Category Archives: Etiquette

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

The Difference Between Fetish & Kink

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

April 20, 2015

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Can you please explain the difference between Fetish and kink?

Respectfully, sub5b

~~~~~~~~~

Dear sub5b,

First, I qualify My Statements by owning My Responsibility for My Experience and My Reality. Everyone else will have their own, unique experiences and expressions that are valid to them. And many more will have fantasies of experiences to insist are valid to attempt to invalidate others.

Fetish is the entire dynamic of personal and inter-personal expression. Fetish is how you feel on all levels – physical, mental, spiritual, emotional – about something (an activity, object, etc.) that makes you have a sense of wholeness. Fetish is inspirational and gives you a thrill to be alive! When you are connected through your Fetish, you experience a heightened sense of awareness which brings you to a more fulfilling understanding of yourself. Fetish makes you feel great about who and how you are.

Fetish is the Art of Sensuality beyond the mere physical realm of sexuality. When you respect your Fetish Self, you transcend the mundane entrapments of the vanilla world. Fetish, when respected and cultivated, is a Life Art that continues to evolve with your experience of it.

For example, I’m a Shoe Fetishist and when I wear My shoes, I indulge in how they look on My feet, how the shape of My legs are accented, how I feel when I walk-sit-stand in them, how I coordinate the accessories, how I feel when I trample someone in them, and so much more! There is a glowing, empowering energy in the center of My Being when I get My Shoe Fetish on! And I am thrilled to be alive!

Fetish is empowering and takes you to new heights in your experience and existence!

Kink is only something that is used to achieve some state of sexual satisfaction. The end goal is the orgasm, which leaves out the nuances of Artistic Sex and, all too often, is bereft of interpersonal connection beyond the orgasm.  In other words, are you merely a means to an end?

Fetish expressions can be used for kink pursuits, but kink is a poor substitute for Fetish Experience. Think of it this way: Fetish is the whole cake with frosting and the sprinkles on top are kink. You can enjoy cake without sprinkles because it has the many ingredients, skillfully and deliciously prepared and presented for total enjoyment. Sprinkles by themselves are just sprinkles; they make a poor substitute for a delectable dessert. And, or course, there’s cake and there’s cake. The quality of the ingredients and the skill of the baker determines the excellence of the cake.

As you know, I promote Fetish as Therapeutic Art and am only interested in Quality Fetishists whose interests go beyond the “tip of the drip.” Unlike most people, I don’t create events to make money (most of My Events raise funds for My Chairites) – which is one reason why I do not hold My Events in dinky-dives. The other reason is that I do not patronize dinky-dives! I design events for excellent experiences; I don’t just put up a few pieces of equipment and have an “anyone goes” policy. Attendees at My Events have an opportunity to engage in intelligent conversation, share experiences, participate in eloquent Play, and practice techniques that are taught in My Party Classes, all while enjoying hand-picked, fine beverages and gourmet hors d’oeuvres in an elegant environment. My dj’s carefully design music mixes to My specifications to relaxingly, stimulate participants and accommodate the vibes for the event. I create encounters that appeal to the senses and sensibilities to inspire personal and collective transcendence during My Events and beyond. Friendships and community are just a few, real benefits of attending My Events.

It is My experience that kinksters are lazy and have a “do-me” attitude while offering very little-to-nothing for Me to enjoy. While they are crazed with the quest for their orgasm, they usually lack manners and any sense of civility, too. (This is why I have strict Rules for My Events and a detailed, screening process before allowing anyone to attend them.) Once kinksters have achieved “nut-bust,” they have nothing else and no interest in having anything to offer. I say kinksters are lazy because while they want the thrills of Fetish, they fail to offer basic respect to those who create the opportunities for those thrills to exist in the first place! People who insist that they don’t have to honor the Protocols that are important to you are not worthy of you. When the focus is on a “quick release,” there is a lack of attention to the details that make life and Fetish special.

A sure way to tell the difference between a Fetishist and a kinkster is by their approach to you. A Fetishist will take her/his time to engage and inspire a desire for communication with them. A kinkster basically approaches you as if you’re desperate for attention and should be thrilled that they sent you a message without even a “hello,” didn’t address you by name, and expect you to decipher texting abbreviations. When you reject them, their behavior reminds you why birth control should be free. There is no care for you as a person, there is only “the search for the squirt…” While it may be some people’s thrill to be treated like crap, I call that abuse, not Fetish.

Then, there’s abuse. Abuse takes many forms: emotional, physical, verbal, financial, racial, gender, resources (people are hungry, sick, and hopeless due to an abuse of resources and access to them), and so much more. Quite often, people can even love you in an abusive way! Abuse, while being a sign of a lack of self-love, is a direct violation against your right to exist in a healthy and happy way. While 50 Shades foolishness has every self-loather – from the frigid, so-called feminists to the Bible-thumpers who need to make others wrong from a place of complete ignorance – in a tizzy, insisting that The Scene is about abuse, be aware that their entire agenda is abusive to every and anyone who does not subjugate to their vicious rules. Again, Fetish is about respect, everything else is something else.  (See How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks)

NOTE: It is easy to fall into an abusive situation. No matter what people who insist that it would never happen to them think, there is a level of caring that can suck you into some crazy stuff before you know it! DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF WRONG FOR CARING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS EMOTIONALLY DEFICIENT TO ABUSE YOUR LOVE. And, love yourself more for acknowledging abuse, for choosing better, and for loving yourself enough to let the abuser go. It takes a lot of courage to leave an abusive situation, but it also takes extreme courage to face yourself and what allowed you to get stuck in the first place. By forgiving yourself and releasing the offender, you evolve into your Greatness. Anyone who makes you wrong for your experience is not worthy of your further attention. Cut them off like a gangrened appendage.

Fetish excites first from the intellect, then it travels through all parts of your body and mind to ignite the spark of your spirit! Kink stops at “moist” – and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, if that’s what you want. Issues occur when people are not honest and clear (See Rules For Clear Communication).

To determine the difference between Fetish and kink, ask yourself these questions:

  • In this moment, how do you feel about your past, your present, and your future with this person/on this path? If you feel less than fabulous, the experience is not Fetish. It may not be kink, either. There is a difference between testing your boundaries and being subjected to discomforts that are out of your safety zone.
  • Do you feel like someone is trying to “get over” on someone else? If you have that weird sensation of the fear of being taken advantage of, that is not Fetish and may also not be kink. Of course, this is for the person who is not attempting to manipulate the situation…
  • Do you feel like the experience will honor who you are as a Fetishist? And/or do you feel it will honor your own kink zone? The key is to feel respected in your choices for yourself first and foremost.

To summarize, Fetish is loving respect for yourself in the moment toward your future while kink is a momentary quest for sexual gratification. Ask yourself what you really want and be honest.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

AskMistressDidi.com

How to Deal with Piggy Dom/mes

A Domina101™ Tip

December 27, 2014

This post is in response to a few conversations regarding an incident where a Dominant made a few enemies due to her lack of courtesy. Let this be a guideline for You when You’re “Domme-tripping,” and for how to deal with head-trippers.

Never expect anything from a pig except a grunt.
~ #quote My Fabulous Grandmother

AskMistressDidi.comYou know that thing: the oh-so-Dommey-Dom/me who condescends to You right off the bat? Even knowing that You’re a Domme? Not that condescending without a good reason is ever ok…

My recent experience of that thing while celebrating the Holiday Spirit:  I asked a few Dommes I’ve been aware of if they would like for Me to mention them and their works in My Holiday Newsletter. One lovely, Domina said thanks and didn’t give Me drama-not-on-Broadway where drama belongs. The other one is the perfect representation of what I’m writing here and I’ve made her useful for a Domina101™ training. Now:

1)    I am a very gregarious person and a strong supporter of Women Supporting Women;

2)    I am in NO way desperate for content for My Newsletter or for anything that I do; and

3)    I am not asking for anything from YOU other than exactly how you would like Me to present your work in My Newsletter, which is more for-and-about-you than it is for Me.  If one chooses to look at the situation as someone doing something for someone else (which I don’t), I’m doing YOU the favor of free promotion – not the other way around. I am generously sharing My resources with You.

We all know that technology today makes it possible to research the person you’re dealing with before you make a complete turd of yourself. And yet, it is My experience on a regular basis that all these silly creatures do is look at My photos and immediately make up ignorant- fantasies about Me that are extremely limited… The really gruesome just look to pick out specific words in something you and I post online about OUR experiences to play the make-wrong game. And those who believe that they are as ugly as they are, are outright rude in person – as if somehow, everyone observing will not peg their behavior as jealousy. Pity these people; there is something seriously lacking in the quality of their existence that makes them hostile and combative. Pity them, but definitely put them in their places – beneath You.

While I do pity them, I find it helpful to understand the motivations for their rudeness to prevent Me from wanting to completely eviscerate them. I am a Responsible Sadist whose motto is:

Don’t start none, won’t be none – I finish it.

How To Handle The Piggy Dom/me

1)    Recognize that s/he is intimidated by You and needs to convince herself of her false-sense of superiority. People who suffer from inferiority complexes often believe that if they can force their idea of dominance onto you, that they will prove to the world that they are superior to everything and everyone else.

2)    Whatever You do, do not become hostile. That’s exactly what they want You to do! They can only feel alive through negative experiences because that is the punishment of people who focus on lower-level activities and expression. These are the people, after all, who usually don’t exercise, eat well, or read, and who rush to watch judgment-TV with bowls of junk food-stuff on a daily basis. That is the recipe for toxicity and they are toxic in mind, body, and spirit. So, they most certainly can’t feel good about themselves and they want to disrupt the flow of everyone who not only lives well and feels good, but certainly those who look good! These are also the people who are quick to call YOU conceited for having a sense of style – which, in My Opinion, is Our Duty To Society.

3)    Dismiss them. As always, You have the choice in how You wish to respond. I usually treat them with pleasantries and respect right up until the moment they serve their purpose for Me dealing with them in the first place. Then, I immediately change My tone of communication to a clearly-dismissive one. This lets them know that they are no longer of importance and shakes up their comfort zone. The best part is that I always “plant a seed of torture”Domina101™ participants know what I mean! Ahhh, delicious!

A favorite story recanted among My Associates is of a male dominant who had the audacity to think he could bark orders to Us at an event. You know the type: the guy who thinks that every woman – especially Dommes – really want to sub to him.  It was immediately clear to Me that this person would never be someone or something enjoyable or of value to Me or Mine. So, I chose to “nip it in the bud,” as the expression goes. I stood in front of him, pointed My finger at him, laughed genuinely, turned to My submissive and walked away, laughing. For the rest of the event, I specifically let him see Me enjoying Myself with worthy humans and not once did My eyes glance in his direction. I made him disappear. As usual, the gruesome grapevine passed along his attempts to defame Me, but witnesses addressed his rudeness before I ever got wind of their remarks – not that I care about gruesomes have to say anyway. They only serve to add salt to the wounds of My sprouting seeds of torture.

4)    Most importantly, let it be known that You don’t care about them. They have served your purpose and are unworthy of further attention. People who do not care for themselves want you – anyone – to care about them. Because they know that they are bereft of redeeming qualities, the only tool they have to be noticed is gruesome behavior. And that’s where pity can be a most useful tool for You.

As a Responsible Sadist, I find comfort in leading them by the nose into seeing just how ridiculous they are. Because I am a firm believer in Karma, I always find ways to give a reality slap that permits offenders the opportunity for personal growth – which is good for My Karma, which is always My primary motivation. What they choose to do with My Gift is their karma.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

 *****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

 

Spiritual Crap In Fetish?

  • NOTE: This letter was edited to protect the identity of the writer from more ridicule than usual.

November 20, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

What’s with all this spiritual crap?  Nobody wants to read that on a fetish blog…  You shouldn’t quote The Bible… I’d go to church if I wanted that…  If You’re supposed to be a Domme, You should be writing about BDSM instead of wasting our time…  Stick to the topic or I’ll stop reading Your Blog…

Signed by a self-obsessed turd

~~~~~~~~~

Attention turd — and anyone else who feels this way:

I recommend you read Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude for a concept that is evidently foreign to you, but will change your life for the better.

This is MY Blog, in which I offer bits of My Expertise and life hacks FOR FREE as a public service because:

1)  The vast majority of people interested in BDSM these days (especially in the 50 Shades of Foolishness era) are incredibly stupid.  Yes, stupid.  They are also only interested in abuse — not BDSM or Fetish — in one foolish way or another to avoid facing how much they feel inadequate and dislike themselves.  I find these people tedious, wastes of oxygen and MY Blog serves ME by deflecting morons from Me and Mine — well, most of them any way…

2)  This may be a shock to you but the world – and especially, MY World — does not revolve around you.  I am NOT interested in any way, shape or form in what you want.  Period.  you (1) offer NOTHING of value, (2) have not donated to any of My Charity Works, and (3) represent an example of the decline in civilization with your ego-maniacal obsession.  So, I use you for My purposes:

  •  to avert other creatures like you away from the Greatness of My Domain; and
  •  to be an example for My Domina101™ Divas of how easy it is to dismiss zeroes from One’s Domain by not only NOT caring about them, but by letting them know I don’t care about them; they do not matter.  The need to matter is, after all, the greatest desire that fakers-shakers-takers-noise makers crave because none of you care for or about yourself either.

3) I offer MY Expertise and experience to and for those who are worthy and  living up to their own greatness.  I’m interested in inspiring and connecting with the kinds of people I’d like to know to BE BETTER & BETTER and to have BetterFetish™ in REAL life — not just pretending with silliness and silly people on revolting websites.

Normally, morons stop reading MY Blog as soon as personal responsibility and self-reflection is discussed and go away to find the sleaze they’re actually looking for.  If you can’t figure out how to unsubscribe, use Google to search for something other than porn for a change.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmistressdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

The “Attention Game” Fiasco

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

UPDATE: As I predicted to My Domina101™ Divas, 1 day after I graciously responded, this idiot not only emailed Me again with unnecessary length to vampire My time and attention, he did not bother to read anything I offered to him.  AND had the audacity to use profanity to “express” himself.

ATTENTION submissives and all others: I offer My Wisdom as a courtesy; it is NOT your right and We are NOT “friends” — if We were, you would know that ALL of My Friends treat Me with the utmost respect, as I treat them.  Respect is to be offered at ALL times, and especially when you want something from Me and have offered Me nothing. 

*****

Good afternoon, Mistress Didi,

I am in relationship with my Mistress, and approximately 4 weeks ago, she told me her true feelings for me, there is nothing I won’t do for her, the only exception being, she introduced her male Dom friend into the mix about 6 weeks ago.   Now in the last week, while my Mistress was away, he has messed with my head, and he now believes I’m owned by her and him, he wants me to be his … little daddy’s girl…. This came about when I spoke to him regarding my Mistress, as I’d not been able to get in contact with her for 10 days, then over 4 days of conversations with him, he has told me, “your Mistress doesn’t want a [relationship with you]… those things he has said to me that have freaked me out…

I accept my Mistress’ authority, and will do anything she asks of me, personally I believe this will change the relationship we have built over the last seven months, and as my Mistress has told me, she doesn’t have limits and expects me not to have any either, I fear I will lose her when I try and discuss it with her.  My circumstances are… {way too much info provided not relevant to the issue — suspected fishing attempt}

Respectfully, j.

j,

Way too much info given to get to the point of what I presume your question actually is:

Q: What to do about this dom trying to take over?

ANSWER:

Begins with:

Why were you in communication with him while your Mistress was away and WHY did you not discuss this situation/your discomfort with Her immediately and before contacting Me? ( I gather from your email that this communication with the dom occurred while She has been out of communication with you, but I’m not feeling total honesty here.)

Ends with My answer that will be posted on AskMistressDidi.  I choose to answer you for My purposes to better assist others who are caught up in this same, “lacking mindset”:

your intention is to gain attention.

The “attention game” is ALWAYS useless.  It is completely and only about manipulation of everyone and everything who has glanced in your direction.

you will ONLY:

1) destroy any and everything that is good in your life by disrespecting and disappointing their trust graciously given to you;

2) do everything possible to create a chaotic mess because:

(i) you are addicted to chaos for some sad, form of self-validation; and

(ii) your end-game is to play the victim.

This is a “lacking mindset” because you do not offer anything to grow your relationship with your Mistress; you maintain the environment of neediness, helplessness, uselessness. your purpose is to enhance your Dominant’s life and you can only do this by choosing to take intelligent and respectful action with the goal of creating and being your best.

Now, while I give everyone the opportunity to recognize that We are conditioned from birth to operate from an unconscious agenda, imposed upon Us by Our upbringing, social structures, religious-stuff, etc., I ONLY support you in evolving towards being the best person you can be: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I support your integrity, and that is all.

you had the choice to tell this usurper-dom that you do not feel comfortable communicating with him until your Mistress returns and gives both of you Her permission. That always solves the problem when you are uncertain of your Dominant’s rules. Any Dominant who would have a problem with you taking this action when She has not specifically trained you to do as She desires is lacking as a Dominant – and you should consider any further steps in your relationship with this person. Any other person, Dominant or other, should respect the position you take to respect your Dominant first and foremost – which is the point of being in service to a Dominant.

I give you this: at ALL times, communicate with your Dominant to ensure that your actions are in accordance with your promise and commitment to serve Her/Him.  Secrets ONLY create painful problems that your Karma WILL punish you for – worse than what you believe your Mistress’ punishment could ever actually be.

I strongly advise you to participate in My Superior submissive Webcam Workshop (new dates to be announced very soon) that offers concrete training to ensure that much of the confusion that occurs in the D/s dynamic can be eliminated and your commitment to your submission can be excellent.

To assist you with basic, Fetish Etiquette, I also advise you to download and read My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Boring Need For Attention With Criticism Masked As Polite Conversation

This post is a Domain Maintenance tip on calling people out on “covert behaviors” that they attempt to mask with fake pleasantries.

October 30, 2013

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Are there not other charities that care for unwanted animals that are equally deserving? I personally find myself donating to several and have recently arranged to purchase the back cover of the [NAME] Shelter Calendar for my beloved Standard Poodle – – – who thinks that she is a Dom!

[Identifying information omitted]  On another subject, I regret not getting to NY as often as I once did. I would quite happily be a regular at your events.

harry

 *****

Dear harry,

I have no idea who you are.  So, while your email has the appearance of having lovely content, you begin with a “question” that is a criticism of My choices of charities — as if any charity work could possibly be less valuable than another.  Then, you appear to be fishing for compliments for your charitable work.

your question is like asking: Are there not diets and exercise programs that work for healthy lifestyles while the majority of Americans are obese? and then, promoting your junk food, cookbook.

See how that works?  Is your intention for Me to dislike you immediately?  Or just a pathetic attempt to top from the bottom of the barrel?

(NOTE: Before anyone wants to attempt to pull the “I’m-anti-fat-people-card,” I chose an easy example to make you think and feel on a personal level to better understand the concepts I share.  Remember, My experience is the other side of that coin with LOTS of folks-going-out-of-their-way-to-be-bitchy to Me because I’m FIT.   I’m Pro-Healthy, period.)

And, you regret not getting to NYC to “happily” be a regular at My events… as if that possibility would be your choice.

So, the ultimate point is: what do you offer to make you worthy of My time and attention for contacting Me?  you did not share anything; you just wanted to feel special in your own mind.

Fortunately for you, I choose to look for people to offer Me beauty and enjoyments.  This is why I make what could be perceived as a snide, need for negative attention useful to Me by writing this post for those who choose to receive value from My offerings.  And why I offer you complimentary awareness training for success in the World of Dominas.

If you truly wish to be happy in The Fetish Lifestyle Scene, take advantage of My generosity and My desire to raise the level of The Scene from sleaze and read My Ask Mistress Didi* Blog and download My FREE ebook on Fetish Etiquette.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com
www.Blackthornz.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Happy New Year Love Me Recipes 2014

see Success With Body Care Recipes

Update: 1/4/14

I actually created this Mantra at 12:01 on 1/1/14, so I choose to share with you today:

I am Changing FEAR to FIERCE: False Experiences Appearing Real to Fabulous Intentions Experienced as Real & Creative Excellence!

Happy New Year!  Live The Dream in 2014!

I add today’s post as a bonus to My Kwanzaa 2013 Inspired Gift Series.  Every technique that I have given in this Series is a “recipe” for Self-Care and Love: what I term, “Love Me Recipes.”

Before I offer some more of My Love Me Recipes, I am going to recap the gifts I’ve already shared:

Day 1, Umoja, Unity:  My contribution for Umoja and strengthening Unity with the worthy people in My Life are 2 posts about 2 Universal Principles: Forgiveness and Practicing Gratitude

Day 2, Kujichagulia, Self-DeterminationTips to choose how you want to evolve to BEing Better than you’ve ever been before by ACCEPTING YOURSELF.

Day 3, Ujima, Collective Work & Responsibility Tips for creating smooth cooperation with back-up.

Day 4, Ujamaa, Collective Economics I offer examples of ventures I’ve introduced for The Community to inspire you to in your efforts.

Day 5, Nia, Purpose: Tips and step-by-step resources to find your purpose and create your happiness.

Day 6, Kuumba, Creativity: Tips to fight boredom and stay focused and inspired.

Day 7: Imani, Faith: Tips to remind you that YOU are the Creatrix (or Creator) of YOUR REALITY by CHOICE.  Therefore, the greatest faith you can have is in yourself.

I believe that it is Our duty to be as beautiful and as pleasant as possible in the Way We Present Ourselves to The World.  This is best achieved through Self-Love & Care.  So, below are some of My Physical Love-Me Recipes that help Me to feel fabulous and look it, too!  These recipes are quick, easy, cost-effective, and excellent for everyone, so, gentlemen, make Us happy to see (and touch) you, too!

EVERY recipe I’ve listed below is part of My regular, Love Me Pleasure Regimen.

Baking Soda Magic

The benefits of baking soda are incredible!  From hair and body care to a myriad of home care and improvement uses, baking soda is one of the most cost-effective and beneficial products you can keep in your home.  A brand name, baking soda is not necessary to achieve the benefits.

Tooth Whitener, Gum Toner & Bad Breath Cure

One of the things I find most disgusting is bad oral hygiene and revolting, stink breath.  I immediately dismiss people from My presence for these offenses not just because they offend My olfactory system, but because there is always a guarantee that their lack of attention to their bodies will offend Me in the future.  Smells trigger memory and cognition actually influences perception, so there’s one good point for the notion that first impressions are lasting.  This recipe not only fights gum disease, it safely whitens teeth and freshens breath.  Your smile is one of the nicest and first things that people notice about you, so have a white & pearly one!  Twice a day:

  • 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
  • a pinch of salt
  • 5-10 drops of hydrogen peroxide

Form a thick paste and brush your gums and the gum line with a soft toothbrush (to prevent scraping tooth enamel), rinse.  Also, gently brush your tongue.  See Top 10 ways to fight bad breath.

Soft Facial (& Body) Scrub

Depending upon the season, I combine a variety of ingredients with baking soda to make body scrubs and bath recipes.  Here are a few of My favorites:

Gentle Exfoliating Scrub for bath and showerMix 3 parts baking soda with 1/2 part salt (for example, 3 cups baking soda with 1/2 cup salt) and store in a water-proof container (plastic soup containers work great).  Soap up your body (I recommend using a glycerine soap), pour a palm-full of mixture into your hand and mix with a few drops of water to make a medium-textured paste.  GENTLY rub your body from head to toe.  Rinse, dry, and apply moisturizer.  During the winter months, I may add a drop of virgin olive oil for extra moisturizing and to slough off extra-dry skin cells.   Use 1-3 times weekly.  You can also use this recipe as a daily foot scrub —  and by all means, get pedicures and take care of your feet!

Bath Balm:

Mix 1 cup of baking soda with 1 cup of salt (regular salt is fine) to a warm bath of water.  Soak for 15 minutes (or more) and gently wash from head to toe with a bath sponge (or scrungie).  Rinse, dry, and moisturize.  I soak in the tub with candles and lovely music (classical, jazz) playing and I make this MY TIME FOR ME.  You can also add herbal teas (I often use teabags to avoid extra clean-up) for desired affects, e.g., chamomile and/or lavender for relaxation before bed for better sleep; vanilla for instant mood boost; lemon for an energy pick-up, etc.

Baking Soda Face Wash:

For a glowing complexion and healthy skin, My favorite facial wash is with a thin paste of baking soda.  I cleanse first and do an extremely gentle scrub with approximately 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda mixed with enough water to make a fine-textured, thin paste.  Using circular motions and avoiding the delicate skin around the eyes, I use only the fingertips of My middle and ring fingers (which are designed to perfectly fit the contours of your face without stretching your skin) to GENTLY massage My face.  Rinse with warm water, pat dry, and moisturize.  Repeat 1 – 2 times a week.  If you notice a burning sensation, you are probably rubbing your skin too hard.  However, see tips in the article below.

Baking Soda Facial:

1man_with_a_facial_maskThis article is quite excellent in explaining the how-tos and the why they work:

Using Baking Soda As A Facial Skin Cleanser by Beth Janicek

Learn How To Use and Apply A Facial Mask and try 15 Easy Homemade Face Mask Recipes That Work.

Chillout

Lately, people seem to be experiencing a lot more stress…  So, here is something natural, wonderful, safe – and you can even use it for your pets: Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower Remedies).  This mix was created to deal with emergencies and crises. It can be used to help us get through any stressful situations, from last-minute exam or interview nerves, to the aftermath of an accident or bad news. Rescue Remedy helps us relax, get focused and get the needed calmness.  While you’re on the site, definitely take a look at the full line of 38 remedies.

The Tapping Solution

Please NOTE that I swear by this technique for Myself and it totally works for Me and everyone who chooses to work it. It is a physiological-neurolinguistic technique that you can learn in less than 4 minutes (see video). There is an accompanying book and a movie, both of which I found value in, but you don’t need them to get started and achieve immediate results.  This technique interrupts psycho-kinetic patterns (conscious/subconscious-physical) that create chemical responses in Our bodies which We interpret as stress, fear, panic, confusion, depression, etc. The technique then permits you to re-pattern your response by identifying and acknowledging your process that triggers the negative responses.  With practice and choice, you can trigger positive chemistry, emotions, and responses.

So, check out The Tapping Solution. There is a link to a YouTube video where a lovely, young lady walks you through the technique in under 4 minutes. You should notice immediate results.

Now you can really enjoy your Self-Love Reflection practice!

Remember, Pleasure is the key to creating with joy and ease.  When you feel good, you look good, and do good works!

See Related Posts at the bottom of the page.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Day 7, Imani, Faith: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 7: Imani, Faith

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

56e5ff79f3f77ceac6bbac1fb756abbfToday, the seventh day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Imani (faith): Believing in our people, our families, our educators, our leaders, and the righteousness of the African American struggle.

Pronounced ee-MAH-nee

Symbol: Zawadi (zah-WAH-dee) are Kwanzaa gifts given to children that will make them better people. The gifts should always include a book, video, or other educational item that will educate and inform the child. There should also be a gift know as a “heritage symbol,” something to remind the child of the glory of the past and the promise of the future.  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

Where is your faith?  Is it in something or someone outside of yourself?  I have learned that Faith, Love & Happiness MUST begin and end with Self.  YOU are the Creatrix (or Creator) of YOUR REALITY by CHOICE.  Therefore, the greatest faith you can have is in yourself.  (Note for all the religious-tizzies that got triggered: God[dess] helps those who help themselves; read your Bibles, etc., whatever you subscribe to.)  When you believe in and enhance yourself (strengthen your self-confidence), you create the path for all things and energies to support you.

People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of…  And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.  – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

In My late teens, someone really ticked Me off by saying: To see what you want, look at what you have right now.  I got (and stayed) in a huff, annoyed with this person (who was actually a wonderful Teacher), and stopped talking to him because I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell Me (the follies of youth).  This type of reaction often happens when We are presented with a Truth that We don’t want to accept personal responsibility for.   We prefer to play the make-wrong game because that’s easier than doing any work on Ourselves.  So, I went through life avoiding the notion of how what I have in My life is a reflection of what I believe about Life and The Universe.  I’ve finally learned that:

How I see The Universe is exactly how The Universe will be for Me. – Dr. Ellie Drake

However, just becoming aware of a Power Concept is not enough.  We have to do the work to implement the power into Our lives.  Doing the work doesn’t have to be difficult; We can create with joy and ease.

Pleasure is the key to creating with joy and ease.

So, the best way to approach creating what We want is to make the process pleasurable.  The easiest way to experience pleasure is to feel good about yourself: mind, body & spirit, which work inter-changeably.

Feeling good about yourself ~> self-confidence ~> faith in yourself.

11I experience a great and pleasurable, faith-builder when I affirm Myself with My reflection (not limited to what you’re thinking).  While some folks will jump on the make-wrong bandwagon and call this vanity, I am aware that the way We see Ourselves defines how the world treats Us because We are tuned into those inner vibrations reflected back to Us from the outside world.  For example, why is it that you can receive several compliments, but the one criticism is what you play over and over again in your head?  Contemplating this type of self-reflection is difficult  because while I continue to commit to living in Beauty & Joy, I have to contend with the  lizard-brain thinkers who are so committed to their own self-loathing, that they try to disrupt My Peace – and everyone else who is living well and choosing to be happy.  So, I often ask what I’m feeling and thinking to attract these creeps who dare to attempt to invade My Domain.  In this way, I use their ugliness to strengthen My commitment to Beauty & Joy and to BEing My Best – I make them useful to see how I can love Myself better.

Speaking of lizard-brain thinking, check out this amazing (short) presentation by Spoken-Word Champion Prentice Powell: The System:

Back to using My (and your) reflection as a tool for affirmation:  We are conditioned from birth that to be self-loving is conceit by the same people (and institutions) who want Us to praise and admire them, usually for no valid reason.   These influences then tell Us to be unique while punishing Us for not conforming to mediocrity.  So, while you’re supposed to feel good about yourself and present your best, you’re not supposed stand out and be vain.  This is confusing and painful on a mental, physical, and spiritual level because it creates stagnation.   The only things that thrive in stagnation are toxic to your health.

Since this is the ONLY body you have, life you have (that We actually know of), time you have to experience greatness, you really need to LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF.  EVERY opportunity to feel good about being who you are should become a celebrated and repeated practice.  You must continuously repeat positive and empowering practices in order to recondition a lifetime of habits designed to disempower you.

The following technique will help boost your confidence, help you feel more comfortable around people (especially jealous creatures), and improve your attitude because when you feel good about yourself, life is good!

Self-Reflection Love Technique

1.  Place a mirror in every room where you can see your face clearly.  Each time you catch a glimpse of yourself, smile and give yourself a compliment and/or say, “I love you!”  Life is always better with love and best with self-love.  How you feel about and treat yourself is how others will feel about and treat you.

2.  Have at least one photo that you like of yourself in a nice frame in every room.  Whenever you see your photo, remember why you like it (how you look, what was happening, how you felt when it was taken, what you’re wearing, etc.)

3.  Make a list of how you feel good and/or want to feel good about yourself.  Write items on post-it notes and place them on/near mirrors, photos, wherever you will see them.  Be kind in the way you speak to yourself.  (See How to Turn Limp Affirmations into Mantras for Success!)

4.  Create a “catch phrase” to affirm the good feelings your have about yourself.  One of My phrases is, “Go, Diva!” which I share to encourage and acknowledge other people, too.

Note: Beware of people who don’t have mirrors in their homes.  This is a sure sign of self-loathing, low-self-esteem, and a lack of self-awareness.  I once briefly dated a guy who had no mirrors in his home and had the nerve to obsess over how I looked and to be upset with the compliments I received!  People who don’t appreciate themselves cannot know how to appreciate you in all of your fabulousness.  Since they are too cowardly to build themselves up, they will, inevitably, try to bring you down.

The more you offer yourself love and encouragement, the more the world will reflect that love and encouragement to you and fewer unworthy folks will be able to come onto your path.  This is how EpicuresNYC Private Members Fetish Club continues to grow with folks who are absolutely the best people I know and who I am proud and honored to have in My life!

11

More resources:

How to Build Self Confidence (with really cool graphics)

Building Self-Confidence, Preparing Yourself for Success! (and more goodies at Mind Tools)

The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.
― Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.comreadmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Day 6, Kuumba, Creativity: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 6: Kuumba, Creativity

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

11Today, the sixth day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Kuumba (creativity): Using creativity and imagination to make your communities better than what you inherited.

Pronounced koo-OOM-bah

Symbol: Muhindi (moo-HEEN-dee) represents the children (and future) of the family. One suke (ear) of corn is placed on the Mkeka for each child in the family. If there are no children in the family one suke is still placed on the Mkeka to symbolize the children of the community.  The Muhindi also represents the Native Americans who were the first inhabitants of the land. Without whom there would be no corn, also known as Maize. It is used as acknowledgment and respect of their contribution to the culture and ancestors of the African American.  A single ear of corn can also be know as Vibunzi. Indian Corn is sometimes used.  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

This year, Kuumba inspires Me to give up boredom and all things that block (and people who drain) My Creative Processes and Enjoyments.  Boredom is a sign that you are out of alignment with your purpose (see Kwanzaa 2013: Nia, Purpose).  Boredom is a result of stress, frustration, FEAR, avoiding personal issues, complacency, giving your power away, and a variety of other activities that you can control and improve in your life.  Ergo, boredom is a barometer for how well you are living.  You can also look at boredom as an indication of how well the CHOICES you make are working for you.

It is said that only boring people get bored.  So, when you get bored, you are clearly not taking the proper care of your mind-body-spirit to keep yourself stimulated to enjoy the creative process.  You need to make changes to your routine, your thoughts, and your actions.

She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn’t boring. – Zelda Fitzgerald

It is the beginning of a new solar year, so everyone is thinking – whether consciously or connected to the subconscious vibrations all around Us – about the changes and “resolutions” they want to make in the coming year. Repeat after Me: Change is good and you can choose to define change to mean positive progress.  (Note:  Like computers respond to keystrokes, Our mind-body-spirit connection responds to what We say.  Words have power so choose your words carefully.  See also How to Turn Limp Affirmations into Mantras for Success!)

Change begins with intention followed by inspired action.  When you are inspired, you are never bored.  I have given a variety of tools in previous posts in this series and elsewhere on My Ask Mistress Didi* resource blog.  Below are other resources to assist you in keeping your focus on Self-Love-and-Empowerment to BEing your Best and being thrilled by the process!

I know what I have given you; I do not know what you’ve received.  – Antonio Porchia

God[dess] helps those who help themselves. – Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanac, adapted from one of Æsop’s fables—Hercules and the Waggoner (6th century BC)

The 10 Differences Between Interesting People And Boring People

30 Things to Do to Keep From Getting Bored Out of Your Skull at Work

How to Build Your Creative Confidence –  watch video on TED Talks

Building Your Creative Muscles

The Mind Map: 6 Steps to Get Your Creativity Flowing

The war between being and nothingness is the underlying illness of the twentieth century. Boredom slays more of existence than war. – Norman Mailer

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Day 5, Nia, Purpose: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 5: Nia

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

11Today, the fifth day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Nia (purpose): To restore African American people to their traditional greatness. To be responsible to Those Who Came Before (our ancestors) and to Those Who Will Follow (our descendants).

Pronounced NEE-ah

Symbol: Mishumaa Saba (mee-shoo-MAH SAH-ba): The Seven Candles, representing the seven principles of Nguzo Saba (The 7 Principles of Kwanzaa), which are placed in the Kwanzaa Kinara. The colors of the candles are red, green, and black which are the colors of the Bendera (or African Flag).  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

SO….

Just when I thought I’d survived 2012’s challenges,  this past year’s gems elicited quite a few swear words…  HOWEVER, I am greatful for how life tried to kick My glorious butt because I got just the clarity I needed for the revival of My Mojo!   I’m feeling really good when I could choose to whine about it all.  Perspective is everything.

Challenges serve to define Us.  They are wonderful servants to show Us what We’re made of; to show Us Our thoughts then and now; to give Us opportunities to reflect and to redirect Our intentions; to assist Us in defining WHO, WHAT, and HOW We want to BE and WHY = Purpose.  The more clarity you have for your purpose, the more thrilling life is!

Most people make a mistake in believing that We only have one purpose in life and that once We choose something, that is what We need to devote all of Our time and attention to.  Another error is to think that your purpose is what you do rather than who and how you are.

The true point of your purpose in life is to BE Happy.

Happiness is defined by the quality of your life including how you feel about yourself.  When We choose to BE Our Best, We are constantly evolving to becoming better and better.  So, your purpose evolves with you, too.  And it is healthy to re-evaluate and update the process as you go along.

I am ever researching ways to make life better and more fun, of course!  Below are some of the gems I’ve found to maintain a positive and powerful journey of purpose!

Finding Your Purpose

Ask The Right Questions.  Success training teaches that when you ask the right questions, you get the right answers.  So, ask yourself empowering questions to clarify and define your purpose.   For example, asking, why am I stuck in a dead-end job? is a question that the answers to are only about being trapped in misery; asking, what do I love to do and how can I support myself doing it? yields answers to take positive actions toward the achievement of your desires.  Check out these guidelines to ask better questions for better results.

Get your priorities straight.  Organize, schedule, and commit to Life-Affirming activities.  Unless you’re making money from it, NO, Keeping Up With The Kardashians and other inane, brain-drain distractions serve NO value – not even for entertainment, because there is no intellectual or creative stimulation in time-and-energy-wasters of this kind.  They are “judgmental TV” where you exercise lower vibrations that suck the creativity and the ability to achieve right out of your life.  If you’re going to exercise  – which you SHOULD do daily – put your energy into maintaining your wellness and enhancing your knowledge.  It’s ludicrous to find time to schedule your life around useless activities that add to your unhealthy and unhappy ways when the same amount of time –  or less – can be used on fulfilling pursuits.   ONLY when you feel good, will your life be good.  The best way to feel good is to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit.

Stay stimulated.  What makes you feel alive?  What makes your life exciting and worth living?   It is scientifically and medically proven that keeping your brain exercised not only enhances the quality of your life throughout the aging process, but also prevents mental and physical deterioration – of course, spiritual health is affected, too.   Keep your focus on positive inspirations.  What you focus on expands.  That means that your attention affects your intention – which creates your outcome.

Do what makes you feel good on a regular basis.  Of course, I advocate regular mental and physical exercise.  Also, having a constructive hobby to engage in keeps your creative and self-loving energies flowing.  When you feel good, you look good, and life is better and better because your perspective permits you to make it so.  AND the better you feel and look, the better-quality people and situations will be attracted to you for collaboration and cooperation.  Which leads to:

Let go of what no longer serves your Highest Good.  This can be an extremely difficult commitment to make to your well-BEing.  As We grow personally and become Better, We discover how many of the people in Our lives are NOT really in Our corner.  Remember, most people operate from FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real, and project their fears onto you.   Fear projection takes many forms, such as jealousy, sabotage, slander, and just about every form of abuse.  Sadly, We experience most of the abusive behaviors from people We love and trust.

While you can CHOOSE TO HAVE COMPASSION, it is paramount to your well-BEing to  “re-categorize” such individuals’ importance and place in your life.  This doesn’t mean that you stop loving them; it means that RIGHT NOW, you have to love yourself more by loving them in a different way – which can often mean “from afar.”  You CAN CHOOSE to avoid the “ugly drama” and playing the make-wrong games by creating “gentle distance” – which will definitely show the quality and intention of the individual by their reactions RIGHT NOW so that you can choose what you want to do concerning them in the immediate future.  There’s an expression:

If you love someone, set them free.  If they return to you, it’s meant to be.

Not everything or everyone is meant to be in your life forever.   We are all here to learn from each other.  Whatever the outcome, the ultimate lesson I’ve learned and maintain as a practice in My life is  to appreciate them for who they were in My life, and to release them for who they choose to be NOW.  This practice makes forgiveness a whole lot easier all the way around.  There is always the possibility that the person can return in the future to be a loving and supportive person in your life.  However, by letting go of negative, non-supportive people, situations, and things in your life (e.g., habits that contribute to unhealthy practices), you can keep your focus on your purpose, which is, ultimately, TO BE HAPPY.

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©The Mistress Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

readmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Day 4, Ujamaa, Collective Economics: Gifts from Me for Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 4: Ujamaa, Collective Economics

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

mkeka "the mat"Today, the fourth day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Ujamaa, Collective Economics: To build, maintain, and support our own stores, establishments, and businesses.

Pronounced: (oo-jah-MAH)

Symbol: The Mkeka (pronounced mm-KAY-kah) is a mat woven of fabric, raffia, or even paper that the other holiday implements rest upon.  It symbolizes the experiences, culture, achievements and sacrifices of Our ancestors upon which Our lives are built.  CLICK the graphic to download pattern for crafts with kids!  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

I make it a habit not to publicly discuss financial situations concerning Myself and/or any of My associates.  So, I approach this post with the concept of wealth and prosperity in terms of emotional and spiritual “currency.”  The concept of currency derived from an exchange of services, goods, needs, desires – things that add to the quality of life.

Ujamaa propels Me to forge forward with My commitment to restoring Fetish to its rightful place of respect, Art, and integrity at its best.  This year, I created 2 community building ventures:

The DommeSalon™ as a cooperative effort to offer valuable resources to not only Dommes, but anyone interested in developing and maintaining healthy, Fetish practices in Her/his life.  I launched the site with the assistance of only 1 Domme that I know only in passing and I began to receive articles from a number of fabulous Divas!  While it has been an extremely challenging year for Me, the contributions continue to come in and I look forward to building the site with Sister Editors in the future.  Check out the resources currently available on The DommeSalon™.

And by all means, if you would like to make a contribution, please contact The DommeSalon™  with what you would like to share!

I was also thrilled to have created EpicuresNYC Private Members Fetish Club where We enjoy communing with like-minds and energies in gorgeous surroundings with delicious delights!  We have regular SWIRL AfterWork ClassicFetish Soirees where We invite the public to check Us out while We do the same.  We’ve met a variety of lovely people who are now part of Our private Play dates!

I offer these values to The Community to build upon the wealth of information that We can all share when We come together to support each other.

So, in what ways can you/do you contribute to and support the wealth of your communities?

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.