “gentle distance” – which will definitely show the quality and intention of the individual by their reactions RIGHT NOW so that you can choose what you want to do concerning them in the immediate future.  There’s an expression:

If you love someone, set them free.  If they return to you, it’s meant to be.

Not everything or everyone is meant to be in your life forever.   We are all here to learn from each other.  Whatever the outcome, the ultimate lesson I’ve learned and maintain as a practice in My life is  to appreciate them for who they were in My life, and to release them for who they choose to be NOW.  This practice makes forgiveness a whole lot easier all the way around.  There is always the possibility that the person can return in the future to be a loving and supportive person in your life.  However, by letting go of negative, non-supportive people, situations, and things in your life (e.g., habits that contribute to unhealthy practices), you can keep your focus on your purpose, which is, ultimately, TO BE HAPPY.

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

readmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Day 4, Ujamaa, Collective Economics: Gifts from Me for Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 4: Ujamaa, Collective Economics

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

mkeka "the mat"Today, the fourth day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Ujamaa, Collective Economics: To build, maintain, and support our own stores, establishments, and businesses.

Pronounced: (oo-jah-MAH)

Symbol: The Mkeka (pronounced mm-KAY-kah) is a mat woven of fabric, raffia, or even paper that the other holiday implements rest upon.  It symbolizes the experiences, culture, achievements and sacrifices of Our ancestors upon which Our lives are built.  CLICK the graphic to download pattern for crafts with kids!  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

I make it a habit not to publicly discuss financial situations concerning Myself and/or any of My associates.  So, I approach this post with the concept of wealth and prosperity in terms of emotional and spiritual “currency.”  The concept of currency derived from an exchange of services, goods, needs, desires – things that add to the quality of life.

Ujamaa propels Me to forge forward with My commitment to restoring Fetish to its rightful place of respect, Art, and integrity at its best.  This year, I created 2 community building ventures:

The DommeSalon™ as a cooperative effort to offer valuable resources to not only Dommes, but anyone interested in developing and maintaining healthy, Fetish practices in Her/his life.  I launched the site with the assistance of only 1 Domme that I know only in passing and I began to receive articles from a number of fabulous Divas!  While it has been an extremely challenging year for Me, the contributions continue to come in and I look forward to building the site with Sister Editors in the future.  Check out the resources currently available on The DommeSalon™.

And by all means, if you would like to make a contribution, please contact The DommeSalon™  with what you would like to share!

I was also thrilled to have created EpicuresNYC Private Members Fetish Club where We enjoy communing with like-minds and energies in gorgeous surroundings with delicious delights!  We have regular SWIRL AfterWork ClassicFetish Soirees where We invite the public to check Us out while We do the same.  We’ve met a variety of lovely people who are now part of Our private Play dates!

I offer these values to The Community to build upon the wealth of information that We can all share when We come together to support each other.

So, in what ways can you/do you contribute to and support the wealth of your communities?

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.comreadmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Day 3, Ujima, Collective Work & Responsibility: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 3: Ujima, Collective Work & Responsibility

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

mazaoToday, the third day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Ujima: Collective work and responsibility.  To build and maintain your community together. To work together to help one another within your community.

Pronounced (oo-JEE-mah)

Symbol: Mazao (pronounced mah-ZAH-oh) are nuts, fruits, and vegetables symbolizing the result of the harvest.  The Mazao are placed on the Mkeka and are shared and eaten to honor the work of the people it took to grow themNote:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

Whenever cooperation comes into play, each individual must first be responsible for their own “stuff.”  What always seems to be a problem is that everyone wants to be in charge without doing any actual work and without having any actual knowledge of how to get things done!

The following is a technique that I practice in My businesses and in maintaining My Domain and relationships for fairness and the care of all involved (and especially, for Myself).

I suggest making a “map” of how to proceed with all parties including:

  • what the goals are
  • when goals are to be accomplished by
  • who is specifically responsible for which tasks (and whom their back-up will be to ensure task completions) and
  • a schedule for when and how project management will be supported by all involved – meaning, have clear definitions of what happens when people fail to deliver as they promise

In this way, all parties have the opportunity to give input for the creation of clearly defined guidelines.  This permits people to be a part of the process rather than to feel like just a cog in the wheel.  Such empowerment also fosters creativity as participants have a greater sense of comfort and ease with each other and the process.

Makes sense, right?  And that’s probably why, all too often, egos get twisted and folks run amok trying to be in control to the point of sabotage!

So, before beginning any type of cooperative venture, I send a “welcome” email to all parties involved describing what I believe in and how I work.  I provide a synopsis of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  In fact, I give this book as a gift to those I mentor and I make it required reading for those who wish to serve in My Domain, as well.  The Four Agreements are:

  1. Be impeccable with your word;
  2. Don’t take anything personally (because people are operating from their own fantasies about your reality, as well as their own);
  3. Don’t make assumptions; and
  4. Always do your best.

Practicing The Four Agreements is quite the rewarding challenge.  Every day, I benefit from these simple concepts and lead a happier life with each day being better than the day before!  Check out a quick synopsis of The Four Agreements here.

However, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink!  There will always be people who choose to operate from chaos and against all intelligent thought processes.  When this happens, I strongly recommend you provide a “back-up plan”: Provide in writing exactly what YOUR terms are (also with a time schedule) to be able to do your part for the successful completion of projects, etc.  While this separates you from the collective design that was implemented, it clearly outlines your responsibilities and what is necessary for success from this point forward.  It also secures (without stating specifically that if your terms are not met) that you are not responsible for the project’s successful completion if there is deviance from the plans as stated.

The reasons for having everything in writing are:

  1. You always have an easy reference(s) for all parties to review (including yourself), and
  2. No one can play the “blame-you-for-their-failures game” by pretending they were not informed of what they agreed to.  You can also have proof as needed for any legal disputes and/or issues.

This is exactly why I provide a set of Rules of My Domain by email, which must be replied to by each person who wishes to indulge with Me.  Their reply is required prior to being permitted in My presence again and states that s/he has read, understood, and agreed to The Rules.

While We desire to “Play nicely,” We must remember that Our ultimate responsibilities begin and end with Ourselves.   There are always chaotic creatures who want to “get over” by being under-handed.  It is Our responsibility to do Our best to manage them away from Us and put Our energies with those who respect and appreciate Us.  Do your very best to cooperate with people who are truly about cooperation and not about anything less.  Value your talents and energies and only those who are worthy of them will be able to commune with you.

EpicuresNYC.comSee related articles at the bottom of this post.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.comreadmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Day 2, Kujichagulia, Self-Determination: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 2: Kujichagulia, Self-Determination

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

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Kinara Today, the second day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Kujichagulia (self-determination): To be responsible for ourselves. To create your own destiny.

Pronounced koo-jee-chah-goo-LEE-ah

Symbol: The Kinara (kee-NAH-rah) symbolizes stalks of corn that branch off to form new stalks, much as the human family is created.    Representing our African ancestors, the Kinara holds the seven candles that symbolize the Nguzo Saba (The 7 Principles). The Kinara is placed on the Mkeka (the Mat) and holds the Mishumaa Saba (the seven candles).  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

Kujichagulia is My favorite, personal Kwanzaa Principle because each year, I reflect on what I’ve learned about Myself and how I am in the world in order to choose how I want to evolve to BEing Better than I’ve ever been before!

The way to do this is to ACCEPT YOURSELF, which means to allow yourself to be a human being with all your “faults,” “mistakes,” and “fears” – self-defined, and as defined by others usually intending to control you.  The one thing that can be narrowed down from all other things that make Us the most unhappy is JUDGMENT – self-judgment and accepting the judgments of others. 

To BE Your Best, you have to be brave enough to:

1.  Face Your Fears (Remember, FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real).

2.  Accept Responsibility For Your Actions.  In other words, give up the “blame game” (also known as the “make wrong game”) because even under the most dire circumstances, you have choices.  Most decisions are based on the fear of imagined consequences.

3. Forgive Yourself (and others) for not living up to your expectations (a.k.a. delusions).  The more you hold onto “making wrong” (yourself and/or others), the longer you will remain in the stagnation that separates you from being happy and having valid pride in yourself.  (Of course, if you are a total creep, you should make yourself wrong for heinous behavior and take every step to improve your existence.)  The questions to ask are: How do I want the end of my life to be? to feel?  How do I want to feel now?  Am I living in ways to deserve that?

4. Choose To Become Aware Of Your Motivations To Better Choose Your Desired Behavior.  In this world of distraction upon distraction at Our fingertips with a swipe, it’s even easier to avoid the all-too-often-ugly-truth behind WHY you do what you do.  Repeat Steps 1 through 3 above so that you won’t be a prisoner to subconscious – and “sub-conscience” – influences that inevitably serve to make you feel bad about being you.

5. Be honest about what you want AND allow yourself to deserve it.  It will be no surprise should you discover while taking the Steps above that you, too, are a product of the “social stratification machine” that is designed to keep you a slave to those who control your world – economically, socially, religiously, etc.  Now, don’t get caught up in the blame-game!  Take a deep breath, look at how and when you get “caught up” in making yourself wrong, and repeat Steps 2 and 3 above.  This practice is the power for success in your Personal Evolution.  The questions to ask are: Who do I want to be? How do I want to feel about being me?  Don’t judge the answers; observe them to see what your next steps can be.

6. TRUST that you will be fine – better than fine; GREAT!  This is having faith (Imani, Kwanzaa Principle Day 7) in yourself.  This takes you back to Step 1 above, facing your fears in order to discover what blocks you from being your best – and being worthy of your best.

Yes, this is work – often hard and scary.  Isn’t The Gift Of Your Life worth making the best of it?  Aren’t you worthy of living a fulfilling life of joy and personal contentment?  If your immediate answer was not a resounding YES, the question to ask is: Why not?

And if that’s not motivation enough for you, all of the above will strengthen you against the onslaughts of the jealous and petty who want to see you fail because they are too cowardly to work on themselves to BE Better.

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” – M. Scott Peck

“Be of good cheer. Do not think of today’s failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.” – Helen Keller

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.comreadmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Day 1, Umoja, Unity: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 1: Umoja, Unity

December 26, 2013

For the next 7 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

Today, the first day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Umoja (unity): To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

kwanzaa-unity-cup2001p

Pronounced: (oo-MOH-jah)

Symbol: Kikombe Cha Umoja “Unity Cup” represents family and community unity. When the Unity cup filled with water, juice, or wine, a little bit is poured out as reminder and respect for Our ancestors. The cup is then passed around and shared with those gathered, with each person taking a sip.   Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

My contribution for Umoja and strengthening Unity with the worthy people in My Life are 2 posts about 2 Universal Principles: Forgiveness and Practicing Gratitude.  The bottom line: how you feel about everything in your life determines the quality of your life.  So, the smart thing to do is to find and use tools to create ways for you to handle the stresses and creepazoids in your life.

ALL great teachings and, now, scientific proof backs up the fact that your thoughts create/affect your reality.  It’s not so much WHAT or WHO is going on as it is HOW YOU CHOOSE TO DEAL with situations.

Forgiveness is for YOU because, as I had the honor of the Dalai Lama telling Me personally (I paraphrase): Karma is can you sleep at night.  You cannot change the past; you can only make peace for yourself to create an empowered and happy future.

Practicing Gratitude permits you to OWN YOUR POWER by taking back and maintaining your control of your own destiny by stimulating and activating the chemicals in your body that allow you to feel good.  And when you feel good,  you can do whatever you set out to do.  Utilize the “10 Things I Am Grateful For Today” exercise I describe in the post.

I find that Practicing Gratitude and Forgiveness allow Me to:

  1. be at peace with Myself about My experiences and learn from them, and
  2. connect with like-energies on deeper, more fulfilling levels.

How you see the Universe is how the Universe will be for you. – Dr. Ellie Drake

Ye shall be transformed by the renewing of your mind. – Romans 12:2, The Bible, King James Version

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Good luck! You CAN do it!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.comreadmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.